What Dreams May Become
by Dulcedecorumest
Summary: Sequel to Never An Absolution PostIsland and rescue. James and Kate come to grips with their feelings for each other, now these crazy kids have to find a way to make it work. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

I will admit a sequel was always in the works with James and Kate's story, **Never an Absolution** laid the foundations of their relationship. If you've read the story then you know that it ended with rescue coming for the Losties.

I've tried to take reviews of **NAA** into consideration as I write the sequel so if there's something that you think works particularly well or doesn't REVIEW!

Warning: Short chapter.

**Chapter 1**

_**February 14 2005**_

Kate studied her face in the mirror, for all intents and purposes she figured she looked presentable.

It was Valentine's Day and he was taking her on a genuine Southern Riverboat/Hotel experience for dinner, dance and romance. She smiled to herself ruefully, it was amazing how much had changed since the Rangers had rescued them off the Island two months ago.

Travis had connections high up in the US Government higher up than her father, seeing as he had the money and the resources to launch a full scale Ranger covert mission without needing to get clearance from anyone.

Then he also turned out to be a lawyer of some kind because he'd brokered her a deal with the US government. In exchange for her silence about the US government's involvement in the Dharma Initiative and various other State secrets Travis had alleged she knew, she'd received a Presidential Pardon and the charges against her for Wayne's death had been dropped; seeing as their only good witness was her dead mother.

Now here she was, healthy, clean, with a future to look forward to, she had been offered and accepted a government scholarship to go to university and she couldn't wait until the fall when she would begin attending UCLA. Kate glanced down at the engagement ring on her finger, glowing in the well lit room.

'And I have a man who loves me and would do anything to make me happy.' She thought to herself proudly. The only thing wrong with her life right now was the stomach bug that was going around the city. She still felt weak and was throwing up every now and again, but it didn't bother her too much so was almost everyone she knew.

Rising in front of the mirror to check her back, Kate nodded in satisfaction; the purple silk fit in all the right places and the way it flowed down to her ankles and swirled when she moved was exactly how she wanted the dress to behave.

She'd swept her dark waves high above the nape of her neck and had lined her eyes with dark kohl, going for a temptress look. Dusting her cheekbones with some shimmer and applying some purple eyeshadow sparingly on her eyelids. She applied some lipstick then dabbed lipgloss on top to give them a shine.

Her cellphone started to ring, slipping on her purple diamanté sandals, she pulled on her long black coat as she hurried out of the room; without picking up the phone.

He was looking at his watch impatiently, 'Where is she?' We're going to miss the flight to Memphis if she's any later! I really want this to be perfect.' Suddenly she appeared looking gorgeous as usual, he could see purple silk poking out of the tail of the coat she was buttoning up. The little glimpse of silk thrilled him, as did the apologetic smile on her face as she walked up to him and kissed him.

"Sorry I'm late." She spoke softly and was a little out of breath.

"Not a problem." He replied, smiling down at her as he led her to the waiting limousine.

They got in the car and he instructed the driver to take them to the airport as he put his arm around her and drew her in close.

'At last I really know what it means to love a woman.' He thought to himself, happily.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kate looked across the table at him with gentle laughter wracking her body, she'd just pointed out that he had spinach in his teeth and the look of horror on his face was priceless.

He excused himself to go to the men's room and Kate glanced around the room, soaking in the ambience of the riverboat. It was very romantic she had to admit, but it was just a little too contrived for her. The diners were all immaculately dressed with jewels sparkling in a myriad of colors under the softly lit chandeliers. The waiters wore white gloves and spoke like well trained servants.

The music was beautiful and mellow but somehow Kate felt it lacked soul. They were on the top deck; as was their room. Apparently the lowest deck housed those who couldn't quite afford the top-deck but even still the clientele was very carefully selected. 'I guess it would make sense if you're trying to promote Valentines Day. You wouldn't want any riffraff causing trouble.' Kate sighed inwardly, now that her life was on the straight and narrow she guessed that trouble would become a foreign concept to her.

'Why does that make you a little sad?' She asked herself even though she knew the answer she shrugged slightly, not wanting anything to ruin her good mood, or his. Especially his!

"Crisis averted, no thanks to you Sweetheart." He sat back down, adjusting his long frame into the chair. She smiled at him gently, admiring his handsome features and the figure he cut in the tuxedo. Leaning forward she covered his hand with hers and said,

"You look good even _with_ spinach in your teeth so stop complaining." He shook his head at her flattery smiling good-naturedly at the blatant attempt to take the heat off her.

"So have you thought about what we talked about?"

Kate shook her head, "Honey, you'll have to be more specific."

He tsked with impatience, "You moving in with me. We're engaged, and it makes monetary sense." He sat up in his seat a little as he warmed to the subject.

Kate tuned out and couldn't help but find her mind drifting to the one thing it always seemed to drift to these days.

'I wonder where he is? What he's doing, whether he's found someone who loves him like I have found someone?' Unbidden the bitter feeling of regret rose inside her, and along with it came irritation at herself. 'Damn it Kate can't you ever just be _happy_? Why do you always want something you can't have?'

"Are you even here?" He was irritated.

"Yeah, sorry, of course I'm here. I just don't think tonight is the night to talk about this."

"No, let's talk about this_ now_, I don't understand why suddenlyyou're so reluctant."

Maybe it was the champagne that had gotten to her head but without meaning to the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I don't want to do this, it's all happening too fast for me."

Jack looked at Kate in shock, "What exactly don't you want to do, Kate? I love you, I don't want anyone or anything else but you. What's there to think about? I mean I thought _we_ were on the same page here."

Kate didn't feel too good all of a sudden, rising in distress she scraped her chair back loudly, "I need to go to the ladies room, where is it?"

Jack got up too, "No _sit down_, we need to talk about this and I won't let you run away from this conversation. You told me I was what you wanted, that you love me, and you couldn't wait to be my wife. Now all of a sudden things are moving too fast for you?"

Kate wrung her hands in distress, raising her eyes to look at the glowering man in front of her, she could feel the prick of tears behind her eyes.

James drew in a sharp breath, he couldn't believe his eyes! ThereKate stood in purple silk that displayed all her assets for all and sundry to see. She was standing there; wringing her hands and he wasn't sure but he thought she looked a little green around the gills.

'Probably had too much to drink.' He mused, as he stood rooted to the spot staring at Kate, he couldn't help the familiar feelings of hate, rage and heartbreak that rose up in his chest. Just as he could not help smirking inwardly with satisfaction as her strickeneyes met his across the crowded dining room. Especially when she flinched at the glowing hatred in his eyes.

Jack turned around to see what had Kate so mesmerized and nearly stopped breathing when he saw James. Turning around to look at Kate who hadn't taken her eyes off James he spat out angrily, "Is this about _him_? Is this what all this is about?"

Kate tore her gaze from the gorgeous Southerner and returned her attention to Jack.

"I think I'm going to be sick or something-"

Jack rushed around the table to catch Kate as she fell in a dead faint. He caught her a fraction of a second before she would have hit the ground. Everyone around them gasped collectively, slapping her cheeks to revive her, Jack gritted his teeth in jealous frustration when James appeared andlifted her out of his arms and said, "Which way to your rooms Doc?"

Leading the way he let James carry her out of the dining room and down the hall to their luxury suite. Laying her down on the large bed, James looked at Kate with a naked look of yearning before he withdrew from the bed.

Jack practically elbowed the other man out of the way as he sat by her side and pried her lids open to check her pupils. Kate opened her eyes, looking around the room dizzily, her eyes fell on James and as everything came into focus she struggled to sit up.

Jack tried to push her back down on the bed gently but she protested, "I'm going to throw up!" Jack gave her some room as she turned her head and brought up the contents their $300 romantic dinner on his side of the bed.

James stood a little distance away from the couple, wincing at the sounds of Kate being sick all over the luxurious bed. 'Heh, couldn't have expressed my opinion about that bed better myself, Sweetcheeks.' He thought to himself wickedly.

When Kate was done she lay back against the pillows, pale as a sheet; she gratefully accepted the glass of water from James. After she rinsed her mouth and spat the water back into the glass, James handed her another glass which she drank quickly.

"I think the champagne didn't agree with me." She offered weakly, smiling slightly at James.

Jack smothered the jealousy choking him and opened his mouth to speak, before he could get a word out, James reacheddown and lifted Kate into his arms, carrying her to the armchair in the middle of the room.

"I hope y'all can get your money back for the $300 dinner you just regurgitated." He smiled wickedly at Kate as she looked up at him.

Straightening up James strode to the door, "Was nice seein' y'all again. Jacko, I'll leave you to it, I got a poker game to get back to."

Kate twisted around to watch James leave, and when he winked at her she couldn't help the beatific smile that lit her face. James shut the door firmly behind him, leaving an uncomfortable miasma laced with the smell of vomit in the air.

Kate's smile died on her lips as she looked at Jack, "I'm sorry I threw up all over the bed and ruined your night."

"It wasn't my night Kate, it was _ours_." Jack said, inwardly cringing at how petty he sounded even to his own ears.

Kate closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at him or let him see the mounting tears of desperation that threatened to rush down her face.

Jack removed the bedding, calling room service and requesting fresh linens. Kate didn't move from the armchair, and when he approached her she couldn't hide the tensing of her body.

Jack sighed out loud, laying a concerned palm on her forehead to check her temperature; it was normal and when she finally opened her emerald eyes to look at him, her pupils were normal too.

"You okay?"

Kate nodded, "My stomach feels settled now, and I don't feel dizzy or nauseous so I guess something just didn't agree with me. I have never been a fan of champagne, to be honest."

"So why didn't you say anything sooner? With this unshakeable bug going around, anything you don't usually ingest will affect you even more so."

Kate shrugged, "I didn't really think that far Jack."

Jack nodded, sitting gingerly on the arm of the chair, he stroked the loose tendrils of hair away from her face.

"I'm sorry I made a scene. It's just that I love you so much, and-"

"I know Jack, I know." Kate held his hand to her heart, cutting him off.

Taking a deep breath, she got up, "I think I'm gonna get some fresh air, I won't be gone long." As she spoke she kicked her shoes off, and walked out of the room hurriedly as if afraid he would offer to come with her.

Jack let out a defeated breath then slid into the newly vacated chair, "Damn it Jack!"

Kate didn't know why but she felt like she had to get away from the suite and Jack before she suffocated. Her feet took her down to the lower decks and she paused in shock as she realized she was standing outside the doors of the gaming room. Shaking her head at this new betrayal by her body she walked out into the open air, standing by the railing as she watched the churning brown waters of the Mississippi. A hundred and one things were racing through her mind, her blood singing in her veins as she took deep gulps of air and tried to contain the excitement knowing James was so close gave her.

Ten minutes later she realized the deck was empty but for her and one other person standing in the shadows and smoking a cheroot.

Her heart beat it's own wild beat as James separated himself from the shadows and walked towards her. Her breath caught in her throat at the striking figure he made in the expensive designer suit and the white shirt that really set off his golden skin. His hair was still pretty short but was now cut and styled by someone who must charge quite a lot of money. He looked like a wolf in sheep's clothing, the scent of his cologne and the animal magnetism radiating off him combining to make a powerful elixir.

James was stunned, she absolutely took his breath away. Her hair was blowing wildly in the wind, the chignon it had been in almost completely undone. Her eyes were vibrant and turning to dark shade of emerald as she watched him. The purple silk was molded to her body and her bare toes were curled inwards gripping the wooden boards on the deck and peeking from underneath the hem of the gown.

Initially he hadn't noticed her, too lost in thoughts of her and what she did with Jack on that large bed.

"That was quick, I guess Jacko likes to come first in everythin'" Kate rolled her eyes at this, struggling to keep from smiling at the sally.

"I thought you had a poker game you had to get to."

"I do, but I was also just tryin' to be polite." James returned, flashing his dimples in a boyish grin.

"Hmm… don't think many people have had the pleasure of describing you as _polite_, Tex." Kate's cheeks dimpled impishly, the two of them stood so close to each other they were almost touching.

James looked down at her beautiful face, noticing that the strained look in her eyes when he'd first saw her in the dining room was gone. 'Could I be the reason?' He asked himself.

Without thinking Kate tipped her head back as she smiled at him winsomely, and James in an unconscious gesture slid his arm around her smaller back and leaned down.

Kate parted her lips, welcoming the kiss that happened so fast it was like a force stronger than them had inhabited their bodies.

One minute she was smiling at him, her body crying out for him to hold her, and the next she was in his arms lost in the immolating heat and fury that was their kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Someone cleared their throat and James and Kate jumped back from each other like they had been burned. A look of reverent awe at what their bodies had betrayed about their feelings for each other on both their faces; they tore their eyes from each other to see Travis watching them with an amused look on his face.

"I wondered what could distract you from the poker game of the year Lil' Brother, thought you'd fallen in the Mississippi or somethin'... Looks to me like you've fallen into somethin' deadlier... Good thing twas me an' not the Good Doctor that found you two."

Kate flushed guiltily at the mention of Jack, she'd totally forgot about him!

"Hi Travis."

Her voice was throaty still tinged with desire the passion of their kiss had awoken, much to her consternation and never ending embarrassment.

Travis walked up to her and enveloped her in a bear hug, "How you doin' Lil' Firebrand?"

Kate hugged him back looking at a disturbed James over Travis' shoulder.

"I see congratulations are in order." Travis said lightly, as he drew back and indicated the ring on her finger.

Kate looked at the ring blankly like she didn't know it was there.

"Thank you." She said disjointedly, as she stared into James' piercing eyes.

"There you are. I thought you'd fallen into the Mississippi!" Jack said, in a concerned voice as he walked up to the trio.

"More like the Rio Grande." Travis said under his breath.

Kate fixed him with a sharp look before she took Jack's arm, "No, I just bumped into James and Travis."

Jack shook Travis' hand, "Good to see you again Travis. How's your wife and kids?"

"They're all good. James an' I been on the riverboat since it left Galveston, it's a tradition of ours." Travis offered in explanation of why he wasn't spending the day with his wife.

"She must be a very understanding woman to forgive you not being there for Valentine's Day." Jack said conversationally.

"Oh she understands, been doin' this since I was sixteen!" Travis laughed.

James was standing by the railing, his eyes boring into Kate's as she looked at him surreptititiously through her lashes.

Kate felt a frisson of anticipation at the look James was giving her skate down her spine. Jack felt her shiver and wrapping his arms around her, he turned to Travis, "We better get back inside, Kate's not feeling too good. I will look out for you tomorrow at breakfast. Good luck with your game."

He nodded at James too as he spoke steering Kate back inside, James didn't say or do anything; his eyes following the couple inside.

"Come on Lil' Brother, let's go make ourselves some easy money." Travis said, cheerfully pulling a silently fuming James along.

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Jack reached his hand to feel the empty space in the bed that had been inhabited by Kate. She was sitting in the window seat watching him sleep, "What are you doing over there Kate?"

Kate hugged her knees a little tighter, not saying anything. Jack sat up and smiled at her lovingly.

"Kate?"

"Why did you propose to me so quickly Jack?"

Jack frowned at the unexpected question, "What do you mean?"

"I mean why did you propose to me so quickly? We arrived in LA and within a week you had proposed to me, why?"

Jack closed his eyes in understanding, he knew what was happening and like a member of the audience in a predictable show, he knew what he was going to say even though everything inside him was screaming for him to stop this. Deep down he'd known when he saw James standing in the entrance of the dining room that he wouldn't be able to keep her.

"I was afraid I would lose you, if I didn't act soon. It doesn't change anything Kate, I lived through hell with you and I wanted… _want_ to be with you. We've been together through the most traumatic and trying times of our lives, and being back in civilization doesn't change how I feel about you. In fact it reinforced what I already knew, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

Kate listened to him as he spoke, then she said, "The week before we were rescued, James and I started having sex."

Jack's eyes widened in surprise at this revelation, he'd had no idea.

"The morning we were rescued, we kind of broke it off. But tonight on the deck we kissed like the last two months apart had never happened."

Jack's face fell at the way she said 'apart', Kate watched him closely.

"I've tried Jack, I've tried _so hard_ to forget about him, to focus on you and me and our future together. No matter how hard I've tried though, I could not see it happening. And tonight, when I said I thought things had moved too fast… I don't know. I may not have had the courage to tell you why, if… If-"

"He hadn't showed up." Jack supplied for her helpfully, now that the end was near he wanted to get it over and done with. He wanted the pain every single word she was uttering drove into his heart to have maximum effect.

"Yeah. But he did, and it's like I was sedated all this time, and _finally_ I've woken up."

"Are you sure this is what you want? Is it something I didn't do? Did I push you too hard?"

Kate shook her head sadly, tears welling up in her eyes at the pain in his eyes and voice, "No. It was all me. I didn't tell you the truth in the beginning and it snowballed to this moment. The love I want to feel for you Jack, I feel for someone else. And I think that maybe there is chance he may feel the same way about me."

Jack felt the tears slide down his face as she spoke, softly, but with the resolve of a woman who had made up her mind.

"What happens if he doesn't want you? Or doesn't see it your way?" Jack couldn't help the pleading tone that crept into his voice.

"Then I'll _make_ him see." She said determinedly.

"So what happens now?"

"I don't think I should stay here tonight. I'll get my own room."

"You can't Kate, the place is fully booked."

Kate got to her feet, she was wearing jeans and a turtleneck, she had changed while he was sleeping.

"I'll take Travis' whatever, I can't stay here any longer Jack."

She didn't approach him, she just picked up the bag she'd already packed, and shouldering it she looked at Jack with a world of regret.

"I guess Ana-Lucia was right, I am no good for you."

Jack stared at the sheets tangled around his lower body, finding it hard to believe that a few hours ago, she had lain in these very sheets with him, more passionate and responsive than she had ever been with him.

Now he knew why, she'd been picturing James in bed with her instead of him!

"Kate." Jack called her name out insistently.

Silently, Kate slipped the engagement ring off her finger and placed it on the dresser, crying softly she strode out of the room without looking back.

"KATE!" Jack yelled her name, and steeling herself she kept walking as he bellowed her name over and over again.

Stopping at the reception desk, Kate asked for a room, using her brightest smile and letting the tear-streaked makeup do the rest for her.

They found her a room, it was the last one and it was on the second floor, smiling her thanks Kate followed the bellhop. She took a steadying breath, thinking to herself in nervous anticipation, 'Now for the hard part.'


	4. Chapter 4

Wow you guys all review so quickly! I must admit I felt a touch of fear at how fast y'all had reviewed those first three chapters, because I didn't have the fourth chapter written. As always pressure to update makes for a quicker update…

**Cowboys** that is just so cold! Don't stop reviewing or reading my stories... **_ever_**!

**ClaireandKate** keep on R n R and don't stop updating your stories either, I'm dying to know what happens next!

**Sybilla** I didn't even know you read **NAA** as this was your first review but welcome! Join the team of my sometimes daily hecklers (cough cough **Cowboys**!), I'm flattered you enjoyed the first one enough to read the sequel.

Now this chapter has lots of conversation something that I hope works well for our protagonists. As usual, read and holla back (review)!

**Chapter 4**

Kate looked around her small room, with its single bed, sofa, tv and ensuite bathroom. 'This is definitely a step down from the room I've just vacated.' She thought to herself deprecatingly.

Sitting down on the bed, she thought about what she'd just done. She couldn't believe how fast things had moved. It was for the best, she'd felt like she was suffocating or moving underwater with Jack and she knew the reason she'd accepted his proposal was another way for her to run away from the truth. However, the truth had followed her around in her heart and in her soul. Then he'd appeared as if she'd conjured him, but she hadn't, he was real and there were a lot of things that needed to be said between them. Kate was unsure of how James would react to the news of her break up with Jack, but come what may she was going to persevere this time. Try to find a way to get through to and hold on to the man she'd waited an eternity for.

Feeling the emotional exhaustion of the last few hours, she rose from the bed to go and look for James.

Standing outside the gaming room, she took a deep breath, not knowing what she was going to say, but needing to talk to him. Pushing the doors open she walked into the smoky room, looking for one man in particular.

Kate couldn't see him but seeing another room that said 'Private Game' she walked up to the doors, before she could push them open a member of staff approached her.

"I'm sorry Ma'am you can't go in there." The man spoke with authority.

"I just need to go talk to my friend, I won't be long."

"I am sorry this is a private high stakes game, no one can enter until the game is over." The man shook his head, blocking the entrance with his body.

Kate nodded in understanding, "Okay can I write a message instead?"

"Yes you can, if you walk over there to the bar, my associate will give you some pen and paper."

Kate went to the bar and asked for pen and paper, the bartender gave her some headed notepaper, which she practically snatched from him in her haste.

Scribbling James a message to come and see her in her room, she handed the paper to the security guard.

"Please give this to James Ford, he's tall, Southern and has short blonde hair, mid-thirties."

Taking the piece of paper and ordering her to wait outside the man went inside to give James the note.

Kate could feel eyes watching her in the room but she didn't care, a few minutes later the security guard came back.

"Mr. Ford will come and find you after the game, now I'll have to ask you to step away from the door." The man spoke sounding slightly apologetic.

"Thank you, are you sure you gave it to the right person?"

"Yes Ma'am I am sure. Mr. Ford has been frequenting this boat for many years."

Kate inclined her head, remembering that Travis had something to that effect earlier. Turning to leave she walked through the room with her head held high.

When she got back to her room she realized that she hadn't wiped the tear streaked makeup off her face and looked quite a state, which was probably why they wouldn't let her into the private game room. Resolving to clean up while she waited she went to take a much needed shower.

James sat looking at his remaining two opponents, he was struggling to concentrate after he'd read Kate's note. 'What is this all about? What's she doin' down here at this time of the night or morning, lookin' for me?' He mused to himself, as the fat middle-aged gentleman slipped an ace from his sleeve.

"I think you better put that ace right back up your sleeve FatCat, you're good I'll give you that, but I am even better." James said warningly.

The fat man got up in indignation, before he could make a move Travis and another bystander hauled him away from the table. James shook his head in frustration, he couldn't care less what the remaining player had, James read the man and knew he was going to win. Impatient now, he laid his cards on the table prompting his opponent to do the same.

The thin man gave a look of disgust as he laid his losing hand on the table. "You win Ford, again. Somethin' tells me you're cheatin' too."

James ignored the man as he picked up his chips, '$40,000 not bad for a night's work.' He thought to himself, rising from his chair he inclined his head to the thin man, "Sour grapes don't… well actually they do suit ya, but that's neither here nor there. Gentlemen, I bid y'all goodnight. I got some other business to attend to."

James walked up to the counter to cash in his chips, Travis joined him, "You're not stayin' for one more game Lil' Brother?" James shook his head, "No sorry Big Bro I'm off to ma Lady's chamber. You can stay if ya like. Only one or two games left in these suckers anyway."

Travis nodded, "I'll see you at breakfast?"

"'Course. Good luck an' watch out for Sourpuss over there, he's a sneaky sonofabitch."

James hefted his bag of winnings then sauntered out of the room, knowing that almost every man in there had lost money to him and was throwing him daggers with their eyes.

He dropped the bag off with security where it would be kept for all the winners until they disembarked. Then he bounded up the stairs to the second floor to find Kate.

Kate heard the loud knock on her door as she was toweling her hair dry, tightening the sash on her bathrobe she hurried to the door, her face clouding with concern to see Jack standing there.

"Kate we need to talk." Jack spoke with desperation and urgency.

"I don't think now is the time Jack." Kate said coldly, blocking the entrance with her body.

Jack tried to push the door open wider, "Kate please, less than 45 minutes ago you were my fiancée and now you're sleeping in a different room and won't even speak to me… I just don't understand how one kiss could make you want to throw everything away."

Kate's face froze, her voice came out frostier than Jack had ever heard, "Jack if you don't leave now I am calling security to_ make_ you leave. I don't want to talk to you or about this right now. Please _leave_."

Jack shook his head, tears falling down his face, "Kate this isn't you, why are you being so cruel? I can change Kate I promise, I won't pressure you to move in with me anymore, please Kate give us a second chance!"

"There is no such thing as second chances Jack, only a second try to make the same mistakes." Her voice was unbelievably colder than before.

Jack stared at her, tears running down his face, his mouth hanging open slackly. She did not seem to notice, fixing her icy green eyes on him without flinching. Defeated Jack let go of the door, shuffling away miserably.

Kate shut the door with a final click, breathing in fortifying breaths of air as she leaned her forehead on the cool wood. 'Oh God Kate you're a monster.' She said to herself feeling miserable at the way Jack was hurting.

The sharp rap on the door made her jump, 'Oh God, he's back!' Swinging the door open angrily, "_Damn it_ Jack! I said-"

She stopped mid-sentence as she realized that it was James standing there, his face stormy and a frown marring his brow.

"Expectin' someone else?" He queried sardonically.

Kate widened the door, moving aside to let him in; James strode in with a raised eyebrow as he surveyed the room.

"What's goin' on Kate?"

Kate shut the door and locked it behind her, turning around to look at James with more than a little apprehension. Now that he was actually here, all the things she wanted to say stuck in her throat. A pulse jumped at the base of her throat as she looked at James, hungrily taking in every minute detail of his appearance. James fixed his piercing sapphire gaze on her, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your game." Kate could kick herself; _that_ was the first thing she could come up with?

"Yeah well… game's over. I found myself thinkin' about what it was you could possibly have to say to me. So I called it a night."

Kate was rooted to the floor, she couldn't will her body to move as a myriad of emotions flooded her being.

James was intrigued, Kate was in a room on her own, and he'd just heard her tell Jack that there was no such thing as a second chance. What had happened between the two to make her get her own room and speak so coldly to Dr. Dogood?

The silence was becoming overwhelmingly uncomfortable and Kate saw that James was not going to make any of this easy on her. Gathering her scattered thoughts and reining in her emotions she took a step towards James gesturing for him to sit down on the bed.

Sitting in the chair, she gathered the folds of her robes in order to maintain her modesty, then taking a deep breath she looked at James and to her eternal shame, began to cry.

James wanted to go to her and wrap his arms around her but something made him stay right where he was, watching Kate sob like her heart was breaking with curious detachment. After all she was crying over _Jack_.

Suddenly she stopped crying and holding tightly to the skirt of her bath robe with one hand she wiped her tears away with the other.

"I ended it with Jack."

James didn't say anything shifting his weight slightly on the bed he continued to watch her.

"Seeing you again made me realize that I couldn't keep on living a lie."

James leaned forward slightly, 'Where is she going with this?' He asked himself.

Looking him straight in the eye, with watery emerald eyes she continued, "I felt like I was suffocating, and when you and I kissed… I knew that I couldn't pretend that settling down w- was what I wanted."

James frowned at this statement, 'Is that it? What about me?' He thought to himself.

"For the first time in my life I have real choices _and_ a future ahead of me, I don't want to ruin it by making the wrong decision. I want to be proud of the choices I've made and most of all I want to be free… free from guilt, hate, pain… the past."

"That's mighty commendable but what's this gotta do with me Freckles?"

Kate felt her courage desert her, all she had to do was say the words and it would all make sense to him but suddenly doubt and insecurity assailed her. 'What if he's met someone else? Or what if he doesn't feel the same? Oh God why can't he act like he cares a little more?'

"I thought you should know… I guess what I'm trying to say Tex is that I would like to start my new life with at least one person I know I can count on not being mad at me, and can maybe even call a friend?"

James tried to hide his disappointment in her answer, "Last time we spoke, you harbored some resentment towards me 'bout how I made you feel."

Kate shook her head fiercely, "I was being an idiot James, I don't feel that way about you anymore."

James didn't know what to think, was she saying she'd forgiven him or that she didn't feel attracted to him anymore? Or both?

"Is that all?" He asked coldly, burying the hurt deep down inside his heart.

Kate recoiled at his tone, "Yeah, that's all. Should there be more?"

James closed his eyes at her question, "No Freckles, I guess there shouldn't."

They both didn't look at each other, she stared at her hands and James at his feet. Sighing in unison they looked up their eyes meeting with a naked vulnerability visible for a fleeting moment, before they concealed it from one another.

"So as your friend, does that mean I gotta get you a tub of ice cream an' come up with all kinds of names for Jackass to make you feel better?" James asked mischievously, with a dangerous sparkle in his eye.

Kate laughed, more than a little relieved that he seemed to accept her awkward apology for her past behavior.

"I think I can guess which part you'll like best."

James got off the bed reaching for the phone; he ordered ice cream from room service and a couple of beers. Kate watched him her heartbeat fluttering at the sound of his voice and the flash of dimples he gave her when he asked for the beer, unaware that she still had a smile on her face.

"I'd wipe that smile off ma face if I were you, Peaches, I'm a friend not a girlfriend, so you're gonna have to watch cheer-me-up porn while we eat that ice cream an' bitch 'bout Jacko."

Kate shook her head smiling still, "Only _you_ would come up with cheer-me-up porn Tex."

"I'm gonna need _somethin_' to distract me from the fact that I'm sittin' in a beautiful girl's hotel room, eatin' ice cream out of a bowl an' not of her body. _And_ listen to her talk 'bout Captain Jackass!"

Kate got up, laughing softly as she walked to the bathroom, "I'm going to put on some clothes, find another movie Tex, I'm _not_ watching porn with you."

"Yeah we'll see 'bout that." James muttered under his breath, picking up the remote and flicking to the porn channels.

Kate came back in wearing simple pyjama bottoms and a tank top; she sat down on the bed next to James, unconsciously leaning in towards him. James looked down at her over his shoulder.

"I found somethin' with a storyline, 'Star-Trek: The Next Penetration' somethin' tells me it will be better than the original Star-Trek." His cheeks dimpled as he smiled at himself with self-satisfaction.

"Oh no you don't! I am not watching that!" Kate said as she reached for the remote, James transferred it to his left hand and held it far away from her reach. Kate leaned across his lap to get to it. James twisted his torso to get away from her and Kate knocked him backwards against the bed. They tussled on the bed briefly before Kate resorted to tickling James. He started to laugh struggling to get away from her and keep hold of the remote, Kate was straddling him now as she tickled him, laughing along with him. The sound was like music to his ears, especially since it was so uncontrolled and full of life.

"You like that? I got plenty more where that came from!" She cried, launching a full fledged tickle attack on James. He stopped laughing as he overpowered her and they switched positions, he was straddling her now. Kate squealed with laughter as his fingers traveled up her torso to tickle her underarms, wriggling violently with mirth. When the backs of his hands grazed her breasts, she realized that like the flick of a switch the mood had suddenly become less playful and more sensual. James must have realized this too because they both stopped, looking at each other with ardent intensity.

A knock sounded on the door, followed by, "Room service!" Kate's eyes were riveted to James' face. James moved off the bed, walking to the door to let the waiter in.

Kate lay where he left her on the bed, listening to the exchange of money and the sound of the door shutting after James paid and tipped the man. They'd been so close to kissing, she was disappointed they hadn't but at least now she knew that he did feel something for her.

"Come on Peaches, I got mint chocolate chip cookie dough here for you an' the movie's 'bout to start." James said over his shoulder as he pulled the chair next to the bed and then pulled the cart over to the bed too.

Kate sat up watching him as he handed her the ice-cream dish, handing her a spoon and covering her lap with a napkin he sat back in his seat and opened a beer. She sat there for a moment wondering if he was going to look at her. As if he'd read her mind he turned to look at her, "Eat up girl, I'm givin' you a head start, if I start eatin' that with you now, you won't get very much."

Kate smiled slightly at this, "You like ice-cream?"

"No. I like mint chocolate chip cookie dough, 'sides the only thing better that porn an' ice-cream is makin' your own porn an' eating the ice-cream off each other's bodies." James wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Kate.

She burst out laughing, dipping her spoon in the dish, "You're one of a kind Tex, one of an unbelievable kind."

"Well I know _that_ Peaches, now hush I think someone's 'bout to get penetrated." James said, turning to the tv.

Dragging the pillows to the foot of the bed, Kate propped the dish on the pillows, wriggling around a little to get comfortable. Rolling her eyes at the bad acting, she lay on her stomach to watch the dirty movie, still smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all for the reviews, I can't believe this is my second fanfic already or how quickly I ended up writing the first one! It's because of all the RnR I got.

First things first, I am going to do some exposition in this story about Kate 'cause we didn't get half as much as James' in** NAA**.

**Cowboys** I know you thought interactions with others detracted from the story but what I was trying to do was get a different perspective on how they behaved with other people and also use it as a way to explain the reasons behind James' tortured soul. Reasons that Kate doesn't know about but the readers do.

This chapter is really about warm Skatey goodness, **RnR** as always.

**Chapter 5**

"Is it over?" Kate mumbled half asleep as James tucked her into bed. She'd fallen asleep fifteen minutes into the porn, and James regretfully had turned the television off, taking the almost empty ice cream dish from her slack hands and placing it on the cart.

"Just go back to sleep Peaches." James spoke softly.

Kate smiled slightly as she snuggled under the blanket and burrowed her head into the pillow, going straight back to sleep.

James smiled down at her tenderly before he turned away, he picked up his jacket and pushed the cart out of the room as he left. Leaving it in the hallway, James picked the 'Do Not Disturb' sign from the floor where it must have fallen when Kate and Jack had been arguing and shutting the door placed it on the knob.

Exhausted himself, it was 5 am, he strode down the hall to his own room, plopping down on the bed in exhaustion. He flung his jacket in the direction of a chair, kicked his shoes off and lay back on the bed closing his eyes tiredly. "I can't believe 24 hours ago I was doin' the horizontal with that cute blonde an' now I'm cheerin' up a brokenhearted Kate an' tuckin' her in." He said to himself ruefully.

'I wonder what this means for me and her? Is there even a me and her? If that kiss and the tickle fightare any indication, you're free-falling into the unknown without a parachute James.' He thought as his eyes closed of their own accord and he succumbed to sleep.

Kate woke up with a start, looking around the room frantically she couldn't find James and she felt a rising panic that he'd left her. Remembering that he'd tucked her in as he most probably went to sleep in his own room, she sighed in relief. 'What is the matter with me?' Kate asked herself, more than a little worried at the way she'd reacted initially. If she wasn't careful she just may become obsessed with the man, she was already halfway there if her kissing him last night while she was still engaged to Jack was any indication.

"Oh God, Jack." She said out-loud, pushing the blankets off as she headed for the bathroom. Kate looked around the room feeling slightly disorientated spotting the digital clock it said 10:26. Racing into the bathroom, she hurriedly showered, worried that she might miss James if he was getting off the boat today.

Fifteen minutes later she was showered and dressed in skintight jeans that flattered her ass, and a white cashmere sweater. Too impatient to blow-dry her hair she pinned it up and applied some much needed concealer on the dark bags under her eyes. Kohl eye-liner, some blusher and lip gloss completed the toilette. Kate sprayed on her favorite perfume that she always carried with her since they had gotten back but never wore when she was with Jack because he preferred Chanel No.5. Smiling at the thought that she would never again have to wear the perfume Kate thought was far too old for her, Kate liberally sprayed the simple Bodyshop Vanilla Musk on.

Then she picked up her purse and her room key and ventured to the dining room to see if she could catch James at breakfast.

James wasn't in the dining room but Travis was, sitting by the glass doors and reading a newspaper as he sipped tar black coffee. He looked up and smiled at the unexpected pleasure when Kate sat down across from him. 'She looks gorgeous and smells absolutely delicious.' Travis thought to himself.

"Top o' the mornin' to ya." Travis said in a very good Irish brogue.

"Wow... morning." Kate responded, smiling in admiration at his Irish accent.

"How you feelin'? You look much better than you did after I caught ya lockin' lips with Jamie." Travis enquired politely, a cheeky grin on his handsome face as he spoke.

Kate blushed, "Better thank you." Distracting herself with unfolding her napkin to lay it across her lap she had a flashback of James doing a similar thing for her in her room the night before. Her blush deepened as she thought about how at the time, she'd wished his hands would do other things while they were there.

"Will the Doctor be joinin' us shortly?" Travis asked.

Kate took a deep breath, then looking up at Travis she told him the truth, "I doubt that. I broke off the engagement last night."

Kate watched Travis intently to gauge his reaction to the news, to her never ending surprise he chuckled!

"No shit! Good for you, I never understood why you were with him in the first place… too passionate for him."

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"Well, t'ain't no secret that spinal surgeons like to break things down into workable pieces, fix 'em up then put 'em back together. You're too much of a wild card, unpredictable, smart, beautiful an' independent to be broken down an' put back together. You are who you are for better or worse an' I don't think Jack ever saw you for who you really are or understood what it means to be in love with a woman like you."

"And what makes you so sure you know what I'm like?" Kate asked archly.

"For starters, you an' ma wife got a lot in common an' second of all I don't hear you denyin' any of it." Travis said good-naturedly, grinning at her in a way that wasn't too different from one of James' smiles.

"Okay, maybe you're right, Jack doesn't get me but he does love me. And I feel like the worst kind of monster right now." Kate admitted to Travis.

"Why's that? 'Cause you did both of y'all a favor by breakin' it off or 'cause your in love with James?" Travis asked perceptively.

Kate stared at him in shock, speechless.

"I know Sweets, saw it the moment we got y'all off that Island when you were 'bout to hug Jamie an' Jack walked up to the two of you, an' _instead_ of huggin' him anyway you just looked at James. You didn't seem to have a problem huggin' anyone else in front of the Jack… An' the way you were careful not to be alone with him or talk to him alone while we were in Fiji or in LA."

Before Kate could say anything a waiter came up to take her order, after he'd left she looked at Travis, her heart thudding painfully in her chest.

"Does he know?" She asked careful not to betray any emotion in her voice or face.

"No I don't think he does, your secret's safe with me." Travis said gently his face serious now.

Kate nodded gratefully, "I wanted to tell him last night but I choked. And now in the bright light of day I don't know if I should now."

Travis nodded in understanding, his face sympathetic.

Kate continued, "What do you think I should do?" Travis' eyes widened, and he leaned backwards in his chair.

"Do 'bout what?" James interrupted as he walked up from behind Kate and sat down heavily in the chair next to her.

Kate's face dropped in horror, immobile she looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights as she stared at Travis. 'Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How much did he hear?' She thought to herself.

"Well?" James asked intrigued by Travis' mischievous expression and Kate's sudden fascination with the napkin on her lap.

"What's the big secret?" James demanded.

Kate willed the earth to swallow her up this wasn't happening! And damn Travis for not saying something!

Just when Kate thought she'd rather be back on the Island running away from the Smoke Monster, Travis spoke up.

"Nothin', Kate was just askin' me 'bout any contacts I may have in LA, she wants to move out of her current apartment." Travis offered smoothly.

Kate looked up at Travis with heartfelt gratitude, picking up where Travis had left off, "Yeah, the neighborhood I'm living in right now was Jack's choice and I don't want to stay there anymore." As she finished off the misguiding statement, she turned to look James in the eye. Knowing that because she spoke the truth her eyes wouldn't betray her to him like they normally did.

James scrutinized her face for a moment before he accepted this, smirking he said, "I suppose livin' in a neighborhood full of Stepford Wives when you got no intention of bein' one yourself could be a lil' stiflin'"

Kate nodded in relief, thanking the waiter as he placed her plate in front of her, she found herself quite ravenous digging into the traditional Southern breakfast with gusto.

James ordered the same, gratefully accepting the strong black coffee the waiter poured for him, "Thanks Louie."

Kate looked at him in surprise, James smiled at this, "I know most of the staff here quite well… Travis an' I been doin' this for over ten years."

Travis picked up his paper laughing behind the cover of the broadsheet at Kate's near escape.

After breakfast, Travis went to call his wife, leaving the pair at the table.

"You sleep good, Freckles?" James asked.

"Yeah, too bad I missed the end of the movie… if you can call it that."

James smirked at that, "Yeah too bad, somethin' tells me it would've been real explosive."

Kate shook her head and snickered at his innuendo. "Cheer-me-up porn! That's classic… next time _I_ choose the movie."

James smiled at her, his smile dying immediately as he saw Jack approaching from over Kate's shoulder.

"Heads up, jilted suitor at 11 o'clock."

Kate's face closed up and her shoulders tensed slightly, turning around she watched Jack as he walked towards them. Her heart contracting painfully at the haunted dark circles around his eyes and his overall somber face.

"Morning, James, Kate." Jack said shortly.

"Morning." Kate replied noticing that James did not even deign to reply to the greeting.

"Mind if I sit down?" Jack asked as he pulled a chair and sat down with finality.

Kate shook her head tentatively, studying Jack intently.

"You look well-rested. Are you feeling better?" Jack asked Kate, managing to sound incredibly hostile.

Kate squared her shoulders, looking Jack straight in the eye she responded, "Yeah I am. How did you sleep?"

"I barely slept at all, couldn't get over how fast I got _dumped_ on Valentines Day." Jack said acidly.

James sat up straighter, not liking the direction the conversation was going.

"Well technically it wasn't Valentines Day anymore." Kate responded without rancor.

"Yeah, six and half a dozen, did you think about the technicalities before you dumped me for-"

"Jack please, is this really necessary?" Kate cut him off before he could start spilling her secrets.

"Fine, whatever." Jack said bitterly, signaling Louie the waiter to bring him some coffee.

Kate was still on tenterhooks afraid of what he was going to come out with next, she looked at James who was glaring at Jack.

"You got a problem Sawyer? I mean James I can't keep track sometimes."

"Just your manners Doc." James retorted.

"Well this is different; _you_ of all people wanna start lecturing _me_ on manners."

Kate sighed rolling her eyes as she pushed her chair back and stood up.

"Sit down Kate." Jack ordered not even looking at her as Louie poured him his coffee.

"Go to hell Jack." Kate said calmly as she strode away, leaving James sitting at the table with the embittered spinal surgeon.

"I'm already there." Jack said to no one in particular.

James watched Kate's retreat then turned to look at Jack with something akin to sympathy on his face. 'She's a heartbreaker, that's for sure.' He thought to himself, troubled.

"You look like you need somethin' a lil' stronger than that Jacko."

"If it's all the same to you I don't want any advice from you _James_."

James nodded, rising from his chair, "I'll leave you to it, I'm not in the mood for bein' at a pity party. Will ruin ma day."

With that he placed a hundred dollar bill on the table calling out to Louie who was standing nearby about to bring Jack a menu, "Pleasure as always, buy your missus somethin' nice for missin' the big day of romance Lou."

Louie nodded his thanks as he approached the table and watched James' retreating figure.

"Smug Southern scum." Jack said audibly under his breath. Louie frowned at this, picking up the hundred dollar bill and tossed the menu on the table signaling to a coworker to cover Jack's table.

Jack shrugged at the older man's reaction, too wrapped up in his own pain to care about how his behavior was affecting other people.

James caught up with Kate who he found standing outside her bedroom door, rifling through her purse as she tried to find her room key through her tears. He felt his heart contract; wrapping his arms around her he hugged her tightly.

"It's okay sweetheart, he's just hurtin' that's all. Here give me your purse an' I'll find your key for you." Kate relinquished her purse to him wiping her tears as she stayed in the comforting circle of his arms.

James found the key, inserting it in the door, he unlocked it and ushered her inside.

Kate walked into the room and let James lead her to the armchair that had been put back in its original position by housekeeping.

James raided the minibar, mixing Kate a double bourbon and coke and pouring himself a double bourbon with ice. He rattled the ice in the glass to get Kate's attention as she sat there looking forlorn.

"I think it's time for a drink dontcha?"

Kate looked up at him mustering a small smile, "Isn't it too early for that?"

James looked offended, "Are you kiddin' me? It's 12:08 pm! As long as there's a pm somewhere it's all good, Freckles."

Kate giggled slightly at this accepting the drink, "Well if you say so."

"As a matter of fact I do." James replied clinking the edge of his glass with hers.

"Here's to not being on Craphole Island anymore, we never got to celebrate our escape before." Kate said.

"Correction _you an' I_ never got to celebrate our escape." James interjected.

"Yeah, you and I." Kate said before she took a sip of her drink, looking up at him over the rim of her glass. 'Oh my God you're such a skank!' Kate chided herself, how obvious was that.

James too drank his bourbon, eyeing Kate as he did so. 'I'll drink to that.' He thought to himself.

Kate finished her drink off in minutes, handing her glass back to James. "Please Sir, I want some more." She spoke in a plaintive voice.

James flashed his dimples, "Now that's the spirit." As he put his unfinished glass down and went to get her another drink.

Kate's moss green gaze traveled down the length of James' back to his butt, 'Mmm yum bum.' She thought to herself suppressing a giggle at the thought of his reaction if he knew she was checking him out.

James turned back to her bringing all the mini bottles of bourbon and a few cans of coke with him. He'd also filled the ice bucket and plopping them all down on the floor he sat down and gestured for her to follow suit.

Kate pushed the armchair back a little and sat down to lean on it as James leaned on the foot of the bed.

"Are we going to get wasted?" She asked with childish excitement lighting up her face.

"We sure are Freckles, there are no good card games during the day, Travis is takin' a nap an' you ain't got nowhere important you gotta be."

"I'm game, I haven't had a nice strong drink in forever! Jack always seemed a little disproving of the less ladylike drinks and I was never so desperate as to drink on my own."

James looked up from the drink he was making, slanting his sapphire gaze at her when she mentioned Jack, "He really had you tamed didn't he?"

"No I think the word is anesthetized. I couldn't muster the energy to fight him and he seemed so… _enthused_ about this new life we were going to have together and introducing me to this person and that… I don't know I just got overwhelmed and went with it. I guess I just thought I could sacrifice some of myself to become the kind of person he could be proud of." James handed her a drink listening to her explanation attentively.

"So what changed?" James prompted her as she took a long drink of the bourbon and coke.

"I don't know, maybe it was something I had to go through. I told myself on the Island that if we ever got rescued I would do whatever it took to become someone else. Looking back now that is kinda silly and immature. But it took seeing you again to remind me that I didn't have to be someone else to be good." Kate looked at him as she said this and did not miss the effect her statement had on him.

James was startled and as he had been in the middle of taking a sip of his bourbon he slightly choked. "You think I'm _good_?" He rasped incredulously.

"Yeah, Tex I do. Against your will you have proved that to me more times than I can count. And I gathered from Ana-Lucia that you have _always_ been a bit of a champion."

Kate said seriously.

James' nostrils flared, "I think you got the wrong man here Sass… I ain't no _champion_. For every good thing I've done I must have done at least two very bad things."

Kate shrugged, "You've done less bad things than I have."

James shook his head, "That's not true."

Kate fixed her hazel eyes on him, "I wish you were right. Guess there's still a lot we don't know about each other."

James inclined his head slightly at this in concession, "Yeah I guess so. But you can't convince me 'bout the other thing. I saw your file when Travis was wranglin' you a deal remember?"

Shrugging again Kate took a sip of her drink then replied, "Good as they are, they did not know about all of it."

James raised an eyebrow at this, before he could speak Kate said, "Yeah well… it's in the past right? Maybe if I'm drunk enough I'll tell you about it."

James accepted this with a smile, "You're on Freckles."

Picking up the remote he said, "Let's see if they're airin' a rerun of last night's movie."

Kate put her glass down, "Don't you dare! It's my choice this time, you promised!"

James held the remote away from her as she leaned over him to get it, he inhaled the scent of Kate and vanilla feeling a little lightheaded at the heady mix. Fearing a more physical reaction he relinquished his hold on the remote handing it to her abruptly.

Kate took the remote and flicked through the channels finding a romantic comedy. Snorting in amused victory she turned to look at James to see what he thought.

"How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days'… You're 'bout to lose _me_ in ten seconds Freckles!"

"Oh no you don't! You're here to cheer me up and keep my mind of Jack as my new best friend you're either watching this with me while we drink or I can start talking about all the intimate details of my relationship with Jack." Kate argued.

James sighed in defeat, "I guess we're watchin' the travesty folks call a movie then."

Kate laughed out-right at the look on his face, "Great! I love Matthew McConaughey he's a real Southern Gentleman don't you think?"

"He's alright." James admitted grudgingly, fixing a piercing mock glare on Kate as he drank up.

Kate laughed reaching over to rumple his hair affectionately, "I know you're Southern too… I won't go far as to call you a Gentleman. But I wouldn't trade you for one so don't worry, it's okay to admit you like Matthew too."

"Don't flatter yourself." James muttered as he raked his disgruntled blue gaze over her.

Kate smiled at this, leaning against his shoulder she picked up her glass and took a big sip. "Now be quiet, the movie's starting and I hate it when people talk during a movie."

James snorted at this in disgust, "You ain't gonna learn anythin' you didn't already know, hell you dumped Jack in a few hours."

He could have kicked himself, Kate looked like he'd just kicked her in the face.

"Ah shit, I didn't mean it like that Peaches."

Kate nodded a funny look on her face, "That's okay you can make it up to me… by giving me a foot massage."

James choked on his drink for the second time that day, "I ain't givin' you no foot massage!"

"Yeah well next time don't say stuff that'll hurt people's feelings. There's some clean towels in the bathroom and lotions and creams and stuff too. Hurry up the movie's started and I'll be really pissed if I miss anything 'cause I was talking to you." Kate prompted him pushing his shoulder.

James got up and went to get the towels and creams, he didn't see the surprised look of amusement on Kate's face. She didn't actually think he would do it!

When he came back he had also brought a small bowl he'd found in the bathroom and filled up with some soapy water. Kate's eyebrows rocketed up in unspoken query.

"I ain't massagin' dirty feet Freckles." James offered cantankerously.

Pulling her feet towards him as he sat cross-legged, James began to roll up the bottoms of her jeans, rolling the material halfway up her calves. Kate watched with piqued interest and couldn't help the rapid fluttering of her pulse at the intimate action. His head was lowered in concentration and Kate was glad because it allowed her private perusal of his golden brown elegant hands as they slipped her stylish ankle boots off her feet.

He looked up at her suddenly catching her unawares, "You best take a picture Sass 'cause it ain't happenin' again."

Kate smiled at him angelically, "Somehow I doubt that given your mouth."

James tsked at her insolence, mirroring her smile, "Two can play that game."

As he turned his attention back to her feet he couldn't help but admire their slender grace, the skin was soft and smooth and they still bore some Island tan. He usually hated feet but hers were quite well formed and the feminine toes were painted a dark wine red. 'Even her damn feet are beautiful.' He thought.

Dipping her right foot in the bowl he snickered when she yelped at the temperature firmly holding her foot in place.

"Hot water kills all the germs."

"Yeah but boiling hot water will peel the skin off my feet." She replied.

James didn't look up as he was trying not to laugh, then placing her right foot on his towel draped lap he placed her left foot in the bowl. Tenderly wiping her foot he slathered on some hotel lotion on her foot firmly massaging the cream into her skin he worked from her ankle to her toes in a well practiced motion.

Kate stifled a groan of pleasure as his skilled fingers worked their magic. 'Oh my God!'

She took a big sip of her drink in a bid to distract herself from the treacherous road her thoughts were going down.

James studied her face intently, "How's that?"

"Amazing." She replied softly.

James smiled at her before returning his attention back to her feet, moving on to the left foot now.

"I think we're gonna be best friends forever at this rate." Kate said enthusiastically.

"Hush Freckles, Matthew might say somethin' important." James replied not looking up.

Inwardly he treasured the comment she'd just made, thinking, 'Best friends forever huh, guess it's a start.'


	6. Chapter 6

Okay for a few days I had to think about how I wanted the story to develop from Chapter 5; well I got it all figured out. This is a long chapter and don't worry it's more SKatey goodness however Chapter 7 which I am also writing at the moment picks up the pace a lot more.

**Chapter 6**

"No wait I got one! No Kate you can't, you just can't."

James smirked, "Jackass."

Kate giggled drunkenly nodding in agreement making a fake gun with her thumb and forefinger and firing it at him, "Bingo! Your turn."

James frowned in thought, then he said, "You hit like a ponce." Making the guess as to who the mystery person was obsolete, by putting on a convincing British accent.

"Sayid! No wait! Charlie!" Kate exclaimed excitedly. James smiled at Kate as he downed the shot of tequila.

It was early evening, and they'd been drinking since noon, both of them were drunk and merry, the television switched off as they sat cross-legged on the floor with empty mini-bar bottles strewn all over the place. After they had finished all the available bourbon James had ordered a bottle of tequila and it was now two-thirds gone. They had resorted to drinking the shots straight without lemon as they had run out. Every once in a while when either one of them remembered they sprinkled some salt on their hands.

Kate eyed James sexily as she got on her knees and shuffled towards James and settled practically onto his lap. "Whatcha doin' Sass?"

"I'm getting comfortable. I need a hug." She said in a serious voice only drunk people speak in.

"Ah, well quit your fidgetin' 'cause you won't be _comfortable_ for long otherwise." James whispered into her ear.

Kate leaned her head on his shoulder, twisting around slightly to look up at him, "I don't mind." Reinforcing her statement with a winsome smile and a little wriggle in his lap, James sucked in his breath, smiling down at her.

"I ain't no saint Freckles."

"Neither am I." Kate replied, her eyes never leaving his.

James leaned down to kiss her, drawing back as a moment of sanity intruded on his alcohol fueled lustful thoughts. Kate sighed in disappointment as she was dumped unceremoniously on the floor. James got up and placed some much needed distance between them, he couldn't think straight when she looked at him like that and was so close to him.

"I'm drunk Freckles so forgive me if I am readin' too much into this. If I think you're offerin' me what it looks like you're offerin' me then we gotta talk 'bout some things first."

Kate nodded her encouragement for him to continue as she tried to sober up her thoughts and focus on what James was saying.

"We've done the whole impulsive sex thing an' it didn't turn out too well… You ended up resenting me an' tried to use me an' I ended up hatin' you a little. Then you went off with Jack into the sunset…_now_ you're tryin' to kiss me an' it hasn't even been 24 hours since you left Jack. I'm gonna hate myself for sayin' this but I don't want to be your rebound guy, much as I'd love to I ain't sleepin' with you tonight." He finished off in a soft voice, his bright eyes begging her to understand.

Kate shrugged, "Fine, whatever. I say we should drink some more then; you can't forgive me for the mistakes I made on the Island then that's fine. We'll just be friends." Pouring some more tequila in both their shot glasses she got up unsteadily and smiling brightly at him, handed him a glass.

James was drunk he knew but he hadn't lost all his faculties or his powers of reasoning so he narrowed his eyes at Kate trying to figure out if she was a little more bothered by his refusal or not. He couldn't tell and when she handed him the glass he took it from her cautiously, watching with fascination as she linked their arms and downed the tequila. Shaking her head in slight aversion to the strength of the drink she waited, their arms still linked for James to do the same.

Cocking an eyebrow James followed suit and when he'd emptied the glass Kate took it away from him to refill it.

Kate was drunk but she knew that she'd just been turned down, for whatever reason he'd rebuffed her advances and it stung a little. She just wanted to drown in the moment and not feel guilty about not feeling guilty about separating from Jack. When she was sober she'd think about what James had said a little more but for now she was just going to drown herself and her guilt in drink, she resolved.

"Come on, sit down! I promise I won't attack you or anything. I've got another game we can play." Kate plopped down on the floor as she poured more tequila for both of them.

James went back to his original seat on the floor, leaning his back against the foot of the bed. "Okay Sassafras, let's hear it."

"The game is called 'Questions I have always wanted to ask you' and it goes like this; I ask you a question like, "Where did you learn Spanish?" and you tell me."

James frowned slightly, "So when do we drink?"

"Umm… before and after every question!" Kate exclaimed making it up as she went along.

James shrugged, "Okay, I'll go first. What's the wildest thing you've ever done?" He drank half the tequila in his glass as he asked the question.

Kate smiled at him, "Good one! Okay… I was an exotic dancer for a month."

James sprayed tequila all over the carpet, "No shit!"

Kate laughed at him, "Yeah, I was trying to get to the guy who helped me with the bank robbery job and I knew he frequented strip clubs so I applied to work at his favorite one and stripped."

James was staring at Kate real hard now, "Did you take it _all_ off?"

Kate winked at him, "Only one question at a time Jamie! My turn now. What's the wildest thing _you've_ ever done?" She poured them some more tequila and took a sip out of her glass.

James was having trouble getting the image of Kate pole dancing out of his mind, shaking his head he focused on her question. "I think it would have to be when we were on the Island an' I went after the Others."

Kate nodded, "That's pretty wild. I still can't believe that happened! Okay your turn."

"What was your gimmick as a stripper?"

Kate laughed, "My name was Eve as in original sin, I wore the corset, silk stockings ensemble, had my hair all 1940s Hollywood glamour _and_ I had a riding crop."

James was practically drooling at the image this painted in his mind's eye, "Damn Freckles you sure know how to drive a man crazy." He leveled his piercing gaze at her as he spoke, "Wish I coulda seen you like that."

Kate smirked at him, "I only did one dance a night, twice a week and it was always to a full house."

"How come?"

"Because I incorporated my dance training into it so it was a bit more like burlesque or vaudeville. I made it a real performance, Little Rock's very own Ditta VonTeese."

James tried to digest all the images racing through his mind at the information, "Well Sass, you're just full of surprises… any chance you may surprise me with an encore of your famous performance?"

Kate shook her head smiling, "If you're really nice to me, maybe! Now my turn, where did you learn Dar Mak techniques?"

James shifted slightly at the question, taking a sip of his tequila he said, "When I was 'bout 13, Travis signed me up for some martial arts classes. A year later I was a black belt in Kung Fu an' I was offered special training in Wing Chun an' Shaolin. Rest is history." He finished off the tequila in his glass, grimacing at the bitter taste.

Kate handed him her glass signaling him to pour some more for both of them.

"I get to ask you another question, why did you lie to me when we played 'I Never' on the Island? You said you'd never been in love when it's clear you were in love with Catalina."

James spilt some tequila on the carpet, slightly shaken by her question, handing her a glass he sipped his before responding. Kate watched him with curiosity wondering if he would answer the question.

"I didn't lie. I loved Cat but I wasn't _in_ love _with_ her. Known her since I was 15 when Travis an' I first ventured into South America, I loved her like a sister but she felt more for me… I believe that karma has got me back for that, I didn't love her the way she loved me an' now that she's gone maybe I'll never feel that way 'bout someone or vice versa." His voice faltered slightly as he finished his sentence, clearing his throat James swallowed all the tequila in his glass.

Kate giggled, then hiccupped repetitively, covering her mouth with her hand she laughed even harder at James' narrowed gaze.

"You think that's funny?" He growled at her. This only seemed to encourage her.

"After the Island you still believe in karma?" Kate asked laughing hard.

Falling over to the side she lay back on the floor as she laughed until she cried. James was smiling at the picture she made laughing on the carpet with empty mini-bar bottles, lemon skin debris around her. Kate looked like a teenager who'd gotten drunk on her parents' alcohol for the first time.

Choking slightly Kate sat up abruptly her eyes tearing, "I think I'm gonna barf." Her eyes widened as she ran up suppressing the gag reflex as she ran for the bathroom. James got up hastily following her into the bathroom to hold her hair as she wretched violently into the toilet bowl.

Twenty minutes later she lay limply in the circle of his arms as he pressed a cold towel to her forehead. James was sitting on the bathroom floor with one leg under him and the other stretched out. Kate was in his lap, basically supported by his arms and she was groaning weakly.

"Oh God I think I'm gonna throw up again!" Lurching out of his arms she flung her head over the bowl and dry heaved into the toilet. James was right behind her holding her hair back and rubbing her back in a soothing manner. Inwardly he suppressed the urge to hurl himself as the sight and sounds of her vomiting made him want to throw up himself.

Finally, Kate was done, James lifted her up sitting her on the closed toilet lid he reached for the mouthwash prompting her to gargle the liquid he'd poured into the cap.

Kate did as she was told without protest, when she spat it out James carried her to his room. There was no way Kate could sleep in her room, it stank of vomit and alcohol and the smell was making his already sensitive stomach churn in protest.

Opening his bedroom door, James laid Kate in his double bed; before he could cover her up she started to protest.

"I can't breathe! Jamie I can't breathe! Get these clothes off me please!" She was clawing at her sweater in agitation. James made soothing sounds as he shook off her hands and pulled the offending sweater off her.

Sighing in relief Kate said, "And the jeans." James was glad her eyes were shut because his hands were shaking as he unbuttoned her jeans, this woman was going to be the slow and excruciating death of him! Even more so when he saw the lacy black and gold lingerie she was wearing underneath!

Pulling the jeans off he covered her up with the top sheet and kissed her forehead without thinking before he headed for the door. His hand on the knob he turned around in surprise as he heard her swear under her breath.

Kate was sitting up in the bed, unhooking her bra she flung the lingerie across the room before she turned to on her stomach and pulled the sheet up to her shoulders, sighing at the coolness of the material on her bare skin. James chuckled at this and with one last look left her to sleep in his bed.

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James found Travis out on the deck near the very same spot James and Kate had kissed almost 24 hours before. Travis did not even turn around when James approached him as he was looking out at the churning Mississippi.

"We just passed Natchez 'bout an hour ago, Cucinero. Some real hard-asses just got on the boat. Was wonderin' if I was gonna have to Robin Hood 'em all on ma own."

James breathed in the humid scent of the Mississippi in the air, "I swear I can smell magnolias."

Travis looked at the man he'd known since he was eight and James was four, they weren't brothers through blood but they couldn't love each other anymore even if they were.

"Remember when we jumped on a boat in Natchez the very first time we went to Latin America?"

"Yeah Big Bro, I remember." James said smiling at the memory with nostalgia.

"I promised you a long time ago James that I would do everythin' in ma power to protect you. An' I want you to know that it's only in that vein that I say this; be careful. I think she's got a good heart an' she's full of personality but-"

"_I know_ Travis, don't worry. I have no intention of takin' Jack's place at the jilted table." James said in a tired voice, they'd been over this so many times in the last two months.

Travis smiled, his tone conciliatory, "Yeah well I will always worry 'bout you. I nearly lost you there, so you know me I overcompensate 'cause I felt so guilty 'bout the way things were left between us before you went to Australia."

James shrugged, a little disappointed at how sober he felt now, "Yeah well, I was bein' a brat so it don't matter. We've been over this Travis an' I don't care. You were right before I left, but things changed on the Island. I wasn't a killer then but I am now. I can deal, stop beatin' yourself 'bout it. You can't protect me from every single thing forever."

Since James' parents had died Travis had always looked after James, hustling and fighting so that James wouldn't have to. Then one fateful year things had changed and James was no longer the innocent little brother that Travis shielded from some of the more horrible aspects of the human condition. Both of them had done reprehensible but necessary things for the other in the past, so much so that neither kept a tally because it didn't matter.

Travis battled to keep his eyes from tearing, luckily before he could say anything, James reached over and hugged him, clapping him hard on the back. "Let's go find ourselves some King Johns, Big Bro."

Travis hugged James back tightly before he nodded and smiling at James quipped, "Maybe _in time_, she can be your Maid Marian." He didn't have to elaborate, they both knew he was referring to Kate.

James chuckled, "Marriage has sure turned you into a sentimental sonofabitch."

Travis stopped smiling, "Oh yeah? Tell you what, I wager you won't last the night at those tables with the amount of liquor I can see you drank. If I'm right, you gotta hand over whatever winnings you make tonight to me."

James glared at Travis, "Fine, if I last the night, _you_ gotta hand over your winnings to me Big Bro. _An_' you gotta give Kate your LA apartment to stay in for however long she wants."

Travis cocked a brow at these stakes, "You also gotta cook for me for the next month if you lose."

"Done." James replied confidently, spitting into his palm then proferring his hand to Travis.

The other man did the same and smirking at each other they shook on it, the emotional tension of a few minutes before totally forgotten.

**Next Day**

Kate was swimming deep underwater in an ocean, looking up she could see the sunlight piercing the watery darkness. Swimming up towards the light she could feel her lungs were about to burst, when she broke the surface she could see a figure standing on the shore. Squinting to get a better idea of who it was she began swimming towards the shore, when she got closer she realized it was James. He was smiling at her and waving, smiling in response Kate continued to swim towards him. When she was close James splashed into the water to meet her, the water up to his waist as he reached for her. Kate stretched out her hand about to say something when she felt a sharp tug under the water, looking down to see what had pulled her under she saw it was the Marshal grinning sadistically at her. Kate swallowed water as she went under, kicking violently she broke the surface and yelped James' name, Kate felt her heart stop in panic as she realized that James was far away from her again and that the distance between them was growing. Clawing her way back to the surface as she went under again, Kate screamed his name over and over again but she couldn't even see him anymore. This time when she went under, weak from her struggles Kate didn't try to surface, instead she turned her attention to the Marshal attacking him with a ferocity borne of desperation. She was starting to drown she could feel it but she managed to get the Marshal off her and swim for the surface. As her head broke out of the water Kate couldn't see land or James anywhere, sinking again because she was weak Kate felt her lungs were about to burst. Opening her mouth to breathe the water came rushing in.

Waking up with a cry Kate looked around her, relieved to see that she was on dry land and safe in a bed. Looking down at her body when she felt a blast of cold air on bare flesh she was startled to see she was naked from the waist up. 'Where am I? Why the hell am I _naked_?'

Glancing over to her right side she gasped in shock when she saw James sleeping next to her, his face half-buried under a pillow. And he too was naked from the waist up as far as she could tell. 'Oh my God did we? No! I can't remember!"

Kate vaulted out of the bed, her face appalled at the sight of her bra hanging off the bathroom door-knob. '_Think_ Kate! What the hell happened last night and how the hell did you end up in his room you dirty bitch?'

Kate snuck into the bathroom removing the bra from the doorknob as she went in. Picking up the terry cloth robe hanging on the back of the door she put it on, tying the sash resolutely. 'Well at least I've got my underwear on.'

Kate was distracted from her thoughts when she looked up into the mirror and saw her hair was matted to the left side of her face and head where she'd slept on it. The other half looked like a rat's nest and her mascara had smudged and ran so that she had dark rings of eye-makeup around her green eyes.

'Oh my GOD! You look like Medusa incarnate, Kate!' She thought to herself in horror. Before she could advance to the sink and try to do something about the state she was in, Kate felt the bile rising up her throat in an acidic rush and ran for the toilet bowl as she wretched violently.

James woke up groggily from his deep almost comatose sleep, looking at the clock on his bedside table it read, 12:48. Frowning at how early it was for someone who'd gone to sleep in a drunken stupor at 6 a.m. he wondered what had woken him up. The sounds of Kate being sick in the toilet jarred him out of his groggy state, sitting up in bed he padded to the bathroom in his silk boxers.

Kate heard the sound of the faucet running before she felt the cool towel on her forehead, moaning in exhausted pain she said, "Alcohol is the devil and the devil is bad… _never ever_ again am I drinking with _you_ James Lee Ford."

She was hugging the toilet bowl and to her mortification she felt a tear trickle down her cheek. 'Oh my God Kate what is the matter with you?' She asked herself in frustration.

James saw the tears as they started to fall, his heart strings tugging in sympathy, "To be fair to you Sass, you more than held your own yesterday. But there's only so much a little frame like yours can take." He said his voice raspy from too little sleep and toomuch drink and cigarettes.

"This is all your fault!" Kate moaned, sobbing.

"My fault?" James asked incredulously.

Kate didn't understand what was wrong with her, why was she crying? The confusion as to what the hell was going on with her made her cry even harder.

James tsked in impatience, this was just plain silly!

Tugging her arms off the toilet bowl he lifted a reluctant and sobbing Kate in his arms and carried her back to the bed. When he set her down on the bed, Kate cried even harder, burying her head in a pillow.

James rubbed her back and shoulders confused and more than a little unsure what else to do.

Finally Kate stopped crying, wiping her tears she sat up to look at James, "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me… I can't remember anything after you telling me about learning Wing Chun and Shaolin Kung Fu-"

She broke off to see what James had James mesmerized to realize that her robe was gaping open at the front and he could see her breasts! To her shame, the nipples pebbled under the onslaught of his searing gaze; Kate hurriedly pulled the lapels together, blushing furiously at her body's betrayal.

James looked at her, his eyes almost black and unreadable; "Good idea." He said seriously.

Kate let out a shaky breath, "Tex did we-"

James smirked at her, raising an eyebrow at the same time, "Did we what?"

"Have sex?" Kate asked in a tentative voice.

"Yeah Freckles we did, _at least_ four times if I recall." James said his eyes twinkling mischievously.

Kate's face fell, 'Oh my God you are such _skank_! What must he think? Especially after what he said about not wanting to be rebound man… wait a minute… I don't _feel_ like I had sex with James last night and every time we did it on the Island I was slightly sore the next day because-'

"You sonofabitch! We _so_ did not!" Kate swatted at James as he laughed at her, raising his arms to defend his face and head.

"You didn't ask _when_! We did on the Island...had you goin' there for a sec didn't I Freckles."

Kate stopped hitting him, spent and feeling a sudden wave of dizziness. Immediately James' face clouded with concern.

"You okay?"

Kate shook her head, "No not really. I feel dizzy slightly and the motion of the boat is making me wanna hurl again."

James' arm shot out to support her as she keeled over the edge of the bed, Kate grabbed hold of his arm then looked at him worried herself.

"I need to get off this contraption!" She said in a panicked voice.

James steadied her, "It's okay we should be in Baton Rouge already and they're probably looking for somewhere to port 'cause her motions are really jerky."

Kate looked a little green as she clung to this information as if it was gospel, "Okay, good. In that case I better take a shower so I can get off as soon as possible."

James helped her stand, she swayed against him briefly before squaring her shoulders and walking to the bathroom.

"Need a hand in there?" He called out after her.

Kate flipped him the bird without even turning around before she shut the door and locked it.

James chuckled at this, "I'll take that as a no." Frowning slightly in concern that she could fall or faint in there and he wouldn't be able to get in.

Picking up her hotel key he went to her room to shower so that they would be ready at the same time.

**Hours Later**

James watched Kate's ass as she walked slowly in the grounds of the National Register of Historic Place site; Nottaway Plantation. They had disembarked with all of their luggage; Kate refusing to get back on the boat and opting to drive back to LA that evening after they'd explored Baton Rouge and it's surrounding area. James had been disappointed that he wouldn't be on the steamboat when it arrived in New Orléans that night as the mother of all poker games would be played there. Travis had waved them off with a smirk saying he would uphold the Ford-Deschanel family honor all by himself.

Kate was wearing tight blue jeans, her black ankle boots and a tight white t-shirt that said 'I love the South'. James had bought it for her in the hospital gift shop; after he insisted she get checked out. As they waited the requisite hours before they could go back and get the results of the tests Kate had suggested they go sight-seeing as she had never been to Baton Rouge.

"Tex, this is amazing! It's so beautiful, you can understand why the South fought so hard to hold on to it's way of life." She breathed in wonder, her eyes glowing with appreciation as she looked up a magnolia tree.

"No Freckles you can't climb this tree, you'll get us arrested." James said, standing next to her.

She turned around to look up at him, "You are starting to freak me out, is mind-reading another talent of yours or something?"

James flashed his dimples, "No but I lived on Dr. Moreau's Island with you, an' you always seemed quite happy up in a tree somewhere."

Kate squinted her olive-green eyes at him, "Hmm, I see."

James chuckled at her suspicious appraisal of him before he walked back towards the plantation house, "Come on you gotta see the Mississippi River Levee from the inside the front gallery in the house, I promise you it'll be worth your while." He said over his shoulder.

Kate followed him, chewing her lip in consternation, as beautiful as the surroundings were, they didn't totally distract her from her thoughts. She dreaded going back to the hospital for the test results. She couldn't shake the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she didn't just have alcohol poisoning. What if the bug she'd contracted in LA was something more sinister? They'd found out that the air and water on the Island had been contaminated with some drugs to induce hallucinations and disease by the Dharma people and whoever else they were working with. Kate had sneaking suspicion that with her luck she'd gotten whatever disease it was that had killed people on the Island in the past.

Pasting on a happy face she caught up with James linking her arm in his and smiling up at him when he looked down at her in surprise at the close contact.

"After this we gotta go get a bite to eat, I'm starving and I want us to be on the road by 8 o'clock. Don't know about you but I wouldn't mind seeing the smoggy outline of LA again. _Especially_ since I now have the keys to Travis' luxury apartment!"

James grinned at her, "Oh I can't wait to get into his apartment either, I've had some good times there, if you know what I mean." He winked at her lasviciously.

Laughing Kate shook her head at him, "I _always _know what you mean Tex, there's only _one_ thing it could be, now come on!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kate felt like someone had just socked her in the jaw. It was a conscious effort to breathe and right now thinking was beyond her capabilities. She thanked the female doctor who'd given her the diagnosis, then got up and somehow managed to walk out of the room into the hall. To her everlasting gratitude James wasn't waiting for her outside, Kate didn't know how she was supposed to tell him that she was pregnant with Jack's baby. Somehow despite all the precautions they had taken, she was most definitely pregnant.

'Oh God, if I tell him about this any chance of us working will be gone _forever_. I can't tell him about this! Not until things are a little more certain between us.' Oddly enough Kate didn't even think about Jack and what this would mean with regards to him.

"Penny for your thoughts, Peaches. What the Doc say?" James came up behind Kate missing the conflicted emotion on her face before she covered it up turning to smile at him.

"All clear. There's nothing really wrong with me that lots of water and a good diet won't clear up. She said that I still had traces of the LA bug and more than a touch of alcohol poisoning." Kate looked at James with an accusatory glare.

"Oh no don't start blamin' me again!" James warned her smiling with relief, although his eyes searched her face for any signs to show she was withholding information from him.

Kate forced herself not to panic, looking James straight in the eye and emptying her mind of all thoughts. She couldn't give herself away, not this time!

James seemed satisfied as he hmphed softly, taking her arm and leading her towards the elevators so they could leave the hospital.

He couldn't place his finger on it but something somehow seemed amiss, he couldn't tell from her eyes or face if she was hiding something from him but he had a niggling feeling that she was. Shrugging it off as over-worry he led Kate to the rental Ford Explorer he'd got for their trip back to LA.

Kate's shoulders sagged in relief as James shut her door and walked around the car to get to the driver's side. 'Oh man that was close. Hopefully he'll let it go now. I won't think about this until we get to LA. Yeah, great idea Kate, let's not think about this _ever_ actually. Shit! I am so not ready to deal with this right now… the shit just doesn't stop hitting the fan with me! Great he's staring at you, act normal.'

James was watching Kate with curiosity, she looked like she was so far away as he waited for her to answer his question. 'Where the hell are you Freckles?' He asked her in his head, starting the car he finally got her attention.

"What's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours Peaches?"

"What? Oh nothing, I am just thinking about how when I went to see the Dr. I thought she was going to say that I had some deadly virus like anthrax or something, and I was imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios in my head." Kate warmed to the subject because it wasn't a complete lie.

Laughing at herself softly she continued, "Many of these scenarios involved me going bald and my nose falling off."

James laughed at this, "Leprosy and balding, quite an imagination you got goin' on there. Come on, let's haul ass. It's 9 o'clock already an' if we sit in this parkin' lot chinwaggin' all night we won't get to LA until Easter."

Reversing the car he didn't see the fleeting look of tender admiration that crossed Kate's face as she watched him do the simple manoevre.

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They'd been driving for 3 hours now, Kate had insisted on turning the radio on full blast and James was ready to smash the car stereo. Rolling his eyes and sighing in frustration he lowered the volume, again.

"How 'bout we talk for a while instead? We can turn the stereo back on when we run outta conversation or if we have an uncomfortable silence or somethin'."

Kate rolled her eyes at him, "Fine whatever, but didn't you miss this when we were on the Island? Air-conditioning, cars, paved roads, Wendy's… current music?"

"Yeah I did Freckles so much so that I got shot an' nearly eaten by a shark in my attempt to get back to this! But I still don't think that's a good reason for why I gotta get ma eardrums blown off while this travesty that passes for music pollutes ma brain."

Kate guffawed at this, "Sorry my mistake I had you mistaken for someone young and fun." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

James' nostrils flared in indignation at the dig, "Aren't there battery chickens you need to go an' rescue somewhere, vegetarian? In fact while you're at it might as well join Greenpeace, wear hemp dresses an' drink soya chai tea lattés. Fairtrade only."

Kate yelped in amused offense, "Oh my God just because I don't eat meat doesn't make me a hippy! That is so unfair! Is that what you really think of me?"

James looked at her briefly before turning his eyes back onto the road, "In a nutshell… yeah."

Kate punched him in the arm and hard. "Take that back! You're stereotyping me!" She was practically shouting in amusement.

James winced, "I turned the volume down for a reason Freckles, an' lovely as your voice is, it wasn't so you could blow the remainin' pieces of ma eardrums all over the windshield." He snickered at her sharp inhalation.

"Fine. I won't say anything. I don't have to suffer this abuse...you're so mean to me! Here I am emotionally distraught as I've just broken up with the man of my dreams _and_ been poisoned through alcohol by you-" She spoke in a lofty, dramatic voice, waving her hands around in exxageration.

It was James' turn to guffaw with laughter causing Kate to grab the wheel as the car swerved on the road.

James slapped his right thigh hard, "My ass is more emotionally distraught than you right now! An' _poisoned_ through alcohol by me? That's pretty damn funny, you're the one who decided we should drink tequila, _straight_."

Kate was laughing with him, grabbing the wheel again James pulled over onto the side of the road in order to give them a chance to recover from their moment of hilarity. Looking over at Kate, James tilted his head and winked at her, both of them were still grinning at each other.

Kate impulsively poked her finger in his right dimple which was more exposed than his left one at the moment. "Your dimples are deeper than mine."

James scowled at her slightly, "I hate 'em, they're weaknesses in ma bone structure far as I'm concerned."

Kate raised her eyebrows at this, "You can't be serious! Your dimples are great, and they suit you. I used to hate mine too until my Dad told me that dimples showed that someone had loved you deeply in a past life, so much so that they had kissed you over a million times in the same spot."

Her hand was now cupping his cheek and James unconsciously rubbed his stubble in her hand as if he was trying to erase the dimple off his cheek. "Well I guess maybe if someone had told me a bullshit story like that I wouldn't have hated them so much all these years."

Kate chuckled at his belligerence rubbing her thumb over his now concealed dimple then she let her hand drop, resting it on his thigh.

James looked at her hand on his upper thigh then looked up at Kate with a lecherous gleam in his eye.

Kate withdrew her hand like she'd been burned, "You are such a pervert." She said suppressing the smile that was about to break out on her face.

James chuckled as he started the car again and steered them back onto the highway.

**2 am**

Kate was still awake, they had been driving in a companiable silence for the last two hours and were listening to a classical music station on low volume. She was reveling in the natural closeness between them afraid to fall asleep and wake up back in LA still engaged to a brilliant spinal surgeon that just didn't do it for her… and missing James.

" Tex, you know how you took the guns from John and Locke on the Island?"

"_John_, Freckles?"

"What?" Kate looked at him in confusion, not realizing what she had said. Then like a cartoon lightbulb had flickered over her head, she understood the question.

Her eyes widening in surprise at her misnomer; "I meant Jack! It's because Locke's first name is John that's why!"

James shook his head, grinning from ear to ear, "Excuses, excuses. Thought they said absence made the heart grow fonder. They obviously weren't talkin' bout you Sass."

Kate sighed in frustration knowing she couldn't recover from her gaffe. "Whatever! You haven't answered my question Jamie." Kate crossed her arms over her chest pouting cutely.

James liked the nickname on her lips, it somehow sounded more intimate than anything she had ever called him before.

"You never _asked_ a real question Freckles."

"That's because you keep interrupting me. I was going to ask why you did it, really."

James squared his shoulders slightly before answering the question, his eyes on the road.

"'Cause Freckles, Frank had a gun to your head an' Jack hesitated…The only time I was more scared in my life is when I delivered Catalina's baby an' that was almost ten years ago." He spoke softly, his voice colored with emotions Kate couldn't discern.

Kate was surprised, she had never thought it might have been her near brush with death at the hands of the Others that would have made him do that. 'He has to feel something more than friendship for me! He has to!' Kate thought to herself in excitement.

"But _why_?"

"'Cause I wasn't willin' to sit by an' feel helpless or unable to help you or anyone else who needed it at the expense of the Doc's overblown ego." James said matter-of-factly.

Kate nodded in understanding, "So when I accused you of wanting people to hate you… I was off the mark wasn't I?"

James glanced at her quickly, "Nah Freckles there were elements of that in my actions I won't lie. But that wasn't my motivation. I just didn't trust their leadership; the pressure was gettin' too much for both of 'em an' they were makin' mistakes. What I still can't figure out is why Jack was so mad at you that mornin'."

Kate sighed, "I kissed him the day after Eko brought you back." Letting this sink in she continued, wrinkling her nose as she started to speak, "Then I ran away."

James swore softly under his breath, "Now why'd you do a thing like that?" Fixing his piercing cerulean orbs on her they glowed in the darkness of the car.

Kate fiddled with her seatbelt, "I was upset about you and I saw the horse in the jungle… I was just a little fucked up that's all."

James shook his head, reverting his attention back to the highway, "Ah the black horse that you know so well."

"I still don't really understand that. I saw it for the first time when the Marshal first caught me in Florida four years ago. It bolted in the middle of the road and the car crashed into a pole. That horse helped me get away from the Marshal, then I didn't see it again until that day when we were on the Island. I saw it twice, once on my own while I was picking fruit and then the second time when I was with you." Kate didn't know what in her made her tell him all this but there it was.

James had listened attentively and now he frowned in concentration, "So you think this horse is a guardian angel of yours of sorts?"

Kate leaned forward and turned her body to face him, "You see I don't know! It's never brought me bad luck or anything, it always seems to appear when I can't deal anymore when it's too hard-"

"To maintain the pretence that nothin' bothers you? Keep the multiple skeletons in the closet?" James volunteered.

Kate blinked, taken aback, "How do you know me so well?" Her voice tinged with awe.

James looked at her, "I told you before Freckles… we've got a connection."

Kate scoffed, "Well this connection seems to favor you over me… I don't even know why you do things, you can be unreadable and unreachable but you always seem to know what I am thinking and feeling sometimes before _I_ even know it. That seems like a biased connection to me if I've ever heard of one."

James' expression softened at her frustrated glare, "That's because you fight it and all signs of emotion or feeling that you cannot control. You close your mind an' your heart to all possibilities. It's good to keep a cool head but whatever it was that made you develop that as a defense mechanism is long past now. Time for you to let go Sass."

Kate sneered, "Sounds like you have me all psycho-analyzed." She was being unfair she knew but she couldn't help but feel like she was at a disadvantage, he knew so much about the person she was deep down and she didn't feel like she knew anything about him at all.

James reached out to lay a gentle hand on her shoulder, "No Sassafras, I don't have you all psycho-analyzed, I've been there that's how I know."

Kate looked at his hand on her shoulder and reached up to cover it with her own, "Sorry that was unfair of me... Since you've been around the block, tell me what the secret is." She looked at him as she said this, her tone conciliatory.

"Embrace your faults, to have a darker side, an' aspects of your self an' your life that you don't like... is to be human." James said sagely without coming off condescending or like a know-it-all.

Kate nodded, "You're right you know… Wayne used to make fun of me and used anything and everything I cared about as ammunition against me every chance he got. My Mom never defended me… neither did my Dad. Or Tom." Her face and voice were sad as she spoke.

James squeezed her shoulder tightly in a silent gesture of support, " Wayne's not here anymore Sass an' you don't need your Dad or Tomto defend you anymore. You're more than capable of takin' care of yourself." James almost added that now she had him to do that but he didn't.

"You think so?" Kate asked doubtfully.

"I know so… Hell why'd you think I always gave you a gun when Jack wouldn't?"

Kate grinned, "I always thought you did it to piss him off."

James smiled wryly, "Yeah well that too. But it's 'cause I knew you could handle yourself. You lived for moments like that 'cause it gave you somethin' other than yourself to focus on."

Kate shook her head in amazement, "You're doing it again Tex!"

"Yeah well… when you got it, you got it." James quipped.

"While we're on the subject of motivations, why did you become a con man?" Kate asked diverting attention from the topic of her issues to his.

James removed his hand off her shoulder and shifted the gears, "Honestly? 'Cause I got in way over my head. Someone I cared 'bout was in trouble an' I got myself in trouble in order to get them out. I was seventeen, I didn't know how soul destroyin' it was to take a walk on the dark side."

"What about Travis? Couldn't he help you?"

"Travis wasn't there. He's not really ma brother you know."

"I didn't think you had both ofthe same parents, unless you came out as a genetic mystery."

James smiled at this, "You never know maybe ma Daddy had an affair with a mulatto beauty."

Kate shook her head, "Then why does he have a different last name?"

"Coulda been hers… To be honest, Travis comes from old money. His great grandfather was a wealthy plantation owner in Lousiana. Anyways, after I started to live with my aunt an' uncle in Memphis, Travis transferred to a boardin' school nearby. When I was in the ninth grade, he was in his freshman year at Harvard. He dropped out an' said he was going to South America to make a difference. I was so unhappy an' I didn't wanna stay at my aunt's any longer, he came up with a plan an' we snuck out of Memphis with nothin' but fake passports, the clothes on our backs an' $500. Hitched a ride on a Steamboat an' entered Mexico through the Texas border. Spent a few months doin' this an' that then we met Diego in Guatemala, the rest is history."

"But he's so street smart, I don't understand." Kate commented.

"Yeah well, that's 'cause since ma parents died he looked out for me by actively makin' his name an' face known in the kinda circles that I would be drawn into. Message was don't mess with James an' don't drag him into shady deals. Guess he had to walk the walk in order to be credible."

Kate's face softened, "That's amazing, he did _all that_ to protect you."

James nodded, "That's Travis. Always doin' the dumb thing." Kate didn't fail to notice the love and pride in James' voice when he spoke of Travis.

"That still doesn't explain how you became a con-man." She pressed.

James sighed, "Yeah well, Travis pissed off a lot of family the year an' a half we were in the Americas. Finally he had to go home an' face the music, I went back a few weeks later by the time I tracked him down he was already in Europe. So I started doin' odd jobs, roofing, construction, cookin'. Six months later, Catalina turned up in San Antonio where I was livin' at the time. She was in trouble an' the long an' short of it is I needed to raise $5000 to get her out of it. So I became Sawyer, got the money, paid the guys off an' took Cat home to Diego. Horrified with what I'd done I traveled with them for a few years, in an attempt to cleanse ma soul."

Kate's heart went out to the tormented teenager he must have been, nodding her head to encourage him to go on.

"Well, Travis was done his degree in International Law that he was doin' in Europe an' he joined us in Panama where we were at the time… One of the conditions his family had given him was that he wasn't allowed back in the States or South America until he'd finished."

"How'd they manage that?"

"Threatened to have him arrested for kidnappin' me as I was a minor… an' all sorts of things. Even had ma aunt an' uncle ready to testify in court, they were paid of course." James said bitterly.

"Anyways, while we were there Travis suggested I join the army with him. He was signin' up an' as he had connections in the military we could choose what we wanted to do. So of course we did, became 'Green Berets'. Went into combat in Iraq, Somalia, Panama, Yugoslavia."

Kate's eyes were as wide as saucers, "Rangers... What _haven't_ you done! So... what _happened_?" Kate pressed impatiently.

James gave her a dirty look, "Ever heard the sayin' patience is a virtue? I'm 'bout to tell you!"

"Okay sorry, please continue at whatever leisurely pace you see fit." Kate said her voice heavy with sarcasm.

Grumbling inaudibly James continued, "Well, I got injured, when I recovered I was too disillusioned by the things I had seen an' done to go back. So I left the army an' went back to join Diego an' Cat. When I got there Cat was 6 months pregnant, her husband had been killed in a guerilla attack so I stayed with them for awhile. After Cat… died, I lost it. Went back to Dallas, fell in with a bad crowd an' that was that. I buried James Ford an' became Sawyer. A soulless monster that preyed on the weak an' didn't give a damn 'bout anyone or anythin' but money, connin', drinkin' an' whorin'. See just like you, I thrived on the sense of purpose. I loved the hunt an' all the cleverness that went with the job. Even conned a woman I cared 'bout 'cause it meant I wouldn't wake up one day an' see James Ford starin' back at me accusingly in the mirror."

James was watching Kate's emotions play on her expressive face, recognition, horror, understanding and dismay. James snorted softly, "Yeah Sass, you know what I'm talkin' about dontcha?"

Kate felt like the bottom of the car had just dropped under her, the feelings James was describing were her feelings. Thoughts and emotions she'd carried around with her for more than years than she could remember. Running from herself and evading the law had had the same thrill and the same sense of purpose for her.

"Hmph. Well we all know where that ended… I went to Australia to kill the man I was misled to believe was the real Sawyer."

Kate's eyes widened, shaking her head in horror.

"Yeah Freckles, I killed him. I'd killed before in battle, for survival in South America, but I'd never walked up to a man and shot him point blank just 'cause I hated him."

James sighed his face troubled and his voice haunted.

"Travis begged me not to go, see over the last 9 years he'd still stood by me, sure he's had his own life to lead but he was an' has always been there if I needed him, understood an' never judged. But over this revenge trip,we came to blows an' harsh things were said on both sides. He told me if I did this I was lost forever, naturally I told him to shove it an' I went. When we crashed on the Island, I couldn't run from myself any longer an' I finally accepted this when I woke up in the hatch to hear you callin' me Wayne."

Kate's face darkened in shame at this. "So what now?"

"Now? Nothin'. I made my peace with myself an' that's all there is to it, I live with my mistakes everyday.You gotta do the same."

Courageously taking a deep breath Kate plunged straight into the deep end, "You said it Tex, you've been around the block...I guess I start by admitting some truths of my own."

James glanced at her askew wondering what she was going to say.

"I have feelings for you that go beyond friendship." Kate couldn't make herself look at James when she spoke. 'Jesus Kate, what's with the verbal diarrhea?' She asked herself harshly. She hadn't meant for it to come out so bluntly.

James was floored, he had not expected her to say that!

Kate risked a quick glance at him before going back to staring straight ahead at the black darkness illuminated partially by the car's headlights.

"I want to make my peace with myself like you said… and I know that this is something that I have to get off my chest. I don't want us to be just friends, I want more from you."

Kate squirmed in the ensuing silence, finally she turned to look at him, all she could see was his profile, and the frown marring his forehead. 'That not a good sign.' She thought to herself gloomily.

James cleared his throat before he spoke, "I wasn't expectin' that, Freckles. Gotta say you've kinda bowled me over here, but…" His voice trailed off as he tried to think how best to put what he felt into words.

Kate's heart was clenched in apprehension, 'Oh God please don't tell me he's got someone waiting for him in LA or wherever! If it's Ana-Lucia I'll kill the bitch!' Kate vowed to herself.

"Don't know if you remember but last night I told you I wouldn't be your rebound guy. I meant it. I hear what you're sayin' Sass but how 'bout we take it slow? Get to know each other better before we do anythin'." James offered.

"What difference does it make? I feel the way I feel and if you're considering it then you must feel something too. Why wait?" Kate asked inwardly cringing at how aggressive she sounded.

"Okay Sass, I got a question for you. Promise me you'll answer it honestly." James said, his eyes glowing in the darkness of the car.

"I promise. What's the question?"

"Did you sleep with Jack that night on the boat, after we kissed?"

Kate did not see that coming. Taking a deep breath she faced him and answered, "No." Her voice was firm and her tone emphatic.

James took his eyes off the road to look her in the eyes, they betrayed nothing.

"Really? 'Cause I went up to your suite to see if you were okay an' heard you two soundin' _more _than _okay_."

Kate's face fell. James looked disappointed. He hadn't really gone to check on her, when he said it he was bluffing, hoping that he would be wrong. Staring back out onto the road, his head lowered and shoulders slumped slightly.

"Ma Momma lied to ma Daddy Kate. Told him she loved him an' he was the only one for her, an' he believed her because he wanted to. When he realized the truth he couldn't live with himself an' more importantly he hated her so much for takin' away his faith in her... hell maybe even in love in general too...that he killed her."

He spoke softly, his voice detached.

"I don't ever wanna become ma Daddy Kate." He looked at her with a world of wisdom in his eyes.

"Gettin' to know each other don't seem like such a bad idea now does it?"

Kate felt the prick of tears behind her eyes; she was at a loss for words. What could she say to that?

"That's twice you've lied to an' deceived me Freckles, do it again an' I promise you there ain't a hope in hell of anythin' ever happenin' between us. I wanna trust you, believe in you, I ain't no hypocrite Sweetheart I want you to feel the same 'bout me. Without that, what we feel now, won't matter in the long run."

"You've lied to me and deceived me too James." Kate accused her voice wavering, she embraced the anger as it provided good cover for her guilt.

James glanced over at her, "True. So let's say that's _once _you've lied to me. Deal?"

Kate glared at him in impotent fury mingled with guilt, "Deal."

James was pulling into a motel now, parking the car in the parking lot, he pulled the keys out of the ignition. "I'll be right back." With that he stepped out of the car the firmness with which he shut the door betraying a little of the anger hewas feeling towards Kate.

Kate's heart was thudding in her chest, "Oh My God Kate you fucked this up badly!" She said out-loud to herself cradling her head in her hands. Breathing harshly she promised herself, "No more lies, tell him everything except about your... condition. You've got a month to convince him that you're meant to be and that you won't deceive him ever again. Shit! Shit! Why'd you have to go and get yourself knocked up? Aargh!"

"You talkin' to yourself Freckles?" James asked in amusement as he opened the passenger door.

He felt his anger from earlier dissipate at the mortified look on her face, his features subtly softening as he waited for her to disembark.

"Yeah, I do that sometimes." Kate said apologetically, her face flaming.

James smirked, "What else do you _do _to yourself?"

Kate's eyes flashed at his insinuation, incensed, "As if! I'm a _lady_."

James chortled as she slammed the car door missing his arm by a fraction of an inch.

Crossing her arms she glared at him as she waited for him to lead the way to their rooms.

"I take it you got us separate rooms?"

James shook his head, his eyes gleaming under the neon motel sign, "Only one room left, got us separate beds though. Don't worry Peaches you're safe from me." He said this over his shoulder as he walked to the trunk of the car and took out a few of their bags. He missed the disappointed look on Kate's face when he said this.

"When we leave in the mornin' you can drive for a while. This ain't no vacation, Freckles." James said to her as he walked past heading towards their motel room.

"I never thought it was." Kate said sullenly as she followed him.

"Good, I may be a gentleman but I'm all for women's lib." James said beaming at her as he opened the door and ushered her in.

Kate flicked the light switch on, "_You_ support equality?"

James put their bags down and after shutting the door turned back around to look at her, "'Course I do! As long as I can stay at home while she goes to work everyday, takes me out shopping, puts food on the table, I'm more than happy to let her cook said food an' clean house."

Kate rolled her eyes, "You're so full of shit Tex."

James drew himself up pretending to be offended, "That hurts Freckles, I'm all for equality of the sexes if I can get a free ride, an' bitch an' moan 'bout how I am not appreciated an'should be worshipped."

Kate was shaking her head at him, "That's not equality Tex that's slavery."

"Hell Freckles that's exactly what I've always said, housewives make slaves out of their hubbys and it's considered okay. A man does the same thing and it's considered laziness an' put on par with indentured servitude."

Kate didn't even dignify this with a response, instead she turned her back on him surveying the motel room; it was a standard motel room with two single beds, a night-table in between them. An armchair and a door that led to the bathroom. The décor was retro, browns and mustard yellows, Kate winced at the sight.

"Looks like Andy Warhol ate a hotdog and threw it up all over this room." James observed.

Kate wrinkled her nose, "I think I'm gonna barf myself."

James looked at her with concern, Kate laughed at the look on his face, "I'm kidding! Lighten up!"

"Easy for you to say Peaches, you didn't have to watch and hear you do just that for almost an hour last night… Don't think I'm ever eating steak an' mash potatoes again."

"Don't say that! You'll put me off too." Kate said before she ran to the bed nearest to the bathroom and sat on it, bouncing up and down on the mattress like a little girl.

"Mine!" She exclaimed proudly. Her eyes were sparkling in the dimly lit room. James shook his head at her behaviour.

"You're one crazy chick. It don't matter which one we sleep on, it's still better than sleepin' on sand." He said referring to the Island. He walked over to the other bed and lay back on the mattress groaning as his stiff muscles protested.

James closed his eyes feeling absolutely drained, 'I'm gettin' too old to be drinkin' all night an' not sleepin'." He thought to himself.

Kate poked him in the shoulder, "If you fall asleep now I won't undress you or tuck you in."

James opened one eye to look at her quizzically, "Why were you plannin' on doin' that?"

Kate grinned at him, "Of course not."

"So what difference does it make?" James asked impatiently.

"My you're cranky!" Kate observed.

"No, I'm tired an' stiff from all that drivin'."

"Eww." Kate's eyes traveled down to his groin to see if what he said was true.

James opened the other eye, "Very funny."

Kate shrugged nonchalantly, returning her twinkling green eyes to his blue. "You set 'em up an' I'll knock 'em down, Sugar." She drawled in a Southern accent mimicking his usual cockiness.

James sat up tsking in annoyance, he walked over to his bag, dug out his toothbrush and mouthwashthen went into the bathroom shutting the door firmly behind him. Kate stared at the closed door puzzled by his abruptness,then went to get some pyjamas and toiletries out of her bag.

When James came out of the bathroom he went straight to his bed, he was only wearing his boxers not caring that Kate was in the room or what she might think of his attire.

Getting into bed, he pulled the covers up to his chin and turning his back to Kate seemed to go straight to sleep.

"That's rude." Kate said to his back. Then she went in to the bathroom to get ready for bed herself.

James laughed to himself at Kate's comment, he was just so tired and when he was this tired he found it too difficult to even speak. Besides from the way Kate was carrying on she didn't look like she would be ready to go to sleep anytime soon, so he'd had to do something.

Kate stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, studying her breasts and stomach, 'I don't look pregnant. In fact I look skinnier than I did when I was on the Island.' Twisting around to look at her butt she didn't see a change there or on her hips. 'Maybe the Dr. got it wrong. Shit happens, maybe my results got mixed up with someone elses.' She felt a giggle rise up in her chest, 'Oh My God, I can't believe you actually thought you were pregnant Kate! No God would be that cruel.'

Succesfully convincing herself of this, Kate put on her pyjamas and began to brush her teeth cheerfully. Spitting out the mouthwash James had left in the bathroom, Kate turned off the light giving her svelte figure one last glance in the mirror. Reassured and confident that the Dr. in Louisiana was mistaken Kate got into her bed and turning off the bedside lamp James must have left on for her she whispered to his already sleeping form.

"Goodnight Jamie." Tomorrow was going to be a brighter and new day; she could feel it in her bones. With that thought Kate went to sleep happy, the dark cloud that had hung over her head since she'd seen the Dr. gone.


	8. Chapter 8

I wrote this chapter and the next real fast, I must warn all y'all that I've got finals coming up so I won't be updating as regularly anymore. Enjoy, RnR as always.

**Chapter 8**

**_February 20th 2005_**

Kate led the way to her apartment, cringing when she saw Kayla Walters walking down the hall towards her and James.

"Yoo hoo Katherine! How was the romantic Southern Steamboat? You're back later than me and the girls thought you'd be!" Kayla raised her thinly plucked blonde eyebrows in question when she spotted James standing behind Kate. "_Who_ is _this_?"

Before Kate could respond the petite Californian snob proffered her well-manicured hand to James, smiling at him in invitation. "Hi, I'm Kayla Walters, Katherine and I are like sisters 'cause we're so close…. So what do they call you, other than _gorgeous_?" Her voice was lower than it had been when she'd spoken to Kate and Kate couldn't help the jealousy that threatened to choke her as she watched Kayla flirt shamelessly with James, the blonde was batting her eyelashes like her life depended on it!

James smiled charmingly at Kayla, "They call me James, nice to meet you Miz Walters." At the sound of James' Southern drawl and throaty voice Kayla squealed in delight, giggling ridiculously, "Oh my God! You're Southern! I just love the South! Great food."

Kate rolled her eyes at this, as she opened the door to the apartment, a little upset with James for talking to her neighbor.

James followed her into the apartment, it was small but tastefully furnished, he could tell that it definitely wasn't cheap to live in a building like this.

Kayla followed them in linking her arm with James' and leading him to the living room sofa, "You have to tell me all about you, like, how do you know our Katherine?"

James sat down on the couch with the blonde bombshell, he couldn't help but be entertained by her aggressive take-no-prisoners approach. Kate glowered at James from where she stood by the door mouth agape at Kayla's forwardness. 'Unfuckingbelievable!' Kate thought to herself, outraged.

Slamming the door in a fit of temper she watched the duo who were seated on the couch facing each other as Kayla grilled James. Neither of them seemed to notice this or remember she was even there!

"We were in the plane crash together." James replied.

Kayla's eyes widened and she started batting her eyelashes so furiously Kate hoped she was having fit.

"Oh my God all of the hottest men were on that flight! I mean Jack, Boone who I knew so well, it's _so_ sad about him and Shannon… You, that _huge_ black guy! I mean like seriously talk about fate trying to deprive us of all the hot men!"

James smirked at Kayla, she was so self-involved, she reminded him of Shannon and it didn't surprise him that the two women had known each other.

"Well Kayla, I don't wanna keep you from wherever it was you were going when we bumped into you." Kate said as she walked up to the self-centered blonde, standing by her side and actually dragging the woman up by her upper arm.

Kayla looked over at Kate in surprise, "_Ow_ Kath! You're hurting my arm, God what's your _beef_? You can't have _all_ the men in LA." As Kayla spoke she looked at Kate's hands and noticed that there was no sparkling rock in sight.

Gasping dramatically, Kayla picked up Kate's left hand and waved it in Kate's face, "_Oh my God_! Where's your ring?"

Kate didn't answer she was glaring at James who was watching the entire scene with barely concealed amusement. He was leaning back on the sofa, his eyes twinkling and his lips struggling from the effort it was taking him not to break out into a smile.

Kayla looked down at James then back at Kate, "Oh my God you're such a _minx_! You dumped Jack for him didn't you?" The blonde looked like a landed fish, her mouth gaping open and her eyes bulging.

Kate turned her gaze back to Kayla, resignedly she ushered the blonde towards the door, "Now is not the time Kayla. We'll talk later okay?"

Kayla shrugged Kate's unyielding grip off her arm throwing Kate a dirty look for the rough treatment.

She opened the front door looking back over Kate's shoulder at James. He beamed at her, blowing him a kiss she said, "I'm gonna have to love you and leave you James, we'll _have_ to meet up and have an _uninterrupted_ tête-á-tête!"

"Sure thing Barbie." James responded his eyes and smile reassuring her he found her attractive.

At this Kayla fixed Kate a triumphant look before she walked out the door, Kate slammed the door behind her, locking it too. Kate grinned evilly when she heard Kayla's outraged gasp.

"Good riddance." She said maliciously then turned to James her eyes spitting emerald fire.

James burst out laughing, "_Come on_ you gotta give her points for havin' good taste."

Kate rolled her eyes, "That girl will hump anything that moves, don't flatter yourself."

James was beaming at her, "If I'm not mistaken I see a touch of the green-eyed monster in you_ Katherine_."

"Well you are mistaken." Kate said dismissively, walking past the sitting room into her bedroom she opened her closet and pulling out her suitcase started throwing clothes in it. She knew Kayla would be back with some of the other women in the building and she had no intention of watching a bunch of spoilt silicone enhanced, rich girls making passes at _her _man!

James sauntered into the room watching Kate with amusement, the entire scene and Kate's behavior had boosted his ego.

"Want some help?"

"No thanks, I'll rearrange everything later, I wanna get outta here as soon as possible, LA traffic will be impossible to get through if we waste anymore time." She said over her shoulder. James shrugged and decided to walk around the apartment.

The living room was open plan as there was no kitchen door, and the bathroom was done up in pink and white. The view was nothing spectacular but it was pleasant as the apartment was facing a beautiful park.

The apartment was strangely impersonal, James would never have guessed Kate lived here, he had a sneaking suspicion Jack had found her this place and was probably footing the bill.

Kate came up to him dragging the heavy suitcase, "I've got some more stuff, another suitcase full to go and I'll need a box to put some of my kitchen utensils, blow dryer, etc. Think you can carry this down to the car?"

James took the suitcase from her in acquiescence, "Sure thing Sass, I'll be right back." With that he hefted the heavy suitcase effortlessly and walked out of the apartment with it, Kate watched his jean-clad form with appreciation. Giving herself a mental shake she went about the business of packing up the rest of her temporary presence in the apartment.

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Kate was awed, Travis 'apartment' was right in the most expensive area of downtown LA, bigger than any house Kate had ever lived in. The décor was a mixture of creams and eggshell walls and furniture. The curtains white and wispy, the entire place was air-conditioned and the cream carpet plush and so thick that your feet sank into it.

The furniture was white and the kitchen fitted with modern appliances and a steel refrigerator that made ice and poured water.

It had three bedrooms, James gave her the master bedroom and it was done in different shades of rich browns and golds with a large four-poster bed that had a transparent amber curtain. A Persian rug graced the wood floor and the dressing table had a large vanity mirror. There was also an en-suite bathroom and a walk-in closet! It had some of Travis' suits and shoes but the majority of it was empty and Kate had happily arranged her meager belongings in it, marveling at the sheer size of it.

The bathroom had a corner Jacuzzi bathtub adorned with sea-shells and expensive bath oils and products. The marble tiling was refreshingly cool on her feet and Kate could tell she was definitely going to be taking more baths in the future.

There was also an expensively done dining room and a study where one wall housed an extensive leather-bound bookshelf.

Kate wasn't sure but she thought the desk faced an amazing Constable, 'He wasn't kidding, Travis is loaded!'

Kate was sitting on the huge bed, having removed all the pillows on it she had discovered white Egyptian cotton sheets. 'I don't think I'll ever leave the house!' Kate thought to herself.

James knocked on the door, Kate beckoned him inside.

He took in her small frame in the huge bed, she looked so young and endearingly overwhelmed by her lavish surroundings.

"Whatcha wanna do 'bout dinner? The housekeeper stocked the fridge an' the cupboards real good."

Kate shrugged, "I don't know, I don't really feel like cooking, what about takeout?" She suggested hopefully.

James grinned at her, "That's exactly what I had in mind Freckles, whatcha cravin'?"

Kate's eyes widened in slight alarm, then she calmed herself down as she realized that he didn't know about her _potential _condition.

"Mexican… yeah I could do with something spicy."

James nodded, "That can be arranged, I know a great Mexican restaurant but they don't deliver. Tell me whatcha want an' I'll go pick it up."

Kate chewed on her lip for a second, "I don't care as long as it doesn't have guacamole or too much beans."

James raised an eyebrow at her, "Not that much choice for vegetarians if you don't want beans in it."

"I don't want something vegetarian, I want something with chicken…ooh that sounds good… definitely with chicken and hot I want it hot!" Kate was almost drooling at the thought.

James smirked, "I know you do Freckles."

Kate rolled her eyes at him smiling, "Food Jamie, we're talking about food here."

James nodded, "I gotta say Freckles you're not doin' the vegetarian reputation any good lately. You had steak an' mash potatoes with me on the Steamboat an' now you're askin' for chicken."

"Yeah I never said I was a full-time vegetarian Tex, you just assumed. Besides, after living on the Island I have to admit, I rediscovered an appreciation for meat." Kate replied. Inwardly she was freaking out a little at his observation. 'Calm down Kate there's no reason to be worried anyway, a trip to the hospital tomorrow will prove that.' She told herself.

James left the room and a few minutes later Kate heard the door shut behind him. Lying back on the bed Kate tried to decide whether she should take a bath while he was out or not. Deciding on the former, she rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom to run a bath.

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James watched Kate practically inhale the enchiladas in surprise, 'Man she can put it away. Yet she looks thinner than she did on the Island. Must be all that vomiting, hope it's over now.'

Kate looked over the counter at James sheepishly, they were seated at the breakfast nook in the kitchen eating off the black and grey marble-top. The food was delicious and Kate couldn't get it down her throat fast enough. She was famished!

"Sorry, I guess I was a little hungrier than I thought." She apologized

James shook his head, "No don't apologise it's good, get some meat back on ya. Too skinny anyways."

Kate frowned at him, then shrugging turned her attention to the remainder of her meal.

"So how long are you staying in LA Tex?" She asked making conversation.

"I'm not too sure, I got a message from Ana-Lulu to come an' see her as soon as possible an' I got Travis callin' me up tellin' me to go see her too. After that my plans aren't concrete, I got some business to attend to then the world's ma oyster."

Kate nodded, "So would you consider hanging around for a while? Only person I know besides you and Jack is Kayla. Would be nice to have some company for a while."

James looked at her, he didn't say anything and Kate couldn't tell what he was thinking. She chewed slowly wondering what he was going to say.

"Yeah sure Sass, I'll stick around for a while… I got some investments I'm waitin' to mature for the next couple of months so how's that sound?"

Kate beamed at him, "Great! Then maybe you can teach me some of that martial arts stuff, I've always wanted to learn."

James smiled back, her enthusiasm was catching, "Yeah? Alright… maybe I can convince you to come dirt-bike racin' with me one of these days too."

Kate had finished eating, wiping her mouth with a napkin she pushed her plate away, "You dirt-bike?"

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Okay, I like that idea. I'venever tried it, even though I used to ride a motorcycle."

James tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, "You rode a motorcycle? What kind?"

"Harley."

James whistled softly at this, admiration for her spunk in his face.

"Hell, you'll love dirt-bikes then."

Kate got up and started clearing the plates, James sat back and watched her as she moved around the kitchen, completely absorbed in what she was doing.

'Damn she's beautiful.' James thought to himself. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair in a messy bun but she looked good enough to eat.

Kate finished clearing up and gestured for them to go out onto the balcony, following her James sat down after Kate on the bamboo furniture. Gazing out into the Los Angeles night sky, they sat in amicable silence.

James started to hum a song Kate couldn't recognize, she liked the sound of his voice as he hummed. Content and stuffed from the food, she glanced over at him, he'd carried their glasses of water and the pitcher to the table when they sat down. Reaching for her glass Kate took a sip.

"What do you have to go see Ana-Lucia about Tex?" She was careful to keep her tone light.

James stopped humming and looked at her, "We're in the process of building a center for inner-city kids. We all decided to name it the Carlyle-Rutherford Center, in honor of Sticks an' Metro."

Kate's eyes widened, "I didn't know you guys were doing that! It's a great idea… who's we?"

"Ana-Lucia, Sayid, Hurley an' myself… Mickey's designed the architecture for us an' Jin's helped with the building, it's almost done."

Kate felt a little sad, 'How come no one had bothered to tell her about it or anything?'

"They all live in LA?"

James looked at Kate, "You didn't know? Sunshine an' Chewie are livin' down in Santa Monica, Ana-Lucia is here in LA, Sayid's here an' so is Stay-Puft. Mickey's in New York but he stayed down here all of last month to oversee that his plans were bein' followed to the letter."

Kate shook her head, unable to hide her misery, "No, I didn't."

James' eyes didn't leave her face, "Jack knew. We talked 'bout this at the memorial service... you know, the one you left early."

Kate inhaled sharply, "The press was there and I didn't want it to be turned into some story about Kate the Fugitive."

James narrowed his sapphire blue eyes at this, "You still coulda said hello."

Kate looked miserable, "I know."

James looked back out at the skyline, "It don't matter, maybe you can volunteer down there when it's finished sometime, can always use an extra body."

Kate felt terrible, even though there was no judgment in James' voice or demeanor, she couldn't help but feel she'd behaved badly since she hooked up with Jack. She had a lot to atone for.

James closed his eyes in exhaustion, opening them again he looked over at Kate as he stood up.

"I'm gonna hit the hay, got an early start tomorrow, you comin' in?"

Kate shook her head wanting to wallow in her feelings of guilt and self-recrimination for a little longer. Tears blurred her eyes although they didn't fall.

James understanding, grunted before bending over to kiss the top of her head he whispered, "Night." Then walked inside leaving Kate to her self-flagellation.


	9. Chapter 9

Warning: There is some graphic content in this chapter!

**Chapter 9**

_**March 14th 2005**_

Kate was sweating profusely, bending over she placed her hands on her knees, gasping for breath. She'd been running on the treadmill for the last 30 minutes and she was tired.

Sitting down on the bench in the private gym she took a long drink of water.

She looked at herself in the mirror, it was still hard to believe how much she'd changed since Valentine's Day!

It felt like overnight she'd gone from weighing 106 pounds to a whopping 136, that was 30 pounds in less than a month. What was she gaining? A pound a day? Normally it wouldn't have bothered her but this coupled with her new voracious appetite, almost daily debilitating morning sickness, cravings for meat, dried fruit, pickles, eggs and sardines was more than a little worrying.

Today she had an appointment with a Dr. Cortez and she was more than a little apprehensive about this. Two days ago she had finally told herself that she must go and get that second opinion she had not quite gotten around to getting since she got back from Louisiana. She'd taken the day off from the National Park where she worked and had decided to start off by getting those endorphins going with some exercise.

She smiled as she thought about the last three weeks; her and James had gotten into a routine that she enjoyed very much. Every morning he went out for a jog along the beach and a swim, Kate spent that time throwing up then laying down to recover. When he got back he always brought croissants and fresh fruit for breakfast. Kate would have the coffee pot on for him, since she'd gotten back from the Island she couldn't stomach the stuff. 'I've got a pretty good idea why.' She thought to herself wryly.

After breakfast he went to take a shower and Kate cleaned up the dishes then got dressed in her uniform. By that time James would drive her to work and dropping her off he would head to the Carlyle-Rutherford Center, it was finished now and they were in the process of hiring the right staff and fitting it out with the children's playground, a daycare center and the arts and cultural programs they would be running there for free.

At 6:30 pm James would be there to pick her up and they usually would go and do something, whether it was combat training, dirt-bike racing or just a walk on the beach. Then it was dinner, most of the time they came home and Jamie would whip up something meaty and spicy, just how Kate liked it.

Kate laughed to herself remembering the first night she'd cooked dinner, it had been a disaster. She'd made shepherd's pie but the potatoes weren't cooked properly and the mash was lumpy and raw in places. The ground beef had burnt in places and was too crunchy to be any good. James had put on a good front and convincingly ate the food with gusto. Kate had burst out crying, not aware at the time that it was due to her hormones. James had assumed she was PMSing andhuggingherhe hadoffered to cook her something she could eat. He'd made her steak and spicy home fries, when she marveled at the food, he'd explained to her that cooking was how he'd earned his keep when he had lived with Diego and Catalina in South America. And that his nickname 'Cucinero' meant chef.

"Another hidden talent I hadn't known about." Kate thought out loud.

Heading to the showers, Kate shook her headamazed at how much they had learned about each other in these few short weeks. They hadn't had any major arguments, all of their arguments based on where to eat, or who's turn it was to buy the groceries.

Kate smiled, humming to herself in the shower as she thought about her favorite thing of all. Sundays, the two of them just stayed in, James in nothing but his boxers, Kate in his sweats that she'd appropriated one day when hers were dirty. They just sat in the living room watching movies orreruns andeating junk food. Then in the evening, James made a roast dinner and they played poker or chess. At the moment Kate was one game ahead in both.

Kate walked out of the gym smiling to herself, she was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't have time to think about where she was going. She'd successfully managed to keep herself in a state of perpetual denial about being pregnant even with the cravings which thankfully James didn't see for what they were as their diet had been a little more limited on the Island.

Kate took a deep breath and walked into the hospital, 'Here goes nothing.'

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James didn't get back the apartment until 9 pm, Ana-Lucia, Sayid and Eko had coerced him into going to a bar with them to celebrate the positive evaluation the center had gotten. Knowing Kate was off doing her own thing today, James had finally agreed although all he wanted was to get back home so he could relax with her.

He chuckled to himself slightly foxed as he let himself in, 'I'm turnin' into a pussy-whipped sonofabitch.'

He didn't mind, he'd never had this kind of closeness with someone he cared about in that way before. And he was enjoying it. Tomorrow when Travis flew in from Buenos Aires he would be shocked at the change in James and Kate's relationship, and he would approve. James was sure of it.

"Hey." Kate greeted James as she stood by the fridge, she had a guilty look on her face.

"Hey yourself. Whatcha doin'?" James asked in high spirits.

"Nothing, I was about to get a snack." Kate fibbed.

James frowned at her, "Then why'd you look like you just caught with your hand in the cookie jar? 'Sides you got sour cream on your nose."

Kate's hand rushed up to her face and James spied the almost empty jar of pickles she was hiding behind her back.

He lunged for her; grabbing her arm, "What's this?" He was laughing.

Kate blushed, "Okay! I may already have had my snack! You reek of alcohol!" She said wrinkling her nose at the smell.

James ducked his head in shame, "Yeah I had a few too many at the bar."

Kate moved away from him, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes was making her stomach churn violently.

"Ugh, that's so rank! I'll be right back." With that Kate practically ran to her room, in her haste she didn't lock her bedroom door but she did lock the bathroom one.

She almost didn't make it to the bowl, hurling violently. When she was done she clung to the bowl weakly before she could muster the strength to get up, brush her teeth and gargle some mouthwash. 'This isn't getting any easier.' She thought to herself miserably.

Unlocking the bathroom door she jumped in fright when she saw James standing outside the door. His face was concerned and he looked a lot more sober now as he scowled at her.

"You pukin' again Peaches? How long's it been since you saw that Doc... a month?"

Kate waved her hand at him wanly, "Have you smelt yourself Jamie, you reek." She sidestepped him and sat on the bed in exhaustion. James turned to scrutinize her, before he could say anything his cell phone rang. Picking it up he saw it was Travis. 'Saved by the bell' Kate thought.

"Hey Big Bro."

Kate watched James as his face fell at whatever Travis was saying to him on the other end, a disturbed look on his face, James hung up the phone and swore violently.

"What's wrong, Tex?" Kate asked concerned.

James sniffed his shirt, scowling he said, "You're right, I do stink, I'll be right back, gonna get changed." With that he strode out of the room a distracted dark scowl on his face.

Kate sighed in relief, discussion averted and she didn't have to lie, she scooted back onto the bed curling her feet up beneath her as she waited. Thinking back to her visit to the Dr. earlier Kate sighed again. Kate had explained to him the chances of her being pregnant were too low because of the scarring caused by her miscarriage 6 years ago. The Dr. had done multiple tests on her and confirmed that she was pregnant. According to his calculations she was at least 10 weeks so he had insisted on performing an ultrasound. Kate had been surprised when she'd seen the fetus on the screen, suddenly in that moment she had realized that there was a life growing inside her. After the scan the Dr. had sat her down and with a serious look on his face had told Kate something that had astounded her. From the scan he could see that she was most definitely 12 weeks along. He'd started lecturing her on unnecessary endangerment of herself and the baby, and forbidden her to dirt-bike race, run excessively or do anything that would get her out of breath. Telling her she was very lucky she hadn't miscarried or broken any bones or both.

All the way home Kate had thought about what that meant and the conclusion she'd come to was not something she could have imagined, there was no way this baby was Jack's. Somehow it had seemed easier maybe because sub-consciously she'd been preparing herself for telling James she was pregnant with Jack's baby.

Now she had to tell him she was pregnant with _his_ baby and she'd been sleeping with Jack while she was. Kate had gotten to know James well enough to know that this would go down very badly. Men were very territorial and this knowledge violated some primal rule for them.

'Couldn't have messed up any worse if I was going for a prize in this category.' She thought to herself in despair. Kate looked at the digital clock by her bed, he'd been gone for a while! Padding to his room she pushed open the door to see James throwing clothes in a suitcase.

He was wearing just his boxers, Kate could smell the soap he'd used in his quick shower on him.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked sharply, startling James. She walked further into the room sitting down on his bed.

James stopped what he was doing and came to stand in front of her by the bed, "Travis called to give me the heads up."

"On what?" Kate demanded.

"Looks like he's bringin' Rita with him… to stay here with me." James' voice was harsh, his eyes burning with unspoken emotion. Kate recognized that it was fear.

Scooting backwards on the bed so she could draw herself up to her knees and reached up with both arms stroking his short hair, "So?"

Stormy blue eyes met her sea green eyes, "I can't do this Kate! Rita an' I are strangers, now Travis wants to dump her on me an' fly off to Africa… I just can't."

Kate cupped his face in her hands, "Why Jamie? Why can't you? I don't understand-"

"_Because_ Kate!" James gripped her wrists to push her way, Kate resisted and he clung to them unsure of what to do.

"Because _what_ James? You delivered her into this world, you loved Catalina and Rita's a part of her so why can't-" Kate demanded angry at his attempt to reject her touch.

"You don't know _nothin_' 'bout it Freckles." James interrupted harshly, his eyes were so dark they were almost black, the look in them a combination between rage and torment. This time he flung her hands away and stepped away from the bed. Kate looked at her wrists, the imprint of James' fingers still visible. She raised her eyes to his, confused at this sudden change in him.

"You're right I don't know and that's because _you won't tell me_. You're so fast to accuse me of withholding information because I won't go into the gory details of my past but you're just as a bad. In fact it's worse because I don't know you as well as you seem to know me, and now you're gonna run and_ leave_ me here with her-"

Kate saw the impassive look on James' face and suddenly she was angrier than she could ever remember being in her life.

"You sonofabitch! What do you want me to do with her? She doesn't know me from Adam!"

"Then don't stick around, if no one's here Travis can't leave her." James said uncaringly.

Kate launched herself at him, she wanted to scratch the impassive look of his face, James caught her clawed hands.

"_You bastard_! You _selfish_ sonofabitch! _Where_ am I supposed to go?" She screamed at him. Kate knew that she was being excessive but the hormones were wreaking havoc with her body and she didn't know how to suppress the unfamiliar rage she was feeling.

James held her away from him, his eyes black pools of misery, "I _can't _stay here Kate don't you get it?"

Kate's face was livid and she snarled at him as she struggled to free her hands so she could sock him.

James leaned into her tautly arched body pushing her down onto the bed with the weight of his body.

"I _hate you_! You're an asshole!" Kate screamed at him as she struggled wildly to shove his body off her.

James pulled her arms above her head and held them there as he looked down at the incensed green-eyed hellion beneath him.

Suddenly he crushed his lips down on hers kissing her. Kate didn't know how it happened but one minute she was struggling against him and the next she was kissing him back like her life depended on it.

There was nothing romantic about their embrace as they poured their frustrations into the violent kiss. James shoved his tongue into her mouth and Kate bit his tongue hard, Jame drew back in startled pain. Kate uncaring, strained for his lips locking hers with his again.

James felt the throbbing pain of his tongue all the way down to his toes but he didn't care, he deserved it after all. Relinquishing his hold on her hands he pulled her t-shirt off, Kate couldn't care less. Frustrated by the action as it broke off their kiss she writhed impatiently beneath him, when he'd thrown the shirt on the floor she captured his lips with hers again. James cupped her breasts, he marveled at how much fuller and bigger they felt in comparison to the last time they'd been together on the Island. Tweaking the nipples he rubbed them between his fingers until they pebbled into rock-hard nubs.

Kate gasped, her breasts were so sensitive due to her pregnancy but along with the pain came a pleasure she'd never felt before. Breaking the kiss she looked James in the eyes, her eyes burningwith a fiery emerald fire. James had an answering fire in his eyes and something in their lovemaking shifted as they gazed into each other's eyes.

This time when they kissed it was with a different kind of ardor, savoring the taste of each other. Kate sucked on James' tongue sensually, sending shivers down his spine.

"Witch." He whispered against her mouth thickly.

Kate smiled at this reaching down to pull his boxers off, James kicked them off and pulled her sweatpants down. He grinned at the standard white grandmother underpants she was wearing.

Pulling the underwear off he winked at Kate, "This is different."

Kate giggled at this, drawing him into the welcoming cradle of her thighs she whispered throatily into his ear.

"Why don't we skip the starter and go straight to the main course Tex, I'm _hungry_."

James was more than happy to oblige, gripping her hips he slid into her with barely controlled eagerness.

"It's only you an' me Freckles you can be as loud as you want."

Kate smiled, clenching her inner muscles tightly then relaxing them before clenching them tightly again. James sucked in a shaky breath ending in a long drawn out moan.

Grinding his hips in a slow circle he beamed at Kate as her eyes widened in breathless pleasure. She narrowed her eyes at him and wrapping her legs around him drew him so close there wasn't even a hair's breadth separating them.

She dug her hands in his short hair pulling roughly at it as he thrust into her deeply, tearing the edges of reality with his passionate onslaught. Trembling and shaking beneath him Kate gripped James' arms, then her own hair, then the bedspread as the fire they were building immolated her.

Together they thrust and ground in a sensuous heated competition for supremacy, twenty minutes later they tumbled over the precipice in a soul-shattering climax. Both James and Kate expressing their multiple orgasms in a very vocal way.

Kate opened her eyes as the tingling in her toes finally started to fade away, she did not think she would survive this but she was still here, slowly drifting back to earth. She lay on the bed her legs still shaking a little, her body limp and sated and when she looked over her shoulder at James who lay beside her she could see the experience hadn't had a similar effect on him.

"Don't even think about it, I'm gonna need at least ten_ days_ to recover from that." She panted at him when he flashed his dimples, a lustful glint in his eyes.

James raised his eyebrows, "Aww come on Freckles, I'll make it worth your while." He cajoled.

Kate closed her eyes taking deep breaths, the look in his eyes and the promise in his voice were already starting to have their desired effect on her. 'Wow! They weren't kidding when they said pregnancy made you horny!' Kate mused to herself.

James leaned over and kissed her right breast before he got up and walked to the kitchen, in all his golden naked glory.

Returning with two glasses and a pitcher of water he poured some water in a glass for Kate and handed it to her as she raised up on one elbow to accept it. Thirstily Kate gulped the entire contents of the glass down handing it back to James for a refill. James looked at her archly then poured her some more water, pouring himself some as well he sat down next to her on the bed to drink it.

Kate drank half of the second glass then impulsively wrapped her arms around his waist pressing her chest and head on his back. James put down his glass and rubbed her arms, turning them around to stare at the bruises on her wrists.

He ran a gentle finger along the marred flesh, irate with himself for doing that to her. Kate moved around so that she could look him in the eyes, sensing his thoughtful mood.

They looked at each other for a long time their eyes speaking volumes; understanding that James' reaction to Travis' phone call and Kate's reaction to James' attempt to run away had brought the feelings that they'd relegated to the sidelines to the forefront. This electricity between them is what kept them going, what kept them coming back for more and most importantly what made them feel alive. A new understanding about what it meant to be James and Kate dawning on them.

"Why were you trying to run away Tex?" Kate asked softly.

"'Cause I don't think I'm ready to face her yet." He responded in the same tone.

Kate plucked a shirt off the floor where he'd dropped it in his haste to pack, putting it on she crossed her legs and faced him. He was still naked, he lay back against the pillows of the big bed and looking up at the ceiling started to talk.

"Rita was born in the middle of the jungle, Cat was in labor for over 8 hours an' we had nothing but the shirt I was wearing and my Swiss army knife. She was weak an' I had to get her to a hospital, Cat was dyin' she'd lost too much blood an' the Dr had said she would have to have be admitted for the birth anyway due to her narrow hips."

Kate held her breath waiting to see if James would continue the story, it held a more personal resonance for her now that she knew for sure she was pregnant. James stared up at the ceiling for a long time, finally he started to speak again, his voice rough with pain.

"Rebel soldiers were approachin' an' they would've killed us all, so Cat made me promise to take care of lil' Rita an' I had to leave her there… When I got back to the village Diego came with me to get Cat." James swallowed convulsively finding it hard to continue telling the story. Kate lay a supporting hand on his arm rubbing it gently in a soothing back and forth motion.

"They'd found her an' slit her throat, Travis tells me the autopsy showed that she was raped too. Diego swore he'd kill me if I ever came near him or his family again… we ain't ever spoken since, I never saw Rita again an' I most certainly didn't go to Cat's funeral." James exhaled harshly as he said this, letting all the words out in a rush.

He turned to look at Kate finally and noted the silent tears falling down her face. Raising a hand to her face he wiped the tears away. Kate went into his arms a whimper escaping her lips, James hugged her tight kissing her hair and clinging onto her just as much as she clung to him.

She was crying the tears he hadn't let himself cry since that terrible day. And somehow James felt like her tears were finally washing away all the pain he'd held onto for so long.

"Hush now Freckles, it ain't good to cry at night, you'll have nightmares." James whispered in her ear.

Kate took deep breaths trying to stop the tears, James squeezed her so tightly that he was unwittingly cutting off her air supply. She struggled to get out of his grasp and he released her reluctantly.

Kate looked him in the eye, "If you promised her you'd take care of Rita don't you think that maybe you should at least _try_?"

James flinched something in the earnest expression on Kate's face reminded him of Cat, driving a sharp stab of pain deep down into his chest.

"Yeah Sassafras, I guess." He spoke tenderly, his eyes unnaturally bright he leaned forward and kissed her. She tasted salty from her tears, James kissed her ardently and Kate initially a little hesitant kissed him back.

This time when they made love, Kate straddled him, relentlessly driving him over the edge of reason. As always they climaxed together and afterwards Kate collapsed in sated drowsiness on his chest.

Drawing the covers up James held the already sleeping Kate, nuzzling her hair he succumbed to sleep with a content smile on his face.


	10. Chapter 10

It's been _so hard_ not to continue this but I am finding myself increasingly lacking of time. There's a lot of things that happen in this chapter, I hope Rita comes across like a smart-ass nine year old who's grown up with adults only and Travis as an overprotective brother. As usual **RnR **it makes for better subsequent chapters and faster updates.

**Cowboys** I hope this doesn't disappoint your expectations come Wednesday.

**Chapter 10**

Kate watched James sleep with raw emotion on her face. She had never in her entire life, felt safer or more comfortable than she had waking up in his arms this morning. Thankfully the morning sickness that had robbed her of the will to live most mornings in the last two months was nowhere to be seen. Smiling contentedly, she snuggled back into James' arms laying her head on his chest where she could hear the reassuring sound of his heart, beating its comforting rhythm. Closing her eyes she drifted back to sleep and into the waiting arms of the nightmare she'd had on the steamboat.

James woke up suddenly, Kate was gasping for breath in her sleep in the grip of a nightmare. Shaking her awake gently as he called out her name she woke up with a start, quivering uncontrollably, she opened her eyes and gasped in relief to see James was there.

"Quite a nightmare you were havin' there Freckles, wanna tell me 'bout it?" James inquired softly.

Kate blinked, her green eyes scary with the enlargement of her pupils, they were almost pitch black. She didn't answer his question opting instead to burrow in his arms holding onto James like he was her lifeline.

James stroked her hair and shoulders making soothing sounds, inside he was concerned. She shouldn't be having nightmares! 'What ugly ghosts of her past are haunting her now?' He asked himself.

Kate finally pulled out of his warm muscular embrace and looked him in the eyes, "I've had this dream twice now."

James looked at her encouragingly, as he held his breath waiting for her to continue.

"It's weird… I'm swimming in the ocean by the Island and I am heading towards the beach. You're waiting there for me and you splash into the water to meet me, before I can grab your hand the Marshal pulls me under the water and when I come up for air you're far away. I fight him off and I start to drown, when I look around me you're gone and I am too tired to go on, then the water starts rush into my lungs." Her voice was barely there, as if she really had been swallowing large amounts of salt water.

"It's just a dream Sass, I ain't goin' anywhere anytime soon. You _know_ that right?" James said firmly. 'Damn it James that little stunt you tried to pull has woken the demons!' He cursed himself.

Kate swallowed audibly, bringing her hand to her throat she squeezed it lightly, "My throat feels like I really did swallow some sea water."

James kissed her forehead then her eyelids then her nose and finally her lips, "I won't let _anythin_' happen to you Sass, an' I most certainly won't try to bail out on you without an explanation." James gritted his teeth in frustration, 'Just a few too many words Jamie!'

Kate smiled at him when she saw him cringe, "Don't worry Tex, I know what you meant." Rubbing her hand on his cheek she leaned in and kissed him gently. Then rising from the bed, she walked to the door.

"I'm gonna take a shower, don't know about you but I am absolutely famished."

James grinned slyly at this, "So what you leavin' the bed for, I got just the thing right here, Peaches."

Kate looked at him over her shoulder then with a mischievous grin she said, "There's room for two in my shower."

James leaped out of the bed, the evidence of his desire obvious for Kate to see, especially since he was still naked from the night before. Kate giggled then ran out of the room, James happily giving chase.

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"I'd like to learn the more philosophical aspect of combat Tex, I think we've done enough hand to hand in the last few weeks don't you?" Kate asked as they finished off their breakfast in the kitchen.

James picked up their plates and started loading the dishwasher, "You think you're ready for that do ya?"

Kate nodded, "I mean it's not like I've never done combat training before, my Dad signed me up for Krav-maga when I was 18. I was top of the class." She finished off proudly.

James turned around to look at her, with surprise, "Well I'll be damned. So all this time you had me thinkin' you were some kind of Wonder Woman an' meanwhile back at the ranch, Peaches has some medals down her britches?"

Kate grinned at him, "Pretty much. If it makes you feel any better that was a long time ago, and it is acultural and has anamoral lack of any spiritual aspect for self-improvement."

James shook his head in disgust, "Yeah sure. Now why'd your Daddy sign you up for that?"

"I was going to Russia for my internship and he wanted to know I would be okay, in case you didn't know this, it's pretty violent out there." Kate said cheerfully.

James narrowed his eyes at her, he didn't miss the slight hint of sarcasm in her voice, "Alright Sassafras, you wanna get into the philosophy let's see how good your hand to hand really is."

Walking towards her, he threw his right fist towards her right shoulder, Kate although unprepared managed to bring her right arm up and over effectively blocking the blow with a firm push. Her mistake was she didn't hold onto it because James kicked the stool she was sitting on from under her and brought his right fist back wards hitting Kate square in the jaw.

She shook her head stunned but the outrage that flowed through her as a result of the blow gave her a rush of adrenaline. Retaliating with a left hook she started to rain blows on his head. Relishing the fact that although he always held back when he hit her she didn't have to.

James shuffled backwards trying to avoid the blows, falling to his knees he crossed his arms into an x, brought them upand shoved Kate backwards. She stumbled slightly, James got to his feet and rushing her, knocked her over onto the living room sofa. Kate immediately rolled him off her landing him in the narrow gap between the sofa and the coffee table. Jumping off the sofa with agile grace Kate was in the ready stance James had taught her when he got up.

James winked at her in approval, before launching a full scale attack on her. He didn't actually hit her this time but he forced her into a corner and made it impossible for her to hit him. Breathing heavily they warily eyed each other.

"You have to work on your blockin' Kate, you can't always be on the offensive as your opponent will tire you out. If you block real good, you can save yourself from major injuries an' death." James said sternly.

Kate nodded taking the criticism in her stride, "Alright but let's get on with it. I'll show you I can get out of this corner you put me in, attack me."

James grinned at her admiring her fire, then he brought his left leg up in a rapid but well-controlled roundhouse kick. Kate ducked her head and sliding underneath his leg she shoved it away from her and delivered two swift punches to James' left kidney, before hooking her left arm around his neck. Bringing her right hand up to support her left she squeezed hard, exerting a crushing pressure on his windpipe. James dropped to his knees and tried to use this as leverage to throw her over his shoulder. Kate seemed to predict this because she too was half-kneeling behind him and she increased the pressure a little more.

'Jesus! She's a fast learner! I showed her this move _once _a few days ago!' James thought in admiration. His eyes were filling with tears, he was finding it impossible to breathe!

"Give up?" Kate demanded.

James brought his hand up in surrender, Kate smiled at this, letting him go she leapt away from him in case he decided to attack again. James collapsed on the floor choking and wheezing, as he clutched his throat.

Kate's eyes widened in surprise, she didn't think she'd been that good! Approaching him cautiously she knelt by his side to assess the damage.

James looked at her, his eyes conveying what he couldn't say. She'd done well. Kate forgot all this when she saw how red and watery they were.

"Oh my God! Jamie I'm so sorry! Let me get you some water!" She exclaimed, rising to her knees and hurrying to the fridge.

When she handed him the water he drank it in a few greedy gulps, putting the glass down he looked at her.

"Havin' thought 'bout it _long_ an' hard Freckles, I think philosophy is a great idea." He rasped at her.

Kate smiled at him through her tears of sympathy, clapping her hands in excitement she hugged him impulsively.

James wrapped his right arm around her half in response half as support.

Kate pulled back to study his face, "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to-"

James shook his head at her, "Don't worry 'bout it. You learn fast, Peaches. I can't say I ain't pleased but I hope you never have to use any of this for real."

Kate felt sad, she knew that he was thinking of her past and the remainder of the statement hung in the air like an unwelcome ghost.

James lifted her chin up, "_Hey_, dontcha get all somber on me now, enjoy your victory 'cause soon as I finish clearin' those dishes we get to the hard part."

Kate frowned at him in confusion, "What hard part?"

James smiled at her in promise leaning in to kiss her soundly, "Wait an' see."

**Three and a half hours later**

Kate sighed in frustration, why'd he have to go and kiss her? Now she was be thinking of their erotic shower this morning as opposed to concentrating on what he was trying to teach her. Kate also thought about how reckless she'd been fighting with James in her condition, she couldn't help but despair slightly at what looked to her like a lack in maternal instinct. 'Could this have happened to a less maternal person? What the hell do I know about caring about another human being?' She asked herself ruefully.

"_Focus_ Kate! How do you beat an opponent who's more skilled an' bigger than you in a fight?"

Kate gritted her teeth she hated it when he got all militant on her! 'Unless it's in bed… ooh we should so try that.' Kate thought wickedly.

"I don't know! Get a gun?" Kate replied pertly.

James shook his head, "Wrong. Try again an' try to actually put some thought into it."

Frowning in concentration, Kate paused in thought.

They were sitting in the living room, James had shoved all the furniture against one wall and they were now sitting on empty carpet, cross-legged. James was facing her, his pose relaxed but his posture straight as a ruler. Kate had never seen him like this before and it was a half intimidating, half exciting new side to him.

"I don't know, try to use his size against him?" Kate asked hopefully.

James' face was unreadable, "You already gave me that answer an' I told you it wasn't good enough."

Kate rolled her eyes at him getting up in a fit of temper, "Sit your ass back down Sweetcheeks. We ain't done yet."

Kate sat back down, and fixed a defiant look on James.

"Now think 'bout this real logical like. If I come at you kickin' an' punchin' an' you ain't trained like that an' you ain't got a weapon, whatcha gonna do?"

"Run? Okay, um... block and then try to get some punches of my own in?"

"Keep goin'."

"Maybe try and learn some of your moves or how you're making them so I can pre-empt them?"

"Very good. You gotta evade, redirect an' blend with it. Make his moves useless, then you can also use his strength against him by gettin' him to aim at your ass before you move outta the way. His own momentum will carry him forward. Each move will cost vital energy an' confidence."

Kate nodded as she took all of this in. He was right this was the hard part, they'd been doing this for over 3 hours and he wasn't showing any signs of exhaustion!

Slouching Kate looked up at James with huge pitiful eyes, "I got it. Can we just go have sex now?"

James tried to keep a straight face but he couldn't, laughing he stood up in a fluid motion,then helped Kate up.

"Hell yeah, teachin' you combat philosophy's got me so wound up I gotta _relieve_ the tension somehow."

Kate made a face at him running to her bedroom as she drew her tshirt off, "Last one naked's gotta dust the house!"

James swore as he arrived in her bedroom to find her naked already, "Damnit!"

Kate giggled as she scooted back on the bed, "Come here and tell me all about it Tex."

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James was stroking Kate's hair, lost in thought. This was the first time he'd ever felt so at ease with a woman other than Cat. And this was different as there were more complex emotions and sex involved. With Cassidy it had been different too because he was deceiving her and he'd always known it couldn't last. What intrigued him the most was how natural all this was with Kate, there was no thought involved, one minute they were just friends and the next they were more than that.

"What were you doin' in Russia Freckles?"

Kate lay sprawled against his chest her head in it's now customary spot, right beneath his chin, with her ear to his heart.

Rolling onto her back, uncaring of her nakedness Kate smiled sensually at him.

"I was working for the US Government, 'cause I speak fluent Russian, they offered me a year as an intern in Moscow."

"You speak Commie?"

Kate rolled her eyes, "Da dorogar." _(Translation: "Yes love")_

James' eyes twinkled, "What's that now?"

Kate winked at him with a mysterious smile on her face, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

It was James' turn to roll his eyes now, before he could say anything he heard the front door shut.

"Jamie! Kate! Y'all in here?" Travis yelled in greeting.

Kate rolled of James pulling the sheet up to cover herself, she'd forgotten about Travis bringing Rita! James was already buttoning his jeans up, picking up his shirt by the door he went out to greet the newcomers. Kate hurriedly pulled her clothes on grateful that James had managed to remember to shut the door.

"Good to see you're alive an' well Big Bro." James said in greeting as he walked into the living room which still had all its furniture on one side of the room. Travis was standing by the balcony with a little girl, her hair was in two matching braids and she was wearing a white hat that matched her white dress and white socks and black mary-janes. They turned around in unison, James felt like he'd just been shot in the heart.

It was a miniature Catalina! Without thinking James walked towards the little girl as if in a trance. Rita's brown eyes widened in slight fear and she sidled closer to Travis, James stopped right in front of her, dropping down to his knees he let out the breath he'd been holding.

The two of them stared each other in silence, James' heart was beating triple-time in his chest. And all he could hear was the sound of blood rushing in his head. Rita was slightly intimidated by the golden giant kneeling in front of her, he looked like he was a little crazy.

Kate walked into the room taking in the tableau before her, James kneeling in front of Rita, Travis looking on with what Kate could only classify as amusement as Rita clung to his left leg.

After what seemed like an interminable silence Rita let go of Travis leg, and offered James the back of her dainty glove clad right hand.

"Pleased to finally meet you Mr. Ford, Uncle Travis has told me so much about you." Kate flinched at the little girl's composed voice, she sounded so grown up!

James kissed the proffered hand, dazzling her with his most charming smile, "The pleasure's all mine Maggie."

Rita's eyebrows rocketed up at the nickname, the look on her face so comical on one so young, James chuckled as he drew her into a big bear hug. Kate looked quizzically at Travis and he shrugged.

Kate saw Rita turn to look up at Travis with an impish grin on her face; in response, Travis winked at her.

When James let go of Rita he stood up, "How 'bout I introduce you to Kate before I show you your room Angelface?" Rita's face was composed again and she looked like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"Who's Kate?" She asked angelically.

"Kate's a very special lady, an' she's ma best friend." James explained matter-of-factly, he could sense her presence in her room but he spoke from the heart.

Rita nodded at James, "Then I'd love to meet her."

James took her hand and led her to Kate, who curse the damn hormones had tears in her eyes!

"Pleased to meet you Ms. Austen, I don't know if Uncle Travis told you but I'm Margarita Elena Chavez. Between Uncle Travis, and Mr. Ford you can call me _anything_." James was surprised to hear Rita address Kate with her last name, the little imp knew who Kate was all along! 'What the Hell is goin' on here?' James was puzzled.

Kate crouched so she was level with Rita, "Well I've heard so much about _you_ Margarita Chavez and I'm so glad there'll be another girl in the house."

Kate hugged the beautiful little girl then looking at her she said, "You can call me Kate… or for the same reasons as you, _anything_."

Rita and Kate shared a conspiratory grin,then looking up at James she tugged on his hand, "Come on Mr. Ford I'd like to get out of this stupid dress. The pink suitcase's mine, shall we?"

James' eyes widened at this statement, Kate and Travis both did a bad job of hiding their mirth. Leading the way James left them behind, rolling his eyes when he heard them guffaw as soon as he was out of the room.

James looked down at Rita, "Your room's between mine an' Kate's, it's the second biggest room. No surprises who got the smallest one." He said wryly.

Rita looked up at him, "Can I call you Uncle James?"

James nodded, "Sure thing Angelface, I'd like that very much."

Rita beamed at him, as they walked into her room, "Good, 'cause Uncle Travis told me I could but I wasn't sure if I would like you or not so we agreed Mr. Ford would do until I made up my mind." James was surprised, seemed like she'd made the decision pretty fast.

As she spoke she pulled her gloves off, tossing them on the bed, she kicked her mary-janes off too and started on her socks. "Could you open my suitcase Uncle James an' pass me the faded jeans in there?" She asked sweetly.

James raised an eyebrow in question, "What happened to the prim and proper lady I met ten minutes ago?"

Rita smirked at him, "Just havin' some fun wit' you Uncle Jamie, Uncle Travis told me you had a _great _sense of humor!"

James found the requested jeans in her badly packed suitcase and handed her the miniature pair of designer jeans. She turned to look at him pointedly. Realizing she wanted him to leave so she could get changed James retreated, "Wait for me outside!" Rita called out to him as he shut the door.

James shook his head, what the hell had Travis gotten him into?

Kate and Travis were sitting at the breakfast nook sipping the Kool Aid Kate had mixed for herself yesterday.

"So he been treatin' you alright? I know Jamie can be a temperamental sonofabitch." Travis asked.

Kate nodded with a smile on her face, "No he's been really good to me. I can't thank either of you enough for everything you've done for me. I mean letting me stay in this apartment rent free-"

Travis put his hand on top of Kate's where it was resting on the counter top, "Don't even bother finishin' that sentence Sassy. It's ma pleasure. In fact ma wife's been naggin' me to offer you this place since she heard you were gonna stay in Hellay."

Kate smiled at Travis shyly, "But she doesn't even _know_ me."

"Yeah well she's heard so much 'bout you from me an' the guys she feels like she does." Travis said dryly.

Kate raised an eyebrow, "Yeah you made a big impression on ma boys, all they could talk 'bout for a month." Travis said.

"Why Travis Deschanel if I didn't know any better I'd say you didn't have a bad opinion of me yourself." Kate drawled in a southern accent.

Travis shook his head, laughing, "You got me!"

Kate laughed along with him, "So back on the Island, when you said you didn't like girls with green eyes and freckles as a general rule you were just being rude?"

Travis shook his head, "No I meant it, you're an exception to the rule… But it doesn't mean I ain't keepin' ma eye on you." He said seriously.

Kate narrowed her eyes at this, "What?"

Travis hazel eyes met her mossy ones directly, "Jamie's family, an' as much as I like you… if you screw him over there'll be hell to pay."

Kate drew back like she'd been slapped, "What are you implying?"

"Nothin' Sassy, I'm just puttin' it out there so you an' I understand each other. I got an interestin' call from an ol' friend of mine, 'bout your visit to Dr. Chavez yesterday." Travis said his tone dead serious.

Kate looked at him with a mixture of fear, anger and disgust, "You're _spying_ on me?"

Travis didn't deny this, "I gotta protect ma family Sassy an' given your track record with men, you think I'm gonna let you self-destruct on ma lil' brother?"

Kate was in shock, "So what are you saying _exactly_?"

Travis smiled at Kate, "I'm sayin' I like you, I really do, but am not too sure if I trust you with Jamie."

Kate looked over her shoulder before hissing at Travis, "I _love_ him Travis!"

Travis nodded, "I know you do, but it ain't enough an' you know it… time will tell won't it?"

"What you two crazy kids talkin' 'bout?" James asked cheerfully as he and Rita walked into the kitchen.

Travis turned to look at them with a genuine smile on his face, "Just makin' sure you haven't been mistreatin' Sassy over here Jamie."

"What'd you say Freckles? Hope you didn't tell him 'bout the daily beatings or the pimpin' you to ma friends in LA." James said jokingly.

Rita giggled at this James looked down at her, "Whatcha laughin' at Thumbelina? You're next."

Rita gave him an arresting look, "_As if_ Uncle Jamie, I could take you."

James snorted in amusement, "Is that so?"

Rita gave him a fierce look, "Duh. I'm a black belt in Tae-kwon-do."

James put up his hands in mock surrender, "Guess I don't stand a chance then."

Kate was struggling to regain her composure but she succeeded and she turned around to watch the pair banter. She looked at Travis from the corner of her eye and his eyes met hers. Their conversation wasn't over, she could see it in his eyes. She was more than happy to pick it up where they had left off as soon as she got a chance. He could see it in _her_ eyes. Inwardly he admired her fierceness, she really did seem to care about Jamie.

Getting up from her stool, Kate picked up a glass eachfor Rita and James, "Alright time-out you two, how about some juice?"

Rita turned to Kate, "Thank you, I'd love some! At least someone in this apartment has some _manners_." She looked at James pointedly, smirking at his outraged expression.

Kate tried to suppress the smile that was about to break out on her face, Travis didn't bother as he laughed out-loud.

James narrowed his sapphire gaze on Rita, "You're quite the brat aren't ya?"

Rita shrugged, "It's been ten years Uncle Jamie, you think I'm gonna let you off the hook easily?" Sipping her Kool-Aid she practically swaggered towards Travis.

James sputtered at a loss for words at Rita's directness. Travis got up and putting a hand on Rita's shoulder, he grinned at James, "I _forgot_ to mention, Rita's got a mind of her own an' she's smarter than most kids twice her age."

"There's a difference between smart an' _smartass_, Travis." James quipped.

Kate was laughing discreetly as she fiddled around with cookies and other snacks on the kitchen counter.

Rita finished her Kool-Aid and walking over to him,handed the empty glass to James, "We all know which one_ you are_ Uncle Jamie."

Kate's shoulders shook with mirth at this, James didn't fail to notice this.

"Somethin' funny over there Freckles?" He called out to her.

Kate didn't respond nor did she turn around, James turned around to see Travis picking up his jacket and shrug it on.

"Where do you think you're goin' Travis?"

"I'm meetin' some folks for dinner then am gonna get some shuteye. I'll see y'all in the mornin'." Travis said with the biggest smile on his face as he moved towards the front door.

Kate turned around from what she was doing, she hoped he wasn't leaving because of her. But she wouldn't pretend she was sad to see him go at the moment.

Rita was sitting on the stool Travis had vacated her little legs swinging beneath her, as she nibbled on one of the cookies from the plate Kate had set in front of her.

James strode angrily towards Travis who was standing there nonchalant.

"Like _hell_ you are." James ground out his voice slightly desperate.

"Don't worry Uncle Jamie, I won't bite." Rita offered breezily from her stool.

James' eyes widened at this and he looked at Travis pleadingly, Travis kept a straight face as he clapped James on the shoulder.

"You see, she'll be good… well as good as Rita _can_ be anyway. I gotta go otherwise I'll be stuck in traffic. Y'all have a good night, Kate, Rita, give him hell." Travis said to the two females in the kitchen before he opened the door and left James standing there with a murderous glint in his eye.

Rita looked at Kate with an impish grin on her face, "I think Uncle Jamie's scared of me."

Kate nodded in agreement with an answering grin on her face, James turned around to glare at both of them.

"I'm scared of _killin_' you, not of you Thumbelina."

Rita rolled her eyes at him, "Yeah sure!"

Then turning around to look at Kate she said, "Dee-Dee... my uncle, I shaved his eyebrow off once when he spanked me for sneakin' out of the house after curfew a few months ago… he doesn't look as handsome with only one so he had to shave the other one off. Think Uncle Jamie will?"

Kate's eyes danced with mischief at this, "I dunno, guess there's only one way to find out."

James sighed in resignation, allegiances were already being formed against him!

Sitting on the stool opposite Rita he gave her his most intimidating scowl, she wasn't fazed at all. Chewing her cookie thoughtfully she said, "You're gonna have to work on that if you wanna scare me Uncle Jamie."

James looked crest-fallen, Kate was laughing, her eyes conveying her sympathy as she sat down next to him.

Rita looked at them as she finished her cookie, "So other than the _obvious_, what do you guys do for fun 'round here?" When she said this she looked pointedly at the love bite on Kate's neck.

James threw his hands up in defeat, this was no ordinary nine year old, she was a devil child!

"God help us all." He muttered to himself as Kate suggested Rita tell James what she wanted to eat and then they'd let him cook dinner while they went to the mall to find something to amuse Rita with.

Rita was standing by the door waiting for Kate who'd gone to get her purse, "I don't want the base too thick Uncle Jamie, no tomato sauce, no onions, no basil, an' no pepperoni… oh an' not too much cheese either!"

James stared down at the little tyrant in consternation, "So how the hell am I supposed to make pepperoni pizza without pepperoni?"

Rita smirked at him, which irritated James to no end because he always did it to other people!

"You're the Cucinero Uncle Jamie, you tell me."

Kate came out into the hallway, ready to go, Rita opened the door and took a step out.

James' dark expression softened when Kate smiled at him, reaching out for her, he rubbed his palms up and down her arms.

Kate gazed into his eyes, "You're doing great. Take it easy on the swearing though, okay?"

James hung his a head a little sheepishly, "She's gonna make me pay for the last ten years isn't she?"

Kate nodded cheerfully, "Uh huh, she most definitely is."

James looked up at Kate and kissed her on the lips, "Y'all be careful out there okay? No matter what she says you _can't _leave her there, you gotta bring her back wit' you."

Kate chuckled, she knew him well enough to know that he was worried about Rita but he'd never come out and say it. What she didn't realize was he was equally worried about her too.

"Okay. Make sure you make my pizza Fiorentina just right okay. That egg better be well done, or you'll have the wrath of Kate to contend with too." She said warningly.

James nodded, "Jesus! Little Nicky shows up an' you join forces with the dark side. I'm gonna _kill _Travis for this."

Rita pushed the door open, "_Today_ maybe! Uncle Jamie needs to get crackin' on ma pizza 'cause if we get back an' it's not ready I'll get cranky."

The look of genuine horror on James' face was comical, shoving Kate towards the door he said, "Go on Sass, no time to waste!"

Before Kate could say goodbye he slammed the door in their faces, muttering something they couldn't hear through the door.

Kate looked down at Rita who had a grin on her face, chuckling she turned to walk towards the elevator and Rita followed laughing out-loud with Kate.


	11. Chapter 11

To all y'all waiting for Kate to tell our Jamie about her condition don't hold your breaths! There's method to my madness I promise.

**Chapter 11**

Kate sat in Starbucks waiting for Travis to show up, he'd called earlier on and she'd been awake due to the morning sickness. He'd asked her to meet him at the Starbucks around the corner so they could talk.

She was nervous, seeing the tougher no-nonsense side of him yesterday had scared her a little. Kate could understand exactly what about Travis had made him such an effective big brother to James all these years. He had a coldness that James lacked and what scared her the most was that she knew she had it in her too.

"Mornin' Sassy, you look like hell." Travis said as he sat down across from her.

Kate made a face at the greeting, "Gee thanks Travis, whatever happened to Southern manners?"

Travis grinned at her; he put his black coffee on the table then leveled a serious look on her.

"Morning sickness pretty bad huh?"

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?" Kate asked in a neutral voice.

"Had an in-depth conversation with Ana-Lulu's brother, Dr. Cortez last night, he didn't actually say you were pregnant but seein' as he's an ObGyn an' you look a lil' green 'round the gills still, I think it's a given." Travis said matter-of-factly.

All the remaining color drained out of Kate's face, "Busted."

Travis nodded, his face sympathetic, "I noticed you're a lot curvier than you were a month ago as well."

Kate sighed in resignation, "So what now? Are you here to force me to tell him?"

Travis tilted his head as he looked at her, "Is it his?"

Kate nodded, blushing slightly under the scrutiny of his gaze.

Travis sighed, "I take it y'all were doin' the humpty back on the Island then."

Kate didn't have to respond the deepening color in her cheeks said it all.

"What are you gonna do?" Travis asked.

Kate looked at him despairingly, "I don't know. Things are so good between us right now, if I tell him about…_this_." She gestured to her abdomen irritably, her hand dropping on the table limply.

"If I tell him, you know he's gonna flip out…I've never had a best-friend as a lover before… not like this." She said her voice barely audible and her eyes downcast in distress.

Travis watched her trying to determine her sincerity, "So I take it you're not plannin' on a termination."

Kate's eyes flew open, "No! Never!" Her eyes were spitting green fire at the suggestion.

Travis held his hand up, "Alright, easy. I had to ask, given your past actions."

"You're a nasty sonofabitch you know that?" Kate gasped in shock.

"I'm sorry Sassy, I had to check up on you. I've gotta look out for him." Travis said apologetically.

"That was different, _I_ was different. Anyway the procedure went so badly they said I could never have kids. You can imagine my surprise." Kate explained.

Travis wasn't unsympathetic to Kate's plight but his research had shown a trail of destroyed men that had been left in the wake of Hurricane Kate, and he didn't want James to join the long list of broken men she'd left behind.

"How far along are you?" He asked.

"Three months." Kate answered her tone hostile. 'Who the hell does he think he is?' She thought angrily.

"I'm goin' home to ma wife an' kids for 'bout a month, I trust by the time I get back you'll have told him?"

Kate glared at Travis, "You're giving me a deadline?"

Travis smiled at her anger, "I guess I am… if you haven't told him 'fore I get back, I'll tell him for you. An' believe you me it'll sound better comin' from you. Not _much_ but enough to make all the difference."

Kate gritted her teeth, "Anything else Lord Travis?"

Travis laughed out-loud at this, "No Sassy, that's all."

"_My name is Kate_." She spat at him.

Travis' smile died instantly, "What's your angle _Kate_? Do you really love him? I mean deep down, with every _fiber_ of your bein'. The can't live without him or see yourself with anyone else kinda love?"

Kate's eyes filled with tears, "Of _course I do_." She replied vehemently.

"Then prove it. Prove it to yourself, to Jamie, to me. You owe him that much." Travis ground out with equal vehemence.

"Look I know I've made mistakes… more than I can recount, but I love him with_ all_ my heart and soul. He makes me feel… alive, and _loved_. Like I'm someone _worth_ loving." Kate said tearfully, her words heartfelt.

"What 'bout Jack?"

Kate looked at Travis in confusion, "What has Jack got to do with anything?"

"Well, a month ago you an' the Doc were engaged to be married an' now you're declarin' your love for Jamie. Sounds a little fickle if you ask me."

Kate pushed the chair back as she stood up abruptly, "Yeah that's right Kate, run at the first sign of difficulty, not like you ain't ever done that before." Travis said sarcastically.

Kate stood rooted to the spot quivering with hatred, "You may have investigated me and have your spies but you _don't _know me!"

Travis smirked at her in a way that reminded Kate of James.

Kate glared at him, slapping her palms on the table she brought her face inches from his, "I won't be pressured or bullied by you Travis. I'll tell him when I think the time is right and not _one second_ before that. Got it?"

They glared at each other for a long time, finally Travis nodded his head, "You're one hell of a woman Sassy, I'll give you that."

Rising he held out his hand to her, "One month Kate, that's all you get." Travis said forcefully.

Shaking his hand, Kate inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you." She said sounding like the words were being pulled out of her with pliers.

Travis grinned at this, putting his arm around her shoulder he steered her towards the door, "So how close was Jamie to throttlin' Rita last night?"

Kate smiled reluctantly at the question, "It was touch and go for a while there, but I kept spiking his drink last night so he was okay by the time she finally went to bed."

Travis laughed at this, "Sounds like Rita! Diego was more than happy to let her come back to the States with me. Besides after the plane crash, he felt more than a lil' guilty at forbiddin' Jamie to see her. Between you an' me I think she's been drivin' him so crazy lately he just needed a break."

Kate looked up at Travis, "You mean he agreed to let you leave her with Jamie while you went to Africa?"

"Yeah, Rita an' me, we wore him down; anyways he knows that Jamie would never let anythin' happen to her. She looks exactly like Catalina."

"I know." Kate agreed.

"How'd you know that?" Travis asked in surprise.

"I saw her once on the Island, she was standing by the secret entrance to the Others' camp. That's how Eko and I found it, I went to approach her and she'd disappeared but there was the smell of roses where she'd been standing-" Kate explained, hesitantly.

Travis tilted his head as he looked at Kate, "You tell Jamie this?"

Kate shook her head.

Travis sighed, "You know what Sassy? I think you got yourself the rubber-stamp of approval. They say those that die pure and good only show themselves to like-minded people. Hell, _I know_ you've got spirit, an' despite everythin', a good heart so I can't say it surprises me."

Kate glanced at Travis sharply, was this the same man that was threatening to tell James she was pregnant only a few minutes ago?

Travis seemed to have read her mind, "Like I said before, I really do like you."

"You just don't trust me." Kate said bitterly.

"_That_ you'll have to earn." Travis replied.

Kate shrugged his arm off, and started to walk a little faster, showing Travis just how she felt about that statement.

Travis watched her go, shaking his head he thought to himself, 'Jamie's got his work cut out for him with that one."

When they returned to the apartment, James was making pancakes as he played a word association game with Rita.

Turning to look at Kate and Travis in surprise he said, "Nice of y'all to join us, where've you been?"

"Starbucks." Travis supplied as Kate stormed off to her room.

"She okay?" James asked with concern.

"Yeah she's alright, don't think her soya chai tea latté was all that it coulda been." Travis replied as he kissed Rita on the top of her head.

"So how's ma favorite nine goin' on fifteen doin'?" He asked her.

Rita beamed at him, "Great, I made Uncle Jamie _real_ mad when I woke him up this mornin'."

Travis looked at James who was standing at the stove with only his boxers and an apron on and his hair was wet.

"Little Nicky here thought it'd be real funny to wake me upbydumpin'a pitcher of cold water _on _my head." James said aggrieved.

"He doesn't move or make a sound when he's sleepin', I thought he was dead!" Rita said in her defense. Travis laughed at this, sitting down next to Rita and accepting the plate of pancakes James placed in front of him.

James left the two of them in the kitchen and went to check on Kate, when he pushed her bedroom door open he could hear the shower running.

Kate let the hot water wash away the tears she was crying, her confrontation with Travis had really upset her. He'd made her feel like she was the Wicked Witch of the West and it was something she had already become accustomed to not feeling anymore. Kate knew that she'd kind of forgotten about her past in the last month and Travis' words had been a harsh reminder that she wasn't like other people. She'd manipulated, used and killed people and that made anything she did no matter how innocent, suspicious.

She was so lost in thought she didn't hear James come into the bathroom and when he pulled the shower door open she swallowed water as she screamed in surprise.

"You alright there Peaches?" James asked his face showing his concern.

Kate nodded under the water glad to have it as cover for the tears that she'd been shedding. Turning the water off she stepped into the towel James held open for her, relishing the feel of his arms as he wrapped the towel around her.

"Thanks." She said.

Turning around to face him she smiled weakly at him, "I'm fine, I just needed to take a shower."

James scrutinized her carefully, "That don't explain why you look you were cryin' under there. What'd Travis say to you?"

Kate's face went blank, she hadn't expected that.

James scowled, "What'd he say Freckles?"

"Nothing!" Kate replied.

"So why were you cryin'?"

"It's nothing, Jamie. I've got a lot on my mind that's all. I promise you, Travis didn't say anything to me."

"You're lyin'." James ground out, angry at the blatant untruth. When Kate didn't say anything else, James tsked angrily as he strode out of the bathroom to ask Travis himself.

"_Travis_! What'd you say to Kate to upset her so?" James demanded as he stomped into the kitchen.

Travis put down his fork and looking James in the eye replied, "Nothin' that I shouldn't have said."

James frowned at Travis, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Travis opened his mouth to reply when Kate walked into the room, only wearing the towel.

"It means Travis was just being Travis, he warned me not to break your heart." She said.

James swiveled to look at her, "What?"

Kate looked at James, with her heart in her eyes, "He just wanted to make sure I wouldn't break your heart. And I told him I love you too much to ever do that to you."

James felt his heart drop down to the pit of his stomach, "What you say Freckles?"

"I said I love you too much to ever hurt you. I'm not going anywhere... for as long as you want me." Kate replied her voice clear and strong.

"You _love me_?" James whispered in amazement.

"That's what she said Uncle James, are you deaf?" Rita called out from her stool.

Kate giggled at this, her eyes never leaving James'.

"Are those pancakes I smell? I hope you left me some 'cause I'm starving." Kate said as she tried not to laugh. Having finally said what she'd felt for a long time she was confident everything would work out. She'd tell James about the baby when she was good and ready, and she'd managed to avert an ugly scene, suddenly her mood was better than it had been since Travis had called that morning.

James was too shocked to respond so Kate walked past him and sitting down accepted the plate Travis handed her, his admiration for her courageous statement on his face.

Kate smiled at Travis and he smiled right back, passing her the maple syrup.

James watched as Travis, Rita and Kate ate their pancakes, at a loss, he went back to the stove and continued to make some more, needing time to process Kate's declaration. She never failed to amaze him.

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James stared out at the LA skyline, Kate was in the bathroom and he'd just come from tucking Rita into bed, something she'd insisted he do the very first night she arrived. His heart was beating a rapid staccato because this was the first chance he'd get to talk to Kate about what she'd said that morning. All morning after breakfast and while they were running around all day looking for presents for Travis to take back with him to his family, the declaration had run through his mind over and over again. And now finally the chance to discuss it was at hand and James' heart was racing. He pinched his arm to make sure he was really there, and he couldn't help but doubt she would say those magical words again.

"Nickel for your thoughts Tex." Kate interrupted his reverie as she sat down next to him.

"A nickel? You think they're that valuable huh?" He replied almost automatically.

Kate faced him as she gazed into his midnight blue eyes, "Yeah I do."

James felt like he was drowning in her eyes, "Well to tell you the truth I was tryin' to decide if I was delusional or just dreamin' 'bout what you said this mornin'." He said carefully.

Kate's face melted into a tender smile, "No you weren't dreaming and you certainly aren't delusional, I really did say I love you."

James took her hand in his, "Are you sure?" He asked with the lingering doubt of someone who'd probably never heard those words said to him.

"Yes Jamie, I'm sure. I've never been surer of anything else in my entire life." Kate reassured him before she leaned in and kissed his forehead.

James rewarded her with a slow, sexy smile, "Well in that case, you better come on over here, Peaches."

Kate willingly went into his arms, straddling him she leaned in for a slow lingering kiss.

When they broke apart they were both reeling slightly from the force of the emotions the kiss awakened inside them.

Shaking his head as if to clear it James gazed into her eyes, "What do you say we move this to ma room, where we can at least make sure we don't scar Rita into a lifetime of therapy?"

Kate nodded eagerly as James rose with her in his arms, laughing when he pretended to drop her before he swung her over the threshold and into the house. Wrapped up in the moment; neither James nor Kate thought about the symbolism of the action.

'Oh my God Kate don't look now but I think you've actually found real happiness at last.' Kate said to herself happily as James dropped her on his bed and went to lock the door. When he turned to look at her she practically blinded him with her smile as she knelt on the bed and started to take off her clothes.

James sauntered over to her, his heart beating a joyful beat in his chest, 'I'm the luckiest man alive, how'd I get a woman like her to love a Bozo like me?'

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down onto the bed, kissing him wherever her lips landed.

James lay back and thanking his lucky stars for what he was sure was a huge cosmic mistake, lost himself in the arms of the woman who'd single-handedly given him something good to believe in.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_April 15th 2005_

Kate inserted her key into the front door of the apartment, listening out for any signs of life as she walked in she remembered that James and Rita were down at the Center today. Putting down the groceries she was carrying in her arms, she shut the door, then picking them up again walked into the kitchen.

There was a note on the counter from Rita telling her to meet them at the Center when she got home. Kate smiled at the smiley face at the end of the note, Rita was so grown up that it was only when she did things like that one remembered she was only nine.

The last four weeks had been incredible and Kate knew she would always treasure the time the three of them had spent together. They'd gone hiking and biking at Topanga State Park where Kate worked as a hiking guide, rollerblading on the Santa Monica pier, swimming, to the movies, shopping and even taken a road trip up to Lake Tahoe with Jin and a very pregnant Sun last weekend.

James and Rita had had many an argument as they were both so stubborn and Kate had played referee more times than she could remember. Kate smiled at the memory of the last big fight those two had a couple days ago. They were supposed to be teaching Kate some combat techniques and had gotten into an argument about which method of evasion was more effective. James had slammed the study door while Rita slammed her bedroom door leaving an bemused Kate on her own in the sitting room. Eventually James had gone to apologize to Rita who'd screamed at him before breaking down in tears, James had handled the situation quite well, hugging the sobbing little girl and trying to make her laugh by telling her a funny story about a similar argument he'd had with her mother when he'd first met her.

Kate sat down in the Lazy-Boy in the sitting room as she thought about how much having Rita around had changed him. He was a natural with kids and Rita and him were like father and daughter, something that convinced Kate that once_ their_ baby was born, at least _he_ would have paternal instincts. 'Oh God, I have to tell him, Travis will be back any day now.' Kate thought in desperation.

That morning she'd realized that she couldn't fit into her work uniform anymore, and since James shared her room now, it was getting very difficult to hide her growing size from him. She'd woken up last week to see James studying her belly, Kate had distracted him with a kiss and some rigourous love-making but she knew her time was up one way or another.

Jumping when she heard the phone ring, Kate picked up the phone and was distracted from her thoughts when she heard who it was on the other line.

"Dad?"

"Hi Katie, you haven't returned any of my calls." Her father said on the other line disapprovingly.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, when did you get back?"

"A fortnight ago. I want to see you, how about lunch tomorrow?"

"I can't tomorrow Dad, I'm spending the day with Rita and Jamie will be out of town."

"So bring the little munchkin with you. I won't take no for an answer Katie. I've only seen you once since you got back from that Island."

"Okay Dad, where did you want to go for lunch?" Kate relented.

"I've already made reservations at The Pacific Dining Car for one o'clock." He said.

Kate shook her head ruefully, it was just like him to do something like that.

"Okay Dad we'll see you at one." Kate said hanging up the phone without even waiting for him to respond.

Kate went to her room and taking off her uniform studied her body in the mirror, her breasts were twice as big as they had been two months ago, her hips were wider and fleshier, so was her ass. Kate cupped her belly, it was just at the point where it could fool some people into thinking she needed to lose some weight but it was a little too firm. She marveled at how much she actually liked her body like this, the new curves made her look voluptuous and she'd always admired that type of figure on other women.

As she ran her hand down her stomach, Kate thought she felt a tiny flutter of movement but she was unsure.She heldher breath as she waited for it to happen again she finally giving up when nothing happened. She'd read somewhere that the baby should be kicking by now, worried, she'd made an appointment to see Dr. Cortez tomorrow. She'd go to see him before lunch with her father, Kate wasn't worried that Rita would be with her as the little girl had already guessed Kate's condition two weeks ago.

Putting on her sweats, Kate crawled onto the bed to take a little nap before she went to join James and Rita.

"Kate! You were supposed to meet us at the Center 4 hours ago!" Rita exclaimed as she barged into the bedroom.

Kate woke up, "What time is it?" Her words came out slightly slurred as she was still groggy from sleep.

"Well it's four hours too _late_ for you to meet us at the Center." Rita retorted.

Kate fixed Rita a stern look as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, spotting the clock she saw it was 9 p.m.

"Oh my God! I'm _so sorry_! You guys weren't waiting for me all this time were you?" Kate exclaimed alarmed at the time.

"Not to worry Sass, around seven thirty Little Nicky an' I decided to go eat dinner on our own. Figured you didn't wanna hang with us." James said as he walked into the bedroom, a semi-frown on his face.

"You alright? Been tryin' to call you all evenin'."

Kate nodded, her face apologetic, "I'm sorry I fell asleep, I only meant to take a little nap while I waited for the traffic to die down."

"The Center's not _that far_ Kate you could've walked." Rita sniped.

Kate turned to look at Rita in surprise, she really seemed unimpressed with Kate for missing their appointment.

"I said I was sorry Rita." Kate said irritably.

"Why are you so tired these days anyway Kate?" Rita shot back.

Kate's eyes widened in apprehension, before she could reply James stepped in between them, "Okay, okay, that's enough, Little Nicky why don't you get your stuff so I can drop you off at Rambina's."

Rita managed to throw Kate one last dirty look before she left the room. James turned to look at Kate who looked upset.

"She didn't mean nothin' by it Freckles, it's just that she'd organized a lil' show as a surprise for you with some of the other kids at the Center." James explained, sitting down next to Kate on the bed.

Kate immediately felt tears in her eyes, "Shit. I just fell asleep, I can't believe I did that."

James rubbed a hand on her back, "Hey don't worry 'bout it. She can do it some other time. Now come on get up so we can drop her off, I hope whatever it is that made you arrange this sleepover is gonna be good."

Kate had almost forgotten about her surprise for James! Smiling mysteriously she said, "Oh don't worry about that, it will be good!" Getting up she put her sneakers on, picking up her purse she followed James out of the bedroom.

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The entire car ride to Ana-Lucia's was strained, Rita wasn't speaking to Kate and Kate was finding it hard to give the little girl her space. In the four weeks that Rita had been staying with them she had never had an argument with Kate and now that Kate was on the receiving end of Rita's frostiness she started to understand why James got so upset when the two of them argued.

Ana-Lucia came to meet them, Rita practically shot out of the car while it was still moving, leaning into the driver's side she kissed James goodbye and without even saying a word to Kate ran into Ana-Lucia's house.

Ana-Lucia looked at James and Kate in question, "Is she gonna be pissy all night?"

"No, she's just pissed at me, you'll be fine Hotlips." Kate said, her tone self-deprecating.

Ana-Lucia nodded in understanding, "Okay, you still picking her up in the morning?"

"Yeah, I'll be here at ten o'clock like we agreed. I'll see you then." Kate replied as James started to reverse the car. Waving at Ana-Lucia he turned the car onto the road and headed for the highway.

"So where we goin' Sassafras?" James asked.

"Downtown LA, a place called Simon's Hofbrau." Kate replied.

James' eyebrows shot up, "You're takin' me to a strip-joint? Is this 'cause of what I said the other night, 'bout missing the bachelor life?"

"Yeah well, I don't want you to think that I'm not fun or that I wouldn't let you go to a place like that. I wouldn't let you go _alone_ but I'll most definitely come with you. One of the girl's at work, Cindy said she used to work there and it's real classy." Kate said in her defense at the incredulous look on James' face.

James shook his head in amazement, "You're really somethin' else aren't ya?"

Kate didn't look at him but he could see her cheeks dimpling with the smile she was trying to hide.

"Have I met Cindy? She sounds…_ interestin'_." James said as an after-thought.

Kate whipped her head around to glare at him, James laughed at the look on her face.

Kate got out of the car, "I'll go in and get our table, while you park. I'll see you in there."

James did as he was told, he had to drive around for ten minutes before he could find a spot to park.

When he got inside the restaurant/bar/adult cabaret, he swore when he realized that the place was empty. There was one attractive, statuesque blonde dressed like a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and the rest of the room was empty.

Frowning he looked for Kate and saw her sitting at a table in the center of the room by the stage. Walking towards her, he froze when he realized the woman sitting at the table wasn't Kate! Pausing in consternation, James was about to beat a hasty retreat when the spotlight came on stage and he heard the music start.

Looking up at the stage James' jaw dropped when he saw the woman on stage, it was Kate! She was wearing a black and wine red satin basque, the requisite stockings, garter and black forties style shoes. James didn't know how or when she managed it but her hair was tumbling down in wavy curls that immediately made him think of Greta Garbo or Marlene Deitrich.

She looked like she'd stepped right out of a forties fantasy onto the stage in front of him.

"_Come on babe why don't we paint the town…. And all that jazz."_ As the lyrics kicked in, Kate who'd been standing there in a pose started to move, with her riding crop in her hands she started to dance sensually to the music as she sang along with the music.

Looking directly at James who'd sat down, his legs too weak to support him; she danced to the song even going so far as to shimmy up a pole at one point and slide down it with one leg.

Half-way through the performance, a few female dancers dressed all in black joined Kate on the stage lifting her up and twirling her around as Catherine Zeta Jones sang, "_Hold on hon we're gonna bunny hug, how 'bout some aspirin_"

'I definitely need some aspirin!' James thought as he watched the dancers stroke Kate on stage before she shook them off and danced for him some more.

James gritted his teeth when he saw Kate kiss a cute little redhead on the lips, then stroke the face of another dancer while she pulled Kate's garter off with her teeth. The song ended with Kate's foot on the redhead's head and her riding crop resting against her left thigh.

As soon as the routine ended, Kate and the dancers left the stage, James swallowed the entire contents of the bourbon the cheerleader waitress had placed in front of him at some point. Setting the glass down James placed a hundred dollar bill on the table; as Kate came to meet him at the table, looking very pleased with herself.

James stood up immediately and grabbing her arm started to drag her towards the door, as soon as they were outside James kissed her roughly.

When they broke away Kate gazed into his eyes, "I take it you liked my performance?"

"I don't think _like_ does what I'mfeelin' any justice Sassafras. Let's get outta here before I attack you right here, _right now_." He said as he dragged her towards the car.

Kate struggled to keep up with him but she couldn't help the smug smile on her face as she was dragged to the car.

Five minutes later, James stopped the car in an alleyway, dragging Kate out the car he flung her against the wall ravishing her on the spot.

Kate didn't mind the slightest, his reaction to the performance thrilled her to the very core and she was more than obliging when James lifted her legs and started to show his appreciation.

When they got home, James didn't let Kate take off her outfit insisting on her keeping it on he disappeared into the kitchen while Kate waited in the bedroom for him.

She couldn't keep the smile off her face, 'So far so good. Now all I have to do after this, is tell him about the baby.' Even the thought of this couldn't dispel her smile or her good mood.

James returned to the bedroom with a tub of ice cream and just the one spoon. Kate looked at him as understanding dawned on her.

James wiggled his eyebrows at her, "You think you're the only one that can work someone into a lather Sass?"

Dipping the spoon into the ice-cream tub, James licked some of the ice-cream off it then fixing a smoldering look on Kate he said, "Buckle up sweetheart the night's just beginnin'."


	13. Chapter 13

As I wrote this chapter I realised that this story is going to be much longer and more complex in some ways than **NAA,** I hope that doesn't put anybody off!

Thank you all for the positive reviews and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

As usual, you know what to do (**RnR**)!

**Chapter 13**

Kate lay in James' arms savoring the intimacy of the moment; he was half-asleep and drowsy.

"What are you thinking of _right now_?" Kate asked him.

James smiled to himself, looking down at her he said, "I'm thinkin' gettin' the cute dancers to touch you like that on that stage was hot but missin' one thing."

Kate lay her hand on his chest and resting her head on it, she looked at him with a smile on her face, "What?"

"Me." James replied.

Kate giggled at this, "That was the _point_, thought I'd tease you a little with the ultimate male fantasy."

"So what, I have a fantasy, I tell you 'bout it an' you'll just _do it_?" James asked warming to the subject.

Kate laughed, "Sort of."

"So how do I know which fantasies of mine you'll indulge?"

"Tell me about it and if you never know, I just might." Kate replied saucily.

James opened his mouth to say something when he felt a jab on his left side.

Frowning he looked down at Kate, "Did your stomach just _kick_ me?"

Kate's smile died on her lips, "Oh my God really?" She brought her hand down to her stomach to feel for herself.

James watched her with interest, bringing his hand down to her stomach himself he covered her hand with his own.

"What's goin' on Kate?"

Kate looked up at him, taking a deep breath she knew the moment had finally arrived.

"Well, funny story… I'm kind of pregnant."

James face froze, "What's that now?"

She took a deep breath sitting up with her back against the headboard, James was staring at her like he'd never seen her before.

"You remember how we _never_ used protection on the Island? Well, I don't have to explain the rest do I?"

James continued staring at her, his mouth hanging open he was dumbfounded.

"So what makes you so sure it's mine?"

"I'm 16 weeks along. The only person I was with that long ago was you." Kate explained.

James glared at her as he hopped out of the bed, pulling his boxers on he speared Kate with his angry gaze.

"You tellin' me you were sleepin' with Jacko while you were carryin' ma baby?" His voice was dangerously low.

"I didn't know! With everything that was going on, I kinda lost track! I know it looks bad but I had no idea until I saw that Doctor in Baton Rouge." Kate said her eyes pleading him to understand.

"You mean you knew 'bout this since Baton Rouge an' _you didn't tell me_?" James almost bellowed at her.

Kate realized her mistake too late, rising onto her knees she held her hands up to try and placate him.

James stepped away from the bed like it was a nest of vipers, "So you lied to me when I asked you what the Doctor said an' when I asked you why you were bein' sick the other night, _damn it_ _Kate_!"

"I didn't know what to do! I thought it was Jack's and I didn't want to ruin things between us! Jamie please-"

James held his hand up, "Not a word Kate, not another word!" He warned, his voice shaking with fury.

Kate saw his hands curl into fists and she could see the effort it was taking him not to lash out.

"So what the hell was tonight 'bout then? Was that your attempt to butter me up 'fore you told me you'd been lyin' to me?"

Kate shook her head, as big fat tears started to slide down her face, "No… I wanted to do this for you because I knew it was my last chance in a long time."

"So if I hadn't felt that baby kick were you plannin' on tellin' me at all?" James asked pointing an angry finger at Kate's abdomen.

Kate was crying in earnest now, "Y-yes. I knew I had to tell you before Travis got back 'cause he said he'd tell you if I didn't-"

"_Travis_! Travis knew?" James interrupted her angrily.

Kate hung her head in shame, not saying a word.

"Answer me goddamnit! Who else knew?"

"R-r-rita." Kate sobbed despondently, covering her face with her hands.

"_Sonofabitch_! You _lied_ to me Kate, you told me you loved me an' you were lyin' to cover your own ass. You don't have an honest bone in your body do ya?" James spoke softly, his voice deadly calm.

Kate looked up at him, her makeup running down her face, "No, I meant what I said, I just didn't tell you everything, but I swear to God Jamie I _didn't_ lie to you that day!"

James was practically shaking with rage, his eyes spitting blue-black fire.

Kate moved to get off the bed, James stormed out of the room without a backward glance.

"James! James! _Wait_! Please!" Kate's cry broke with emotion as sobs of regret wracked her body. It wasn't supposed to happen this way!

James headed for the balcony, he was going to kill her, so help him God he was going to kill her! How could she do this to him?

Kate approached him warily as she saw him standing outside, his hands gripping the rail.

James didn't turn around, "Go back Kate, I'm warnin' you."

Kate opened her mouth to say something, anything but the words died in her throat.

They remained standing on the balcony in silence, James' anger so strong it was like a living breathing thing.

Finally, James turned around to face her.

"What do you want from me Kate?" His face was sad and exhausted, the anger still burning brightly in his sapphire blue eyes.

Kate felt her composure crack, "I just want us to be together… I know I've handled this badly but you have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you."

"Well you have Kate, not only have you been doin' it with Jack while you carried what you _say_ is ma baby but you told everyone else but me, so what do you want from me now?" James asked his voice cracking with emotion.

"How can you do this to me after all we've been through? After everythin' we talked 'bout in Baton Rouge?"

Kate started to cry silent tears, sinking to the floor she bowed to the unyielding pain that gripped her heart.

James watched her as she sobbed in despair, against his will his heart melted in the face of her obvious distress.

Sighing he walked over to her and picked her up off the floor, carrying her back to her room.

Kate clung to James in desperation, she felt so alone and she needed the warmth and the comfort his arms always gave her.

When he set her down on the bed, she lay there curled up in the fetal position as she cried her heart out.

James rubbed her back as he thought about how quickly he was back to feeling alone and afraid because his heart always seemed to betray him. Despite everything his soul was once again being held hostage by Kate. The anger he felt at her deception put on the back burner as her sobs lacerated his heart.

"Hush now Freckles, this can't be good for you… or the baby." He said to her gently.

Kate's sob died halfway as she quivered under the effort it took her to stop crying.

Rolling over onto her back she faced Jamie, her eyes puffy and red-rimmed from all the tears she'd shed. She gazed into his eyes for a long time before she started to talk.

"When I was nineteen, Tom and I got married in Vegas because neither one of us had the money to get married the traditional way. We were together for three months before I got pregnant. You see, we'd always thought we'd get married and Tom had wanted us to have nine kids." Kate smiled bitterly as she said this. James looked on wondering where this story was going.

Taking a deep breath Kate continued, "I was excited because I thought it was a sign that we were meant together and that I could have something good for a change… One day when I was three months pregnant, I went grocery shopping. As I left the supermarket I bumped into Wayne, he started taunting me about how I thought I'd gotten away but I was still just the scared little girl he used to lock up in the cage. We got into an argument and the next thing I knew he started beating me with his fists. He threw me into the shop window… it broke and I went through it, landing on a shopping cart which hit someone. That's the last thing I remember."

Kate kept her eyes fixed on James, "When I woke up I was in a hospital, I was cut up and bruised, I'd broken my arm and had a concussion, but the baby was fine. Tom came to see me as soon as he could. He was in med school already and he had to leave class in order to come and see me. They let me go home after a few days and one morning I got a call from the hospital. It turns out that their lab results showed the baby wasn't okay and I would need to come in for further tests. I went back and the test results showed that if I carried the pregnancy to full term, our baby wouldn't be normal. So I went home with the Doctor's advice ringing in my head… I told Tom what the Doctor said but he didn't care, he wanted me to have the baby and I didn't. A few weeks later after lots of arguments, his Mom came to see me. She told me I was nothing but trouble and I was going to ruin her brilliant son's life."

James listened to Kate's story, his heart bleeding for the scared, battered and bruised nineteen year old girl she'd been. Without realizing it, James was holding her hand in a gesture of support.

"Well to cut a long story short, she knew someone who could do the procedure for me and she would take me there herself and pay for all of it. I gave in to the pressure and did as she told me, lying to Tom that I was going out for lunch with his mother. The 'someone' turned out to be a quack and not only did he screw up the abortion but he damaged some tissue irreparably." Kate's voice shook with unshed tears, bravely she carried on telling her tragic story.

"She had made me promise not to tell Tom and to call her if anything was wrong. When Tom came home he found me in a pool of blood, and I was barely conscious. He took me to the ER where they had to finish off the job and they told me I would never be able to have kids because there was too much scarring. Tom tried to support me and to understand but he couldn't. He hated me and he wanted to punish me for what I'd done behind his back. His mother claimed she never did end up meeting me for lunch and that was it. I didn't try to argue with her because there wasn't really a point… within a month we were divorced. My marriage was over and _Wayne_ had won, again." Kate's voice tapered off as she closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry.

James pulled her into his arms and cradling her, held her tight.

"I didn't tell you about this because I didn't really believe it was possible, I let myself be fooled and had my baby killed. My punishment would be never to have kids because I messed it up the first time, I accepted that! And then now, when there was a chance that maybe, just maybe I was going to be okay… I'm pregnant! I only had it confirmed last month, the day before Rita came, Tex-"

"Hush now Freckles, not another word." James interrupted her tenderly. Rocking her back and forth he held her in his arms, processing this new revelation.

Kate lay there for a few seconds, drained of all energy, suddenly she struggled against his hold in order to search his face.

"You _have_ to believe me, I didn't do this to lie to you, I_ love_ you. More than anything or anyone else I have _ever_ loved in my _entire_ life."

James started to say something but Kate grabbed his face in her hands, her eyes desperate.

"I am not lying, I swear. You _have_ to believe me!"

James relented, "I believe you Sweetcheeks… I believe you."

Kate's relief showed on her face, slowly, she leaned in to kiss him but he moved away.

Rising from the bed James spoke firmly.

"I think we all need to get some sleep, got an early start tomorrow."

Kate couldn't hide the hurt or the confusion on her face. James' face was unreadable, and neither were his eyes. He leaned in and kissed Kate on the top of her head, then pulling back before she could respond he walked to the door. His tawny fingers on the door handle he turned to look at Kate, who sat on the bed her shoulders slumped. When she raised her troubled eyes to meet his; this seemed to satisfy him somehow, because he smiled at her so slightly it was almost imperceptible.

With that he left the room shutting the door quietly behind him.

Kate felt the pain of his rejection and of knowing that her denial had destroyed all the closeness and the growing trust between them over the last two months.

But she also saw a small sliver of hope becauseshe'd seen his pulse jump when she leaned in to kiss him.

"It's not over Tex, not yet." She said to the empty room.

Rising to turn off the light, Kate slipped under the covers and eventually after tossing and turning from the strangeness of sleeping on her own for the first time in a month; succumbed to the call of the Sandman.


	14. Chapter 14

Like I warned y'all before, I am really strapped for time these days hence the slow updates. Which is killing me as much as it is killin' all y'all 'cause James and Kate's story is almost complete in my head, but I just don't have the time to put it down on paper!

**Budweiser**, welcome to the fold, I hope my story will not ultimately disappoint you. When I saw your name I couldn't help but wonder if you were Budweiser from the TWOP Lost forum?

Anyhoo, onwards an upwards, as usual you know what to do.** RnR**!

**Chapter 14**

James stared up at the ceiling wondering why he felt so lost and alone, then like a bolt of lightning it all came rushing back to him.

'Kate's pregnant! _Four _months pregnant! She told Travis! Rita! Everyone except for me!" Each thought sliding through his mind's eye like a newspaper headline. And to make matters worse she was claiming it was his, which meant she'd been exposing his poor baby to things he didn't want to think about too deeply while she was shacking up with Jack.

James wondered to himself for the hundred-thousandth time just what kind of a woman he was involved with. These last few months he'd felt so close, so complete in a way he'd never felt before and with Kate's news last night the illusion was gone. James felt like the biggest fool, Travis had warned him and deep down he hadn't wanted to listen. Travis! How could he keep this from him? Travis never kept anything from James, no matter how harsh or unpleasant James had always been able to depend on his Big Bro to be honest with him. And now with the advent of Kate even his most fundamental relationship was under pressure. Why hadn't Travis told him?

James was mentally kicking himself, he should never have let Kate into his heart or life, she was a man-eater. She sucked them in, chewed them up and spat them out, broken and damaged beyond repair. And now she was pregnant with his baby, they were bound forever.

James sighed out-loud, 'Who am I kiddin'? We were bound forever the minute she took that gun from me when we first crashed on the Island.' And every day since had just strengthened that bond, he couldn't break it or escape her no matter what he did.

With this realization came the knowledge that he was in too deep and somehow they would either have to get past this and rebuild or he would have to come face to face with what he still hoped in his heart of hearts wasn't true. Kate was incapable of truly loving someone and if that was the case then they were both doomed and he would have to walk away from her.

His alarm clock buzzed, jarring James out of his reverie, he dragged himself out of bed, unwilling to face this day. He steadied himself with the thought that he was flying out to New York today, at least that would buy him a few days to process everything, a few days of space away from Kate.

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Kate shuffled into the kitchen exhausted, although she'd fallen asleep quite easily she'd had the dream where she was on the Island again except this time Wayne and the Marshal had been dragging her down into the water. She felt too despondent about what this could mean to feel optimistic about the morning anymore, and the cold shower she'd taken to wake herself up had only served to chill her to the bone.

"Good morning." Kate said in falsely cheerful voice as she spied James standing by the breakfast nook.

James turned around to fix one of his trademark sapphire glares at her, "Ain't nothin' good 'bout this mornin' I can think of Freckles."

Kate's eyes drifted down to the floor momentarily, biting her lip she decided not to say anything in response so she just sat down on a stool. Placing her hands on the counter top she studied the marble surface like it held the secrets to life.

James walked over to the fridge, taking out a carton of milk, he set it on the counter then pushing the box of cereal on the counter towards Kate; he sat down opposite her.

"Thanks." Kate said hesitantly as she looked up at him briefly before pouring out the cereal into the bowl in front of her. She didn't dare refuse it, although her stomach churned slightly at the prospect of eating it.

James sat there studying her face trying to read what was going on behind her lowered lids.

"You look like hell." James said, finally.

Kate sighed as she looked up at him, the bags under her eyes making her look even more distraught than she already was.

"Thanks." She said again, before lowering her eyes to the cereal that refused to go down her rapidly tightening throat.

'Oh God Kate please don't start crying whatever you do.' She said to herself.

James watched her warily, looking for any sign of manipulation from Kate. He thought back to what she'd told him the night before. He admitted to himself that it meant something that she'd told him at all. That had been the most amount of words Kate had ever used talking about her past without interruption or prodding. That was a good sign, and as he watched her now, inwardly he acknowledged this.

After a few more mouthfuls, Kate put the spoon down in resignation, pushing the bowl away from her. James pushed the bowl right back at her.

"Baby needs to eat Freckles." James smirked at her when he saw her hands clench in frustration before she picked the spoon up again and mulishly started to eat the cereal again.

Polishing off the cereal in record time, Kate pushed the bowl away from her in disgust.

James smiled at her a glint in his eye and Kate couldn't help but glare at him in mute frustration.

"You got somethin' you wanna say Freckles?"

Kate pushed her stool back knocking it to the floor, "I'm gonna be sick."

Before James could react she ran to the kitchen sink and emptied the recently ingested cereal into it. James felt terribly guilty as he watched her wretch violently.

Picking up a kitchen towel he ran it under the already running faucet and handed it to Kate as she gripped the sink in desperation.

"Oh God, this baby is going to kill me." She muttered under her breath.

James stood behind her ready to support her should she need it.

She turned away from the sink and walked past him unsteadily into the living room; sitting down she lay her head back on the couch, with her eyes closed.

"Freckles-"

"_I'm fine_, Tex, I just need to close my eyes and catch my breath." Kate said irritably.

James complied; giving her some space he went to get her some mouthwash from the bathroom.

She accepted the mouthwash gratefully, spitting into the glass he held for her after she'd gargled it.

"Guess Baby don't like Raisin Bran, can't say I blame him." James said drily.

Kate moaned in protest, "Don't say those words!"

Rising from the couch she walked over to the box of cereal and threw it in the trash can. Turning around to face him she smiled with satisfaction.

Walking back to the couch she sat down and squaring her shoulders looked up at him as he sat down on the armrest.

"Tex about last night-"

"Let's not talk 'bout that just yet Freckles, you sure you okay? You still look a lil' green 'round the gills." He said the concern his voice also showing in his eyes.

Kate smiled at him ruefully, "It'll wear off… in an hour or so. Why do you think I always stay in my room when you go for a run in the mornings?"

James shook his head, "I thought you was just lazy."

Kate punched his arm playfully, "Hey!"

James rubbed his arm, smiling at her tenderly, "Hey yourself, that's what happens when you lie to people, they assume things 'bout you."

Kate's smile died, swallowing hard she looked up at him, "Tex, _I was going to tell you_. After I came back from the Doctor's today… the baby hadn't moved and I was getting worried so I made an appointment. Once I'd seen him I was going to tell you."

James watched her from lowered lids, masking his thoughts and feelings from her.

"Well Junior over there _did_ move, last night, so you still gotta go?" He asked her in a neutral voice, hiding the worry he felt at mention of a doctor.

Kate blinked in agreement, "Yeah, I haven't been as nauseous lately and now it's back with a vengeance, I need to know everything's okay. Besides the Doctor told me to come in for regular check-ups because of… what happened last time." Her voice wavered at the end of her sentence.

James wanted to reach out and comfort her but something held him back, rising from his perch on the arm of the couch he held his hand out to her to help her stand.

"Well, it's 9:15 an' you gotta pickupProblem Child from Lucy's in less than an hour. I got some errands to run 'fore I pick Travis up at LAX, so we gotta hustle."

Kate held on to his hand as she stood next to him, looking into his eyes she searched for a sign that would indicate the things he wasn't saying. His eyes were shuttered as he looked into hers; he started to pull his hand away, Kate let go, her shoulders slumping slightly.

Taking a deep breath, she pasted a smile onto her face, drawing herself up she stepped away from him and walked away to get her purse.

James watched her go, the hurt caused by their current stalemate written all over his face.

_**10:30 AM**_

"You're late." Rita said accusingly as she got into the car, shutting the door with angry finality.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, the traffic was really bad." Kate apologized.

Rita crossed her arms across her chest after she buckled her seatbelt; she was sitting shotgun, something she knew she wasn't allowed to do, but judging her current mood she mentally dared Kate to tell her to get in the back.

Kate looked over at Rita, her heart melting as always when she looked at the vivacious little girl. "You and Ana-Lucia have a good time?"

"Unh huh." Rita replied uncooperatively as she looked out her window.

Kate didn't comment choosing to concentrate on the road. As they approached the hospital, Rita turned to look at Kate with a panicked expression.

"Is Uncle Jamie okay? Why are we going to a _hospital_?"

Kate glanced at the little girl putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "He's_ fine_, I just have to go in for a check-up _that's all_."

Rita's sharp brown eyes took in Kate's red-rimmed eyes, the purplish shadows beneath them and her overall pale complexion. Kate parked the car, pulling the handbrake.

"What's wrong? _What happened!_ I leave you guys for one night an' you look like you've just come out of Auschwitz! _What's going on_?" Rita demanded slightly hysterical, her eyes were getting teary.

"It's _nothing_, I'm just here for a check up to make sure the baby's okay, that's all, _nothing to worry about_, I promise." Kate said soothingly, as she rubbed Rita's back.

Rita stared at Kate for another split-second before she unbuckled her seatbelt, then leaned towards the door, and pulling the handle stepped out of the car.

"Who said I was worried?" She asked over her shoulder. Kate smiled at this; the girl was picking up James' belligerence more and more each day.

They sat in the waiting room, Rita was flipping through a Curious George book in feigned boredom, studying Kate through the corner of her eye every once in a while.

"I'm _fine_ Rita." Kate reassured the little girl.

"Yeah that's what they all say. My friend Angela, she went to the hospital with her Mama last year for a 'check-up' an' next thing Angela knew her Mama was admitted 'cause she had a _brain tumor_." Rita had actually mimed the quotation marks when she said 'check-up' which made Kate smile.

"I'm serious Kate!"

"I know baby, but I really am justgoing in for a check-up and if they find tumors of any kind I will be just as shocked as Angela's Mom was when she found out. But since I'm here it will be okay even if that is the case, just like Angela's Mom."

"She _died_ a week later, there was nothin' they could do for her." Rita said flatly.

Kate's eyes widened at this, "Okay maybe not exactly like Angela's Mom. I plan on being here next week, and the week after and many, many weeks after that."

Rita raised an eyebrow at Kate.

"I mean who else will you have to _still_ be mad at - because I overslept _once_ while I was_ pregnant _and missed my appointment with you and Jamie - when you're fifteen and falling in love with a different boy every week?" Kate joked.

Rita glared at Kate's lame attempt at light-heartedness.

"Tough crowd." Kate mused out-loud.

This elicited a small smile from Rita.

Tossing the book on the table Rita turned to look at Kate, "What did you an' Uncle Jamie fight about?"

"Who says we fought?" Kate asked.

"If the reason you're here isn't 'cause you look like _that_, then it must be that. You look just how I imagined you'd look if you an' him had an argument." Rita said with the confidence and tactlessness of youth.

Kate frowned in concern, "I look _that bad_ do I?" She brought her hands up to her face to try and feel out these unsightly battle wounds on her face that Rita seemed to see.

Rita burst out laughing, "I didn't say you have warts! I just said you look rough, you've got bags under your eyes, an' you look like you've been cryin', you know." Rita shrugged at the end of the sentence.

Kate dropped her hand to her lap, "He knows about the baby, it kicked him while we were… sleeping."

Rita put her small hand in Kate's, "The baby _kicked_? Wow! It's okay, he'll get over it. You guys love each other too much for it to be any other way."

Kate let out a disbelieving laugh, "That's the problem, he doesn't love me. And after last night he never will."

Rita frowned at Kate withdrawing her hand from Kate's, "Don't say things like that! He_ so_ loves you!"

Kate glanced down at Rita fondly, "I'm not so sure about that sweetie."

Rita got up offended by Kate's dismissal, and picked up the book she'd discarded earlier, "Whatever."

Kate sighed in frustration, 'How the hell am I supposed to raise a baby of my own when I can't even stop myself from alienating a walking, talking, nine-year old?' She asked herself.

"Kate Austen?" The nurse called out.

Kate looked over at Rita, "Are you gonna come in with me, Angel?"

Rita put down the book pretending to be exasperated as she followed a nervous Kate into the Doctor's office.

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"Well everything seems normal, the blood work we had done on you shows everything is just like it's supposed to be. You're in good health, so how 'bout we do another ultrasound?" Dr. Chavez said as he called a nurse to help Kate undress and lead her to the scan.

Glancing down at Rita, Antonio Chavez tweaked her nose affectionately, and handed her a lollipop. "And _that's_ for being such a good niece and not distracting me at all today, miha."

Rita unwrapped the lollipop with barely concealed excitement, "Don't think that giving me a lollipop will get you out of the twenty bucks you owe me for my good behavior today Uncle Toni, we had a deal." She said as she stuck the lollipop in her mouth and widened her eyes up at him innocently.

Kate was too distracted to notice the exchange but she caught the look of disbelief on Antonio's face at Rita's sassy mouth. She stifled a giggle, ducking behind the screen the nurse had erected for her.

When she stepped out to lie on the bed in readiness for the scan she couldn't help but still feel slightly apprehensive, 'I'll only feel better when I see my growing baby on that screen.'

Antonio squeezed the gel on Kate's belly, Rita's brown eyes widening at the size of her stomach.

"How the hell did you hide _that_ from Uncle Jamie for so long?" Rita asked in surprise.

"Rita! Language!" Kate admonished more embarrassed at the subject matter of Rita's statement than her use of a mild cuss word.

Antonio chuckled at this, as he slid the machine on Kate's distended belly, "You _have_ grown considerably since the last time I saw you. Last month you looked voluptuous and now you just look pregnant."

"You mean fat." Kate said sarcastically. Antonio smiled at this turning his attention the screen.

As Kate had spoken the sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room, and all three of them stared at the screen. Antonio didn't say much as he frowned slightly at something he picked up, Kate glanced at him sharply then back at the screen.

"What is it?" She asked fearfully.

Antonio frowned a little more before he asked the nurse standing in the doorway to get one of his colleagues and to bring the file on Kate with her.

"What is it?" Kate asked her voice breaking under the panic that gripped her heart.

Antonio looked at Kate, his mouth had been hanging open slightly and snapping out of his reverie.

"I'm not sure, I'll need to double-check with one of my colleagues, the baby's heartbeat is very strong but I am not quite sure what else I'm seeing here."

Kate felt all the drain out of her body, something was wrong and Dr. Chavez wasn't telling her what. 'Oh God I'm being punished for not telling James!' Kate thought desperately.

She wrung her hands in distress and started to cry, Rita noticed that her stupid Uncle Toni was too pre-occupied with whatever was on the screen to see that Kate was freaking out.

Sidling up to Kate, Rita did her best to put her little arms around Kate, patting Kate on the shoulder consolingly.

"Don't cry Kate, Uncle Toni's not a very good Doctor anyway Ana-Lucia always says so. He probably thinks he sees the baby's sex and it's just like, a finger, or somethin'."

Antonio glared at Rita sharply, which made Kate laugh through her tears, realizing what was going on; Antonio made a move to comfort Kate but was interrupted by the entrance of another doctor.

"Okay Dr. Chavez what's got the best Doctor in our hospital confused?" Asked a portly middle-aged male Doctor.

"Hi, I am Dr. Howard, Chief of Obstetrics, congratulations on your pending bundle of joy." The Doctor shook Kate's hand firmly.

Kate wiped her eyes as she took the kindly, unassuming man's hand and shook it.

He looked down at Rita and patted her on the hand that rested on Kate's shoulder, smiling at her sincerely.

"Now what's the matter?" Dr. Howard asked Antonio.

As he turned around to face the screen he looked where Antonio was staring and within seconds he was muttering in amazement to himself.

Kate and Rita looked at each other in consternation, after a few minutes of consulting and cross-checking between the scan from last month and what they had on the screen in front of them, the two Doctors turned around to face Kate and Rita.

"If you would just like to take a look on the screen there Ms. Austen you'll notice that there is that one heartbeat in the lower left corner there, do you see it?" Kate looked at what Dr. Howard was referring to.

"If you look a little further off to the left you'll see that there's another heartbeat, something that wasn't picked up on your last visit." Dr. Howard said.

"What does it mean?" Kate asked her voice shaky.

"It means it's a multiple pregnancy, you're having twins, it's just that the other one is hiding behind his big brother." Antonio said, happily.

Kate stared at the two men in utter shock, her eyes welling up with tears of joy and relief that there wasn't anything wrong with her pregnancy.

"So you mean there's nothing wrong? I'm not losing the baby?" Kate asked weakly.

Dr. Howard took Kate's hand in both of his, "My dear girl, of course not. It is a perfectly healthy pregnancy, I'm looking at your uterus and everything is fine. You just need to make sure you rest a lot and don't do anything to strenuous just to be on the safe side, but you're fine. The babies are fine, too."

Kate wiped her tears smiling at the Doctor, "Thank you so much, thank you so very much Dr. Howard, Antonio… _thank you_!"

Kate turned to look at Rita, hugging the relieved little girl, tightly to her. Antonio took some pictures of the scan, then turned the machine off, handing Kate some paper towel to wipe the gel off.

When Kate walked back into Antonio's office, sitting down she asked the question that was prevalent in her mind after the good news of the scan.

"How is this possible? I was told that the damage was irreparable." Kate asked.

Dr. Howard decided to answer the question, "Dr. Chavez referred your case to me to ask my opinion last month and I have done a lot of research on your case. The bottom line is, these things happen, as long as you still have a uterus and your eggs are still being produced, Mother Nature can work miracles."

Kate took this in, "Yeah but they told me it was impossible, I even did some research of my own and I never found anything positive, I just don't understand."

Dr. Howard was sympathetic to Kate's confusion, "I know it must be hard to understand, but diet, time, environment, stress, genetically sound sperm, hormones, and divine intervention even, all have something to do with it. If you get all those things right, the so-called impossible is possible. I don't want you to worry about this, Ms. Austen, just take your daughter and the picture from the scan home with you and enjoy this very special time, sooner than you know it those babies will be ready to greet the world."

Kate nodded, accepting the older man's advice, she picked up her purse and taking the picture from the scan shook both Doctors' hands before herding Rita out of the office.

Stopping in the doorway she turned around, "One last question, are they both boys? You said something earlier-"

Antonio shook his head, "It was just something I said, I can tell the sex of one of them right now but the other baby is hiding so I don't know. Do you want to know?"

"No thank you, I'll let it be a surprise. _Thank you_ once again, and I'll see you next month."

Rita placed her hand in Kate's and let herself be led to the elevator, for once the talkative girl was silent. When they got into the elevator, Rita tugged Kate's hand, "Uncle Jamie is gonna _lose_ it."

Kate looked down at Rita in consternation, "In a _good _way! Back home twins is the luckiest thing that can happen to you." The little girl explained.

Kate smiled at Rita, "Well to be honest with you, the only lucky things that have ever really happened to me started when I met Jamie, so I really shouldn't be surprised."

Rita smiled up at Kate in response to this as the elevator doors opened, Kate found herself standing face to face with Jack.

"_Kate?_ What are you doing in Obstetrics?" Jack asked in surprise.

Kate's face was completely blank, she hadn't realized that neither her nor Rita hadn't pressed the button!

"_Jack_! What are you doing here?"

"I'm helping out a friend, and you? Who's _this_?" Jack asked referring to Rita.

Rita glared at him in indignation, "I'm Rita an' I take it you're Captain_ Jackass_ from the Island, I've heard lots 'bout you, _nothin'_ good."

Kate threw Rita a warning glance but she wasn't really angry at Rita's insolence.

Jack was taken aback but he regained his composure and after wasting a stern glance on the unrepentant Rita, addressed Kate.

"I didn't know James had a daughter."

Kate opened her mouth to speak but Rita got there first.

"Neither did I."

Kate looked down at Rita, knowing it was remiss of her not to say something to Rita.

"That's enough. Be nice, please?"

Rita shrugged, but she didn't let go of Kate's hand as she sneered at Jack.

"Sorry, we're kinda in a rush, which way are you going? Up or down?" Kate asked.

Jack stepped in the elevator and pushed the ground floor button without a word.

Kate gritted her teeth at this high-handed gesture, 'I can't believe I thought I could suffer a life with this guy.' She thought to herself.

Jack turned around to look at Kate then down at Rita who's bright intelligent eyes were fixed on him, not missing a single thing.

"You didn't answer my question, what were you doing in Obstetrics?" Jack said.

"I was actually coming from Pediatrics, couldn't find Rita's doctor so I wandered into Obstetrics thinking it was pretty much the same thing." Kate lied smoothly.

"What's wrong with her?" Jack asked.

"None of your business Jackass." Rita sniped.

Jack raised his eyebrows at this, commenting as the elevator doors opened on the ground floor.

"Colorful little girl."

Kate smiled at this glancing down at Rita tenderly, she realized two things; this was the first time Rita had taken Kate's hand since she'd come to LA. Although they got along she had never done that before, this was a trust breakthrough for them and Kate also realized that she had come to think of Rita asher daughter.

"Oh she just takes after her Uncles." Kate said in Rita's defence.

"I take it that's one of them right now." Jack said in observation as he saw James approach them.

Kate gripped Rita's hand tightly when she saw James, 'Oh God don't let him take this the wrong way!' Kate offered up in silent prayer.

She smiled tentatively at James as Rita ran up to James and into his welcoming embrace. Kate wished she could do the same and get a similar welcome, instead she approached the pair at a more sedate pace with Jack at her side.

"How's ma lil' Angel? You have fun at your sleepover?" James asked Rita in greeting as he kissed her rosy cheeks.

"Yeah, but I missed you!" Rita giggled in response, wrapping her arms around James neck as held her up in his arms, she kissed his cheeks happily.

Then in complete unison with James she turned to glare at Jack, Kate suppressed the nervous laughter that threatened to spill out of her.

"Jacko, long time no see. You don't call, you don't write."

Jack shook James' hand in greeting, "Good to see you again James, she's _just_ like you." He said in reference to Rita.

James looked at Rita and kissing her forehead he set her down on the ground, before turning his attention to Jack and Kate. He couldn't help the familiar feeling of jealousy that choked him to see the two of them standing together. Before he could make a comment Kate had moved to stand on his right side so that Jack was standing on his own.

Looking into his eyes she said to him, "We gotta go, I'm supposed to be meeting my Dad in twenty minutes."

James nodded at this and unconsciously stroking her arm he said, "Sure y'all go ahead an' get the car, I'll meet you in the parkin' lot."

They were staring into each other's eyes in a silent struggle to read what the other was thinking. Jack not only felt uncomfortable but he also felt a blinding wave of rage at the injustice of it all. They'd never been that close! _He_ was the one Kate should be looking at like that, not James! Rita's smug look of understanding only rubbing salt into an already raw and open wound.

Kate took Rita's hand and waving slightly at Jack in parting; she walked out of the exit and into the sunshine, both Jack and James watched as the two females disappeared into the concrete jungle that was the car park.

Turning to look at each other Jack couldn't keep the animosity out of his eyes, face or voice.

"She's a lot happier with you than she ever was with me."

James didn't say anything to this as he waited to hear what else Jack would have to say.

"Then again, I don't have this secret military past,smartass nieces and God knows what else to make me look good."

James raised an eyebrow at the bitterness in Jack's voice.

"So what's wrong with her anyway?"

"Who?" James asked.

"Kate, she said she was here to see Rita's Pediatrician but she was on Obstetrics and between her and Rita, the bags under her eyes tell me she's the one who needed to see a doctor." Jack said.

"Nothin's wrong with her. Rita had a check-up. Kate's got bags under her eyes 'cause we were up all night doin' what healthy, grown folks do, that's all." James said smirking at the mention of him and Kate having sex.

Jack looked like he'd been kicked in the teeth, without saying anything else he walked away from James heading for the elevator again.

"Nice seein' you again Doc!" James called out as the elevator doors closed on a stony faced Jack.

James headed out of the hospital to meet Kate and Rita in the parking lot, getting into the passenger seat when she pulled up in front of him.

Kate drove out of the hospital, "Where's your car?"

"I walked." James replied, sounding bored with the conversation.

"Okay, where am I dropping you off then?" Kate asked. It was the second time she was having a stilted conversation in this car today. 'What is wrong with me?' Kate asked herself.

"You wanna tell me why you want me outta here so bad?" James asked.

"Travis' plane arrives in less than an hour and I got fifteen minutes to meet my Dad, that's all!"

"Angelface, you know Kate's got a bun in the oven?" James asked Rita who was sitting in the backseat looking out the window as she pretended not to listen to their conversation.

Rita turned her doe eyes on James' in the rearview mirror, "You mean she's pregnant?" She asked in an overly dramatic voice.

James made a face at her, "Yeah, I already know you already know, nice try though."

Rita stuck her tongue out at him before she went back to looking out the window.

James' eyes raked Kate's form, "So what'd the Doc say?" He asked her softly.

"All clear, they don't know how I got pregnant given my situation and…" Kate's voice trailed off as she tried to keep a lid on her excitement.

"Rita pass me the picture from the scan please sweetie." Kate demanded gently.

Rita dug in Kate's purse and fishing out the scan passed it into Kate's outstretched hand.

Kate looked at it lovingly before handing it to James, "I don't know how good you are at reading scans but that picture shows two hearts on it." Kate said proudly.

James gingerly took the picture in his hand and squinted to see what Kate was talking about. Part of him savoring the moment as it was the first time he was seeing a picture of his baby. Wait a minute she said two hearts.

"Whaddaya mean two hearts?"

"Rita?" Kate prompted with a grin on her face.

Rita sighed in exaggeration, "_Oh my God_! Twins, Uncle Jamie, duh." Rolling her eyes she went back to gazing out the window.

James stared at the picture slack-jawed then looked at Kate, then down at her abdomen as if he could see through the clothes and flesh into her uterus.

"No shit."

"Yeah shit." Kate replied chirpily, as she risked a quick glance at him before returning her attention to the road.

James shook his head in denial, "Did you know it was twins all this time?"

"Nope, just found out today, I thought it was bad news when Antonio called another doctor in but he just wanted to make sure before he told me the good news."

James cocked an eyebrow, "Antonio huh?"

Kate smiled at this, "Give me a break Tex, the guy's done an internal exam on me and you wanna get testy about what I call him?"

James looked at Kate like she was from another planet, "In a nutshell? Yeah."

Kate rolled her eyes at this, but she was still smiling.

"So what'd Jacko say 'bout the good news?"

Kate risked a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye, "I didn't tell him. I told him that Rita was the one going for a check up."

James remained silent observing Rita in the rearview mirror.

"I lied because I didn't think it was appropriate to discuss this with him, and I didn't want you to think that maybe I still have feelings for him." Kate volunteered of her own accord.

James didn't comment on this, winking at Rita in the rearview he glanced at Kate before he asked her to pull over the car. Doing as she was told, she turned to look at him in confusion.

"My car's just a block away from here, I'll be gone for a few days, left y'all some emergency phone numbers in the kitchen. Be good okay?" James addressed Rita when he said this last part.

Kate stared at James in hurt confusion, before she could say anything, James opened the car door and stepped out. Turning to look at Kate he said, "When I get back I want a paternity test."

Kate looked like he'd slapped her in the face, "What?"

James fixed Kate a no-nonsense look before he shut the door and walked off towards his car parked around the corner.

Kate glanced at Rita in the rearview mirror who was studiously looking out the window and shifted the car back into gear. Sighing inwardly Kate steered the car onto the highway, dreading lunch with her father even more than she had been ten minutes ago, all she wanted was to go home and cry. Instead she was about to sit through a taxing emotional meal with the man who she'd called Daddy but wasn't.

She was so upset by what James had said, she hadn't noticed that James had pocketed the picture of the scan.


	15. Chapter 15

After almost a month long hiatus, I am back! I must apologize for the long absence but I had some real tough exams that required every single brain cell and ounce of energy that I had. I will not be MIA for so long again if I can help it.

I must apologize in advance if this chapter confuses some or doesn't flow as well as (**I hope)** the others have but I just have to get back into that writing zone.

Just to explain I don't really think Kate's Dad is a great person because he doesn't seem to have been very supportive of her when times got rough so this is my interpretation of the kind of man he is and would also explain why Kate gravitated to Jack in the first place.

As usual you know what to do! **RnR** it is my motivation to continue writing.

**Chapter 15**

Kate parked the car in the parking lot with a sense of trepidation. She really would rather just go home and not go through the emotionally complex rigamarole that was involved in a meeting with her Dad. Sighing in defeat, she stepped out of the car, smiling at Rita's impatient stance as she stood waiting for Kate.

"Alright, alright, let's go, but remember, he's pretty tough so don't be so… you." Kate said with a smile on her face. Rita shrugged, taking Kate's hand and practically dragging her into the restaurant.

"Fine, whatever. I just wanna eat, I'm absolutely starvin'!" Rita said with the dramatic emphasis only 9 year olds can pull off.

Kate chuckled to herself as they walked into the restaurant. The minute she stepped in she saw her Dad, who rose to stand up with the precise grace only high ranking military officers seemed to possess.

The maitre'd greeted them at the door, recognizing her from a previous visit he led them directly to her father's table without exchanging more than the usual pleasantries. This discrete professionalism of the staff was one of the reasons the restaurant was popular with its morehigh profile clientele.

"Hey Daddy, sorry I'm late." Kate apologized as she hugged him briefly before pulling away.

Sgt. Austen gestured for both of them to take a seat in the empty high-backed leather chairs facing him. As soon as Kate and Rita were seated, he turned to the waiter and proceeded to order.

"She will have the Caesar salad, light dressing and this little lady here will have a kid's size steak sandwich medium rare, with mashed potatoes on the side, and your freshest vegetables in a side salad. No dressing. You already have my order, make sure the food arrives together. Don't worry about drinks we will all have some mineral water at room temperature, a slice of lemon, no ice."

Rita's eyebrows rocketed almost disappearing into her hairline; she swiveled to look at Kate in a comical look of disbelief. Kate ignored this, fearing the repercussions if she made a move to try and acknowledge Rita's silent enquiry.

"I am Sergeant Sam Austen, and _you_ must be the precocious Rita." He said, charmingly.

Rita studied him for a few seconds before replying, "That's me. Your name doesn't ring a bell, an' you are?"

Kate bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing; her Dad was understandably taken aback by Rita's cheeky reply.

"Kate's Dad." Sergeant Austen replied shortly.

"Well, I'm sure it's nice to meet you, I'll know for sure when I taste the food you ordered for me, without askin'." Rita retorted before she turned to Kate and asked if she could be excused so she could go to the bathroom. Kate nodded her assent and watched as the spunky 9 year old strode away.

"She needs some discipline, bright young minds need to be nurtured in the appropriate way otherwise they just became wasted potential." Sgt. Austen lectured Kate.

Kate nodded, "Yeah I guess she does, but you have to understand she doesn't know you and you just took charge."

"That's what adults do, Katie." Sgt. Austen intoned austerely before he placed a conciliatory hand on Kate's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"So how's my little girl? You've put on weight, a little more than I think is necessary, are you not exercising?"

Kate shrugged his hand off subtly, "Is that why I get light dressing?" She asked in a deliberately light tone.

Sgt. Austen nodded, before he tweaked her nose and placing his hands firmly on the table proceeded to grill her about what she had been doing in the last few months.

"I spoke to Jack a few weeks ago; I have to admit I was very surprised to hear you up and left him for some redneck. You had a good thing with the Dr. Katie, why do you always have to go and ruin it?" He asked with genuine confusion.

Kate rolled her eyes in exasperation, "I'm a grown woman Dad, I don't have to explain anything to you. Besides, I think I am the best judge of what is good for me and what isn't."

Kate hated how her father could always raise her hackles with the slightest provocation and her shoulders and back tensed in preparation for anything else he might say.

Rita slid back into her seat silently, attentively listening to the conversation and observing the body language of the two adults as they spoke. Kate was almost imperceptibly tense, and the Sgt. oozed authoritative confidence in direct contrast to Kate.

Sgt. Austen proceeded to ask Kate why she couldn't have worked things out with Jack and what exactly she saw in a good for nothing hillbilly. This last thread of conversation; decidedly confirming Rita's unfavorable opinion on the older man.

Their food was delivered and when Kate's plate was placed in front of her she wrinkled her nose at the salad and turning to the waiter asked him to add some grilled chicken and piquant dressing on the side, as she handed back the plate to him.

Sgt. Austen did not show any sign of displeasure until the waiter had left, "Is that why you've sent the salad back? To show me just how grown up you are? You don't even _eat_ meat."

Kate shook her head silently as she unfolded Rita's napkin and spread it on her lap.

Turning her attention back to the Sgt, she felt a rush of anger at the disapproving look on his face.

"She's 9 years old Katie, she can unfold her own napkin."

"I know, but I like to do it." Kate responded defensively as she cut up Rita's sandwich for her into four smaller sections.

The Sgt. shook his head in disgust, "Is _this_ what you left Jack for? Playing nursemaid to one of the Hillbilly's byblows, while he's off begetting more elsewhere?"

Kate was positively seething but she did not show it, she knew how much the Sgt. hated scenes or inappropriate displays of emotion in public. Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself down she was saved from replying by Rita.

"Isn't the rankin' of sergeant just _junior_ management which is the same thing as a glorified secretary in the military?" Rita asked innocently, widening her doe eyes at Sgt. Austen as she asked the question.

"Did you say something young lady? This is a conversation between Kate and I and it's_ very_ rude to interrupt… didn't your Mother teach you that?" He demanded with ill-concealed annoyance.

Rita looked at him like he was nothing but a scumbag, "No she didn't. She was too busy bein' dead."

Kate offered all kinds of promises to the Gods to give her the strength not to laugh or interfere. It was the second time today that Rita had managed to shut well-respected and educated grown men up and Kate was thanking her lucky stars she had Rita with her today as she seemed to be unable to do it herself.

Sgt. Austen flushed considerably in horror at Rita's reply, he was at a loss for words, but Rita didn't seem to be suffering from the same problem.

"I guess your Mama left out a few fundamentals when she taught you _your_ manners Sgt. Austen." Rita observed before she forked a mouthful of mashed potato into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully looked around the room effectively dismissing the Sgt.

Kate accepted her chicken Caesar salad gratefully, and dug in with a renewed appetite as she tried not to laugh. Kate attributed it to the hormones because strangely,she was finding her father's discomfort very gratifying for reasons she couldn't explain.

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James gazed at the picture of the babies he'd pocketed from Kate earlier; he was waiting for Travis to come through customs and he couldn't help the smile that graced his lips as he studied the picture.

He felt a tidal wave of pride, joy and love as he studied his first look at his babies and his throat contracted painfully with the unshed tears of happiness he felt knowing that he was going to be a father.

"What's goin' on Lil Brother? Looks like you're havin' a religious experience… must be one helluva naked woman you got there." Travis interrupted in affectionate greeting as he hugged James and turned to look at the ultrasound picture.

Travis' eyebrows rose in surprise, "What's this?"

James choked back the emotions that were flooding his being, clearing his throat he replied gruffly; "Don't play dumb with me Travis, seein' as you've _known_ 'bout Kate's condition for a lot longer than I have, what do you _think_ it is?"

Travis nodded in understanding, not even bothering to pretend he didn't know what James was talking about.

"Yeah well, it wasn't ma place to tell you, looks like she pulled through an' did it herself." He remarked as he studied James' face intently.

James scowled at Travis, "Hmm suffice it to say that didn't go as well as y'all had planned…'sides, _you_ were gonna tell me today if she hadn't, right."

Travis cocked an eyebrow at this.

"Yeah, she told me all 'bout how you an' her had a deal, an' here I thought you an' I _didn't _keep secrets from each other." James said bitterly.

Travis started to walk towards the exit, blindsided by this latest development he gathered his thoughts as he tried to do some damage control. He knew he was walking a fine line because on the one hand he didn't want to fan the flames but on the other he had to make sure James understood.

"This ain't 'bout you an' me Jamie, it's 'bout you an' Sassy an' I sure as hell didn't wanna muddy the waters unless I absolutely had to."

James seethed in pent up frustration, "Last we spoke you were still on the fence 'bout her, so why'd you suddenly start carin' 'bout her feelings?"

Travis frowned slightly as a heavily sweating man ran over his foot with his suitcase; after dodging a heavily burdened family of six he turned his attention back to James.

"That's not fair, you know I like an' admire her, 'sides, I ain't never seen you _half _as happy as you've been with her."

James snorted in derision, pushing past a middle-aged woman with bleached roots who was barreling through the crowd in a rush to greet a friend.

"It still don't explain how _you_ of all people could keep somethin' like this from me an' conspire with Freckles."

Travis didn't respond immediately to this as he spotted a contact of his making his way towards them.

The man was 6ft tall and looked like he was a member of the Secret Service; he walked past Travis dropping an envelope into his right jacket pocket before he carried on walking.

Jamie looked at Travis in question, and Travis gestured with his chin indicating they should leave the airport.

When James drove out of the airport, Travis opened the envelope and read the contents, when he was done he put everything back and resealing the envelope slid it back into his pocket.

"So do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" He asked in a conversational tone.

James grinned with pride, "Don't know but I'll do you one better. She's havin' twins."

Travis swiveled to look at James, "Twins? Y'all don't do _anythin'_ half assed together do you?"

James shook his head a little sadly but he was still excited, "Guess not."

Travis slapped James on the back heartily, "Well done Lil Bro, guess I can stop worryin' 'bout your ability to perpetuate the Ford genes."

"Whaddaya mean _stop _worryin'? Why were you ever worried?" James asked with indignation.

Travis laughed good naturedly, "Well, you're 35 goin' on 36 an' there's no James Ford juniors in sight, I had to wonder!"

Seeing the look on James face at this comment Travis couldn't be cruel enough to continue the joke, "I'm just yankin' your chain! I know I taught you well 'bout bein' careful."

James made a face at this, relieved that Travis hadn't actually doubted his ability to have children. Secretly he felt even more reassured by the fact that Kate was having twins than he had five minutes ago.

Travis was gazing off into space, absent-mindedly he fingered the envelope in his right jacket pocket and a frown marred his brow. Surreptitiously he kept glancing at James as he processed the information he had received.

"What is it? Why you lookin' at me like that?" James asked impatiently, concern clouding his face.

Travis stared straight ahead, his voice distracted and his eyes focusing on a point only he could see, "I'll tell you when we get home."

James frowned in consternation, wondering what was so urgent that the contact had had to give it to Travis as soon as he landed; and most importantly what had his normally ice calm and controlled big brother so worried.

When they arrived in the apartment, Travis led James out onto the balcony and handed James the contents of the envelope.

"It's 'bout Sassy. An' it ain't good Lil Brother… seems her Daddy has involved her in some very dangerous affairs." Travis explained in a foreboding voice, as he clenched and unclenched his left hand. James noticed this and felt his chest freeze with trepidation, anything that could ruffle Travis' normally unruffled feathers to the extent of showing a physical sign of his feelings must be bad.

James looked down at the paper and photographs in his hands as if they were radioactive material, with a sinking heart he forced himself to read the documents and see exactly what kind of newfound monsters this information would bring into his life with Kate.

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The rest of the meal had passed in silence, awkward and uncomfortable on Sgt. Austen's side and peaceful and content from Kate and Rita's perspective.

"Thank you very much for the meal Sgt. Austen, it was delicious." Rita spoke primly, in direct contrast to her earlier comments.

Sgt. Austen nodded his acceptance, still too mortified by his previous statement to actually speak to the little girl.

Rita's perceptive eyes did not fail to pick this up but mentally shrugging she excused herself to go to the bathroom leaving Kate and the Sgt. alone at the table as the waiter cleared their plates. Sgt. Austen handed the waiter his credit card and told him to take a $20 tip as well.

After the waiter had gone, Sgt. Austen cleared his throat, "I'm very sorry about what I said earlier. That was unforgivable of me, do you think you can talk to her and explain I didn't know?" He asked Kate in an apologetic voice.

Kate was secretly enjoying his discomfort, especially in light of the remarks he'd made about James earlier.

Kate nodded, "Don't worry Dad, I'll talk to her, _it's okay_, you didn't know."

Sgt. Austen shook his head still appalled at his gaffe; focusing on Kate he pierced her green eyes with a very serious look.

"I asked you to meet me for lunch Katie, 'cause I needed to clarify a few things."

Kate felt her heartbeat race as a fragile hope beat in her chest that her father would apologize for his past transgressions and acknowledge how he had failed her when she had needed him most.

"I need to know what your stance is on going back into the business." Sgt. Austen said unknowingly dashing all of Kate's hopes.

Kate forced herself not to show disappointment, presenting a blank front she asked, "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb Katie. I need to know if you are going to come back to work, now that you're cleared and your name isn't on the top of every enforcement list, there's nothing to stop you." Sgt. Austen spoke bluntly.

Kate willed herself to be calm and not to start screaming at him, gently she said, "No Daddy, that part of my life is over. I am not that person anymore."

Sgt. Austen was displeased and it showed on his face and in the rigid set of his mouth, "And what _person_ are you now exactly?"

Rita approached the table silently, standing nearby she hid in the shadows as she saw the tenseness in Kate's posture and the anger radiating from both Kate and Sgt. Austen.

"A better person, there's so much happening in my life now Daddy, good, _normal _things and I know it sounds crazy but I think I might have a chance at being happy." Kate tried to make her father understand.

Sgt. Austen shook his head in frustrated impatience, " I always thought you wanted more in life than being someone's pretty wife if that is where you and James are headed... you are _capable_ of so much more. You were happy before Katie, you did your job better than anyone else and you made me so very proud, how can turning your back on that make you a better person?"

Kate bristled visibly now, "There's _more_ to me than just doing my job well Daddy, you always told me that. _Why_ are you pressuring me about this?"

Kate didn't know if it was just the hormones or if it was also the time she'd spent on the Island and with James but she was suddenly chafing at the Sgt's overbearing manner. He wasn't just this great military man to her anymore because she could see all the flaws and the imbalance in their relationship now when she never had before.

Sgt. Austen laid a placating hand on Kate's shoulder across the table, "Easy now, I'm just saying, I don't see how you believe that you weren't happy before… and I don't want you making hasty decisions, _that's all_."

Kate relaxed slightly but her eyes were now wary, "Why is it so important to you that I come back to work?"

Sgt. Austen smiled at Kate tentatively, "Is there anything wrong with an old man missing spending time with his daughter?"

A short laugh spilled out of Kate's lips, "You're_ not_ an old man!"

Sgt. Austen beamed at Kate, "I got 61 years on this earth that say otherwise."

Kate shook her head at this, "You're _not_ old, besides you're only as old as you _think _you are Daddy."

Sgt. Austen nodded in acceptance, "Okay, okay. Well I've got to be going now honey, but think about what I said. Don't make any hasty decisions, I know you're in the early stages with this James Ford and it feels like nothing better has ever existed before or will after-"

"Yes, yes _I know_ Dad." Kate cut him off as Rita rejoined them at the table.

Rising she hugged Sgt. Austen briefly before she pulled away, letting him hug Rita before he straightened to look her in the eye.

Placing his arm around her shoulders, he steered them towards the door and Rita with Kate's car keys; skipped ahead of them.

"I don't know what you got going on there with James and his daughter but I have to say you do look happier than I have seen you in a long time." Sgt. Austen said relenting.

Kate beamed at him, pleased that he had noticed this at least; "I am. I_ really_ am."

Sgt. Austen kissed the top of her head affectionately, before gruffly pulling away from her, "And I'm _glad_. Next time you have to bring him with you so I can see if he is good enough for my little girl."

Kate smiled up at him happily, "You got it." Deciding that when she did bring James she would tell the Sgt. about her condition; once he'd met James and seen just what a good man he was.

As he walked Kate to her car, Sgt. Austen's face reverted back to serious, "I know you said you don't want to go back to work, but I still think you have a right to know that Ivan Solzhenesky is _alive_ and well."

All the blood drained out of Kate's face at this revelation, turning sharply to look at her father her mouth hung open in shock.

Sgt. Austen nodded in empathy, "I know, I was surprised too. Especially since, sources tell us the only person he still cares about is _you_."

Kate was stunned, trying to rally her thoughts she asked, "What do you _mean_ me?"

Sgt. Austen's face was somber; "I mean you are his_ only_ weakness, his whole family is dead and he killed his son when we tried to use him to get to Ivan so it only leaves you."

Kate shook her head to clear it, she felt like she was sinking in quicksand and there was nothing to hold onto.

"I wish I could help Dad but I can't." Kate said fighting the rising panic in her voice.

Sgt. Austen frowned at her, "_Can't_ or _won't_. It will only take 5-6 weeks to whip you back into shape."

Kate shook her head impatiently, "No Daddy you don't understand, I _can't_. I'm pregnant."

Kate hadn't wanted to tell him like this but it was the only way to make him understand. She could see that it had had the desired effect as the Sgt. stared at her in dismay.

"Not funny Katie, you and I both know that's _impossible_, I can understand your reluctance to go back to work but to _lie_-"

"I'm _not_ lying Dad, I fell pregnant on the Island; I just had an ultrasound this morning which is why I was late. I'm four months pregnant." Kate explained patiently, she couldn't hide her elation as she shared the news.

Sgt. Austen looked at Kate like he'd never seen her before, "Is it his?"

Kate smiled at the question, "By _his_ do you mean James? Yes Daddy it's James'."

Sgt. Austen was visibly shaken his shoulders sagging slightly and Rita who was sitting in the car waiting for Kate; watched his face with keen interest.

Kate placed a gentle hand on the Sgt's shoulder, "I didn't want to tell you like this, but I _am_ happy about this Daddy. And I am sorry but even if I _wanted_ to go back to work I can't help you with taking down Ivan."

Sgt. Austen patted Kate's hand absently before he straightened and resuming his military demeanor, pasted a smile on his face as he kissed her goodbye.

"Well then I guess it's back to the drawing board, I better go, but we will meet again and _soon_ so we can celebrate the good news properly."

Kate smiled up at him in agreement and hugged him tightly before he withdrew and retreated towards his car waving at Rita as he went.

Kate watched him get into the car before climbing into her own car a big grin still on her face.

Rita watched with reservation from the backseat, she'd seen something in Sgt. Austen's eyes that made her somehow doubt Kate would be grinning for long.


	16. Chapter 16

**Kate **from** ClaireandKate – **thanks a bunch sweetheart for the uploading tip! Will check out **HMCTD** tonight – will have to start reading it again from the beginning. It's been too long!

**Cowboys **I hope you like this chapter seeing as I incorporated some of your requests/ suggestions into it.

**Budweiser **I am not quite sure how long this is going to be, so far this is** part 1 of WDMB **and I will notify you when **part 2 **begins. Hope that answers your questions!

As usual,** RNR **mein freundes it makes for better subsequent chapters and is a great way to keep me updating!

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**Chapter 16 **

Kate unlocked the door to the apartment with relief, she was looking forward to getting out of the too tight jeans and black t-shirt and changing into Jamie's sweats. Looking up she was startled to see Travis standing on the other side of the door.

"Afternoon." Travis said with a welcoming smile on his face.

Kate's face lit up with pleasure but before she could say anything Rita had launched herself at Travis squealing in excitement at his presence.

Travis winked at Kate as he picked Rita up in his arms and kissed her hello, Rita giggled and squirmed in his arms firing a million and one questions about his trip and the family at him.

"Whoa! Slow down Lil' Britches, I can only answer a question at a time!" Travis said laughing.

Kate turned to shut and lock the door then followed Travis and the animated Rita into the living room. Looking around she could not see any sign of James.

Travis in response to her unasked question turned to Kate and said, "He's gone."

Kate's face drained of all color in alarm, "What do you mean he's gone?"

"To New York, he dropped me off here an' left ten minutes later, he said y'all knew that he was goin'."

Kate nodded impatiently, "Yeah, I guess I was just hoping he'd changed his mind and had decided to stay."

Travis' face was compassionate and he held Kate's gaze for as long as he could before Rita cupped his face and forcefully turned it towards her.

"Well? What did Liaka think of my present? An' what 'bout Cole?" Rita demanded impatiently.

Travis smiled at Rita tenderly before answering her questions.

Kate drifted to her bedroom and looked at the bed with sadness, two days ago she had been sharing it with Jamie and now he was back in his room and there was all these unresolved issues between them.

Sighing in fatigue she sank onto the bed in exhaustion, her mind going back to what the Sgt. had told her.

After all these years she couldn't believe Ivan Solzhenesky was alive! A part of her was relieved knowing that she was no longer guilty for his death and a part of her felt the cold clammy hand of the past clawing her back to a life she no longer wanted to live.

Despite how well her conversation had gone with the Sgt, Kate knew that this wasn't the end of it; she was invested in the outcome of whatever operation was carried out in order to capture Solzhenesky and it didn't matter that she had refused to help.

"Knock, knock." Travis said politely as he stood in the open doorway.

Kate looked up from her reverie and smiled her welcome, "Come on in, I am just so tired, I could fall asleep right here right now."

Travis walked into the bedroom and sat next to Kate at the foot of the bed.

Kate turned to look at him her expression genuine, "Believe it or not I kinda missed you."

Travis laughed out-loud at this, "I choose to believe."

Kate smiled at his response, "I don't know if Jamie told you but I told him about my condition."

Travis sighed deeply, "Yeah he did. Seems like you managed to land both of us in hot water while you were tellin' him though."

Travis turned to study Kate's profile as she digested this information; whatever reaction Travis was expecting from Kate she did not disappoint.

Wrinkling her nose at this Kate replied, "Yeah well, it wasn't my crowning moment… but for what it's worth I'm sorry for getting you involved."

Travis shrugged, "Don't worry it's too late for that. 'Sides what with the latest developments it's nothin' but a ripple in the pond."

Kate turned to look at Travis in question; Travis pulled out the envelope from his pocket and handed it to Kate.

Kate accepted the envelope looking at Travis in confusion; he didn't say anything as he waited for her to open it.

Kate glanced at the envelope in trepidation, her heart started to hammer a frantic beat in her chest as if in warning.

Taking a deep breath Kate pulled the contents of the envelope out but seeing the black and white photograph of her in Moscow with Ivan Solzhenesky she did not need to look any further. Stuffing the information back into the envelope with trembling hands she passed it back to Travis, swallowing convulsively as her eyes blurred with tears.

"I guess it would be stupid to ask if you have already shown these to Jamie." Kate said resignedly.

Travis nodded and Kate saw this from the corner of her eye, wiping the tears away impatiently, Kate turned to look at Travis.

Travis was stunned at what he saw in her emerald green eyes; anger, bitterness and a touch of hostility all radiated in her troubled gaze.

"May I ask _why_ you have chosen this point in time to drag up this part of my past? Was the pregnancy bombshell not explosive enough for you?" Her voice was icy in direct contrast to her tear stained face and tumultuous eyes.

"If you read the information I have in this envelope it would tell you what I'm sure _Sgt. Austen_ told you when you met for lunch." Travis replied in an equally icy voice.

Kate bit her lip in anger, her nostrils flaring; "Well for _your_ information I told him no, I have more important people and things to worry about now."

Kate hated that she had to explain anything about this to Travis, especially when he must have just fuelled the flames of animosity between her and James with his envelope of doom.

Travis raised a hand in a gesture of surrender, "Easy now, I didn't say I thought you would agree to goin' back there or to him."

Kate shook her head in disgust, dismissing Travis' attempt at conciliation; she rose from the bed, walking out swiftly to go and find Rita.

James looked out at the landscape beneath him, he would be arriving in New York in a few minutes; Travis' plane was faster than most commercial flights and for this James was eternally grateful.

Glancing down at the picture from the sonogram he couldn't help the pride, hope, love, joy and fear he always seemed to feel when he looked at it.

He was going to be a father! To his own children this time, something he hadn't dared dream about since Catalina's death. James loved Rita more than life itself, this he knew, just as he knew he loved Kate with his heart and soul. He hadn't told her how he felt yet because he wanted things to go well between them and not to put too much pressure on them with early declarations. Besides he didn't think there really was a need to say anything seeing as their eyes always seemed to do the talking for them. And despite the revelations of the last 24 hours and his request for a paternity test, James knew that Kate really did love him, he could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. What troubled him was this latest development involving Ivan Solzhenesky. James sighed in frustration; why could nothing between him and Kate ever go smoothly?

James tensed a little as the plane began its descent, tucking the sonogram into his back pocket he put away all thoughts of his relationship with Kate as he focused on breathing deeply and not having flashbacks of Oceanic 815's untimely descent into the South Pacific.

**10p.m LA time**

Kate sat on the balcony looking out at the city, after an hour of wordlessly searching the house for the sonogram Travis had realized what she was looking for and told her James had it. Uncharacteristically, Kate had burst into tears and only after lots of hugs and kisses from Rita had she managed to calm down enough to sit out on the balcony and pull herself together.

"Stupid hormones!" Kate said out-loud.

Travis walked out onto the balcony with a slight smile on his face, handing Kate the phone she'd heard ring ten minutes earlier.

Kate took the phone, sheepish at being caught talking to herself she put the handset to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Freckles, you alright?" Jamie's voice was crystal clear and sounded concerned.

Kate nodded, a lump rising in her throat, "Y-yeah I'm okay. How was your flight?"

"It was fine. I spent the entire time lookin' at the sonogram an' thinkin' 'bout you." James admitted.

The brilliance of Kate's smile was wasted on the handset but Travis taking note of it, walked back to Rita's room to finish reading book 5 of the Odyssey to her before she went to sleep.

"Rita tells me you were cryin' earlier." James said still concerned.

Kate smiled shamefacedly at this, "It's the hormones, I didn't realize you'd taken the sonogram and I thought I'd lost it."

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that Peaches. I was bein' a real asshole earlier." James apologized.

Kate was grinning from ear to ear now, "That's okay. I know I messed up real bad… again. I'm the one who should be sorry, and _I am_ very sorry."

"So Rita tells me your Daddy takes himself a lil' too seriously." James said changing the subject.

Kate actually laughed out-loud at this, "She put him in his place in only the way Rita can, she was on form. _You _would've been so proud of her."

Kate could hear the smile in his voice when James responded, "That's my girl."

Kate was still laughing, "No she really couldn't be your daughter _anymore_ if she'd been cloned from your DNA."

"Well, I just called to check in on y'all. As you know Travis is flyin' out to New York tomorrow mornin', so it'll just be the two of you for the next few days." James said as he got ready to get off the phone.

"Yes I know. Rita and I will be fine, don't worry!" Kate placated him.

"I do worry, 'xcept for Travis, the four most important people in the world to me will be in Hellay while I'm here."

Kate flushed with pleasure at this statement, "Well, don't. The single most important person to me is in New York and I'll keep my side of the deal if you keep yours."

"Okay, Peaches, I gotta go but I will call you tomorrow night if I get a chance. Keep those babies safe." James said gruffly.

Kate nodded in the dark, a lump the size of an egg in her throat; "Okay. I love you."

"Be safe." James replied before he cut the connection.

Kate held the receiver in her hand as she stared out into the city, emotions of joy and relief battling for dominance inside her as she reflected on their conversation.

Whatever the information in the envelope had done it didn't seem to have hurt them because they were on better terms now than they had been when she'd dropped him off earlier that day.

Cradling her abdomen Kate smiled to herself, it seemed the fight they'd had last night was pretty much over, and they were well on their way to Kate's ultimate goal of being a family after all. The babies moved as Kate lovingly caressed her belly, laughing out-loud with pure joy Kate kept her hand there hoping for a repeat performance. Once again she felt the strong movements and she rubbed her hand on the spot, "Between your Daddy and I, it doesn't surprise me that you guys are so feisty." Kate remarked with pride.

Travis joined her on the balcony, appearing silently beside Kate he looked down at her delighted face.

Kate looked up at him, her eyes twinkling with mirth she grabbed his hand and placed it on her abdomen.

"They're making their presence known, feel that?" She asked in excitement as her words were punctuated with a couple of kicks. Travis smiled into Kate's eyes, as always marveling at the growth of new life.

They shared an unguarded look of wonder before Travis withdrew his hand and sitting in the chair next to her cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry 'bout earlier Sassy. I didn't mean to upset you, it's just that there isn't very much I can do to help or protect you an' it galls me." Travis apologized.

Kate turned to look at him her expression serious, "What makes you think I need help or protection? I told my Dad about my pregnancy and he understands I can't do it. You shouldn't have worried and you shouldn't have shown that information to Jamie."

Travis leaned forward in his seat and met Kate's green eyes with his own steel blue-gray eyes, "I did it to help you. I only received the information when I landed at LAX an' I thought Jamie had a right to make an informed decision 'bout your fight last night in light of this new development."

Kate inclined her head at this, "I thank you for that but it could have back-fired and caused irreparable damage between us."

Travis straightened in his seat his eyes concerned, "You didn't read the information I showed you did you?"

Kate shook her head in irritation, "No, as it was _about me_ I already knew what it was going to say, why?"

Travis shrugged, "If you had you wouldn't have had any reason to think Jamie would be angry wit' you that's all."

Kate shrugged, "I don't need to read it, so you can just go right ahead and get rid of that stuff."

Reaching into his pocket Travis pulled the envelope out and with his left hand he pulled out a lighter which he proceeded to switch on. Kate watched with undisguised satisfaction as the papers and photographs caught fire and burned.

Dropping the burning blackened mess into an ashtray they watched the paper burn out completely leaving a few black ashes which subsequently got carried off by the wind.

Kate gave Travis a grateful look before getting up and bidding him goodnight. Still clutching the cordless in her right hand Kate took it with her to her bedroom as she retired for the evening.

Travis sat on the balcony staring out at the now invisible trail the ashes had taken, "There's nothin' good 'bout it." He said out-loud as realization dawned on him that Sgt. Austen had obviously not told Kate everything.

**April 17th 2005******

Kate and Rita walked around the mall hand in hand, as they shopped for Kate's overdue new maternity wardrobe.

They'd been to all the stores that sold maternity clothes and anything Kate had liked; Rita had vetoed, suggesting they put the items on hold until they'd been to all the stores.

Kate wondered why the little hoyden didn't seem too enthusiastic about any of the clothes she'd picked.

"You're not gonna become a frumpy housewife jus' 'cause you're pregnant right?" Rita asked her doe eyes clouded with concern.

Kate smiled mysteriously at this question, "Why what's wrong with frumpy, sweetie?"

Rita made a face and pulling her hand from Kate's crossed her arms and stopped walking in defiance.

"I won't take another step if you're plannin' on buyin' ugly clothin' 'cause I'm _not_ goin' to be seen walkin' with you!"

Kate laughed at Rita's outburst, "Okay, okay, we'll go to 'A Pea in the Pod – Maternity Redefined', its all designer and I think will be sufficiently trendy for your tastes, _Princess_ Rita."

Rita unfolded her arms and relenting awarded Kate with a dazzling smile before she tucked her hand into Kate's as they headed for the car.

"It's a good thing both Uncle Jamie an' Uncle Travis left you their credit cards 'just in case' huh?" Rita said with an impish grin on her face.

Kate laughed at this, "Why _else_ do you think we're headed for Beverly Hills?"

They sat on the beach watching the waves pound on the shore as they ate their ice-cream cones.

Kate had to admit after the two days she'd had, retail therapy in Beverly Hills had been just what the doctor ordered. Once she'd settled on the idea of shopping there for her maternity clothes, she'd enjoyed it wholeheartedly spending almost $10,000 dollars on clothes, shoes, lingerie and a number of outfits for Rita too. After the hell Travis had put her through Kate felt it was adequate compensation.

"Uncle Jamie is gonna flip when he sees his credit card bill." Rita mused with ice-cream melting on her dainty fingers.

"Yeah well, that's what he gets for leaving us alone with his platinum card while he lives it up in New York." Kate replied unrepentantly.

"Why didn't you wanna get anythin' for the twins?" Rita asked with curiosity.

Kate sighed trying to think of an adequate way to explain herself, "I am just so happy about the twins and I am so scared something might go wrong, I just don't want to jinx it."

Rita looked up at Kate with a puzzled frown, "But why would anythin' go wrong?"

Kate wrapped an arm around Rita's shoulder and drew her in for a hug; pulling away she looked Rita in the eye as she explained.

"I was pregnant once, and I lost the baby. At that point I had already bought all the newborn baby paraphernalia, that's how excited I was about it all. Anyway, the doctors told me I could never have children again…. And now, for some reason God has given me this blessing and I don't want to jinx it by buying anything for them until after they're born."

Rita looked at Kate with compassion, "I'm sorry that happened to you, Kate. But _maybe_ it just wasn't the right time. Dee-Dee told me a story from the Bible 'bout how Abraham's wife Sarah couldn't have children but eventually did when she was 90… Maybe that's kinda what happened to you."

Kate's eyes welled up with tears, "You always know just what to say to make me feel better. How do you do it?" She clutched the little girl to her chest as she cried.

Rita put her little arms around Kate's neck and hugged her back, "It's 'cause I'm smart! An' I _always_ look out for the people I love."

Kate kissed Rita's forehead, "I love you too baby. I know we're not related by blood but as far as I'm concerned, the doctor and all those other people are right, because _I_ see you as my daughter."

It was Rita's turn for her eyes to well up, hugging Kate even tighter, "You better, 'cause I see you like the Mama I never had."

Kate felt an inordinate sense of pride at this, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Rita pulled away from Kate wiping her eyes with her sleeve she wrinkled her reddened nose as she laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Don't tell Uncle Jamie or Travis 'bout this, it'll ruin my image."

Kate rolled her eyes at this as she wiped her own eyes

"You've cried in front of them _before_, young lady." Kate reminded her.

Rita shrugged, "That was different, I was either actin' or really angry an' since Dee-Dee grounded me for a month when I punched our kitchen window in, only thing I can do is cry."

Kate shook her head, "You're incorrigible."

Rita shrugged again as she took her shoes off, "I'm the only girl, I've _gotta _work that angle to my advantage somehow!"

Kate followed suit as Rita sprinted off, her shoes in her arms and dark hair streaming like a banner behind her as she headed for the crashing surf.

Rita's gleeful giggles filled the air as she splashed around at the water's edge, Kate joined her there and the two splashed each other playfully.

In the distance a man pointed a surveillance camera out of a darkened van and snapped pictures of the pair splashing around in the water.

Parked behind and unbeknownst to the photographer another man in a black suit watched the pair and the photographer snapping his own pictures as he went along.

**New York City******

"Travis you gotta do somethin' 'bout this!" James exclaimed as he paced the hotel room in agitation.

Travis clenched and unclenched his fists in helpless frustration, "I'm sorry Lil' Bro this is beyond even ma sphere of influence."

James punched the door repetitively in anger, then when his knuckles became too raw he head-butted the door.

Travis pulled him away from the door gently, "Come on Lil Bro, that's enough, an' it ain't helpin'."

James sat down dazed as he looked at Travis in despair, "I can't lose her Travis, I just _can't_."

Travis rubbed James' back consolingly, "I know Jamie, I know."

Jamie looked up at Travis in distress, "How did this slip in under your radar, Travis?"

Travis shook his head in confusion, "I don't know Lil Bro, must've all gone down while I was at home with the kids. Ain't nothin' I coulda done 'bout it unless I had people in place before plans were even set in motion."

Jamie gazed at the plush carpet beneath his feet dejectedly, "You don't think her own Daddy would sell her out do you?"

Travis sighed in frustration, "I hope not, but I wouldn't bank on it, given their past history. No one can do it for her, she's just gonna have to stand up to him herself."

James cradled his head in vexation. Gritting his teeth in anger he kicked the night stand violently, shattering the wooden furniture into smithereens. Travis raised an eyebrow and resigned himself to the long day ahead of them.

That night Kate and Rita managed to successfully make lasagna, in all honesty it was mostly Rita's doing and she made sure to remind Kate of this as they sat on the balcony eating dessert.

"You _really_ can't cook, you know that right?"

Kate smiled in acquiescence, "Yes ma'am I know. It's quite bad."

Rita looked out at the city lights, "Well Dee-Dee tells me ma Mama was a good cook an' she taught Uncle Jamie almost everythin' he knows 'bout South American cookin' so maybe he could teach you."

Kate shook her head, "I am _way_ beyond learning how to cook, I am so glad we got Jamie here to do it. I don't know what I'll do without him if and when the babies grow up."

Rita turned her small face to fix piercing doe eyes on Kate, "Don't say that! Of course they'll grow up!"

Kate was instantly contrite, "I'm sorry baby, I wasn't thinking."

Rita was miffed, drawing herself up she glared at Kate sternly, "Well you better start… why you always talk 'bout stuff like you don't expect it to last?"

Kate hung her head sufficiently chastised, "I guess because nothing good in my life ever does."

Rita was still glaring at her; Kate looked up at the little girl hoping to be forgiven, the current reversal of their roles inappropriately amusing her given Rita's feelings on the subject.

"Well Uncle Jamie, Uncle Travis an' I aren't goin' anywhere." Rita replied sharply.

Kate ducked her head to hide the improper smile that was creeping on her face.

"I'm serious Kate. If there's any leavin' of any kind it will be _you_ leavin' us." Rita stated sounding upset.

Kate looked at Rita all traces of humor gone from her face, "I don't have any intention of doing _anything_ of the kind Sweetie."

"Promise?" Rita asked holding out her pinkie, she looked and sounded incredibly young and innocent.

Kate proffered her pinkie and linked it with Rita's, "I promise."

"You promise _what_?" Rita pushed.

"I promise to _never_ leave you." Kate said solemnly.

Rita nodded finally satisfied.

Kate pulled the little girl onto her lap and hugged her tightly as she planted a multitude of kisses on her head.

Rita giggled and wriggled on Kate's lap as she pretended to run away from Kate's kisses. Suddenly the twins kicked Rita gently as if wanting to play as well, they both stopped and Rita mouth agape pressed her hand against Kate's belly.

"Wow… which one do you think that was?" Rita queried in fascination.

Kate looked down at Rita's hand pressed against her abdomen, "I don't know sweetheart, I think it was both of them."

Rita gasped in wonder as she felt another kick, it was more like a gentle nudge but it still enthralled her. "I gonna look up stuff on babies tomorrow morning, and I wanna start a record book for them… as their big sister."

Kate felt her eyes tear at the endearing declarations; "First thing tomorrow sweetheart, but I think we better go to bed, _I _for one am _absolutely_ exhausted."

As if on cue, Rita yawned in agreement covering her mouth with her free hand she nodded. Sliding off Kate's lap to stand unsteadily she reached up automatically for Kate's hand as Kate stood up and led them towards Rita's room.

After tucking Rita in, Kate kissed the little girl's forehead and leaving the night light on, with the door slightly ajar, she retired to her own room. Thankful for all the priceless gifts Rita had given her today just by loving and trusting her.


	17. Chapter 17

So I've gone slightly crazy but I didn't see how I could cut this chapter any shorter, there's a lot of detail and information that needed covering.

Thank you to all the people who have been so kind as to review, and welcome to those who haven't done so before!

Without further ado, here you go. Don't forget to **RnR!**

**Chapter 17**

That morning Kate and Rita went to a waffle house for breakfast before browsing as many bookstores as they could find looking for books on pregnancy and expecting twins. When they got back to the apartment they spent the entire day reading through all the material.

After lunch Rita drew some pictures and took a few photographs to paste in the scrapbook they had bought for the purpose of recording the twins' progress.

"What are you thinking madam?" Kate asked good-naturedly as the little girl tapped the glue stick against her cheek. Rita's hair was in a now-loose ponytail and her gypsy blouse and skirt outfit was rumpled but oddly enough there was no crayon or lint to be seen anywhere. The little hoyden was such a paradox, on one hand she was a tomboy but on the other she was always careful not to get dirt on her clothing or in her hair.

"I'm just thinkin' 'bout how nice it would've been if my Mama had done the same for me before I was born… then maybe I could have had a part of her all to myself." Rita replied wistfully.

Kate drew the little girl closer to her side, "You do have a part of her all to yourself sweetheart. She's a part of you. Besides the obvious physical similarities half of your DNA comes from her."

Rita looked up at Kate with the eyes of a child who desperately wanted to believe, Kate smoothed Rita's hair down with her hand soothingly as she spoke.

"Now why would you think you don't?" Kate probed gently.

Rita frowned as she tried to think of how best to put how she felt into words, "Well maybe it's 'cause Dee-Dee doesn't talk 'bout her much an' neither does Uncle Travis. The only one who really does is Uncle Jamie an' when he does he always seems to get so sad. They all do an' I would just like to have a part of her that doesn't make everyone around me that knew her… _sad_."

Rita turned her large brown eyes on Kate, all the sorrow in her heart radiating out of her eyes. Kate's heart ached in sympathy.

Kate hugged Rita tightly before she said, "Oh honey the reason they are sad is because they all miss her… Besides you do have a part of her that doesn't make them sad."

"What's that?" Rita asked, a hopeful note brightening her face.

Kate smiled at Rita as she poked her with her forefinger in the chest; "You."

Rita's eyes widened, "Oh."

"_Oh?_ What do you mean _Oh_? You young lady have been entrusted with the most important treasure your Mama could have left on this planet and all you can say is _Oh_?" Kate enquired in a mock stern voice.

Rita giggled at this, "Kate I'm _nine_ not dumb. I get it… I was being a drama queen."

Kate raised her eyebrows at Rita's sass, "Sorry I guess I got carried away but you get my point."

Rita winked at Kate, "Yeah I do."

Rita studied the scrapbook with it's polaroids of Kate and herself before she smiled sadly, "Well at least the boys won't have that problem no matter what happens."

"The boys?" Kate queried amused.

"Yeah_ boys_ as in opposite of girls, Uncle Jamie didn't pick you for your brains, huh."

"Hey!" Kate drew back in amused indignation.

Less of the insults young lady and how about this… we write down our predictions of what we think they're going to be and add it in here. And i- _when _they are born we'll see who's right." Kate suggested in an attempt to keep the mood light.

Rita scowled at Kate in a way that reminded Kate of James, "Okay you're on… but if I'm wrong we'll have to delete my entry, wouldn't want you an' Uncle Jamie spendin' craploads on identity crises an' therapy."

On that last point, Rita ducked her head down as she colored in a sketch she'd drawn earlier. Kate paused as she looked down at the dark head hunched over the scrap-book before she burst out laughing at Rita's fast-becoming common place, belligerence.

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That night after dinner on the boardwalk in Venice Beach and a quick swim in the apartment block luxurious pool, Kate reflected on the last 24 hours with Rita, and she came to the conclusion that _maybe_ just maybe she wouldn't be too bad a parent after all.

Wearing her pyjamas and wrapped up snuggly in a bathrobe Kate was undertaking the laborious task of brushing out the tangles from Rita's freshly washed hair. Kate was pulling the brush through to the left when it snagged on a particularly nasty knot. Rita jerked her head to the right making the knot that much more painful to untangle.

"_Ow _Kate! Human being here!" Rita snapped. The little girl was also wearing her pyjamas but had refused to tie on the bathrobe despite Kate's suggestion.

"_Sorry_! If you had stopped fidgeting when I told you to that wouldn't have hurt so much." Kate admonished.

Rita rolled her eyes and sighing dramatically, she started to hum a tune.

"What are you humming?" Kate asked in a conciliatory tone, as she reached behind her onto the dressing table for the detangling leave-in conditioner.

"A song." Rita answered testily. Kate ignored her tone.

"I realize that, but which one?" Kate asked.

"I just made it up." Rita replied.

Kate finally managed to untangle the knot, breathing a sigh of relief she ran the brush through Rita's hair and smiled to herself when she didn't encounter anymore knots.

"My Mom and I had a song we used to do when I was younger." Kate offered.

Rita turned around slowly to look at Kate over her shoulder; "What was it?"

Kate smiled at Rita mysteriously, "Well, I'd tell you but I don't wanna interrupt your private song that I am not entitled to know about."

Rita raised an eyebrow at Kate then shrugging turned back around and continued humming her song.

Kate stifled a laugh as she parted Rita's hair into two sections so she could plait it. Deciding to French braid the two sections, Kate quietly started on the left side first. Less than 2 minutes later her silence was rewarded.

"My song isn't _private_ it's just a tune I started hummin' that's all… what's your song called?" Rita asked with fake nonchalance.

Kate grinned from ear to ear before biting her lip to keep from laughing; 'Wade in the Water'."

Rita didn't say anything for a few seconds, "_Well_? Are you gonna teach it to me or what?"

Kate fought the urge to say something sarcastic, opting instead to just go ahead and teach Rita the song. 'Who am I kidding, I need her love more than she needs mine, anyway.' Kate thought to herself.

"Okay, the way my Mom and I used to do it was like this; she'd start off with: _Wade in the water. Wade in the water, children wade in the water. God's gonna trouble the water_." Kate had a good singing voice but it was more courtesy of the years she'd done in school plays than actual talent.

Kate could see Rita's neck and shoulders straining as she resisted the urge to turn around as Kate sang.

"Then I would sing the same verse about ten seconds after her in a different pitch, while she started the second verse which is: _See that host all dressed in white, God's gonna trouble the water, The leader looks like the Israelite, God's gonna trouble the water._

Then the third verse: _See that band all dressed in red, God's gonna trouble the water, Looks like the band that Moses led, God's gonna trouble the water. _Basically, I'm singing all the verses _she _is but obviously after her like a delayed reaction but if you get it right it's harmonic. So Mom would start the fourth verse which is:_ Look over yonder, what do you see? God's gonna trouble the water. The Holy Ghost coming for me, God's gonna to trouble the water. _And the final verse is: _If_ _you don't believe I've been redeemed, God's gonna trouble the water, Just follow me down to the Jordan's stream, God's gonna to trouble the water._"

As she sang the last word, Kate finished braiding the plait on Rita's left and picking up the hairbrush started on the right one.

"I'll sing the entire song for you once so you get a feel for it, then we can try and harmonize." Kate explained before she sang the song.

As Kate finished singing the song, she also managed to finish the plait so after tying the end off, she turned Rita around with a cheerful, "All done!"

Rita shot up so she could study her hair in the dressing table mirror behind Kate; after preening a little bit, she thanked Kate with a kiss on the cheek.

"Can we try the first verse?" Rita asked as she clapped her hands together in excitement.

"Yeah sure, just come in whenever you feel like it. I'll sing it as many times as it takes for you to feel comfortable." Kate replied.

Taking a deep breath she sang the first verse a few times as an attentive Rita stood facing Kate and the mirror. Although it was just a nine year old Kate couldn't help but feel a little nervous and she put her all into it. Which wasn't too hard since this was one of her best songs vocally.

When Rita joined in, it was all Kate could do not to fall out of her stool at as the vivacious little girl sang. Her voice sounded like it belonged to one of the Jazz greats in terms of depth but had the range of modern artists like Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera.

'Oh my God, her voice is amazing! How did we not know about this?' Kate thought to herself in astonishment.

Somehow managing not to stop singing Kate watched Rita in awe as she managed to follow Kate from verse to verse in that hair-raising voice.

When they finished Rita's small frame was heaving from the excitement and the effort while Kate just stared at her.

"Rita you have an amazing voice. I can't tell what kind of soprano you are but you're definitely a soprano." Kate said in awe.

Rita smiled proudly at the compliment before resorting to her normal attitude, "Yeah, Uncle Travis keeps on trying to get me to go for lessons but I don't really want to make it a competition thing… I like it to be fun like tonight."

Kate nodded in acceptance, wisely deciding to drop the subject for the moment.

"That was fun, I haven't done that since I was about your age, but I think you'll agree that it's bedtime now sweets."

Rita rolled her eyes but giving Kate a hug, she jumped into her bed laughing hard when she bounced around on the bed. Kate shook her head at the little girl as she approached the bed and started to tuck Rita in.

"Kate?"

"Yes, Maggie."

"I love being here with you an' Uncle Jamie… do you think I would be able to live with you guys forever?"

Kate's heart skipped a beat, "What about Dee-Dee?"

Rita's smooth brow developed a tiny frown; "Dee-Dee loves me but kids are _so_ not his thing."

Kate smoothed the frown on Rita's forehead with her right thumb, "Well baby you know I don't have a problem and would love nothing more but-"

Rita interrupted good-naturedly, "I know, I know will have to talk to Uncle Travis and Dee-Dee, bla bla bla."

Kate narrowed her eyes at Rita and asked "How are you so smart?"

"Damn good genes." Rita quipped with a grin. She'd used a cuss word but Kate couldn't call her on it given the company they kept; Travis, James nor Diego were exactly paragons of manners and propriety.

Kate grinned right back before bending over to kiss Rita goodnight then with a final tuck of the sheet, she turned on the night light, switched off the main light and left the door ajar as she retired to her own room.

As she brushed her teeth Kate mentally kicked herself for bringing up the song, with sadness in her heart she thought back to her own childhood. To be honest despite the fact that Rita was technically an orphan she had more people that genuinely loved her than Kate had had. Kate remembered her mother as Kate had seen her through the eyes of an eight year old. Omnipotent and amazing were the two words that best described Kate's opinion on her mother back then. Coming up with games to distract Kate from the horror of life with Wayne, the nightly quality time they would spend; her mother plaiting her hair while Wayne was out getting drunk somewhere.

Kate rinsed out the toothpaste and turned the faucet off as she padded back into the bedroom. She sat down in front of the dresser and staring into the mirror, felt her brain unwillingly drag her back into memories of the past.

There were the almost nightly beatings that always ensued after her mother hurriedly tucked her in as Wayne entered the house. Kate would lie in her bed softly singing the words to the song while Wayne battered her mother and she would dream of flying away with the lyrics, in the wind, taking her mother with her never to return. In her mind's eye they would always end up at Sgt. Austen's house where he would take them in and they would be a family again. But Sgt. Austen would never do that, he was to busy serving his country and at the time he was living in Russia, too far away to help. Angrily Kate remembered that her father had known about the abuse and never done anything to stop it, telling Kate to be a strong little girl and that he loved her.

The bedside phone rang shrilly, jarring Kate out of her reverie; for a few seconds she stared at it like she'd never seen it before, then snapping out of her trance-like state she lunged for the phone realizing it must be Jamie calling like he'd said he would.

With a smile on her face she answered, "Hey."

"Good, you're awake. I called because there's been a change of plans."

"What plans?" Kate asked cautiously, the smile on her face dying a quick and sudden death.

"I have to leave the country again tomorrow night so I'm going to come over and see you around lunchtime. You ever get round to learning how to cook or should I bring a hamper?" Sgt Austen asked briskly.

Kate felt the now familiar stirrings of anger and irritation at the Sgt's heavy handedness but reflexively she squelched it and decided not to fight the inevitable conclusion of this conversation.

"I think you should bring the hamper."

"Good. I will see you tomorrow at 13:00 hours, will that man of yours be there?"

"No, he doesn't get back until the evening."

"That's a shame, I could have killed two birds with one stone… some other time then." Sgt. Austen said without the slightest hint of actually caring that he wouldn't meet James.

"Night Daddy." Kate said.

"Goodnight Katie, kiss a star for me." Sgt. Austen replied tenderly, referring to a childhood game he had taught her when she was 3 years old.

"I will." Kate said, emotion making her voice waver.

Hanging up the phone, Kate fought the tears that were struggling to fall, for some reason, her father saying that made her sad. She couldn't fight the sense of foreboding she'd felt when he had said it.

Bringing her hands up into her luxurious curls she dug her hands in her scalp deeply and grasping the roots pulled at them in frustration, all these morbid thoughts of the past were getting to her! The sharp pricks of pain that tingled down her scalp somehow helped to relieve the pressure she was feeling and with a sigh of resignation, Kate pulled down the covers to get into her lonely bed.

"At least tomorrow night, I'll have Jamie in here with me." Kate said to herself as she tightened the sash on her terry robe and turning off the bedside lamp snuggled into the massive bed. Not even considering the possibility that the rift between them hadn't been sufficiently mended for her to expect this.

**Next Day**

Kate and Rita had made a morning project of cleaning the apartment, and now all the surfaces sparkled, and the house was devoid of dust for the first time in 3 weeks.

Kate had made Rita wear the outfit she'd worn that very first day when she had arrived with Travis. After a half hour of arguing, the little girl had agreed but refused to wear the hat, gloves or the socks and she had insisted Kate wear a dress too. As Rita's plaits had lasted and were still neat, Kate had left them in but added blue ribbons at the end.

Oddly enough Kate found herself fidgeting as she waited for Sgt. Austen to come up in the elevator. She was wearing a white cotton dress with triple spaghetti straps that criss-crossed at the back and an empire waist at the front which managed to hide her pregnancy and flatter her auburn curls and green eyes. Kate had opted to wear white ballet pumps and had her hair loose around her shoulders. Unable to resist she had added a touch of mascara and eyeliner as well as a dusting of blusher.

"You'd think we're 'bout to meet someone important." Rita remarked as Kate checked her appearance for the 3rd time since she'd buzzed her father up.

"Sssh… he's here. Now remember less of the cheeky remarks, then maybe he won't stay so long or make any comments that will piss us off." Kate whispered to Rita.

Rita raised an eyebrow at Kate for using the word 'piss' as she never spoke like that to Rita as well as for disclosing her lack of enthusiasm for spending time with the Sgt. but thankfully didn't say anything else.

The Sgt. walked through the open door shutting it behind him firmly he turned around and putting the hamper down, held out his arms to Kate.

Kate smiling tentatively went to hug him as Rita watched with barely concealed hostility.

"You look beautiful Katie." Sgt. Austen whispered in Kate's ear.

Kate flushed prettily at the compliment, "Thank you Daddy."

Disengaging herself from the Sgt, Kate drew back and gestured towards Rita, "You remember Rita, Daddy."

Sgt. Austen picked up the hamper and walked into the living room where Rita stood with what could best be described as a militant expression on her face.

"Hello Rita." Sgt. Austen spoke carefully as if he was speaking to a skittish horse that could lash out at any moment.

"Sgt. Austen." Rita acknowledged him with a regal tilt of her head.

Kate stood behind the Sgt. with a worried look on her face; she had no idea where this terse exchange was going and she hoped it wasn't going to escalate into a scene of some kind.

Sgt. Austen turned around on a finely polished booted heel and went to place the hamper on the breakfast nook; then he started to unpack the hamper.

"Rita, may you_ please_ come over here and help me unpack our lunch?" Sgt. Austen called over his shoulder.

Kate looked at Rita expectantly and Rita after rolling her eyes and sighing dramatically marched over to the Sgt. imitating his walk as she went.

Kate struggled to stifle a giggle as she watched this, especially when the Sgt. turned around and Rita started to walk daintily as if she hadn't just been imitating him.

"Okay Sarge, what do you want me to do?" Rita asked.

Sgt. Austen looked down at the little girl with a bemused expression before he managed to answer, "I brought paper plates and forks and knives to avoid having too much stuff to clean up, would you set the table and lay out everything?"

Rita shrugged then pulling her shoulders back she yelled, "Sir! Yes sir!"

Kate covered her mouth as a bubble of laughter escaped, grateful that the Sgt. was too busy looking outraged to see her laughing in the entrance where she still stood.

Recovering, Kate walked into the kitchen and tried to mediate, "Daddy, why don't I show you around the apartment while Rita lays everything out?"

Hooking her arm through the Sgt's she steered him towards the balcony as Rita perched on the counter top; cheerfully unloaded the hamper. The Sgt. shook his head as he looked back at the impish 9 year old who with a twinkle in her eye stared right back at the Sgt. haughtily.

Turning his attention to Kate he said, "Are you sure she's nine? Acts more like the spawn of Satan."

"She's grown up around adults, so she's a lot more mature for her age." Kate supplied, trying to keep the laughter out of her voice.

"Too mature, far too disrespectful and definitely too intelligent for her own good." Sgt. Austen remarked sternly.

"_This_ is the balcony, it's got one of the best views in the city, I like to sit out here in the evening when there's less pollution and look out at the world." Kate said gesturing grandly as she changed the subject.

Sgt. Austen nodded admiringly as he looked around the apartment as Kate led him towards the study; Rita was still in the kitchen humming 'Wade in the Water' to herself.

"I guess I can overlook the redneck roots if he can afford to live in a place like this." Sgt. Austen said begrudgingly, as his eyes took in the expensive library appreciatively.

Kate smiled at this, "Is that your way of saying that you don't think my judgment is as bad as you accused it of being a few days ago?"

Sgt. Austen looked at Kate, "You look _absolutely radiant_, you know that?"

Kate's cheeks flushed slightly at the compliment, "That's two and a half _compliments_ in less than a half hour Daddy, are you going for a record or something?"

Sgt. Austen shook his head with a hint of a smile in his eyes, "No, Katie, I am just telling you what I see. You're not my little girl anymore, you're all grown up, and pretty soon you're gonna have your own child… I ask myself sometimes where the time has gone."

Kate hugged the Sgt. briefly before pulling away and looking him straight in the eye she said, "In a way, I'll always be your little girl Daddy."

Sgt. Austen stroked her hair gingerly, "I know. It's just that now I realize how much of your life I have missed out on, how much I don't know about you anymore, and how little time we've got left."

Kate frowned at this, "What do you mean? You're talking like you're saying goodbye."

Sgt. Austen stared into Kate's eyes somberly, "I am Katie."

"_What do you mean_? You're not sick are you?" Kate asked with rising panic. Her mother had died from cancer would she lose him to the disease too?

"I made a promise I couldn't keep and I am going to pay the price." Sgt. Austen replied.

Kate's green eyes searched the Sgt's face in concern trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about; a tiny voice inside her told her she didn't want to hear what he was going to say next but she squelched it.

"_What are you talking about_?"

"I promised Solzhensky that I would send someone he could trust to negotiate the terms of his surrender with… that person was _you_, Katie."

Kate's face drained of all color, she heard what her father was saying but she couldn't accept this from him. He'd sold her out to a violent murdering terrorist!

Pulling his shoulders back slightly Sgt. Austen continued, "I told him after our lunch that it was no longer possible and he didn't take it very well… I've got the wounds to show for it."

At this juncture Sgt. Austen took of his army jacket and pulling his shirt up revealed angry red cigarette burns all over his chest and back. Kate paled to a shade so white her freckles stood out like coffee stains on a snow white tablecloth.

"_Dad_." Kate breathed in horror.

Sgt. Austen smiled at Kate ruefully, "I know Katie… I have to admit I am grateful that at least I know now that you're going to be okay. I would have loved to meet this James and see what kind of man would take care of my little girl when I'm gone but, I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

Kate held up her hand to stop the Sgt. from saying anything else, swallowing convulsively as the silent tears dropped out of her emerald eyes she stepped towards him, putting her hand on his shoulder she looked up at the man she'd always called Daddy. In that moment she knew her fate was sealed, despite all their problems he was still her father. She couldn't abandon him; he was all she had as family.

"_No_. You _will_ meet him. This is a matter of life and death, _love_ and family… _I'll go_." Kate felt a part of her die as she uttered the last two words.

"_No Katie you can't_, I got myself into this mess and I will see it through, I've had a good life…" Sgt. Austen argued tearfully.

Kate felt like her heart was breaking into a million pieces, "_No Daddy_, I can't let you die! I'll go… it's _my_ fault he's still alive in the first place… I could_ never_ live with myself if something happened to you because of Ivan."

Sgt. Austen swept Kate up into a bear hug, rocking her sideways slightly he whispered in her ear, "_No Katie_, you've been through enough. It was selfish of me to expect you to take on Ivan after everything that's happened."

Kate clung to her father; for a few heavenly seconds she was 5 years old again and the warmth and comfort of her father's embrace made the whole world go away and Kate feel like he would keep her safe. Inhaling the scent of Old Spice which was Sgt. Austen's favorite cologne and had been since Kate was a little girl; Kate couldn't bear the thought of him dying. Hugging him tightly for a few more seconds, Kate withdrew and looking Sgt. Austen in the eye she shook her head.

"No Daddy, you did what you thought was best… and I _can't_ let you do this. You always said charity begins at home, and that united we stand divided we fall. I cannot with a good conscience and a free heart let you go to a surefire death when I could have done something to prevent it." Kate said resolutely.

It was now Sgt. Austen's turn to search Kate's face, "_Are you sure_?"

Kate nodded vehemently, "Yes Daddy I'm sure. I'll go and finish what we started all those years ago."

"I don't like this one bit, Katie. I don't think I need to remind you about the dangers…" Sgt. Austen's voice trailed off, it wasn't necessary to finish the sentence off.

Kate wiped her eyes staunchly, "I know Daddy, but if there's a _chance_ that I can fix this, we've got to take it. You sacrificing yourself is_ not_ an option."

Sgt. Austen took a deep breath to say something in response but was interrupted by Rita's shrieks from the kitchen. Kate immediately ran out of the study and towards the kitchen, her heart in her throat.

When she arrived in the kitchen she nearly started to cry in relief when she realized Travis and Jamie were back early; which had Rita shrieking like a little banshee in excitement.

"Uncle Jamie! I'm so happy to see you! Whatcha bring me?" Rita shrieked happily as James kissed her cheeks in greeting.

Travis was locking the door and when he turned around he saw Kate; taking in her tear-streaked face and Sgt. Austen who appeared fast behind her, he felt his heart sink like a lead weight in his chest.

"Hello Travis." Kate said as she hugged him briefly.

"Afternoon Sassy, it's a real family do in here today, huh." Travis said as he hugged her back.

Kate pulled away from him meeting his eyes she nodded briefly before she turned towards James.

James with Rita in his arms turned around at the sound of her voice; he noticed Sgt. Austen but he was more interested in talking to Kate first.

They stood there drinking in each other's appearance before Kate ran up to James and kissed him hello. It felt like he'd been gone for a lifetime!

James with Rita still in his arms kissed Kate right back before they drew apart; setting Rita down so she could greet Travis, James and Kate gazed into each other's eyes.

'I'm sorry!' Kate mouthed at James silently.

'Me too.' James mouthed back before he enveloped her in a bear hug. Kate felt tears rising up from her chest as she held onto James.

Where she'd felt sadness and wistful in her father's embrace she felt safe, loved and at peace in James' arms. As they embraced Travis took the liberty of introducing himself to Sgt. Austen as held Rita in his arms. After shaking hands the two adults and Rita retreated into the living room to give James and Kate some space.

Travis set Rita down on the couch next to him as he subtly studied the military man. Smoothly striking up a conversation with the Sgt. Travis took it as an opportunity to study the older man's body language.

'He's hiding something, an' our unexpected appearance is botherin' him.' Travis observed to himself. Mentally frowning, Travis tried to figure out exactly what kind of a man Sam Austen was.

"You're early." Kate said pointlessly.

"Yeah well, business finished earlier than planned an' I had no reason to hang around New York." James replied. They were still standing in the kitchen by the half emptied hamper.

Kate beamed at him, "Well I'm glad. You can finally meet my Dad… we were just about to have lunch. You haven't eaten have you?"

James felt like he was drowning in her eyes, "No, so why don't we get this over an' done with so he can leave an' you an' I can talk."

Kate chuckled at his bluntness, "You're _such_ a caveman!"

James smirked at this, "That's how you like it Sassafras."

Kate was smiling so hard she thought her face was going to crack, "You got me there Tex."

With that she turned around and called everyone to the breakfast nook, adding two plates for James and Travis while she was there.

Sgt. Austen rose and holding his hand out went to introduce himself to James; the Southerner looked at the Sgt's outstretched hand, and with the eloquent lift of an eyebrow dismissed it completely. Kate wasn't looking so James didn't feel any remorse for his actions or lack thereof.

"Sure is a pleasure to finally meet ya Sarge." James drawled in a deceptively pleasant voice before turning around to help Kate with the remaining contents of the hamper.

Sgt. Austen flushed angrily at the slight but when his eyes fell on Rita's bright eyes that silently taken in the entire exchange; Sgt. Austen decided to shrug the whole thing off, given the little girl's blatant opinion of him what did he expect from her father? Sgt. Austen was a firm believer of the saying that the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Under the pretence of politeness and good-humor the five of them sat down to eat the delicious and expensive spread the Sgt. had brought.


	18. Chapter 18

This was originally a double post with Chapter 17 but I'm glad I took the time to edit it. I'm halfway through Chapter 19 which looks like it's going to be the second last chapter of Part 1 of this story.

**ClaireandKate** In response to your review, I hope this alleviates some of your anxiety...

All the folks from the **Lost Diaries** thank you sovery much for paying me the biggest compliment ever by coming here to read the chapters I hadn't posted over there!

Everybody else, enjoy and** RnR** as usual!

**Chapter 18**

James was ecstatic; they were halfway through the meal and he could see just how well Kate and Rita had managed to bond while he was away.

'She's a natural.' James thought to himself proudly as Kate leaned down to ask Rita if she wanted anymore food. James had been worried about how well the two of them would get along without him there since the incident regarding the Center but he now realized that he'd underestimated the bond between his two favorite girls.

Turning his attention to Sgt. Austen James decided he had no respect, or time for the older man. He sat stiffly at the breakfast nook and seemed to be a selfish, arrogant sonofabitch who'd deserted his daughter when she had needed him most; leaving her in the hands of a wife-beating, child abusing and maybe, James shuddered at the thought, child-molesting white trash dirtbag. There was a coldness in the Sgt's eyes that made James uncomfortable as did the way his voice subtly changed when he spoke to Kate. James felt like it was some form of psychological bullying much along the same lines as the way Jack spoke to Kate at times. Besides anyone who could inspire such single-minded dislike in Rita who in James' opinion was an excellent and intuitive judge of character, didn't get the vote in James' book either.

"What do _you_ think James?" Asked Sgt. Austen his tone and body language challenging.

James narrowed his eyes and scowled at the Sgt, "'Bout what?" James spoke so low his voice came out as a slight growl.

Kate looked distressed as she jumped in, "Daddy I don't think it's something worth going into."

Sgt. Austen raised his right hand up to silence her, "No Katie, I want to hear what the man thinks. I want to know what _you_ think about doing the right thing by someone's daughter, James."

Everyone stopped eating as they looked between James and Sgt. Austen, James was incensed.

"You mean by marryin' Kate or are you talking generally 'bout fathers an' daughters?" James asked the sneer on his face transferring so well into his voice.

"Both." Sgt. Austen replied.

James brought his hand to his chin and stroked the closely shaven skin in mock thought, "Hmm, interestin' question… See if we're talkin' 'bout fathers an' daughters _in general_ I guess I'd say that in order for a father to expect the right thing to be done by his daughter he's gotta look inside himself too. Make sure_ he_ does the right thing _by her_… one of a father's primary duties is to protect his baby girl from harm no matter what. If he can't do _that_ then I think ol' Billy Shakespeare said somethin' 'bout bein' 'unfit for any place but hell'."

Sgt. Austen glared at James but before he could open his mouth to speak, James raised his hand in imitation of what the Sgt. had done to Kate earlier, and said; "If you're talkin' 'bout _Kate_ then I say to hell with it, she deserves so much more than _any_ of the men in her life have ever given her."

Kate felt tears choke her throat as James fixed his midnight blue eyes on her when he spoke. She was overwhelmed with love for him and bitterness at the cruel hand Fate had just dealt her. How was she going to go to Russia without ruining everything?

Sgt. Austen wiped his mouth meticulously before throwing his napkin down on the table, he looked over at Kate who was seated on his left side and covering her hand with his, he indirectly replied to James' criticism.

"I don't know what you're implying James but I have wanted _nothing_ but the best for _my_ little girl and have done _everything_ in my power to give it to her. We may not share the same blood but _no father_ has _ever_ loved his child more than I."

Kate felt her skin crawl slightly at Sgt. Austen's idea of no greater love, removing her hand from beneath his she stared down into her plate as the words unbidden spilt from her lips.

"God save us all if that's true."

Sgt. Austen's face flushed angrily in response, "I beg your pardon?"

Kate looked up from her plate and stared at Sgt. Austen straight in the eye, "You heard me, there are men out there that have gone to _jail_, _killed_ hell _even died_ for their children. You, Daddy, are many things but you're not one of those men."

Kate glared at Sgt. Austen in silent challenge for him to respond and Sgt. Austen expression shifted from perturbed to angry as he fixed a steely blue gaze of his own on Kate.

James and Travis exchanged a look between them; there was a scene brewing here and it reeked of family drama of epic proportions that neither one of them wanted Rita to witness.

Travis chose this tense silent moment to use his diplomatic skills and intervene, "Rita would you please bring me ma cell phone? It's on the sofa over there. _Kate_, there's some things Jamie an' I got for you girls but we left 'em in the car. One of them's perishable why don't you an' Jamie go get 'em?"

Although his words were gentle, the tone in Travis' voice brooked no argument and Kate throwing her napkin on the table responded by getting up and after glaring at Sgt. Austen one last time headed for the door with Jamie in her tow.

Sgt. Austen threw his own napkin on the table in disgust and turned to look to his right where Travis was standing patiently. He could see Rita hunting for the cell phone in the periphery of his vision so he rose swiftly to glare at Travis.

"Something the matter?"

Travis was taller than Sgt. Austen as he was a good 6ft 3inches and he used the extra 3 inches he had on Sgt. Austen to his advantage. Stepping a little closer to the Sgt. his lips stretched into a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"How do you do it?" Travis asked with curiosity.

Sgt. Austen frowned at the question; despite himself he couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by the younger man. He wasn't a fool, he knew exactly who Travis Deschanel was and more importantly what he was capable of.

"Do what?"

"Sleep at night, knowing you sold her out to Solzhenesky. That's right old man I know all 'bout it. I know all 'bout the $6 million you got for her, the deals you've made with terrorists an' enemies of the State, the friends you got in places so high only a select few know 'bout… _All of it_." Travis spoke with a cold fury burning in his hazel eyes.

Sgt. Austen unwittingly took a step back, "You don't understand, I tried to give him the money back yesterday, but he didn't want it, he wants her. And he'll stop at nothing to get her."

Travis looked at the older man in pure disgust, "Oh I bet he won't. You've woken the tiger an' _dangled_ fresh meat in front of it, ain't no way in hell you gonna tell that tiger that you've got equally good BBQ steak to give it instead."

Sgt. Austen took another step back and bumped into a stool, "So what are you going to do?"

Travis stared at Sgt. Austen with an unreadable expression on his face, "Ain't nothin' I _can_ do now. From the look on your faces when we got here seems like you _manipulated_ her into agreein'."

Sgt. Austen flinched and Travis had his answer, "He harms _a hair_ on her head Sarge an' you're a dead man. If Jamie don't do it, which you can bet your last dollar _he will_…then _I _will."

"I found it Uncle Travis!" Rita squealed from the living room, Travis cast one last disgusted look on Sgt. Austen before turning around to join his vivacious niece in the living room.

**Meanwhile**

James studied Kate's profile as they stood in the rapidly descending elevator, she was struggling to keep a tight rein of control on her anger and he could see the physical evidence of it in her quivering shoulders and shaky breathing.

"Easy Sassafras this can't be good-"

"Don't even bother finishing that sentence!" Kate ground out angrily. She whipped around and fixed dark green eyes on James. She was absolutely livid.

James smirked at this, he felt a twinge of anger at her tone but given the circumstances he knew she was just taking it out on him.

Kate's eyes blazed at James' smirk, "Did I say something funny?"

James lifted his hands up in mock surrender while a knowing grin dimpled his cheeks, "No Ma'am."

"Then wipe that smile off your face." Kate commanded before turning back around to face the elevator doors.

The doors opened and an old lady dressed in vintage Chanel with beautifully coiffed white hair and a Pomeranian in her arms, joined them; nosily she studied the pair, squinting through her Chanel sunglasses.

Her sharp eyes perused James who was wearing dark wash Diesel jeans and a white t-shirt that flattered his muscular physique, when she came up to his face he winked at her which made her blush.

"Like what you see Grandma?" James drawled sexily.

The old lady patted her coiffure flirtatiously and she smiled slightly before her eyes fell on Kate's thunderous face. Raising her eyebrows at the angry expression on Kate's face, her smile died and she haughtily turned to face the doors.

Kate wrinkled her nose at the overpowering scent of Chanel No. 5 that permeated the elevator. The doors opened silently onto the parking lot and James walked out of the elevator first, pinching the old lady's ass as he went.

"Oh my!" The old woman trilled in delight before Kate elbowed her out of the way nearly causing her to drop the Pomeranian in an attempt to regain her balance.

Fixing a frosty glare on Kate the old woman remarked, "What a _vile_ creature!"

Kate made a face at the old lady and flipped her the bird as the elevator doors slid shut; cutting off the old woman's outraged gasp.

Kate smiled at this with satisfaction as she turned around to face James who had an amused grin on his face.

"_What?_" Kate snapped as she marched towards the car which was parked a few feet away.

James shook his head still amused, "Nothin'… I just can't believe you'd be jealous of a 70 year ol' lady."

"She was _at least_ 75! And I'm not jealous!" Kate said defensively.

"Right just like you're not angry at your father right now?" James asked knowingly.

Kate whipped around to yell at him and bumped right into his chest, if James hadn't reached out to catch her she would have fallen back with the force of the momentum.

Looking up at James, Kate burst out laughing which was just as well because James himself was on the brink of doing the same thing.

Standing there they laughed hard, James stopping to wipe his eyes frowned with concern at the hysteria he could hear in Kate's voice. Before she could start crying though, Kate stopped laughing abruptly her eyes seeking James' out.

"Thanks." Kate spoke softly, her voice slightly husky from laughing so hard.

"What for?" James asked gently.

Kate shrugged, "For not rising to the bait and giving me the argument I was looking for… For just being you… and here."

James put his left arm around Kate and drew her to him, "You forgot to thank me for pinchin' that ol' lady's ass."

Kate punched him in the shoulder playfully, "That's _still _not funny."

James kissed the top of her head, "No you're right it's not funny _per se_ I think the word I'm lookin' for is _nice_."

Kate drew back to look at him, her face was unamused, "If you thought _that_ ass was nice I'd hate to think what my ass must look like to you. You _never _pinch _mine_."

James reached down and pinched her ass, "How's that?"

Kate shrugged his arm off in mock annoyance, "It's kinda gross, customers used to do that to me in all my waitressing jobs."

James leered at her, "Male or female?"

Kate rolled her eyes as she took the car keys from him in order to open the trunk, with her back to him she replied, "Both."

James' face lit up, "_Oh really?_"

Kate turned around to hand him a small suitcase, "Really. What's_ in_ here, it's pretty heavy."

James took the suitcase from her and setting it on the floor he gently elbowed her out of the way, "I'll take care of this, Sassafras."

Kate pretended to be offended but secretly she enjoyed it when he took charge. More importantly, she could get a view of his ass while he bent over to retrieve the various cases and boxes. James turned around suddenly, catching her in the act.

Smirking at her he said, "My eyes are _up here_ Freckles."

Kate crossed her arms and grinned at him, "I know."

James reached behind him to shut the door, pulling out the keys he handed Kate the two suitcases that she could pull and bent down to pick up the various boxes.

"We got quite a few things for Princess Margarita upstairs." James remarked, making a face at the weight of all the boxes when he hefted them up.

Kate smiled at him, "She'll love that, as long as you didn't get her any dolls."

James shook his head as he indicated for Kate to lead the way back to the elevator, "Nah, I don't think _anyone_ would want to risk the wrath of Rita if they made that mistake."

"No, I can't imagine they would." Kate agreed with a chuckle.

"I gotta hand it to you Peaches, you an' her seem to be gettin' along like a house on fire." James said.

Kate flushed with pride at this, "Yeah, who would have thought? She's the only kid I have ever been able to connect with. I'm still worried about my _total lack_ of maternal instincts but I do love Rita like a daughter."

James glanced over at Kate his face serious, "You sure have done a good job of convincin' me an' Travis otherwise 'bout them maternal instincts."

Kate shook her head, "Tex I went _dirt-biking_ and _rock climbing_ when I _knew_ I was pregnant."

James shrugged this off, "So? No harm no foul, an' I know for a _fact_ that you wouldn't do that _now_ 'cause I'd spank you so hard you'll be bedridden 'til those babies are born."

Kate's eyes widened at the threat, "You wouldn't _dare_!"

"Like you said earlier sweetheart, I'm a _caveman_." James replied sticking his chin out and lowering his brow in imitation of a Neanderthal, as they waited for the elevator doors to open.

"I _always _say the wrong thing, Rita's been mad at me _at least_ three times in the last few days because of that." Kate added.

The elevator doors opened and Kate led the way, when James put the boxes down and pressed the button he turned to look at Kate.

"Well you got Rita here to set you straight, 'sides no matter how intelligent those babies are you got a good two an' a half years to practice." James said matter-of-factly.

Kate made a face, "What if they don't love me?" Her voice came out husky with fear.

James gave Kate an incredulous look, "Are you _kiddin'_ me Freckles? Children love their parents automatically. It's a gift an' a curse but it's a fact of life."

Kate blinked away tears, "I'm a perfect example of that." She commented sadly.

James tilted her chin up so she made eye contact with him, "Come on now Sassafras, you're one of the most _selfless_ an' _givin'_ people I know, you don't need to rely on nature's default."

Kate swallowed in an attempt to dislodge the lump in her throat, "I've _killed_ people Tex, I'm n-"

"Not a saint, you're a sinner which makes you human. Just cause you've had to do what you've had to do, doesn't mean you don't deserve to be a parent or happy." James said sagely.

Kate wrapped her arms around him and held him close wanting to believe his words and trying to block out what she new the near future held in store for her.

Resting his chin on her head James sighed, "Hell Freckles if killin' people is an immediate indication of unworthiness then it's one helluva cosmic joke makin' you an' me parents… or Travis. An' he's a damn good father."

Kate pulled away from him and smiled slowly, "I'll bet he his. He can be so scary without losing his cool."

James nodded reassuringly, "Worked on _me_, an' it works on Cole an' Laika."

Kate shook her head at the image of Travis and James when they were growing up, "I wish I could have seen the two of you when you were growing up."

James tweaked her nose affectionately before kissing the tip and turning around to pick up the boxes as the elevator opened on their floor.

"I'm pretty sure we got some home videos somewhere, better ask Travis." His voice came out slightly muffled as he used his chin to hold the top box in position.

Taking a deep breath as they went back into the apartment Kate tucked this little piece of information in her mind.

"Presents! Are these _all_ for me?" Rita asked as she squealed in excitement at the prospect of opening all the boxes that James was carrying.

"Hold your horses, Pocahontas, I gotta set 'em down first!" James exclaimed as Rita jumped around excitedly trying to peer into the boxes while he was still carrying them.

Kate smiled at the pair before turning around to survey the area, "Where's -"

"He had to go." Travis supplied. Kate frowned at Travis, his expression was unreadable which meant there was probably more to it than that. Before Kate could question Travis further James stubbed his toe on the sofa as he tried to set the boxes down and started swearing vehemently. Kate and Travis both rushed over to the rescue, because Rita simply plucked the box closest to her and running to the coffee table set it down so she could open it.

"Son of a diseased one legged whore!" James ground out as he nursed his throbbing toe.

Kate threw him a disapproving look.

"_What?_ It fuckin' hurts like a bitch!" James said in his defense.

Hands on hips, Kate tapped her right foot in an impatient staccato; "You are such a baby! It can't possibly hurt _that_ much."

James scowled at her, "It's_ ma_ damn toe! I'll be the judge of how much it hurts!"

Kate rolled her eyes at this turning to Travis who was watching the entire exchange with amusement.

"Don't look at me, I ain't gettin' involved, 'sides Kate, I think you better get over there 'cause Rita's plowin' through these boxes like it's Christmas mornin'." Travis pointed down to the dark head; sitting next to his right leg that was meticulously ripping through the wrapping paper.

Kate left James to his ministrations and sitting down next to Rita reached for a large box with 'Sassy' on it. Unwrapping the pastel pink and silver paper on it she opened it to find a pair of bootleg worn look Séraphine jeans that had a 2-inch under bump waistband at the front. There was another pair as well as a pair of worn wash skinny leg ones, an asymmetrical white top also from Séraphine and a pair of dark wash dungarees.

Tears forming in her eyes she looked up at Travis, "Thank you, very practical yet fashionable. Most of all, I'll still be able to be _seen_ walking around with Rita."

Travis winked at Kate, "I've got two of ma own, I went through the nightmare shoppin' trips lookin' for somethin' that wasn't gonna make Celeste look like, to use her words, 'a frumpy beached whale'."

Kate allowed herself to feel a wave of remorse, as she remembered the $10,000 dollar credit card bill she'd wracked up with Rita, divided 60/40 between Travis and James.

"I _love_ ma presents Uncle Travis!" Rita piped up as she paraded around the room with the shoes, clothes, and accessories piled in her little arms. James was now sitting on the sofa watching the scene and he smiled at Rita winsomely as she wriggled her eyebrows at him before she threw the armload of gifts at James.

"You think you're funny do you?" James asked in a mock growl as he scowled at Rita playfully.

Rita giggled, "As a matter of fact _I know _I am."

James flung the bundle of various items onto the floor as he hunched down onto his knees and snarling convincingly chased Rita around the room. Kate shook her head at the noise levels the two were creating and sharing a put upon expression with Travis continued to open her presents.

James had bought her an MGM Classics collection box set with all her favorite musicals and an expensive pair of tap shoes. Kate shook her head at this, knowing the shoes were for bedroom performance purposes as opposed to stage.

Travis sat down in the Lazy Boy that was facing Kate, "I wouldn't have pegged you for a dancer Sassy."

Kate looked up and said, "That's because I hide all signs of having done _anything_ normal while I grew up behind my very first mughsot."

Travis chuckled at this, "I see."

Kate smiled at him, "So did you guys have a good time in New York?" Kate asked putting on a Bronx accent when she said New York.

Travis made a face at this question, "Yeah if you don't count the _eighteen hours_ Jamie spent talkin' an' worryin' 'bout you an' the lil' buns in the oven, yeah we had a great time."

Kate was positively glowing, "He was that worried huh?" Getting up from the floor Kate turned so she could sit down on the couch.

Travis nodded, "That's 'bout the long an' short of it, as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Kate's face clouded over momentarily, and she thought to herself, 'For all our sakes I hope you're right.' Shaking off the black cloud that threatened to ruin the rest of the day Kate turned to Travis with a mischievous grin as she sat down.

"Well I hope that _theory_ lasts long enough for both of you to get over the credit card bill."

James joined them in the living room at that moment with Rita hanging of his back and asked in a alarmed voice, "_What's _that now?"

Kate was positively beaming and Rita's little torso started shaking with mirth, James turned around and setting Rita down fixed a scowl on his face.

"What's so funny?"

Rita side-stepped James and went to stand next to Kate who was still seated on the sofa. James and Travis exchanged glances, they had a feeling they weren't going to like this.

Rita piped up, "Okay, so like you guys _left us_ while you were _livin' it up_ in the big City so Kate an' I went an' bought ourselves some fun of our own!"

"What _kind _of fun?" James asked warily, he already didn't like the sound of this.

Rita clamped her lips together and looked over at Kate who for some strange reason was finding the entire conversation funny and wasn't speaking because of the silent heaves of laughter that were shaking her entire being. Kate was laughing so hard silent tears were coursing down her face.

Rita covered her mouth with her hands in a bid to keep from laughing or saying anything, until James started to press further with a genuine scowl on his face. Travis was too distracted and amused by Kate's fit of humor to muster any anger and remained seated in the Lazy Boy.

Pulling her hands away from her mouth with a dramatic swing of her little arms the truth spilled out of her lips, "$10,000 kinda fun."

Travis looked up sharply no longer laughing, James was finding it hard not to go crazy.

Taking a step towards Rita and Kate, James narrowed his eyes at the two of them, "_What's that now?_"

Kate fell back on the sofa laughing as Travis shot up with an equally stormy expression on his face, and Rita drawing herself up placed her hands on her hips and replied to his question.

"I _said_ $10,000 are you deaf? Don't look at _me_ like that you two, you _left us_ here with _two platinum cards_, an' Kate didn't have anythin' to wear 'cause in case you haven't_ noticed_, she's _pregnant_… I know how much _you_ make Uncle Travis an' there's no way you can tell me you're gonna feel the pinch of that money!"

Rita's voice was getting louder and louder as she spoke and gesticulated passionately while James stood almost toe to toe with the little girl as she tilted her head back and yelled at James.

James leaned down to bring his face closer to Rita's as he nodded his head at everything Rita was saying and waited for his chance to speak. Travis was approaching the pair in order to step in-between them before a red-faced James suffered a stroke.

"An' how much do _I_ make Rita? You think $10,000 in less _than two days is reasonable for me, huh_?"

"Well_ technically_ it's not $10,000 it's only $4,000 on your card an' if you can afford to jet off to _New York_ I'm sure that kinda money is only a splash in the pond for you... Come on Uncle J nobody likes a tight-ass." Rita interjected shrugging her shoulders when she said 'only $4,000'.

James straightened up abruptly as he feared what he was going to do if he continued talking to the little imp and focusing his attention on Kate he glared at her, "You think this is _funny_ Freckles?"

Kate wiped her eyes as she held her left hand up in supplication, "No _of course_ not."

Travis stood next to James but to his right so he was in-between James and Kate; his arms were hanging at his sides limply as he realized his card had footed the bigger part of the bill.

Getting a hold of herself Kate looked James in the eye, "We got _you guys_ some stuff too you know." James' face was incredulous which sent Kate into another gale of laughter.

James looked down at Rita who was still standing there arms akimbo and with a dangerously argumentative stance. When their eyes met she widened her eyes at him innocently. Then to his never ending surprise James heard Travis start to crack up, swiveling sharply to his right James stared at his older brother like he was from another planet. Which fueled the flames and made Travis hoot with laughter, and then Rita seeing the look on James' face started to giggle; covering her mouth up with her hand as her giggles developed into full scale laugher.

James threw his hands up in exasperated defeat as he retreated to the kitchen to get himself a much needed beer, leaving the trio and their cacophonous mirth in the living room.

"I wish we had a goddamn _door_." James muttered to himself as he drank half the beer in one gulp.

When the mirth had died down, Travis and Rita went into the kitchen to get some water and also to try and talk to James. Kate was about to get up and follow when she heard her cell phone ring underneath the pile of Rita's opened presents. Digging around she pulled the phone out and answered it.

"Yekaterina, it's Papa." A heavily accented voice said on the other line.

Kate kept her face blank as she replied, "Hi! How are you?"

"I am fine. And you?"

"I'm okay…" Kate was careful to keep her voice light.

"Good, I'm looking forward to seeing you again Yekaterina, there is a lot we need to discuss."

Kate didn't reply, her mind was racing as she tried to figure out what Ivan was trying to say. The man almost never spoke plainly everything had another meaning or was code for something else.

"It is a bad time, you cannot talk. I will let you go for now. Should I try you again in an hour?"

Kate's response was automatic, "There's no need, unless it's something important?"

"No, no, it is not. We will speak again soon. Proshyai milaya moya" (_Translation: Goodbye my sweet_)

Ivan hung up the phone but Kate pretended he was still on the other line, "Okay, I'll call you later on in the week and we can meet up for coffee or something, alright. Bye."

Clicking the phone shut, Kate got up and joined the others in the kitchen, Travis handed her a glass of water before leaving the kitchen to go to the bathroom.

James and Rita were friends again and Rita had James guessing what she his credit card had got for him.

"Shoes?"

Rita shook her head, "No, JL you're not tryin' hard enough, you have to be more specific!"

James raised an eyebrow, "JL?"

"James Lee, _duh_!" Rita said dismissively.

James shook his head, "_Okay_, how 'bout those Levi's that I really wanted?"

Rita's face brightened, "You're gettin' warm!"

Kate's mind drifted off into the scary world she was about to reacquaint herself with. She understood the messages behind Ivan's phone call; the first was to let her know that word had already gotten back to him that she was coming. The second was that she was to meet with a contact of his within the hour and the third was to let her know that he wasn't going to wait very long for her to come to him.

"Bingo!" Rita shrieked with glee, throwing her hands up in the air as James guessed they'd bought him the chocolate brown Gucci ankle boots that had been all the rage while they were trapped on the Island.

James gave Rita a high five and picking her up turned to Kate with a cocky grin on his face.

Kate smiled at them, "If I didn't know any better I'd have to question your sexuality Tex."

James didn't react at all, grinning even wider he said, "But you do _know better_ Sassafras, an' like I told you before a man's always gotta have nice shoes, it makes the difference between goin' home alone or havin' an attractive female in your bed."

Kate rolled her eyes at him still smiling, "But you don't need to impress anymore Tex, you've got _me_."

"That I do… but t'ain't a reason to ruin the window shoppin' experience." James volleyed right back at her.

"Uncle JL you're such a _pervert_! Put me down!" Rita exclaimed kicking her legs out.

James looked over his shoulder where he'd slung the little hoyden and meeting her eyes replied, "Not 'til you apologize for callin' me a pervert."

"No!" Rita said.

"No? Alright then, you leave me no choice but to carry you 'round like this 'til you do." James said regretfully as he turned to face Kate who was looking decidedly miffed by his window shopping comment. Striding towards her while he jiggled a giggling Rita on his shoulder, James leaned down and kissed the tip of Kate's nose.

"I love that spot." Then with a wink at her he galloped out onto the balcony with Rita pretending to almost drop her along the way; to her delighted slightly horrified screams.

Kate stood up, shaking her head at the pair as they cavorted on the balcony; Travis walked into the kitchen and smiled at James and Rita's antics on the balcony.

"Travis… I've got to go… do something, can you let Jamie know I'll be right back?" Kate said as she picked up her cell and the house keys before rushing out the door. Travis watched her go; turning to face the balcony he sighed to himself as he sat down on Kate's recently vacated stool.

Kate took a cab to 26th street then, jumping out, she ran down Olympic Blvd. and headed for Santa Monica pier. When she got there, she walked down to a deserted spot and waited.

As she watched the waves pounding on the shore she was reminded of the Island; 'Oh what I would give to be back there right now.' Kate thought to herself wistfully. At least on the Island you knew who your enemies were, it was simpler. Here Kate was surrounded by enemies from the past, and was realizing that those she had loved and thought the world of, were the ones she had to watch out for the most. Kate felt the twins stir and her heart clenched with a new fear; what if she lost them? How would she live with herself? Was the life of two unborn children that might never see the light of day more important than that of a man who had helped raise Kate? How could she turn her back on him? How would she live with herself if she did?

"Hypnotic isn't it?"

Kate's eyes widened and her nostrils flared in surprise as she turned around to see a 5ft9 light brown-eyed, impeccably dressed man standing next to her. He was wearing Armani that much was obvious and his white shirt was crisp and pristine with a few buttons undone at the top. She looked down at his shoes which were alligator skin Gucci ankle-boots and then her gaze drifted back to his clean shaven face, razor sharp cheekbones, a straight aquiline nose and very prettily plucked eyebrows completed the picture.

The man raised an eyebrow at Kate as he slid his see-through Police sunglasses off his face so she could get a better look; he turned to the left then to the right before doing a smart twirl for Kate. When he was facing her again Kate was more than a little bemused, and if it hadn't been for the subtle Russian accent she would have thought it was just some probably gay guy.

"I'm Sergei Bierko and I have to say _you_ are just _gorgeous_! You've got that wholesome nun on the run look á la Julie Andrews going for you and those Raphealite curls are just _to die for_!" As he spoke he leaned forward to kiss Kate on the cheeks, three times as was customary in Russia.

Kate wrinkled her nose at his cologne, it smelt divine but for some reason was doing a good job of provoking her recently dormant gag-reflex into a bilious frenzy. Pulling away from him Kate faced the ocean again and inhaled gulps of refreshing salt air. Sergei raised an eyebrow at this before his warm brown eyes raked her form and since the wind was molding the cotton dress to her body he spotted the bump, gasping in understanding.

"So sorry dorogyar _(translation: darling)_, I should have thought about that. I have to say when they told me you were _enceinte_ I thought they were being metaphorical." Sergei explained conversationally.

Kate turned to look at him, her face giving away nothing she said, "Let's just get this over with, okay."

Sergei nodded his manner switching to business-like, they both turned to face the pounding surf, Sergei considerately making sure he left some space between him and Kate to prevent nauseating her again.

"The plane leaves in _8 days_, which means whatever you have to do before your soon to be _bovine_ _booty_ gets on that plane with a _very_ unwilling_ me_…you've got 7 days or 8 depending on your optimism." Sergei said matter-of-factly.

Kate blanched at this, she had been hoping she would have more time! Nodding her understanding she said, "Anything else?"

"I'm flying the plane, it's just _you and me_ sister. I know your people are going to try and place all kinds of gadgets upon your person to track us once we get to the Motherland but I am warning you to do whatever you can in your power to prevent it. I just got a manicure yesterday and I_ don't_ want to ruin it by beating the truth out of you."

Kate whipped around to look at Sergei who returned her gaze with an apologetic shrug.

"Don't look at me, you're the one that's signed us up for this horrible trip. I for one have a bone to pick with you for waking the beast and getting me involved in this kamikaze mission."

Kate tilted her head, "I know who you are _dvojurodny brat (translation: cousin)_ and from what I know of you… the_ real_ Sergei Bierko would have no qualms with this trip."

Sergei gave Kate a pitying glance, "And what _I_ know of the great Katya tells me that not even she would sign up for this fool's errand with a bun in the oven."

Kate flinched at his barb, "Careful Sergei the she-claws are showing."

"Nice try, diva. Now I just have one question for you, _why _are you doing this?" Sergei demanded genuinely curious.

"What?"

"I mean why are you putting your life and your baby's life on the line _for him_? You and I both know there's a chance Papa will kill you as soon as you step foot in Russia, so why are you ruining what seems to be a potentially bright and happy future for a man who's got what's coming to him?" Sergei pressed.

Kate's face was cold, and her eyes even frostier, "Vzyalsya za guzh — ne govori, chto ne dyuzh._ (Translation: If you began doing something, you should complete it.)_

Sergei shrugged slipping his sunglasses back on, "Dvoye derutsya - tretiy ne meshay. (_Translation: Where two are fighting, the third should not interfere._) I'll see you in 8 days."

With that he walked away, leaving Kate standing by the pier. Turning back to look at the water, Kate wished she could fly away with the gulls. Slipping her shoes off, Kate walked down to the water's edge and sank her toes in the wet sand. Shading her eyes she looked out onto the water and felt her heartbeat accelerate as she tried to use the meditation techniques James had taught her. Kate fought hard to hold onto the image of the eagle in flight and willed her soul to hitch a ride with the wind that was blowing so she could escape for awhile.

Sweating from the effort the mental exercise was having on her, Kate's breath started to come in short little puffs and she felt more than a little dizzy. Gritting her teeth in frustration Kate felt the pull of gravity bringing her attempted flight down, which made tears form in her eyes. Dropping her shoes in the water Kate started to hyperventilate and she sank to her knees in attempt to calm herself down. She didn't even notice the cold water that was soaking her dress and her knees as she positioned her hands on either side and tried to take deep breaths.

Suddenly Kate felt herself being lifted into strong, muscular arms and heard as if from a great distance a soothing, gravelly voice talking to her softly. When she opened her eyes fully Kate realised that James was setting her down on the soft sand a few yards away from the surf.

Kneeling in front of her James pried her lids open as he tried to see if she was okay. Weakly Kate swatted his hand away and leaned back heavily on his left arm which was supporting her back and shoulders.

"Come now Freckles let me take a look." James cajoled gently, worry lines etched on his forehead as he tried to calm himself down. She'd scared the living daylights out of him when he'd seen her in the water, swaying on her knees unsteadily and just about to keel over face down in the water.

"I'm fine!" Kate protested weakly as she looked James in the eyes drawing strength from his presence.

"So then let me take a look at your damn pupils!" James said impatiently.

"Oh what you're a doctor now too?" Kate asked sarcastically.

Giving up James sat back on his heels as he studied Kate who was breathing normally now.

"What's goin' on Freckles?" James asked Kate seriously.

"_Nothing_. I just tried to meditate and it didn't work, so I started to get upset _that's all_." Kate answered, indirectly evading the question.

"You wanna tell me _why_ you ran out of the apartment without sayin' where you were goin'?" James pressed gently.

"Are we okay?" Kate blurted out.

James frowned, "What do you mean?"

Kate leaned forward and crossed her legs underneath the almost completely wet dress.

"I mean are _we_ okay… about the twins?" Kate repeated.

James stared into her eyes for a long time with an unreadable expression on his face, when Kate thought she wasn't going to get an answer he finally responded.

"Yeah Sassafras, we're okay 'bout the twins." He sounded tired.

"_I'm sorry_ I kept this from you, if I could turn back the clock I would have told you in Baton Rouge." Kate apologized.

James grabbed a fistful of sand and watched it filter through his fingers before he looked up at Kate and spoke from the heart.

"Well you can't. Turn back the clock… I don't like it but I understand why you didn't tell me."

Kate felt tears well up in her chest, why was she always crying?

"Just gotta make sure we don't keep things from each other Freckles, it's been a crazy six months what with the crash, the Island, _Jack_… but we gotta work together on this, you an' me. I wanna be a good parent to ma children an' I know you want that too." James made a face when he mentioned the Island's heroic doctor.

Kate wiped at the tears that started to stream down her face, how was she going to tell him that there very well might be no future? No twins? No Kate?

"I do. _With all my heart_, I want us to be a family, a _real _family." Kate said tearfully.

James gazed into her eyes and pulled her into his lap where he just held her, then kissed her left shoulder. They sat like that for a long time both of them lost in thought as well as savoring the moment. Kate shuddered as the wind blew around them, chilling her to the bone as the wet dress clung to her skin. James noticed this and made to rise, pushing Kate up onto her feet first before getting up. Kate turned to look at him, her heart in her eyes.

"Do you think we could stop by the hospital first?"

James' heart almost stop beating with fear, "Why? What's wrong?"

"_Nothing_, but unless you know something I don't know, that's the first port of call if you wanna get a paternity test." Kate said keeping her tone light.

James searched Kate's face trying to figure out why she wanted to go and do this. Kate slipped her arm into James' and dragged him towards the pier.

"You said you wanted one and I think it would be a great way to mend this rift between us once and for all." Kate explained her logic to a slightly perplexed James.

When they got onto the pier, James lifted Kate up into his arms and carried her to the car, she was barefoot since her shoes had been swept away into the Pacific and he didn't want her stepping on glass or something.

Looking down into her face James capitulated, "Okay, we'll go an' get it done. I was bein' a real asshole when I said that."

Kate's face lit up, "An apology! You should go to New York more often!"

"I can drop your skinny ass anytime here Freckles." James warned.

"My ass is not skinny!" Kate protested with a smile on her face.

"No not anymore it ain't… maybe I should knock you up more often." James remarked.

The expression on Kate's face was priceless, "Unless you're gonna be pushing a baby out of your _penis_ sometime soon, I suggest you refrain from expressing opinions about _more _offspring! The twins aren't anywhere_ close_ to being born, why are we _talking _about more children?"

James chuckled, "Don't be such a drama queen Freckles, my great great grandma had twelve babies."

Kate made a face as James opened the car door and plopped her on the seat, "Ever wondered why it's been _more _than a hundred years since someone else in your family attempted it?"

"'Cause nobody had found themselves a fetchin' female like yourself to perpetuate the Ford genes." James replied with a wink before shutting the door on Kate's retort.

When he got into the driver's seat, James reached over and buckled Kate's seatbelt for her, the back of his hand grazing her right breast. Kate let out a shaky breath and rolling her eyes at James' knowing look, focussed on staring out the windshield. James chuckled to himself as he buckled his seatbelt and reversed the car.

"Sometimes Freckles you can be a real prude you know that?"

Kate didn't even dignify that with a response although her mouth trembled from the effort it took not to smile. With another knowing look in her direction, James turned right onto the Santa Monica Freeway and headed towards the hospital.


	19. Chapter 19

Okay guys what I'm trying to do in this chapter is go back to those founding principles of our protagonists inSeason 1. I want that intriguing, beautiful, complex and totally mysterious aspect of James and Kate's personalities and pasts to come through by the helpful aid of my trusty friend Exposition. Let me know if it works okay.

**Chapter 19**

They got back from the hospital quite late; it had taken a lot of waiting around, some damage control on Kate's part for James' rudeness to the hospital staff and finally some Southern charm from James on the nurses to get them a paternity test.

When they got in, Travis was sitting on the balcony smoking a cigarette. Kate exhausted and feeling quite sticky and itchy from the dried saltwater and sand headed to her bedroom to take a much needed shower.

"Is Rita asleep?" James asked Travis as he stepped out onto the balcony.

Travis stubbed his cigarette out, and without turning around responded, "No she's waitin' for y'all."

"You let her dictate when she'd go to bed?" James asked incredulous.

Travis turned around to look at James with a wistful smile on his face, "You think I could stop her? She's just like Cat, stubborn to the bone."

James looked out onto the LA skyline and lowered his chin in acknowledgement of Travis' deduction.

"In some ways they're so alike, it's scary." James remarked sadly.

Travis nodded in agreement, "Speakin' of stubborn where's Sassy?"

James turned to go and see Rita, "Shower."

Travis was concerned, "She okay?"

James nodded but his eyes showed a trace of doubt, "I think so, I found her on the water's edge havin' some kinda panic attack, ready to keel over an' meet the maker."

Travis didn't say anything, he didn't have to, they were both thinking the same thing, maybe things were getting a little too stressful for Kate which couldn't be good for an already precarious pregnancy. Neither one of them wanted to think it but the thought rose unbidden anyway; that she may have been trying to end her life.

James left Travis on the balcony and went to Rita's room, pushing the door open wider the little girl was lying in the dark with only the night light on, but she was wide awake and singing 'Wade in the Water' very softly.

"Hey Pocahontas whatcha doin'?" James asked softly.

Rita grinned at James as she continued singing; she sleepily held her arms out to receive a goodnight kiss from him. James leaned down and kissed her forehead, then sitting down on the bed next to her smoothed the sheet out a little bit.

"You sing like an angel sweetheart." James remarked.

Rita's smile widened and she stopped singing, "Thanks JL, Dee-Dee said I sound just like my Mama when I sing."

James smiled at Rita tenderly, "That's what I said…she's an angel ain't she? Between you an' me, I prefer yours… it's earthier than Cat's was."

Rita grinned, "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me JL."

"JL, huh? Is that my new nickname?" James asked ruefully.

"Yep." Rita replied peppily.

"An' you're stickin' to it?"

"Yep."

"You ready to go to bed now?"

"Yep."

"Okay then Little Nicky, sleep tight now." James said as he kissed her forehead one last time before getting up to leave the room.

"Good night JL, te amo."

"I love you too babylove, now go to sleep 'fore Kate finds out you're still up an' somehow blames it on me." James replied from the doorway.

Rita rolled over onto her left side and closed her eyes with a smile on her face. James looked out onto the balcony and saw that Travis wasn't there. Turning sharply at a sound by the door, he saw Travis shrugging his jacket on. With a wink, Travis opened the door and left the apartment.

James sighed, he was exhausted and the trip to the hospital had been emotionally trying, what with the facing the reality that the tests may very well reveal Jack was the father or God forbid, the father to _one_ of the twins. When the nurse had explained that this was a possibility, James hadn't taken it very well. In fact he'd handled it quite badly, storming out of the room and shoving a male nurse into a trolley in his haste to go out for a calming cigarette. Then there'd been the actual procedure itself, James hadn't realized the doctor would have to use a needle the length of Texas to extract the fluid from Kate's uterus, but Kate pale as a sheet had put on a brave face. The only sign that she was in pain being the tight squeezing of James' left hand.

"You coming to bed?" Kate asked softly.

She stood in her bedroom doorway wearing a black chiffon confection James' credit card had paid for while he was away. James smiled at her tiredly, his eyes half shut from exhaustion.

"Damn straight I am." He said in appreciation of the little nightie, as he followed her into the bedroom.

Tonight, the getting ready for bed routine had a strange almost surreal quality to it as Kate turned down the covers and hovered by the bed, unsure of which side to get in on. James noticing her newfound nervousness picked her up and gently swung her onto the middle of the bed. Jumping in right after her he drew the covers up around them as Kate stroked his back and shoulders lightly.

James leaned in to kiss her gently but she kissed him back with a passionate fervor that bordered on desperation, and he was more than happy to go along with it. Carefully supporting himself on his forearms, James pressed his entire length against Kate's as he wholeheartedly applied himself to kissing her to the point of breathlessness. When they pulled away both of them were breathing heavily and they were once again stunned by the electricity that always sizzled between them.

James smoothed away a tendril of Kate's hair and ran a hand down her body to carefully rest on her abdomen. Almost instantaneously, there was a flurry of butterfly movements against his hand. Smiling in wonderment, James stared in fascination at the slightly distended skin that showed the twins' movements.

Kate let him enjoy the sensation, realizing that this was his first time knowingly feeling the babies move. Desperately she mentally ran away from the morbid thoughts that were plaguing her and threatening to ruin this precious moment. A few minutes later the movements stopped and James awestruck looked back up into Kate's soft green eyes.

"I think I just had ma self an epiphany." James said gruffly.

Kate smiled at him, all the love in her heart there for him to see, "It's pretty amazing. I still can't get over the fact that there's _two _of them growing inside there."

James shifted his weight to lean on his right side and propping his right elbow on the mattress, he leaned his head in his palm while gently caressing Kate's abdomen with his left hand.

"Jamie, do you remember all the people you've killed?" Kate blurted out. She flushed slightly at this unattractive habit she seemed to have gotten into with him of just letting words unbidden, spill out of her mouth.

James closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to look Kate straight in the eye. He didn't want to hide the truth from her not now, not ever, not when they were on the brink of becoming something he knew in his heart could be amazing. Something that was scary, exciting and so foreign to the lives they both had led until this point.

"Yeah Freckles, I do. Even the ones that were far away, I remember 'em, _every last one_." James replied.

Kate closed her eyes and then taking a deep breath she opened them again and raised her left hand to trace his face starting from his right eyebrow, she smoothed the soft downy hair down so that it went in the same direction, then she ran her forefinger down his nose and down to his lips. When she got there, she lovingly traced the contours of his lips before placing her thumb on them, James nipped at her thumb, his eyes never leaving her face. Then Kate slid the back of her hand underneath his chin and let her hand drift down the golden expanse of his chest. Letting her hand fall limply to the side, Kate turned onto her left side so that they were lying face to face.

"When I graduated from high school, the only thought I had was to get as far away from Iowa as possible. I was free, to run away from the place that I associate with nightmares and pain… so I went to visit my Dad in Moscow where he was stationed and told him I wanted to stay with him." Her voice had a mesmerizing effect, drawing James into a story he knew would probably end in another depressing revelation of Kate's past.

Kate leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose softly, the way he had kissed hers earlier. James inhaled the delicious scent of vanilla mixed with the scent that was unique to Kate. Opening his eyes, he enjoyed an unobstructed view of her now ample chest before he looked up to see Kate watching him her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"My Dad told me to go back home and brush up on my basic Russian, learn some self-defense and apply for a job that would pay for me to stay there. He pulled some strings and got me a job, strictly reconnaissance, in the CIA. Within 8 months I was in Moscow living in a one bedroom apartment, working for the Agency and having a blast. My cover story was that I was trying to become a dancer and was training in Moscow. I met lots of Russians, Americans, French and Ukrainian teenagers who were all there to realize some dance or acting dream like I supposedly was." Kate smiled at the fond memory.

James didn't register any surprise at this revelation because he'd read it in the documents Travis had shown him a few days ago. Kate kept her eyes on James as she continued.

"Of course, we partied hard, drank lots, went to the ballet, theatre, bla bla bla. Then I came back home a few months before my 19th birthday, I bumped into Tom and you know what happened then." Her voice was sad, and James reached out to cup her face as a gesture of comfort. Kate held on tightly to his hand, rubbing her cheek into his palm she closed her eyes and savored the feel of his skin on hers. Kissing the center of his palm, she opened her eyes and went back to telling her story.

"After the divorce, I went back to Moscow, when I got there, they offered me a promotion, they wanted me to work for Ivan Solzhensky, under cover of course. Ivan's son Nikolai and I were friends from the early days and it didn't take much to get him to introduce me to his father."

Kate swallowed with difficulty at this point, this was the part of her past she feared James would hate the most, but with single-minded determination she plowed ahead.

"Whenever girls were introduced to Ivan, he had to try them out to see if they were cut out for the work he wanted them to do… _I passed_." Kate's swallowed the revulsion she felt and looked at James her eyes apologetic, then quickly looked away as she saw the look of horror that was spreading on James' face.

"The Agency taught me well so I didn't disappoint in _other areas_ and within a few weeks he had me going on assignments. I stayed with Ivan and his gang for two years and I learned how to get a man to tell me everything I wanted to know and more by any means necessary…The Agency loved me, Ivan loved me, and Daddy was _so proud_."

Kate stopped talking and made herself look at James, his face was unreadable to her but even in that indecipherable expression she'd become so attuned to him that she could sense the horror he felt at these revelations.

"While you were off saving people in Latin America I was killing them… in Russia, the Ukraine, Bulgaria and Romania." Kate said in a falsely cheerful tone.

James made a face at her poor attempt to lighten the mood. Kate sighed as she sat up to lean against the headboard and pulled the blanket up to her chin as she stared out straight ahead.

"Eventually Ivan's activities were too reprehensible for even the Agency to tolerate so they ordered me to kill him… I couldn't… _execute_ him like I was supposed to…he'd kind of been a father figure to me… so I shot him off a cliff." Her voice was laced with irony.

Kate turned to see if James was getting ready to dump her for good and she was surprised to see the compassion in his eyes. Sliding up towards her James also sat with his back to the headboard and pulling the covers up to his waist, he took Kate's left hand in his right and held onto it tightly as a gesture of support.

"It don't matter now Freckles, it's in the past." He said comfortingly.

Kate shook her head fervently, her eyes filling with unshed tears, "_No_ it _does_ matter, it does."

Turning to face James she brought her hands up to cover her mouth before she wiped her eyes impatiently.

"I _don't remember_ all the people I've killed… and no matter _what _spin _you or I_ can try and put on my actions in the past, there's no excuse." Kate covered her face with her hands, as she hung her head in shame, feeling too weighted down by the burden of her past sins.

"Be that as it may, _I_ still love you Sweetcheeks." James said softly.

Kate's head whipped up and sniffling she drew her hand across her nose, wiping her eyes with her arm.

"What?"

James wiped away the remaining tears with the pads of his thumbs, "You're gonna make me say it again aren't ya?"

Kate nodded her head vigorously as she laughed haltingly through the tears, sniffling again; she leaned over to the bedside table to get some Kleenex. Blowing her nose loudly she looked at James over her hands and catching his eye giggled shyly when he raised his eyebrow at the unladylike noise she was making.

"Blowin' your nose like an enraged duck, I _don't_ love so much."

Kate crumpled the Kleenex and aiming for the trash can threw her arms up in the air in triumph as it made it in.

"Yessss!"

James shook his head at her and pulled her under his right arm, Kate automatically curled into him, not even realizing she was grinning like a jack-o-lantern.

"I said I love you, murderin' rampagin' Femme Nikita you an' vegetarian, tree-climbing, future mother of ma children you." James said with a smile on his face.

Kate was too happy to care that he'd just called her a murderer, he'd finally said it! He loved her!

Leaning down he kissed her soundly and Kate kissed him right back putting her heart and soul into it. Kate nipped his lower lip with her teeth and didn't let go forcing him to lie on top of her. Laughing good-naturedly, James was more than happy to comply as they expressed their love for each other in a very physical way.

**A few hours later**

James lay on his back with Kate's hair spread across his chest and her right ear resting over his heart. She had one leg intertwined with his and every now and then he could feel a small fluttering from the twins as they moved around in her womb. That still made his heart catch in his chest and flood his entire being with feelings of love, fear, pride and unending gratitude.

Lying back on the bed he thought about all the things she'd done in the past and he couldn't help the chills it gave him. He didn't want to make excuses for her but it sounded to him like Sgt. Austen's involvement in her past was more than just a little to blame for the path her life had taken. It irked James to think that man had been partially responsible for Kate's upbringing and had chosen to exploit her love and trust in him for the so-called good of the country. James was a patriot, he had the emotional and physical scars to prove just how much he loved the United States of America, but he could not imagine practically pimping Rita or Laika or even his unborn children that he already loved with all his heart and soul, like Sam Austen had.

'What_ kind_ of man does that?' James asked himself for the hundredth time. There was a roiling, burning anger in his gut as he thought about this and James' left foot twitched as he searched for an outlet for his frustration. Kate fidgeted at the movement but within seconds she had settled down, still snuggled against James her knee now resting on his groin.

James groaned at the subtle torture, if Kate wasn't careful she was going to get what James called a Ford Awakening pretty soon! Sighing softly he studied their intertwined limbs and wondered to himself exactly what kind of things Kate had done when she was in Russia. Well she was a master at blowing hot and cold, which was a very effective way to keep a man interested. Then there was the wall Kate put up that sometimes even James found hard to infiltrate. As well as the way she never talked about herself or ever seemed to let herself go. That wasn't absolutely true, she was much more relaxed and free around James and Rita than James had ever seen her around anyone else. Okay so maybe their time in LA together had loosened her up a bit, but James could still remember what she'd been like when they first met. When she'd told him that no girl was exactly like her…yes, that had most definitely succeeded in piquing his interest! James had to admit to himself that even though he understood her in a way that no else but maybe Travis and Rita did; she was still an enigma. A beautiful, dangerous, fucked up enigma but a mystery all the same, and _that_ was what captured a man's imagination enough to eventually give her everything she wanted from him including his heart on a plate.

It incensed James to think of all the men in Kate's life that had recognized this in her and used it to their advantage in the name of whatever cause they were currently fighting for. James swore to himself that he wouldn't let anybody use Kate and all the other people he loved like Kate had been used in the past. James was no fool, he knew that Kate too had chosen to do those things but given her youth at the time, it was a testament to her strength of character that she hadn't wound up dead, or worse. Worse! What was worse than 'using any means necessary' to get information from a man? James was no fool he knew that meant at times she'd used her body, and probably torture as well. He remembered very well how she'd come to his tent and used her body to get information from him for Jack. It hadn't worked but only because she was probably out of practice and a part of her may not have really wanted to do it. James had no doubts in his mind that if she wanted to Kate could have gotten what she wanted without giving the game away.

"Why are you still up?" Kate whispered groggily to James.

"I think ma body's still on New York time." James replied almost automatically.

Kate rubbed his chest soothingly as she drifted back to sleep, "Well tell it you're home now…"

She didn't finish the sentence because she was asleep again, and James smiling drew the covers up and around them and shutting his thoughts out, did as he was told.

**The Next Day**

Kate stared at James like he had grown two heads, he couldn't possibly be serious!

"_Come on _Sassafras, live a lil'! Hell _I'll _get one too." James said persuasively.

Kate mentally kicked herself for losing the game, she couldn't believe she'd been cocky enough to agree to a tattoo being the forfeit!

"Okay, but I'm not gonna get it today, I can't possibly get it today." Kate argued.

"Sure you can, my buddy Noodles can do it for you." Travis volunteered.

Kate threw him a disgusted look, "Noodles? I don't think so."

James pushed his chair back and sliding his hand under Kate's left arm pulled her out of her seat.

"Sounds a whole lot like hemmin' an' hawin' to me Freckles. You lost the game an' you _agreed_ to the forfeit so come on now, don't ruin the fun for the rest of us." James said with a big smile on his face.

Kate glared at him and shrugging his hand off she stomped off to the kitchen while Travis and James exchanged a look.

Rita who was watching 'The Jungle Book', paused the DVD and running up to James said, "JL do Baloo! I'll be Mowgli!" The little girl looked like a female Mowgli in her orange jean shorts, white tank top and bare feet. James held out his hands which Rita grabbed as he swung her around while singing 'The Bare Necessities'.

Travis followed Kate into the kitchen and watched her as she huffed and puffed in outrage, pretending to be looking for something in the cupboards. Slamming the last door in irritation Kate crossed her arms and glared at Travis.

Travis gave a gallic shrug before saying, "_A deal's a deal_ Sassy. You don't strike me as the type to back out of somethin' you've agreed to."

Kate frowned at Travis; he always had a way of saying more than he was actually saying.

"I'm not."

"If you ask me, there ain't nothin' wrong with surprisin' people every once in awhile." Travis said obtusely.

Kate narrowed her eyes at Travis; he wasn't talking about the tattoo that much was for sure. Her eyes widened as it dawned on her that he must know about her pending trip to Russia.

Travis gave her a half smile in understanding but before he could say anything Rita hurtled herself at him.

"Come on TD you gotta join in, you can be Bagheera!" Rita tugged on Travis' hand dragging him into the living room where James was trying to catch his breath.

Kate watched them from the kitchen and she allowed herself a moment of self-pity; she felt like she was on the outside looking in and she didn't belong with them. Before she could really wallow Rita called out to Kate, "Kate! What you waitin' for? Get over here!"

Kate smiled as she went to join the rather comic-looking trio who were doing a very good job of mangling the song beyond recognition.

**A few hours later**

Kate held onto James' hand as Noodles tattooed the back of her neck; James had gone first which along with the incredible talent Noodles possessed had given her the courage to get her tattoo done.

She was lying on her front and 'Noodles' had helpfully provided Kate with some cushions to make her more comfortable. Kate felt a nervous excitement as the needle moved on the base of her neck. She had chosen a black and white phoenix design and after seeing how artfully Noodles had done James' tattoo, Kate had asked him to incorporate the Greek word ελευθερία _(Translation: Freedom)_ into the symbol.

James watched Noodles tattoo the symbol on Kate's neck, looking over to his left arm he admired the dragon cleverly made of the hidden words 'For Kate il miglior fabbro' _(Translation: the better craftsman)_, with pride. Kate hadn't understood what the Italian meant and James had much to her irritation refused to translate it for her.

"How does it look?" Kate asked anxiously.

"Pretty damn good Peaches." James replied.

Kate squeezed his hand firmly and James squeezed hers right back with a mysterious smile on his face, which luckily Kate did not see.

**April 25th 2005**

Kate laughed with abandon as she watched James and Rita cut up the floor in the restaurant. Rita was dancing on James' feet when he wasn't lifting her up and swinging around to her delighted giggles. Most of their table was happily dancing away some less competently than others; Kate thought to herself as she watched Sun and Jin salsa rather awkwardly, partially due to her 7 month old swollen belly and partially because of Jin's endearing lack of coordination.

James had organized for all the California residing survivors from the Island to go out for dinner and music as a form of celebration for the immediate success of the Carlyle-Rutherford Center. Kate had initially been reluctant to go; her reluctance based on a combination of the way events had unfolded after their rescue and also because after their return to civilization, Kate felt awkward around most of the survivors, except for Sun, Eko and of course Jack. But that was a whole other kind of awkward for the obvious reasons.

Right now Eko and Ana-Lucia were doing a very good job of heating up the dance floor as they danced so close together. Kate could see that James was right; something seemed to most definitely be brewing between those two. Travis came back to the table and practically hauled Kate off her feet. The red silk dress Kate was wearing swirled around her feet making it difficult for her to resist his insistent tugging.

"No, _please_, I can't!" Kate protested.

Travis shook his head at her as he dragged her onto the dance floor; twirling her around with his right hand he pulled her close and maneuvered them so they were dancing very close to the speakers.

"Freedom huh? You're doin' a pretty damn good job of curtailin' it from where I'm standin'." Travis moved in right for the kill.

Kate's eyes widened with indignation, did this man never mind his own damn business?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kate replied, her tone hostile.

Travis smirked at her, "Sure you don't."

Kate stared at the floor before looking up at him what she said surprised them both, "I'm _scared_ Travis, I'm scared for them."

Travis' eyes flickered with surprise, "You finally admittin' that this situation is spiralin' outta control?"

Kate blinked her assent, Travis sighed, "I can't get you outta this Sassy but I can help."

Kate didn't say anything, she was watching James and Rita and her heart was breaking, she didn't want to leave them! How could she go back to being that person? That horrible person who did as she was told and never complained? _That person_ that had no concept of love or compassion?

"Sassy?"

Kate jerked back to reality and smiled regretfully at Travis, "Sorry."

"Meet me tomorrow mornin' 'fore y'all go the hospital, can you do that?" Travis asked.

Kate nodded, too overwhelmed to speak, Travis nodded then tilting his head backwards yelled out to James.

"Switch!"

James swiveled round to them and passing Rita to Travis and taking Kate's hands in his he ground his hips against hers in a suggestive manner.

"Why the long face, Babylove? Most girls love to salsa with me."

Kate made a face, "I'm not most girls."

James threw his head back and laughed, "No Sassafras that you ain't, that's why you're _ma _girl."

Kate couldn't help but laugh, flushing with pride at the way he'd possessively called her his. James pulled her close and breathed in the scent of her vanilla perfume behind her ears. Wiggling his eyebrows at her suggestively, James whispered in Kate's ear, "Mmmm."

Kate felt delicious chills skate down her spine as his warm breath stirred the hair on the back of her neck, blushing prettily as James ground his hips against hers again.

"Stop that, _everyone's staring_." She chided softly.

James held Kate even closer and trailing one hand down the red silk dress squeezed her buttocks. Kate blushed some more as James ogled the front of her top and licked his lips like an Italian pervert.

Twirling her to the left then to the right, James pressed Kate against a wall and kissed her with wild abandon. Kate breathless from the twirling didn't have the chance to resist, nor did she want to.

Eventually, they came up for air and much to James' surprise and delight Kate pressed her lips on James' going back for more. This time James broke the kiss breathing heavily and shaking his head at Kate as she pressed her breasts against his chest.

"You tryin' to kill me?" James moaned.

Kate slid her hands down James' flanks then hooking them in his waistband she pulled him towards her to tease his lips with her tongue. Pulling away she smiled at him seductively and leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"Tell me when to stop."

James sagged against the wall feeling weak in the knees as Kate winked at him and headed for the ladies room. Swallowing convulsively, James pushed himself up and winking at Jack who'd just arrived, went to follow the green-eyed hellion.

Kate smiled to herself happily, she had wanted to teach James a lesson for toying with her like that on the dance floor. Before she got to the bathroom door, she felt someone grab her arms roughly from behind, her eyes widened in frightened shock.

"I _didn't_ say stop."

Recognizing the familiar timbre of James' desire roughened voice she turned around to scold him for scaring her.

"You scared-"

Kate didn't finish her sentence as James cut her off with an aggressive kiss, pulling away from him Kate stared into his eyes just before James pushed her into the ladies toilets and into a cubicle. James lifted Kate up and she wrapped her powerful legs around his waist, everything after that happened in a blur. They were kissing each other like their lives depended on it and the next moment James had hiked the crimson silk skirts up to Kate's waist, reaching behind her he shut the lid of the toilet seat and stood her on it; pulling her panties off he stuffed them into his jean pockets before kicking the stall door shut with his leg. Kate impatiently unbuckled his belt and pushed his jeans down, wrapping her arms around his neck he was finally in position, Kate's breathing and insistent kisses pushed James to the edge as he penetrated her. Kate groaned with satisfaction, wrapping her legs around him, James turned around and sitting on top of the closed toilet lid, Kate straddled him. Swallowing her impassioned cries, James let Kate ride them both into rapturous oblivion.

Kate and James hurried back to their table, James with an irrepressible Cheshire cat grin on his face and Kate with two permanent crimson flags on her cheeks.

"Jack! When did you get here?" Kate exclaimed in surprise as she slid into the chair James held out for her.

"Just before your little disappearing act to the ladies room." Jack replied in a clipped voice. He winced inwardly at his tone of voice, but whenever he was around the two of them he just couldn't help himself.

"_Oh_…I was just… He was just… we both needed to go at the same time…The men's was full." Kate stammered lamely.

James smirked at Jack; who both James and Kate knew he knew _exactly_ what had transpired in the ladies toilets.

James shrugged cockily, an evil gleam in his eye as he said, "When you gotta go you gotta go, ain't that right Doc?" Kate didn't think it was possible to feel any more mortified as Eko, Jin, Sun, Ana-Lucia and Travis all stared at them with amused faces.

"Right." Jack replied curtly.

"_Oh please_, even _I _know what you two were doin' in there! An' for the record, I think it's _gross_." Rita snorted before she went back to slurping the remainder of her virgin margherita.

Jack's eyes nearly bugged out of his face at Rita's comment; which made everyone else laugh hysterically, well everyone but Kate, Rita and Jack. Rita shook the empty glass in Kate's face to indicate she wanted another one, Kate nodded in understanding and grateful for the chance to escape; took Rita's hand to go find their errant waitress.

As she walked to the bar, Kate felt a breeze from the floor fans blow up her skirt and bringing her hand down hastily to keep the skirts from blowing up she realized that James still had her underwear in his pocket. Turning around to face their table James met Kate's eyes and winked at her, collapsing into another gale of laughter.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Word to **Budweiser **who was so kind as to read this chapter in its infancy! You're a doll! I'll be sending more stuff your way in the future.

And whatever's happened to **Cowboys**? I hope she's enjoying her summer and just hasn't had the time to review and she's not actually boycotting my fic!

Okay someone posted on another website;that they wanted less interaction with other characters and more interaction between James and Kate. I'm really sorry but that's not the kind of story I'm writing. I still believe that it makes the **Skate/ Jamate** moments that much more special when you can compare and contrast them, and I am also trying to create my very own _modest_ **Skateverse**. Besides, I think **Leah Kate** does that better than anyone else and I couldn't possibly try to emulate her writing for two reasons; **1.** I am an amateur and **2.** our stories are completely different.

I'm trying out something new by making any flashbacks slightly smaller, let me know if it works or you just find it too distracting.

There's lot's of **Skate/ Jamate** interaction in this chapter and now without further ado, enjoy & **RnR**!

**_April 26th 2005 _**

Kate decided she hated hospitals, bad things always happened in them, people died, loved ones cried, they smelt like what they were. Hospitals were concrete prisons of disease, death and misery, painted white and smelling of disinfectant to mask the insidious sickness that pervaded its halls. And the staff! Kate didn't have enough room in her brain to process their role in the charade!

Drifting back to this morning's events, Kate's heartbeat accelerated with anxiety at the memory.

She'd met Travis outside the apartment and together they had jogged to a park. When they got there he had led her into a lead-lined van and through the van's floor into an underground basement cell that housed all kinds of gadgets.

Turning to look at her seriously Travis had said, "You gotta pay attention here Sassy, we ain't got much time."

Lifting some batteries, a coil, a copper coated plate, an antenna, and something Travis had called a capacitator he'd soldered them together in order to show her how to build a basic transmitter.

"There's no way I'm going to remember all this, Travis, it's no use." Kate had protested.

Travis had awarded Kate with an unamused expression, "This might make a difference 'tween you stayin' alive or dyin' so there's no such thing as _no way_."

Kate had rolled her eyes and nervously paid more attention than she'd had to since the Island.

After an hour in the stuffy airless room, she'd finally managed to build her very own transmitter.

"I'm surprised you haven't told Jamie about my… trip." Kate said warily, she was sweating profusely in the airless room. Partially due to the lack of ventilation but mostly it was attributed to the nervousness she felt as the reality of the situation hit her.

Travis who was also sweating for similar reasons, took the transmitter from Kate and fiddled around with it to make sure it worked.

"That's 'cause I was kinda hopin' you'd learned from the whole pregnancy fiasco an' was gonna tell him your damn self." Travis said bitterly.

Kate had sighed in frustration, "I know this is an _impossible_ concept for you, but can't you just mind your own business?"

Travis frowned at her, "I know this is an impossible concept for _you_, but can't you just stop bein' such a hardass an' _handle_ your _own _business?"

Kate had sighed again conceding he had a point, "Touché."

Travis shook his head at her, "I'm 'bout to teach you the code, it's unique an' you gotta make sure you remember it correctly."

Kate had suppressed her irritation and let Travis show her the secret code that James had used to signal Travis when they were back on the Island.

"Earth to Freckles." James waved a hand in Kate's face.

Kate blinked rapidly and stared at James apologetically, "Sorry, my mind was somewhere else." She kissed him softly as a way of apology.

James smiled at her, giving her his bedroom eyes as a way of appreciation for the gesture.

Kate cracked up and shaking her head at him she unconsciously cupped her belly, sighing in anxiety as they waited for the results.

James covered her hand with his and whispered in her ear, "It don't matter who the Daddy is Freckles, I still love you an' if these ones ain't mine the next ones sure as hell will be."

Kate turned to look at him in surprise, touched beyond belief at his selflessness, Kate felt tears welling up.

"Oh Jamie, I don't deserve you." Kate said tearfully.

James kissed her gently and turning to meet her gaze he said, "I don't think I'm too bad a catch ma self Freckles…Don't look now, but the Doc's comin'."

Kate's heart started to beat triple time and she was pretty sure she was about to throw up from nerves.

"Mornin' Doc." James said cheerfully. He was nervous too, but he could tell Kate's nerves were shot so he forced himself to quash his own fears and be there for her.

Kate gripped James' hand tightly her knuckles white as she quaked like a leaf. James wrapped his arms around her, trying to imbue some of his strength into her.

"Spit it out Doc, whatcha got there?" James hollered.

Antonio looked at the pair sitting there and taking a deep breath he said, "I won't waste your time, the results on both twins show that they share the same father."

Kate forced herself to look at James who winked at her encouragingly, before fixing his midnight blue eyes on Antonio.

"Si usted valora su vida usted escupe mejor hacia fuera." _(Translation: If you value your life spit it out.)_ James ground out at the end of his patience.

"Jamesisdefinatelythefather." Antonio said rapidly, the Southerner's dark scowl scared him and from what he knew of James he did not want to incur his wrath.

James closed his eyes with relief, before he grinned at Kate jauntily his trademark self-assured smirk safely back in place. Kate was staring blankly at Antonio, not quite believing that at least that part of her life had worked out the way she'd wanted it to.

"Congratulations." Antonio shook James' hand eagerly, before he left them in the room.

James helped Kate up and led her out of the hospital; he had to admit to himself he was slightly concerned with her overall numbness. They drove out of the hospital parking lot, and James finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Freckles you're worryin' me now." He said with forced lightness.

Kate didn't seem to hear him, and after an interminable silence James sighed in frustration and turned the CD player on. Rita's CD was in the stereo, so Mariah Carey started to sing 'We Belong Together'. James moved to switch it off but Kate without turning around, stayed his hand. Looking over at her she was staring out the window, James squeezed her hand firmly before he used it to switch gears.

James couldn't help but feel that something was horribly wrong, just that morning while Kate was at the gym with Travis; Rita had told James that she had a feeling Kate was going to leave.

"What makes you think that Marge?" James had asked the little girl indulgently as he watched her load their breakfast dishes in the dishwasher.

Rita had turned around and with wise doe eyes she'd said, "She took me to a church yesterday, an' introduced me to the priest who wanted to hear me sing because he's got a vacant spot in his choir."

James had shook his head not understanding, "So?"

Rita had rolled her eyes at James and moving to sit on the stool she'd faced James, "So… neither Kate or the priest paid any attention to me while I sang. They were whisperin' to each other in Russian."

"What makes you think it was Russian?" James had asked indulgently.

"Because the priest said, _da_ and _nyet_ lots… An' that's what all the bad guys in Cold War movies say if they're Russian." Rita had replied, indignant at James' lack of belief in her theory.

James had felt a cold hand clutch his heart, "So why does she have to be leavin' us?"

Rita had shrugged sulkily, "I dunno… it's just a feelin' I'm gettin'."

James had pinched Rita's nose with his thumb and forefinger and said to her, "That's a bit of an overreaction dontcha think?"

Rita had swatted at his hand in feigned annoyance, "Maybe." She'd conceded.

James afraid to analyze this revelation too closely had proceeded to lift Rita up and play airplane with her. When Kate had returned; they'd been to busy worrying about going to the hospital and the paternity test results to think about it much more.

"_Stop the car!_" Kate demanded. James slammed on the brakes in surprise. The car behind them honked the horn in an angry staccato. James flipped the driver the bird as he drove past them irately.

"_Damn it_ Freckles!" James steered the car onto the hard shoulder. Turning to look at her he waited as she tried to take deep breaths.

Kate was trembling like a leaf, her breath came out in sharp bursts and she was rocking herself back and forth, trying hard not to cry. Apprehensive, James put a hand on her shoulder trying to get her to calm down.

Kate shrugged his hand off and started to rock herself even harder, tears streaming down her face she dug her hands in her hair and pulled at the roots violently. Her throat was making a gurgling sound as she compressed her lips and tried to keep the scream that was building in her lungs from coming out.

James was completely at a loss, nervous that she was going to rip her hair out he grabbed her hands firmly but gently, pulling them out of her hair.

"_Talk to me_ Freckles… _stop_ that please!" He said, his voice wavering with rising fear.

Kate swallowed convulsively as she silently counted to five like Jack had taught her that very first day on the Island.

"I'm going to Russia." Kate gasped out.

James didn't say anything he was absolutely stunned and he didn't know what to say or do. Kate risked a teary glance at him, and when she saw the look on his face, her panic attack suddenly ended.

James told himself he had finally lost it. He couldn't possibly have heard right, she hadn't just said that she was taking his babies to Russia, had she?

Clearing his throat, James shakily ventured a question, "_What's that now?"_

Kate extracted her hands from his slack ones and wiping at her face she cradled the back of her head for a second before she let her hands fall uselessly in her lap.

"I have to go… If I don't he'll _kill _my Dad." Kate's voice was slightly husky but other than that she could have been talking about what they were going to have for dinner.

"He's not your _Dad_ Kate, your Dad is six feet under, you should know _you put him there_." James couldn't have stopped the words from coming out of his mouth if he wanted to.

Kate flinched like he'd slapped her; she looked out the windscreen before taking a deep breath and responding.

"Be that as it may, he raised me, I can't just _let him_ die… and I know if _you_ were in the same position you-"

"We ain't talkin' 'bout me. This is about you, _you Kate_. He's a grown man an' he got himself into this mess, I don't see why you gotta throw everythin' away an' gallivant off to the rescue-"

Kate narrowed her eyes at James as she threw him a disgusted look interrupting him she hissed, "Kind of like the way you ran off in secret to find the Others and rescue Walt?"

James' face mirrored Kate's, "That was different an' you know it. We were sittin' ducks on that Island. … Oh I get it now, a couple months happy an' you got the itch to run off an' fuck up your life again." James said bitterly."

Kate turned away from him and faced the windshield; she closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face, she didn't even bother to wipe them away, "I don't expect _you_ to understand."

"Understand _what _Kate? _What _is there to _understand_?" James yelled at her losing his self-control.

Kate squeezed her eyes shut, gritting her teeth she ground out, "No _you don't_ understand! You understand _nothing_! You have _no idea_ what this is like!"

"Oh first you think if I was in the same position I'd do the same now I don't understand shit?" James bellowed at her. Leaning forward he grabbed her forearms yanking them hard he forced her to look at him.

"I understand _Kate_ I _understand_ more than you think. I understand that your _so-called Daddy_ sold you out to that Commie piece of shit for $6 million, _I understand _that he's a pretty smart man 'cause the _last time_ he sold you out he got hisself promoted to Sgt. _I understand_ that he exploited your childhood for his own personal gain _an' I understand_ that _he don't love you_. Now is that enough_ understandin'_ for you?" James ground out viciously. He was almost blind with fury and his grip on her arms was bruising.

Kate wrenched her right hand free and with all her might slapped him across the face. Freeing her left she started to slap him repetitively shrieking her rage and anger at him, James grabbed her hands and held her arms tightly by her sides roaring at her in anger as he restrained her.

Panting they glared at each other, neither one of them appreciated it at this moment but they were both aware of the fact that despite the volatility of the situation, the sparks were still flying between them. Kate was the first one to look away, staring straight ahead and closing her eyes she tried to be civil.

"The _only _person that's ever shown me _any_ kindness, _cared_ about _me_… been _proud_ of _my_ achievements is _Sam Austen_. You've had Diego, Catalina… and _Travis_, someone who's loved you _unconditionally_ pretty much all your life. You _don't know_ what it's like to be _so _alone, so _unwanted_ that you'll settle for whatever scraps you can get." Her voice was quavering with emotion, and Kate let the tears flow freely. James himself felt the uncomfortable prick of tears behind his eyes. He couldn't believe she was really going to do this.

"So you show your gratitude by gettin' yourself _an'_ ma babies killed? What about me Freckles? I love you _don't that matter_?" James asked his voice deathly quiet.

Kate let a wretched sob escape before she covered her mouth with her hand and took a steadying breath. "James please don't be like this. I _need you_ to support me."

"If askin' you, no wait… _beggin'_ you not to go on a suicide mission isn't supportin' you like rational folk would do then I'm sorry. I think you paid whatever dues you believe you owed him when you did 'whatever it took' to get secrets outta men… Don't do this Kate, _please_."

Kate hugged herself as she tried to get a hold of herself, she felt so cold her teeth were chattering. She was so torn internally especially after the paternity test results, but before he could sway her resolve any further, Kate took a deep breath, staring out the windshield stubbornly.

"_I have to go_."

"An' what the hell am _I_ supposed to do? Sit at home an' knit sweaters while you play out your grim family special?" James asked his voice heavily laced with sarcasm.

Kate's eyes were dry now, she had no more tears left to cry and it felt like someone had rubbed sand in them. Blinking repetitively Kate moaned like a dying animal, turning to face him again she fixed him with her red-rimmed emerald gaze. She had to try and make him understand.

"It's all _my_ fault. I couldn't bring myself to shoot him in the head where I knew it would've killed him and now _I have to_ finish off what I started."

James shook his head vehemently. He could not accept this warped logic and sense of blame.

"No. No _you don't_ Freckles… See I've done ma homework an' your Daddy an' his cronies found the sonofabitch an' revived his ass. That's right, I guess _Daddy dearest_ left out that vital piece of information." James said in response to the shocked look on her face.

"You're lying." Kate accused her nostrils flaring in outrage.

"Now _why_ would I lie 'bout a thing like that? They were there when you shot him off that cliff an' soon's you left they got him outta there an' put his dead ass on an operatin' table." James continued, punishing her with the truth almost as much as seeing her react to the information was punishing him.

Kate covered her ears with her hands and squeezed her eyes shut tightly, she didn't want to hear anymore. "No, no, _stop please_."

James zeroed in for the kill, "Seems 'tween the time they gave you that order an' the time you executed it, someone else thought it would be in their best interests to keep him alive. Ask your _Daddy_ if you think_ I'm_ lyin'."

Kate started to cry and James had had about enough, his hurt diminished as he was suddenly very angry at her for doing this to them.

"Yeah _sure_ turn on the waterworks again, the _Osca_r goes to…" James threw her a disgusted look as he turned on the ignition in preparation to get back on the road.

Mariah came back on singing; "_'I Only Think Of You' and it's breakin' my heart, I'm tryin' to keep it together but I'm falling apart, I'm feeling all out of my element_". James turned the stereo off fixing his eyes on the road as his breath came in harsh short breaths.

Kate was silent, absent-mindedly she rubbed her arms every now and then in attempt to dispel the chill she still felt.

"I _have to_ do this." She said almost to herself.

James didn't even turn around to look at her, "Yeah well, you gotta do what you gotta do, _to hell_ with everybody else."

"This isn't easy for me, but I don't have a choice, he's my_ Dad_ and _I can't_ turn my back on him." Kate argued adamantly.

"Well you've made your choice, why we talkin' 'bout it like it's open for discussion or ma opinion matters?" James asked acidly.

"Because I love you and I'm trying _so hard_ to be the woman you can love with all my heart. But for your information… you're _not_ an easy man to love. Did you ever stop to think that I _don't_ have any options? I didn't _choose_ to fall in love with you! If _I_ let Ivan kill my Dad he'll still come after me and he will most definitely _kill you_… All I want is for us to be together, as long as Ivan's still alive that won't happen_. Why can't you see that_?" Kate spoke with a quiet strength, trying to batter James with her pragmatism.

"Whatever makes it easy for you but in case you didn't notice you're a walkin' medical miracle at the moment." James retorted, he was referring to the one thing that bothered him more than her risking her life, the twins.

"I won't be for long if I let Ivan kill my Dad." Kate shot back.

James shook his head in irritation, "Don't try an' gloss over the fact that you've _known_ an' been _plannin_' to go to Russia for a lot longer than today an' you didn't see fit to tell me until now."

Kate couldn't help herself, "Just like you planned and knew you were going into the jungle after the Others without telling anyone?"

James rolled his eyes at this, "We on that again? Last I checked _everyone_ benefited from that. As far's I can see the only sonofabitch that benefits from you goin' to CommieLand is Sam Austen."

Kate saw a chink in his line of attack and took advantage, "You want to talk about selfishness? What about you being Sawyer? Conning people? Preying on the weak and vulnerable women?"

James closed his eyes as the words had the effect Kate intended, "I'm no longer that person, Freckles."

"Really? Are you sure? How do you know Sawyer's not gonna make a reappearance when you or I least expect it or times get hard?"

"Yeah Kate, I'm goddamn sure! I'm _not_ that person anymore!" James yelled furiously rising to her bait. He hated how she could get under his skin and make him so angry despite his intentions not to.

Kate stared at his clenched jaw and angry profile before conceding, "Well _I _still _am that person_."

James scowled at this, turning to look at her he said, "_No_ Freckles, _you ain't_. You're just runnin'… _again_. It's all you know how to do. Somethin' gets too real an' too intense for you an' you run."

Kate didn't respond, doubting herself and her convictions because she knew there was an aspect of truth in this. James turned to look at Kate and he could see her chin trembling, he could also sense the uncertainty that his remarks made her feel and against his will his heart strings danced to her tune.

How much time we got?" James asked in a defeated voice.

"Until the end of this week." The lie rolled off Kate's tongue immediately, she might as well be hung a sheep as a lamb for slaughter.

James' grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles were white, other than that he showed no sign that what she'd said bothered him in the slightest.

"_James_." Kate pleaded.

"If you go, _we're through_." James said without rancor. It was a gamble the biggest one he'd ever taken in his life but he had to try.

Kate closed her eyes, "If I _stay _we're over because at least one if not _all of us_ will end up _dead_."

"What makes you so sure you're gonna survive this way?" James pushed refusing to listen to the little voice in his head that told him he'd lost.

"There's a _chance_, and I won't put the people I love at risk." Kate replied in a strange voice. Even though she'd prepared herself for the worst, she couldn't believe they had actually arrived at this point.

"You wouldn't know what love is if it hit you in the damn face." James snapped at her.

Kate's breath hissed out of her lips, he'd hit her below the belt and he knew it.

"I deserved that." Kate said finally. Everything inside her was screaming for her to forget her commitments and hold onto James but the rational part of her brain knew that it was too late for impulses like that. Kate felt sorrow, guilt, remorse then molten lava-like anger started to bubble in her chest.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself and keep a rein on her temper the words tumbled out of her mouth, "But _don't you dare_ cheapen my feelings for you because you've decided _you _don't want me anymore. _This_ is me! _This_ is my life! Welcome! You wanted to get to know me, and there! _This is Kate_… I'd say take it or leave it but you've already decided. Unlike_ you_, people like me don't get a break; _I_ can't afford the luxury of my past staying in the past. And _I'm sorry_! I'm sorry I'm not _pure_ and _perfect _like Catalina! Or selfless and heroic like Travis! These last few months have been a dream come true for me but that's all they've been, _a dream_. This _is my reality_."

James hadn't thought it was possible but she'd revived his anger, and he held onto it righteously as he responded. How dare she bring up Catalina like this was the same thing!

"You _chose_ this reality Freckles! You may not have had a choice before but you do _now_. You coulda come to _me_. You coulda _told me_ the_ truth_ from the beginnin' an' we coulda solved this together like normal folks if that's what you _really _wanted. But you didn't, 'cause you _like it_ like this dontcha? Normality scares you more than anythin' else in the world. So off you go again."

James was being harsh but he didn't care. His heart was breaking and the woman he loved was sitting next to him. She had held all his hopes and dreams, some he hadn't even realized he had in the palm of her hand; before she'd crushed them in her powerful bloodstained hands.

"You _can't_ really believe that." Kate said in a horrified voice.

James nodded, "I do, Sassafras, I really do. The woman I thought you were wouldn't throw everythin' we got away for a misplaced sense of duty. There's gotta be more to it."

Kate shook her head wearily, "He's _family_."

"No! He ain't your family. We're your family. _Me, Rita an' Travis. Not him_." James argued, his voice cracking with raw emotion.

"A family that's ready to dump me at the first sign of trouble." Kate retorted.

James sucked his teeth at this comment, "You're takin' ma unborn children with you, Kate. You're the one breakin' this family apart. _Goddamnit_! Travis was right 'bout you all along… you're _nothin_' but trouble."

Kate couldn't even muster the energy to broach the subject of Travis, instead she nodded slowly at this; "I guess _that_ says it all then."

Laughing rather hysterically since none of this was funny, Kate continued, "Who are we kidding? We were _never_ gonna make it anyway… Like you said before, a tiger don't change its stripes."

James didn't reply, his jaw was clenched so tight it looked like it was going to break from the pressure.

Kate studied her hands before rubbing her palms together and staring out ahead she sighed, "If I make it through this, w-we'll have to figure out something that works… after the birth."

James silently stopped the car in front of the apartment block and fiddling with the stereo he spoke softly.

"I know Rita's over at Lucy's right now but to tell ya the truth, I _can't _be 'round you right now Kate, I'm scared of what I might do to you." His voice trembled under the force of his emotions.

Kate watched him for a few seconds waiting for him to look up at her, when he stopped pushing the buttons James stared at a spot on Kate's knee refusing to look up at her. Kate's shoulders slumped as she gave up and unbuckled her seatbelt; stepping out of the car she slammed the door behind her. James burnt rubber as he drove off hastily, leaving a very distraught Kate in his wake.

Kate choked on the smoke and waving her hand in the air to dispel the smoke, she headed for the entrance; suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks as she spotted Sgt. Austen standing just inside the building with a hamper in his hand.


	21. Chapter 21

Okay folks this is the second part of Chapter 20, **Cowboys** the bedroom scene is for you! Just a note about Russia and the spy stuff…I understand some of your concerns but I am not going to lose the plot and make it all about that. I just wanted to explore the dangerous criminal aspect of Kate's character further that's all.

This is the end of Part 1 of the story, Part 2 is already well on it's way but I have to revise some of the things I had happening in it. I will keep y'all hopefully intrigued for a few chapters in Part 2 but our protagonists will get their happy ending, eventually. To quote from my favorite show; "why go for the kill when you can go for the pain." I did put this story under Angst, Action and Adventure **_as well_** as Romance!

I would like to pimp a fellow fanfic writer that I just rediscovered; name is **Bofbanoff** and is currently writing a story called **Collapse**. I just read the first two chapters and it is absolutely amazing stuff. Check it out if you get a chance.

Well here goes nothing, please **RnR** as usual. **Feel free to vent** **if you must** but be patient, I have a plan! **Lots of Love – Dulcedecorumest xx**

**Chapter 20 - Part Deux**

Before Kate could say anything Sgt. Austen hugged Kate tightly to him; "I take it from your face and the screeching tires, you told him about going to Russia?"

Kate felt herself waver at the contact, then as if the universe wanted to remind her to remain wary of him; Sgt. Austen pulled away from Kate and pinched her cheek affectionately.

"Don't worry about him Katie, you don't need him, you've got me."

Kate bristled and pulling away she led the way to the elevator her skinny jeans flattering her pregnancy curves while the white linen embroidered kaftan hid the bump from view. A number of male and envious female heads turned to watch her progress as she got in the elevator and Sgt. Austen felt a long dormant feeling of pride swell in his chest as he noticed these reactions. Kate leaned against the back wall of the elevator and crossing her arms, waited for Sgt. Austen to get in.

Sgt. Austen pressed the button to shut the doors and they ascended to the top floor in silence. Outside the front door, Sgt. Austen squeezed Kate's arm as a gesture of support and comfort. Kate shook it off and as soon as she unlocked the door she headed for the kitchen.

Pulling open a drawer, Kate found a hair tie and gathering the mass of auburn curls that hung down her back and shoulders, she tied a messy knot at the nape of her neck. Her new tattoo was visible and Sgt. Austen's eyebrows rocketed up in surprise. He set the hamper he had brought with its bottle of expensive champagne sticking out; on the floor by the breakfast nook.

Kate turned around to glare at him then walking to the refrigerator she poured herself a tall glass of water.

"What do you want Daddy?" Kate asked in a neutral voice. Her eyes glinting with an emotion Sgt. Austen could not define. Disarmed by her question, he remained standing by the breakfast nook a few feet away from the hamper.

Sgt. Austen smiled at her nervously, "Is it so wrong to want to spend some quality time with my little girl?"

Kate didn't blink; swallowing the rest of the water in a long gulp she clutched the glass tightly against her chest and said, "Before she goes off to what will _probably_ be her unnatural death."

Sgt. Austen blinked in confusion, a frown marring his brow.

"You know… you wanted to spend some quality time with your little girl _before_ she goes off to what will probably be her unnatural death. You _forgot_ the last part." Kate said in that strange neutral voice.

Sgt. Austen felt a cold chill race down his body as he looked into Kate's arctic green eyes, something about her voice and her eyes was making the hair's on the back of his neck stand up. She was looking at him like a cold-blooded killer, not his sweet eager to please little girl.

"I just didn't want to bring it up, being the eve of battle and all. There's no time for emotions, you've got to be strong soldier." Sgt. Austen replied addressing her as he would one of the troops.

Kate's eyes flickered with another emotion Sgt. Austen couldn't define, "I just told the man I loved that I am going back to Russia to try and negotiate terms for a mercenary ex-KGB Russian warlord while I'm pregnant with his baby… because if I don't he'll kill my Dad who's never _really_ been there for me and who from _most_ people's point of view I don't owe a single thing. I think I got strong covered but thanks for the pep talk anyway."

She was still leaning against the fridge staring at the Sgt. with that odd look on her face and quite frankly the Sgt. was more than a little scared. He'd never seen this side of her even though he'd known it existed. She hadn't gotten the Solzhenesky assignment at the tender age of 19 for her looks.

"I'm sorry Katie, _of course_ you have it covered. I forget you're not a little girl anymore." Sgt. Austen apologized his face contrite.

Kate turned around and poured herself some more water, she knew she was being rude by not offering the Sgt. any or offering him a seat but she did not give a damn.

"I know you're hurting Katie, but he'll come around, and if he doesn't then you're better off without him. I wouldn't expect a man like him to understand what it means to be part of a family, and the love and sacrifice that is required to keep them going." Sgt. Austen crossed the space and was now standing next to Kate his hand on her shoulder as he tried to console her.

Kate closed her eyes against the pain in her heart, for a second she thought she was going to have another panic attack but the feeling passed. In that brief moment where she'd sagged slightly against the Sgt, he took it to mean he was getting through to her.

Rubbing her forehead in a repetitive motion, Kate dragged her hand down her face and pushing away from the Sgt. turned to face him. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and she looked like the vulnerable little girl she once was.

"When I went in to the Agency a few days ago, they gave me a breakdown of Ivan's activities in the last few years, a contact number for when Ivan is either dead or in custody, a pair of heat resistant boots and a half hour of marksman practice. I'm not going to have any kind of support from them am I?" Kate asked Sgt. Austen in a way that showed she already knew the answer to the question.

Sgt. Austen's face was troubled, "The whole Ivan thing is kind of a mess, they don't want to get too involved, and when you go to Russia you'll be on your own."

Kate mused at how no matter what expression his face or his voice conveyed, his eyes never seemed to warm from that cold, pale blue. She could honestly admit to herself she had never noticed that before.

Nodding as everything all started to make sense in her head, Kate asked, "What did Ivan give you $6 million for, Daddy?"

Sgt. Austen didn't bat an eye, answering the question in a normal voice, "An act of good faith, he said it was your money that you never took with you when you worked for him."

Kate frowned in puzzlement, "So why did he give it to you and not me?"

Sgt. Austen shrugged, "I'm not quite sure Katie, maybe because he couldn't contact you yet as the approval for you to act as negotiator and your acquiescence hadn't gone through."

Kate nodded then continued, "I still don't understand why _you_ didn't tell me about it, I mean it is my money, right?"

Sgt. Austen drew himself up and looked at Kate disapprovingly, "Are you implying that I meant to deprive you of that money, Katie?"

Kate shook her head and leaning forward pecked him on the cheek, "No _of course_ not Daddy. It's just James said something that made me think that maybe you were and I don't want to believe that you… the _only family_ I have left, would do something like that."

Sgt. Austen's face darkened to a crimson red, "That no-good piece of swamp shit, how dare he suggest that me, _your father_ would do something like that. From what I've read in his file; that would be more up his alley!"

As he ranted, Kate watched him with very perceptive eyes, she noticed that his ears were a bright red and his left eye was twitching slightly. Kate also noticed the way he was fidgeting so subtly that the untrained eye would not pick up on it. But thanks to Sam Austen, Kate's eyes _were_ trained, and she silently made note of every little nuance.

Travis, James and Rita entered the apartment as Sgt. Austen worked himself into a lather denouncing James and listing his various crimes during his stint as Sawyer. The trio proceeded into the living room on silent feet. And they watched as Kate whose back was turned to them stood there in what could best be described as a nonchalant pose.

Sgt. Austen was too angry to see the three very interested faces watching his tirade and gasping from the exertion of finally venting out his rage he pulled a stool from under the nook and sat down. Leaning forward in his seat he reached for Kate's hands so he could hold them in his own.

"_I know you_ Katie, you'll get the job done, and I'm not worried about that at all… When you get back I think its _best_ you come and stay with me, _with family_… it's what you've always wanted and I realize now that it's something we should have done earlier… better late than never, I say."

Rita gasped in shock, Travis tensed but remained silent and James swore colorfully in reaction to this statement; Sgt. Austen glanced up from around Kate and noticed the trio for the first time.

Kate didn't hear or see how James or Rita reactions because Sgt. Austen's statement triggered a reaction in Kate that no one had ever seen and lived to tell the story of. Moving abruptly, Kate flung Sgt. Austen's hands away from her and pacing towards the cupboards she stopped abruptly and turned to fix molten hate-filled emerald eyes on him that threatened to incinerate him where he sat.

"You're about _ten years_ too late to sell that to me. How can you sit there and talk about _love_ and _sacrifice_ and a _father's_ love?" Kate spat the words out like tiny poisoned tacks. As she spoke she moved back towards the Sgt. her hands on her hips she leaned forward so she could look the Sgt. in the eyes as she spoke.

Travis reading the explosiveness of the situation tried to discreetly pull Rita away with him as he left the living room. Rita wasn't having any of it as she shrugged him off and continued to watch with undisguised relish.

"Answer me!_ How_ can you? You hypocritical, coward. When Wayne broke my arm and put Mom in the hospital you did nothing! _Nothing_! Is _that_ what _fatherly love_ is, huh?" Kate jabbed the Sgt. in the chest repetitively with her forefinger as she spoke.

Sgt. Austen raised his hands in a placatory gesture, "Katie, calm down, please, this can't be good for the baby."

As if it was possible this riled Kate even more, Jamie stood in the living room, mesmerized by Kate's incandescent fury. He didn't need to see her face to know that her eyebrows rocketed so far up her brow they almost disappeared in her hairline before descending again in an angry scowl that put any of James' own to shame.

"_Baby_! _Baby_? What would you know about my baby? A _week_ ago you didn't seem too concerned about it because _your_ welfare was too important… you selfish prick. Let me tell _you_ something Sam Austen, I may not know how to love without screwing it up but _you_…you don't have _any concept_ of love, or _courage_ or _sacrifice_ or suffering. Do you have _any_ idea _how many_ times I prayed for you to save me from Wayne, from the waking nightmare that was my childhood? _Do you_? When he first came to my room and tried to force himself on me, do you know who I prayed for?" Kate's voice had gone from incredulous to pure rage.

Travis hefted Rita up at this point and carried her struggling and protesting, out to the balcony where she couldn't hear the things being said. It wasn't a moment too soon because Kate threw the glass she'd still been holding against the wall, and it shattered into a million pieces showering both Kate and the Sgt.

Kate shook of the shards with feline grace as she continued to stalk her prey. Sgt. Austen shuffled his stool away half in fear half in attempt to distance himself so he could regain control of the conversation but his efforts were in vain.

"Stay _right where you are_, you piece of shit or I'll put you down like the dog that you are!" Kate ordered her voice quavering under the sheer force of her rage. She planted her foot on one of the rungs in the stool effectively stopping the Sgt.'s retreat. Leaning forward so that her face was a mere hand span from his, she continued.

"I prayed for you. _I prayed for you_! To come and help me, to fight Wayne off for me because he was so much bigger than me… but you didn't… When I told you what had happened do you _remember_ what you told me?" Kate shrieked at him.

James was slightly concerned on what effect this entire tirade was having on the babies but he did not know of any way to stop this nor did he want to. It was about time Kate stood up to the main living perpetrator of her unhappy childhood!

"I d- don't remember." Sgt. Austen stammered fearfully shaking his head pathetically.

Kate pulled out a stool and sat down facing the Sgt. then pushing her face within inches of his she replied calmly, "You told me to be _strong_, be a_ good_ little girl and _go back_ to Mom because she needed me."

Sgt. Austen's face paled at this. Kate nodded her face and her body language radiating hostility.

"Yes that's right, _Daddy_. _You_ told me to go back and be a good little girl… I put my love, trust and life in _your_ hands and you treated it _all_ with indifference." Kate said matter of factly.

"_And then_ because in some crazy way you felt like you were being a _good father_, you _sold_ me to the government. I didn't have a chance did I? It's not like we were related by blood or anything… so you freely used my love and trust in you _against _me. You signed me up for a life of blood and hate in the name of family. You used my childhood which _you _had a hand in, as an excuse, a method of exploitation and you fed me to the wolves."

Sgt. Austen looked positively gray at this point much to James' never-ending satisfaction.

Kate's voice was hoarse from yelling, swallowing to soothe her throat she rasped, "Do you want to know why I killed Wayne?" Kate's vengeance was almost beautiful in its intensity. Her words and eyes were cutting down the older man more effectively than a chainsaw in a forest.

Sgt. Austen sat there shaking like a rabbit caught in the headlights; he was too frightened and emotionally weakened by Kate's vitriol to refuse.

"I killed_ him_, because I couldn't bring myself to kill _you_. Because when I found out that he was my biological father, somewhere deep down the penny finally dropped."

Sgt. Austen shook his head vehemently not wanting to hear the rest of what Kate had to say, but she wasn't finished. When he turned away from her and brought his hands to his ears to block out her words; Kate ruthlessly pulled them back down and forced him to listen to what she had to say.

"You always made me feel like no matter how _hard_ I tried I wasn't good enough for you to disrupt your life over. I wasn't _worthy_ of your love that's why I had to stay with Wayne, but I _felt better_ knowing that your blood flowed in my veins and that no matter how flawed Mom was I had some good in me… _I had hope_. Practically pimping me to the Agency and then to Ivan… the things I know _you know_ I did _just to make you proud_… took that hope away from me and I wanted to kill you, because I couldn't excuse your actions. That kind of cruelty I expected from Wayne, but not you, _never you Daddy_." Kate paused to study Sgt. Austen's face as her words sunk in with a detached interest. Still gripping the Sgt's hands she swallowed in another attempt to soothe her hoarse throat then relinquishing her hold she clasped her hands in her lap.

"You told me after I did it, that you _didn't_ have _murder_ in your heart but I get it now… it's because you don't have one. You're incapable of love Sam, you don't know how. That's why Mom cheated on you. The love of someone like Wayne was a better alternative to you." Kate sounded like she'd been enlightened and was wearily passing the information on to a reluctant devotee.

"Katie that's not fair, I tried to take you with me but your mother wouldn't let me." Sgt. Austen protested weakly as tears slid down his face.

Kate's eyes had changed from fiery to flinty; coldly she pulled out a napkin from the drawer in the nook and handed it to him.

"I don't have a father, I never did. This is the last thing I will _ever_ do for you, but I want one thing to be clear. You're dead to me, just as dead as Wayne and Mom are back in Iowa. When you leave this apartment, you no longer have a daughter and _Sam_ if you think I'm bluffing or that this is just hormones… _try me_. And I'll show you just how good a deal you gave Ivan and the Agency."

Sgt. Austen's fear was palpable and James had to admit to himself that the tone of Kate's voice as she spoke these last few words raised the hairs on the back of his neck. It reminded him of how she'd told him if she wanted his spot on the raft she'd get it. Except this time he knew she wasn't bluffing.

Rising from her stool Kate's eyes met James for the first time since they'd fought in the car. She'd been aware of his presence for a while now, but the need to finally tell Sgt. Austen how she felt had been more important than James seeing her at her most vulnerable and her most ruthless. Looking away she strode out of the kitchen and went to her room, leaving James and the emotionally distraught Sgt. in the kitchen.

"I'll show you out." James offered as he hefted the empty hamper with its now sweating, unopened bottle of champagne; he handed it to the shell-shocked Sgt. Austen who'd risen on shaky legs.

Sgt. Austen looked out onto the balcony where Rita and Travis, were watching him with avid interest. Unsteadily he tried to pull himself together as James called out impatiently from the doorway.

"Come on Sarge! I ain't got all day."

Squaring his shoulders Sgt. Austen glanced around the room one last time his eyes falling on the last spot he'd seen Kate before she'd disappeared down the hallway to her bedroom; before he walked out of the apartment and Kate's life for good.

James walked into the bedroom, he was prepared to see Kate in a teary mess but what greeted him instead bewildered. Kate was sitting at the dressing table, wiping the ruined makeup off her face. Her face could have been made out of marble it was so pale and white in contrast to the foundation she'd wiped off.

She didn't even turn to look at him when he entered and it was only when he sat down on the bed behind her; that she met his eyes in the reflection. James felt his heart break a little at the look in her eyes. It was as if the tearful Kate from earlier on in the car was still hovering in the shadows but the cold-blooded murdering Kate was most definitely in charge. Methodically, Kate wiped the mascara and eyeshadow off her eyes, she still held James' gaze in the mirror but did nothing else to acknowledge his presence. James sat there somehow held in her thrall and unable to command his throat or his limbs to move. It always amazed him how they could be so alike but so different; fire and ice, James reacted with anger and Kate reacted with icy calculated control.

Kate done removing her makeup moisturized her hands with the fragrant Bodyshop Vanilla body lotion she used. James' nostrils quivered imperceptibly as the scent tantalized his senses. Somehow she made such a simple, innocent fragrance so much more and James knew for the rest of his life he would associate it with her.

Kate rose gracefully from the stool and went into the walk-in closet; she came back a few minutes later with a small suitcase. James felt like he was going to throw up as he watched her calmly pack the clothes Travis had bought for her in New York, then she added James' sweats which were now hers. Kate went back into the walk-in closet and added some of the new clothes she'd bought in Beverly Hills. Then packing her sneakers, Kate shut the case and closed it. The sound of the zipper closing was so ominous and full of meaning that both of them flinched inwardly. Kate set her jaw stubbornly as she hefted the suitcase back into the walk-in closet and came back into the room.

"Was that your way of tellin' me you're still goin'?" James asked in a sarcastic voice that broke the tense silence between them.

Kate met his eyes and held them, wordlessly answering his question. James nodded his head in understanding and then reached out for her hand, pulling her closer. Kate didn't resist, she let herself be pulled down onto the bed next to him. Her heart was hammering a staccato faster than any drum-beat Kate had ever heard and she was sure that James could hear it from where he sat.

James' right hand was inter-linked with Kate's left; they both stared at their clasped hands as if they had never seen them before. After a long expectant silence, James finally spoke.

"There's _nothin_' I can say to convince you that you're just a mere mortal like me an' everybody else?" James asked in a half-teasing tone.

Kate forcefully held back the tears that were bursting to fall; she shook her head slowly.

"Not even if I told you 'bout the two big-breasted porn stars I know; Candy an' Starla, that live in LA an' told me to look 'em up whenever I'm feelin' lonely?" James smirked as he said this, remembering a very interesting week he'd spent with them. Wincing in pain he rubbed his ribs after Kate elbowed him hard but she still shook her head. James half-smiled at this.

"I ever tell you how goddamn stubborn you are?"

Kate nodded slowly, asking herself how many times a heart could break in a day.

James tugged at her hand, which made Kate look up and meet his sapphire- blue eyes; they were glowing with a fierce fire Kate had never seen before.

"Put it to good use an' stay alive or you an' me are gonna have ourselves a Texas Throwdown." James growled gruffly as he slid a piece of paper into Kate's palm.

Kate looked down into her hand and then carefully hiding it in between her fingers she rose from the bed.

"Where you goin'?" James called out.

Kate didn't bother to turn around, "To get my makeup case."

She pushed the door into the bathroom open and opened the drawer in the cabinet underneath the sink as she pretended to look for her makeup. Furtively unfolding the sheet of paper, Kate quickly and incredulously read then re-read the words scrawled on it.

_They've bugged the apartment and we don't know how much they can see and hear_

_Underneath your tattoo there's a tracking device_

_It won't come up on any technology so you'll be safe from detection_

_It takes 2 weeks to activate and is powered by the electrical impulses in your body_

_Guess you're gonna have to stay alive one way or the other_

_You run, I con right? Match made in Hell but we'll make it work_

Kate sucked in an outraged breath at this incursion upon her body, how could he have implanted something in her neck without telling her! He'd tricked her into that tattoo wager! Smug bastard! As Kate angrily thought about James' deceit she pulled out her toner and spilt it in the makeup case. Getting up hurriedly she cussed under her breath as she pulled out the soaking contents of her makeup case and dumped some of the items in the sink. As she did this, she accidentally poured her open tube of liquid eyeliner on the note and the fountain pen ink ran with that of the eyeliner. Kate cursed again louder this time and scooping out the inky, mushy mess threw it in the toilet and flushed the paper away. Kate watched with satisfaction as the pressure of the toilet water disintegrated the paper into small pulpy bits before they were sucked away.

Turning back to the items in the sink, Kate laid some of them out and threw out the mascara and eyeliner tube. Shrugging as if suddenly arriving at the decision, Kate took the entire contents of the bag and threw them in the trash. It wasn't like she was going to need them where she was going. Kate washed her hands thoroughly under the faucet and wiping her hands on her jeans; she marched back into the bedroom where James waited. Kate opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind but stopped when she saw the wretched expression in James' eyes when he took her hand in his and guided her to sit next to him on the bed.

Kate was powerless to stop the tears from falling now and they spilled gleefully down her bare face. James let go of her hand and pulled her into his arms, inhaling the scent of her hair and Kate.

Kate buried her face into James' neck and inhaled the scent of his cologne and that musk that was just him. She held onto him tightly and they didn't need to exchange any words, the rapid sound of their heartbeats and the dampness in both their eyes said it all.

The door banged open as Rita marched into the room unannounced; Kate turned to see who it was and seeing the little girl's stormy face she felt her heartbreak for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

Rita had her hands on her hips and she was about to say something but seeing both Kate and her beloved JL in tears she rushed into their arms and held onto both of them tightly with her little arms. Kate was almost hysterical now, clinging onto the little girl and rocking her back and forth she bawled her eyes out. James watched the two, his eyes were dry now and he looked up to meet Travis' distressed hazel eyes.

Rising from the bed he left the two most important women in his life as they held each other and cried. Just as James and Travis were about to retreat, Kate stopped crying and wiping her eyes she called out, "Travis!"

Travis stopped and looked at Kate; she smiled at him tremulously and said, "Can… Is your plane still here? In LA?"

Travis frowned but he nodded, Kate's smile grew wider, "Do you think you could fly us out somewhere?"

James tried to keep the hopeful look off his face when Kate uttered those words but he couldn't hide it and neither could Rita who was staring at Kate intently. Travis nodded, not sure he would be able to speak as Kate's sudden request made him hope that she was giving up this foolhardy mission.

Kate got off the bed and taking Rita's hand she walked up to the two men who were standing in the way.

"Well? Let's go!" Kate urged, laughing at their dumbstruck expressions. Suddenly, James and Travis were galvanized into action and moving from the doorway, Travis picked his cell phone to contact the pilot as they headed for the front door.

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They got onto the plane and Kate looked around the luxurious little plane with naked admiration and awe. It could seat 20 people and it had a bathroom, mini-bar and a few beds, "Wow, Travis, Rita was right $6,000 was a drop in the pond for you."

Rita gave Kate an I told-you-so-look that made everyone laugh, as they all took their seats, the captain called Travis asking where they were headed. Three faces turned to look at Kate expectantly; Kate suddenly nervous studied the plane's plush carpeting before her eyes met James'.

"Iowa." James answered for her, the pieces all falling into place. His voice was sad as he said the word. Kate's eyes widened in surprise at just how well he knew her, and James gave her a rueful smirk before turning his attention to a bewildered Rita.

"Iowa? Why would we leave LA to go _there_?" Rita asked in a baffled voice.

Travis rewarded Kate with a disappointed look before he told the captain their destination. Kate watched as James explained to Rita that Iowa was Kate's home State. The little girl sensitive to the adults' mood realized that this wasn't a good thing and subdued she took her seat between James and Travis studying Kate suspiciously from underneath her long black lashes.

Kate didn't say anything and her face didn't betray what she was thinking, pre-occupied as she was with the figure she saw running towards the plane. The man looked familiar. Before she could make a move to warn anyone else, Sergei Bierko boarded the plane, wearing a charcoal grey suit and a pink silk shirt.

"Sorry I'm late." He apologized to everyone before moving forward to introduce himself as Kate stood there dumbstruck. The three adults did not fail to notice the gun he had strapped underneath his suit jacket.

James looked at Kate's face then at the attractive well-dressed albeit effeminate Russian shook his hand and then Travis' before kissing Rita's hand gallantly. Rita's pixie face scrunched up at the gesture but she did smile slightly. Kate sank into the seat nearest to her as she watched Sergei move toward her and sit down, buckling his seat-belt he turned to look at Kate, his eyes were mocking.

"Dearest cousin, you forgot to tell them I was coming didn't you?" Sergei teased subtly.

Kate managed to find a smile somewhere and smacked her forehead in pretend self-recrimination. James and Travis watched them with interest while Rita swung her little legs, obviously bored by this pointless conversation already.

The Captain paged Travis asking if they were ready to go, Travis looking at Kate and Sergei nodded to himself before answering the pilot with a curt yes. James' eyes were fixed on the pair too and he did not like what he saw. James could read Kate like a book and he knew she was scared but also angry and he couldn't tell which emotion was stronger right now.

Sergei shrugged a little then fixing his intelligent eyes on James he cocked an eyebrow at the blue steel that threatened to incinerate him on the spot.

"Cousin, he's fierce!" Sergei positively cooed making a tiger claw movement with his hand.

James' eyes widened as he realized the Russian's blatant sexual orientation.

Sergei winked at James appreciatively, "Don't worry Cowboy, I like them darker."

As if to emphasize his point Sergei's eyes moved to Travis, who stared at Sergei blankly as if he didn't understand the Russian's innuendo.

Sergei turned to look at Kate then lowering his voice to a stage whisper he turned back to Travis, "Last time we crossed paths you were a little unimpressed with my excellent blood diamond selling skills."

Kate didn't really pay attention to this revelation as she couldn't help but laugh at the way James was sizing up Sergei. More than a little homophobic like most men; Kate knew that the verdict was already in and it did not look good for Sergei.

Sergei chuckled with Kate and said, "Don't worry Jimmy, by the time we get back I'll be fighting you off me."

Rita was studying the Russian man now, more than a little intrigued by his flamboyant gestures and his sunny disposition. Sergei caught her doe gaze and smiling brightly he said, "Now you young lady, you are what we say in my country, _trakaya krasivaya, milaya moya_!"

Rita wrinkled her nose, "What does that mean?"

Sergei drew back as if shocked to the very core, "You don't speak Russian?"

Rita shook her head, "No, I don't."

Sergei took the little girl's hands into his, "Well that is something we'll have to fix! As soon as I get a drink, what's a man got to do to get some service in here?" He turned around looking for the unusual looking flight attendant he'd spotted when he boarded the plane. A young man dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a tie appeared, he looked no older than 22 but he had a gun holster.

Holding out a tray with various drinks including champagne flutes, Sergei picked up two and winking at Rita pretended to give her one. Rita giggled at the glower that Travis and James sent Sergei's way.

Taking the flute back Sergei rolled his eyes at the two men and said, "I don't know what the big deal is, my parents were giving me vodka since before I could walk."

"An' look how you turned out, _Comrade_." James commented drily.

Kate took the two non-alcoholic drinks on the tray which were the only ones garnished with paper umbrellas; a virgin Margherita for both her and Rita, handing Rita her drink Kate met James eyes over Rita's head. Both of them wore unreadable expressions.

Sergei kept the second flute in his hand and winking at Rita he said, "Saves time… so what shall we do about your glaring lack of education of the Mother tongue, hmm?"

Rita giggled, "How 'bout you start with tellin' me what you said before?"

Sergei unbuckled his seat belt and offering Rita his hand he said to her, "I said you are beautiful, my sweet! Why don't we start the lesson far away from these sourpusses?"

To everyone's surprise, Rita handed James her drink and after she unbuckled her seatbelt she took Sergei's hand with her left and plucking her drink from James' hand she led the way to the more comfortable area of the plane. The two of them sat down and started talking almost immediately.

Kate turned to look at James and Travis who were equally shocked, Rita never warmed to strangers!

James smirked at Kate, "Cousin huh?"

Kate's smile didn't reach her eyes as she replied, "Something like that."

Travis was silent, he was watching the Russian man and the wheels in his head were turning furiously as he tried to think of a way to use his history with Sergei to an advantage.

**3.5 Hours Later**

James studied Kate's tense profile, they had barely spoken on the plane as the two of them especially Kate had listened to Rita's Russian lessons. With every word the little girl delightedly learned, Kate had withdrawn further into herself, paling whiter than a ghost.

When they landed, Kate had directed them to the cemetery which they were just pulling up to now. James had known when Kate had confirmed they were going to Iowa that they would be headed here. He could see that Kate was determined to finally confront all her skeletons at once, as if she wouldn't have the guts to do it later, or maybe she didn't think she'd still be alive. James shuddered at the thought, knowing he would do anything and everything in his power to prevent that from happening.

The car rolled to a stop, and Kate unbuckled her seatbelt almost instantaneously; her fingers fumbled for the door handle and her sweaty fingers latching onto it she practically stumbled out of the car. James turned the ignition off and climbed out of the car, followed by Travis, Sergei and Rita. Nobody spoke as Kate strode into the cemetery determinedly; fiercely clutching the flowers she held in her right hand and close to her chest.

James followed close behind her as his heart ached for the personal torture she was putting herself through. Finally Kate stopped walking, she didn't think she would have recognized the place but she did. Sgt. Austen had told her that they'd buried her mother next to Wayne and although she'd never gone to his grave somehow, she'd known where to go.

She stared at the tombstone, her heart was hammering a staccato beat all of its own and Kate could already feel the back of her throat closing as the tears rose unbidden to her eyes. Kate could feel James' eyes on her as he stood behind her, at a respectable distance. Sighing Kate sank to her knees by the graveside, putting the flowers down on the tombstone that read, "Wayne Ryan beloved husband and his loving wife, taken from us much too soon."

A single tear slid down her cheek, "Mommy, its Kate."

James felt her hoarse voice tug at his heart strings; she looked so fragile and lost as she leaned her head against the tombstone. Trying to stem the flow of tears that coursed freely down her face, she rested her head on her left arm and bringing her right hand up to cover her face she cried.

"I'm sorry Mommy, I'm _so sorry_! I've really made a mess of things." Her voice was small and childlike as she cried. Kate cried for her mother, for the child she'd been; that had grown up way too fast, for the cruel twist of fate that had made an ignorant lecherous Wayne her father, for the lost little girl in her that had needed so badly to be loved that she'd embroiled herself in a situation that might bring about her untimely demise and most of all for the real love and family she finally realized she'd found too late.

"I-I've found someone who loves me Mommy, _really_ loves me… And I love him too… and we're going to have babies." Kate smiled through her tears at this; she knew how much her mother had hurt for Kate after the marriage fiasco with Tom.

"But I'm going to Russia first…" Kate wiped her face with the back of her hand and stared at the damp earth beneath her knees.

"I'm _scared_ Mommy, because this time there's _so much_ to come back for, my dreams are finally so close to becoming real."

Kate sighed as she felt a fresh wave of sorrow threaten to drown her, changing the subject she pasted a smile on her face, "Anyway, I brought you flowers. Your favorite, pink roses with baby's breath… and daisies, they're for Wayne. I remembered that he always liked daisies." Kate took a ragged breath and holding onto the corner of the tombstone, rose to her feet. Turning towards James who was a few yards away she held out her hand.

James walked up to her and took her hand, turning back to the grave Kate said, "Mom, Wayne, this is James." Although she'd finally made her peace with Wayne being her father, Kate couldn't quite bring herself to recognize him as that.

James had to admit he was a little freaked out by the whole thing but considering he'd gone to Catalina's grave after they got back from the Island and done something similar he decided not to judge too harshly.

Kate held James' hand with both of hers as she curled in towards him, "James these are my parents." She detached her left hand from his and gestured at the grave, James didn't know what she expected from him so he just stared at the tombstone, feeling uncomfortable and inexplicably nervous, as if he really was meeting the parents. Kate leaned forward still holding onto James and placed her left hand on the tombstone and whispered, "Forgive me."

Then she turned around and led them back out of the cemetery and towards the car where Travis, Rita and Sergei waited patiently. The sun had set while they were there and along with the dark a slight chill permeated the air.

They climbed back into the car silently and drove back to the plane, on the outskirts of the main street, Kate pointed out the diner her Mom used to work at. James' eyes nearly popped out of his skull as he realized that he'd been to that diner many a time in his past. But he didn't say anything and they continued the journey back in relative silence as Patsy Cline crooned poignantly on the stereo.

**10 PM LA Time**

Kate sighed with exhaustion as James held the door for her and Rita to get in the apartment. Sergei had hailed a cab and disappeared without really saying goodbye to anyone except for Rita and Travis had asked to be dropped off outside his hotel. Plopping down on the couch she kicked her black ballet pumps off and wriggled her toes. Rita didn't follow suit, opting to stand by the couch she waited until James had shut the door before she turned on Kate.

"You're breakin' your promise." Rita said coldly.

Kate closed her eyes for a second before she looked at the little girl, "I know."

Rita clenched her tiny fists, "You _swore_ Kate."

Kate nodded, "I know baby. I'm-"

"If you say you're sorry _I swear to God_ I'll scream this buildin' down." Rita interrupted, her brown eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

Kate reached for Rita but Rita twisted out of the way and stumbled back into James' legs. Clutching his hand Rita screamed at Kate, "Why are you doin' this? You're a monster! You're horrible an' I hate you!" Her little face was a dusky red with anger and tears were streaming down her face as she yelled.

Kate recoiled as if she'd been slapped, "Baby-"

"I'm not your baby! _Why_ are you leavin' us Kate? Is it somethin' I did?" Rita cried. James was kneeling now, holding Rita's little shoulders gently.

Kate started to cry, horrified at the pain she heard in the little girl's voice. Shaking her head she held out her arms to Rita who shrank back against James.

"_I'm sorry_! I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did! _Please_ don't leave me! I'll be good _I swear_!" Rita begged, her little hand covering her heart in supplication.

Kate felt like she'd been hit by a truck, shaking her head she tried to stop crying long enough to speak to the little girl. She slid to her knees on the floor and reached for Rita, James sat back on his heels as Rita ran into Kate's arms and wrapping her little arms around Kate's neck sobbed.

Kate stroked Rita's hair in a soothing gesture, which one of them it was meant to calm down irrelevant as both of them derived comfort from the motion.

"You _haven't_ done _anything_, baby, I just have to go for a _little_ while!"

Rita shook her head against Kate's neck and cried, "No! _Please_ don't!"

Kate closed her eyes as Rita's stricken voice stabbed at her heart, "I'll be back! Listen to me, _I love you so much_. That won't _ever_ change, you just won't see me for a while, but I'll be back, I promise."

Rita pulled away from Kate and ran into James' arms, "_Tell her_ not to go JL, tell her not to leave us!"

James rubbed Rita's back and made soothing sounds, "Okay Angel, but I need you to stop cryin' please sweetheart."

"_I HATE HER_!" Rita shrieked with rage and hurt, she thrashed in James' arms as she screamed and sobbed her rage.

James nodded against her dark hair, "_I know_ sweetheart, its okay, come on now stop cryin'… for me _please_?"

Kate was staring incapacitated with sorrow at the pain her decision was causing those she loved most. The tears ran freely down her face as she sat there slumped against the sofa and watched James comfort an inconsolable Rita.

Finally, Rita stopped crying, cradled in James' arms as he sat cross-legged on the floor, she was hiccupping and shuddering with exhaustion from all the crying. Her devastated eyes met Kate's for a moment before she whimpered and buried her face in James' shirt.

"Okay babylove, its okay. Why dontcha rest here for a spell while I get you some water?" James said making to put Rita on the floor but she started to cry again and clung to his shirt shaking her head. James felt like his heart was being ripped apart and holding onto the little girl he stood rather awkwardly with her. Kate moved to help and he shook his head at her, before he walked in to the kitchen and poured Rita a glass of water. He didn't put her down as the kitchen still had shards of glass from Kate's outburst with the Sgt. earlier.

Rita drank all the water up very quickly, she was facing the living room but she refused to look in Kate's direction. Kate's eyes were dry now too. They were also red-rimmed and so puffy she could barely see; hunching over she bit her lip as a lacerating pain ripped through the small of her back. Quivering under the sheer force of it, she recognized it for what it was with horror when another two followed swiftly after the first.

Clutching the coffee table for support, Kate rose up to her knees and then unsteadily to her feet. Kate took a deep breath to try and calm down; when she opened her eyes James was by her side supporting her as his worried gaze searched her face.

"You alright?"

Kate looked at him regretfully, biting her lip she shook her head, "We need to go to the hospital, _now_." If she'd had the tears to cry she would have been crying again but instead she gritted her teeth as the pains wracked her lower back and abdomen.

James looked for Rita but the little girl had already grabbed the car keys and was standing by the door. Together the distraught trio left the apartment and hurried to the hospital.

James stood in the room with Kate as he waited for the Doctor to give his diagnosis; Rita was in the waiting room with Travis who James had called on the way. Dr. Howard had run thorough tests and had examined Kate's cervix, sitting down behind his desk he smiled kindly at the young attractive couple.

"You experienced what are called Braxton-Hicks contractions, it's nothing to worry about, they are just Nature's way of preparing your body for the birth. Given your history, I am not surprised that yours were painful. And emotional upset and over-exertion will definitely aggravate the situation. You're dehydrated, you've been by your own admission, crying all day for one reason or another… this is unacceptable Kate." Dr. Howard chided crossly. Kate swallowed nervously, she felt like she was being told off by her father or something!

"I would have kept you hear for observation but seeing as the pain and the contractions stopped before you got here and your discomfort in hospitals, I don't think this would be the best place for you. As for _you_ young man, I expect you to take a more active role in what she does and doesn't do! I don't want to see you two back here except for the monthly check-ups and the birth of course, _is that understood_?" Dr. Howard was addressing James now who felt just as chastised as Kate did. Nodding his acquiescence to the portly old man, James helped Kate up as the Dr. dismissed them.

Joining a concerned Travis and Rita in the waiting room they left the hospital and after dropping Travis off at the hotel, drove the rest of the way in silence. When they got back to the apartment, Rita turned to address Kate.

"I'm glad the twins are okay, Kate." She spoke softly and she looked Kate in the eyes before heading for her bedroom. It struck Kate again what a paradox the little girl was; sometimes she seemed older than all of them and sometimes she was just a nine year old.

Kate bit her lip and went into her own bedroom to get ready for bed while James tucked Rita in. Sinking on the bed with exhaustion, Kate cradled her abdomen and whispered to the lives growing inside.

"Don't scare me like that again guys…I'm gonna need your help to get through the next few months." She got a few sharp kicks for her trouble which made her laugh with relieved delight. Getting into bed, Kate lay in the moonlight waiting for James to come to bed. She turned to look at the digital clock which read 1:00 AM, Kate was amazed at how late but early it was.

James shut the door behind him firmly, and he made his way to the bed, he'd decided to brush his teeth in Rita's bathroom and taking his jeans and t-shirt off he slid in between the cool sheets wearing nothing but his boxers.

Kate tensed apprehensively; she wasn't sure if James was going to turn away from her or not; seeing as it was her last night she really hoped it was the latter. She didn't have to wait very long as he slid his arm under her shoulder and drew her close.

Kate closed her eyes in silent gratitude and snuggled up to him, "Is she asleep?"

"Hmm… almost as soon's her head hit the pillow." James replied his eyes closed and his voice slurring with exhaustion.

Kate opened her mouth to say something else but James cut her off, "Don't worry 'bout it now Freckles, you heard what the Doc said, I for one don't need to be told twice, so get some shut-eye. Don't know how you're still functionin' after the day we've had."

Kate smiled against his neck and kissed him softly, James didn't respond, he was already asleep.

"I love you." Kate whispered to him before she finally let her body do what it was practically begging her for; sleep.

James opened his eyes to study her while she slept; she'd really scared him tonight. James had done some reading on Braxton-Hicks contractions and he'd known it was a bad sign that Kate had felt pain. When they had arrived, Dr. Howard had taken James aside and asked if they were having problems. When James had admitted they were the kindly old man had nodded as if it confirmed his suspicions. Then he'd told James that sometimes the pain was psychosomatic and not really there.

James drank in her appearance and as usual his heart skipped a merry beat when he slid his hand over her abdomen and felt his children move. Smiling to himself he let hope flood his soul, his babies were still alive, they would be fine. James resolved to be as supportive as he could be for the last few days they had together before Kate went to Russia. He just had to have faith.

**Next Day - 4 AM**

Kate had the dream in the water again, this time Wayne was gone and so was the Marshall, their faces had been replaced by Sgt. Austen and Ivan Solzhenesky's. Waking up abruptly, her heart hammering a wild beat in her chest; Kate had protectively curved a hand around her abdomen.

'The pulse of life existing and growing inside me.' Kate thought to herself. She couldn't have explained it to anyone if she had tried but ever since she'd spoken to the Doctor in Baton Rouge, Kate had been aware of a pulse beating in her abdomen. She was only aware of it if she didn't think of anything else and lay somewhere focusing on herself as opposed to everything else around her. With the meditation lessons James had given her she had become better at being attuned to it. Deep in her soul she knew it was her link to the lives growing inside her, and it never ceased to amaze her. 'The invisible hand of something greater than me, connecting us together.' Kate thought.

Turning to watch James' sleeping form, Kate didn't feel tears or sadness this time as she thought about what today was going to bring them. He was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. And the way he slept so still and composed in direct contrast to his passionate, fiery personality when he was awake never ceased to thrill her. Kate didn't stop to think as she ducked her head beneath the sheets and mischievously saw to waking James up in the wickedest of ways.

James plunged straight back into awakeness from a deep, dreamless slumber. When he opened his eyes he moaned softly as Kate used her mouth and tongue to coax him into readiness.

Smirking as he pulled the sheet back, their eyes met across the golden expanse of his chest. Kate winked at him from her position before James dragged her up to kiss her firmly as a show of his appreciation. Kate smiled against his lips as their tongues caressed each other ardently in greeting.

James pulled away for a moment his eyes questioning the wisdom of the scorching path they were hurtling down with this type of greeting. Kate smiled at him in encouragement as she straddled him and leaned down to kiss him senseless. James gripped her hips in surrender as Kate set the languid torturous tempo she used when she wanted to drive him over the edge. Kate rewarded him with a smile and a momentary increase in tempo for his submission as she leisurely rocked them into a higher stratum.

**7 AM**

James smiled to himself as he woke up; turning over to look at Kate, James' smile faltered a little when he saw he was alone in the bed. Touching the indentation her body had made while she slept James realized it was cold. Frowning James picked up his boxers and pulling them on walked out of the room and towards the living room. Something didn't feel right.

James' eyes widened when he saw Rita standing on the balcony in her Pocohontas pyjamas. She was barefoot and staring down at something on the street, her black hair blowing haphazardly in the wind as she clutched the metal bars. Suddenly his heart started to hammer in his chest and James ran to join the little girl on the balcony.

Putting a hand on her shoulder he watched with a sinking heart as Kate handed her suitcase to an unseen person in a black van. She was wearing her skinny jeans, black hiking boots and a black wrap-around dress, her hair pulled up in a bun. Looking up at the balcony her eyes met James' and even from this distance, James could have sworn he saw an apologetic look cross her face. She stood there for what felt like an eternity but in reality was about 30 seconds; before she lifted her hand up in a half hearted wave and ducking her head into the van her body swiftly followed and disappeared behind the closing black van door.

Rita turned and wrapped her arms James' waist as she buried her tear-streaked face. James held onto her tightly, the action reflexive as the van pulled away from the curb and joined the traffic, before turning around a corner and vanishing.

**END OF PART ONE**


	22. Chapter 22

I've never been able to find the exact same version of** Wade in the Water **that we used to sing when I was young, but I have **Eva Cassidy's **version which is just as good if not better.

Speaking of soundtracks to stories, I think for this chapter it is a must you listen to aforementioned;** Wade in the Water, Over the Rainbow **by** Eva Cassidy **as well as** LeAnne Rimes' Blue & Amazing Grace **and **Hello by Evanescence.**

Happy Reading and **don't forget** to **RnR.**

**27th May 2005**

Kate was weightless and free, flying with the icy wind that blew insidiously through the stone tower and out into the barren wasteland below that stretched as far as the human eye could see. Kate lifted her arms up so she could be buoyed by the unforgiving squall that blew from the west then up through the Urals and out to the Barents Sea and Arctic Ocean.

Strangely enough she'd always imagined this very same merciless wind with it's friend the bleak Russian landscape; all those years ago when she dreamed of freedom on the wings of her Mother's spiritual song.

"_Look over yonder, what do you see? God's gonna trouble the water. The Holy Ghost coming for me, God's gonna to trouble the water._" Kate sang to herself softly, her spirits lifting as the wind carried the lyrics away.

"Katya." The male voice ripped Kate back onto the turret of the barren tower she was standing in. With a gasp of pain that brought tears to her eyes, Kate closed them in resignation, before she lowered her chin and turned back to face the last skeleton of her past.

"You're healing fast, milaya moya _(translation: my sweet)_." Ivan Solzhenesky commented his face expressionless but his voice betraying his astonishment.

Kate studied the bear of a man with barely concealed hate; Ivan was only 6ft 1 but he weighed a whopping 300 pounds and with his neatly trimmed salt and pepper beard and mustache, some would say he was attractive. Kate had thought so at one point, until she'd learned about the cruelty that his hooded ice blue eyes, thin lips and the prominent nose hid. Not for the first time Kate mused at how much he looked like Dennis Hopper's evil Russian twin.

Ivan lifted Kate's chin in order to stare into the moss green orbs that had always fascinated him to the point of the unhealthy obsession that had brought them here. Kate glared at him proudly, lifting her chin up and away from his rough hands.

"Don't." Kate ground out breathlessly in English. She hated him so much for what he'd done to her that she thought she'd suffocate from it.

Ivan let his hand drop to his side, and gesturing towards the room, indicated for Kate to precede him. Kate held her chin up high and shuffling painfully with the leg shackles cutting into her ankles, tried her best to walk back dignifiedly into her chilly prison.

Ivan smiled in cold admiration of Kate's spirit; when she'd arrived a month ago, he'd had her whipped for trying to kill him and alongside with the shackles and her incarceration he'd made her wear a hair shirt for 3 weeks. Last week, Kate had chosen to go naked than continue to wear it. Her first sign of disobedience since she'd arrived; she'd known that Ivan's twisted sense of fatherlyduty to her would not allow a pregnant woman to go without clothing in the chilly old castle. In less than 4 hours she had won that battle but her victory had come at a price.

Locking the balcony doors behind him with a chain, Ivan walked passed the defiant Kate who was standing there waiting for him to give her the permission to sit down. She was trembling angrily and Ivan couldn't help but circle her as he inspected her scars. Kate was wearing a white chiffon camisole and the skinny jeans Travis had given her, she was barefoot as ordered by Ivan, her toes gripping the threadbare rug that clothed the stone floor.

The angry lash marks on her back from the whip he'd used on her weren't raw, bleeding or infected anymore and they were healing quite well. Inwardly it still pained Ivan to see her flawless skin marred like this but it also gave him an unhealthy pleasure knowing he'd marked her for life. Ivan circled around her slowly, admiring her self-restraint when her eyes told him she wanted to rip him apart. Kate's face was bruised from when he'd hit her for defying him regarding the hair-shirt, this too filled Ivan with a strange mix of pain and pleasure. As this was his way, he'd been careful not to hit her too hard, or starve her or anything that might risk her pregnancy too much, but for this kindness he'd punished her in other subtler ways. Locking her up and chaining her when he knew it was something she feared most.

"Hold them out _milaya moya_." Ivan ordered her. Kate held out her hands so that Ivan could shackle her wrists before he left her alone in the darkening, draughty room. Kate remained standing there for another few minutes long after Ivan's heavy footsteps faded away.

If it wasn't for the lives still growing inside of her, Kate knew she would have chosen to end it rather than suffer this torment. In the past she had never had anything to compare the misery of her life to but dreams and movies, now she'd actually tasted happiness and love. She'd held the heady mixture of hopes, dreams, life and love in her mouth and savored it; Kate had drank a glass of the most potent wine but hadn't gotten the chance to finish the rest of the bottle. As Ivan's cutting whip had bitten into her back, Kate hadn't cried out or let a single pain-filled tear drop because she had vowed to herself that she was going to stay alive, and she was going to leave this nightmare and her obsession with self-flagellation once and for all. And when she did she was going to walk off into the sunset with that charming, mercurial Southerner who'd not only stolen her heart but taught her what it really was like to love and be loved.

Kate let one single tear roll down her cheek before she inhaled deeply and forced herself to shuffle painfully to the gothic armchair that was near the luxurious double bed that dominated the room, and wait for her moment that she knew as sure as the sun rose in the east would come.

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James was drunk again, so drunk he couldn't lift his unbelievably heavy head up from the floor where he'd passed out a few hours before. As his limbs were in the middle of a mutinous rebellion, he blearily blinked his midnight blue eyes in attempt to clear his vision so he could see where the hell he was. His memory seemed to be partaking of the same revolt as he couldn't remember a single thing.

After a few minutes of blinding pain and drunken slurred cursing, James managed to drag his body up and roll over to lie onto his back. Grunting in pain James closed his eyes as the bright light of day practically seared his eyeballs into the back of his skull. James couldn't remember last night but he could remember other nights like this in the past few weeks since… the pain knifed through him like a samurai sword splitting him from stem to sternum. That was right, it was _definitely_ from stem to sternum because nothing hurt more than having your balls cut in half then feeling the blade coldly burn its way up your stomach, ribs, breastbone then through your painfully beating heart to end there while you gasped your last painful breaths of life. But your life didn't end and the pain remained, only dulling when you drowned it under copious amounts of bourbon. That was right, James could remember many other nights like this in the past few weeks since Kate had left like a thief in the night with his future in her womb, and his heart and soul safely tucked away in her murdering, duplicitous, stubborn heart.

James felt like a huge icy, wet wave of water was soaking his aching head, flooding his nostrils and seeping through his tightly shut eyelids and into his ear-drums. This is how bad heart-break, pain and misery over Kate was making him feel; James thought to himself bitterly.

"_Get up_ JL you lousy drunk!" Rita screeched at him as she shook the now empty pitcher for every last drop it had left in it; over his head. James grimaced as Rita's shrill voice reverberated in his head like a tin can rattling down an empty well. Grunting in pain as Rita's tiny foot viciously kicked him in the ribs, then with a cry of disgust she threw the pitcher at his head, before stomping off in a fit of temper.

Like a tennis ball being released through a vacuum, his memory came flooding back; he'd tucked Rita into bed last night, reading her a story and singing "The Bare Necessities" discordantly as he'd already had more than a bottle of bourbon on the rocks. Then when she'd fallen asleep; James had hauled himself out onto the balcony and toasting the moon bitterly for her knowing aloofness, he'd finished another bottle on his own. At some point he'd somehow managed to drag himself into the living room before collapsing in a drunken heap and passing out on the floor with tears he didn't even know he'd shed drying on his cheeks.

Gripping his head in pain, James half rejoiced that he seemed to have gotten his limbs under control and was able to lift them. Rolling onto his left side, James pushed himself up with his elbow, and painfully rose to his unsteady feet. The world was dipping and curving crazily but Rita's painful sobs were spurring his aching body onwards.

When he managed to shuffle into her room, Rita was lying face down in her bed pummeling the mattress; she kicked and screamed into her pillow with rage. James winced at the little girl's anguish and gingerly sitting down on the bed he placed a trembling hand on Rita's back.

Rita instantly sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing wretchedly, James held her to him tightly, trying hard not to cry too. They held each other for a long time and after Rita stopped crying she pulled away to look at him with her wise doe eyes.

"We need to get her back JL, it's just too sad here without her… an' _them_. It feels like we've both lost body parts." Rita said her lower lip still trembling.

James nodded in total agreement, "Ain't that the truth, Babylove."

Crippled with pain and anger James had fallen into a downward spiral of drinking and moping with Rita as they watched Kate's MGM Classics collection, and listened to sad songs. Travis had left to try and gather some more information on Ivan Solzhenesky as well as Kate's whereabouts after the transmitter had become active, leaving James and Rita on their own in LA. They rarely went out and if Rita stayed with Ana-Lucia for a night she always insisted that Ana-Lucia take her home first thing. The pair of them had become cocooned in their mutual pain and misery, enjoying only each other's company and living on takeout and cornflakes.

Rita sighed, as she sat underneath James' left arm, stretching her little legs out so that her toes nearly hung off the bed.

"I think you should take me with you to CommieLand, JL." Rita said sniffling.

James smiled down at her tenderly, he shook his head regretfully, "_Not a chance_, Angel, I've put you through enough dontcha think."

Rita slanted a put-out look at him; it stabbed a knife through his heart, she looked like Catalina and Kate all at the same time.

Pinching her nose with his thumb and forefinger, James continued, "If I take you with me to CommieLand, Diego'll kill me, Travis will kill me, Celeste will kill me,_ Kate_ will kill me an' worst of all your_ Mama_ will rise up from her grave an' kill me."

Rita shrugged, "They can only kill you once!"

James scowled at her and Rita without even turning to look up at him, waved her hand in his direction, "Yeah, yeah, _I get_ it JL…but it was worth a shot."

James chuckled at this and Rita laughed along with him, "I'll pack our bags!" Hugging him delightedly she hopped off the bed, and ran to her closet door, pulling out the suitcases she'd brought with her when Travis had brought her with him a few months ago.

Turning around, Rita glanced over her shoulder as she stuffed clothes haphazardly into her matching pink suitcases, "JL you look like _shit_, go take a shower, SHAVE, get dressed in _clean_ clothes an' I'll finish packin' all my stuff!" The little girl ordered him.

Doing as he was told, James got up, his muscles protesting with every move and strode off to the bathroom connected to the bedroom he'd shared with Kate before she left. Thankful that Rita's tears had finally broken through the wall of self-destructive, debilitating pain that had drained him of the will to go on.

"Travis. Rita. An'. I. are. Comin'. To. See. You." James finally managed to get out in between dodging Rita as she jumped around him excitedly; she was trying to talk to Travis while poking and prodding James into packing his clothing a little faster all at the same time.

"It's 'bout time Lil Brother, was 'bout to come an' get you ma self. The plane's already waitin' for y'all at the airport." Travis replied, James could hear the smile in his voice across the wires.

James put the phone down as there was nothing else to say, the day Kate had left, Travis had debugged the place thoroughly, but they had decided not take unnecessary chances.

Running after Rita, he picked the scampering little pixie that was now currently in the process of belting out in her grown up hair raising voice, "Wonderful, Wonderful Day" from the musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; one of the movies in the classics collection James had brought for Kate from New York.

"Stop your damn caterwaulin' Pocahontas!" James yelled at her good-naturedly.

Rita crinkled her eyes at him and started to sing louder, challenging James to join her. James looked around the room as if making sure nobody would witness him singing and with a budding hope in his heart joined Rita in the classic song.

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**This was kind of a background filler chapter for y'all, let me know what you think! Next chapter I promise will be longer and better. Go ahead make my day and REVIEW!**

**P.S. _A hair shirt is __made of rough _****_cloth_****_, generally woven from _****_goats_****_' hair, andis worn close to the _****_skin_****_ to practice _****_mortification_****_ and penance or to show contrition for _****_sins_****_. The cloth's coarse texture directly on the skin is extremely itchy, and it can also be a breeding ground for lice, furthering the discomfort._**


	23. Chapter 23

Okay as I'm sure many of you realized, the chapter was too short to listen to all the songs I recommended! I would say listen to **_Eva Cassidy's Over the Rainbow_** and **_Evanescence's Hello_** for Chapter 22 (and a few others).

Thank you** ALL** for the supportive/positive reviews, I've been going through a "who am I kidding, I'm no writer!" phase hence the delay in posting.

**Budweiser** you rock, thanks for being honest and helpful as always.

Like I said before I wanted to explore the darker side of Kate, the side that had the Marshall packing some pretty heavy artillery, the side that planned an elaborate bank robbery, shot people (probably killed) just for a toy plane. Oh and let's not forget, suggested Sun poison Jin to keep him so she could get on the raft, and did some pretty cool deadly stuff in the finale of S2.

Anyhoo onwards and upwards, **don't forget to press the review button** when you're done!

**_May 27th 2005_**

"He's gone, get up Katya so I can take a look at the scars." Sergei's voice was firm but he spoke to Kate gently, as she'd dozed off in the armchair. He turned the oil lamp on and pulled Kate out of the armchair, leading her to the bed.

Kate groggily took her top off facing the chained balcony doors she shut her eyes tightly against the morbid reminder of where she was. Sergei knelt behind her and gently rubbed the vitamin E oil onto Kate's back and soothingly into the still raised flesh.

"How are you feeling?" Sergei asked the concern he felt showing in his voice. They always spoke in English together, just as Kate much to the group's irritation spoke to Ivan only in English, too.

Kate's tensed eyelids relaxed but she kept her eyes closed and exhaling softly she replied, "Better than before, if there is such a thing in this place."

Sergei didn't respond immediately, he rubbed the oil onto a particularly bad welt which was still tender and Kate stiffened. Apologetically he squeezed her arm before he continued his ministrations.

"I don't think there is; here you have worse and _worst_. The Lord of Darkness' fascination with gothic architecture and medieval torture has become a disease. I still can't believe that we have to stay here." Sergei said, his distate at the whole thing apparent in his voice.

Kate almost felt a smile tug at her lips, "You don't have to stay here, you can always leave."

Sergei finished rubbing the oil into Kate's shoulders, he had to make sure her skin had completely absorbed it, as he'd been smuggling it into Kate's room without Ivan knowing. Just in case the miserable old bastard made an impromptu appearance, Sergei always made sure he made it as difficult as possible to discover his subterfuge.

Kate put her tank top back on and smiled her thanks at Sergei when he took off his sweater and gave it to her to wear. Although she'd won the battle over wearing the hair-shirt, Ivan had decided to keep her clothes, rationing them out as he saw fit. Sergei looked into Kate's green eyes, they stood out more than before as her face had grown considerably thinner, perpetual dark rings surrounding her eyes.

"I won't leave you here to face _them_ and him alone." Sergei said in a low voice.

Kate felt her eyes glisten with tears in response to his unearned loyalty, "I know, and I'm s-"

"Oh no you don't, girlfriend! I didn't have any plans for the summer anyway, so just forget about it." Sergei interrupted, lightening the mood instantaneously with an effeminate wag of his finger and a flamboyant flick of his hand; he slickly slid the bottle of oil into his pants and went to build a small fire for them in the now cold hearth.

Kate nodded gratefully and getting up she went to look at the tray of dinner Sergei had brought up for her. Opening the silver service she managed to stop herself from wrinkling her nose at the goulash and hard crusty bread that was to be her dinner. Not for the first time, Kate thought back to Jamie's cooking and felt her chest constrict with yearning for him and the life they had led for those blissful few months in LA.

"It feels like we're in a time-warp doesn't it?" Kate asked Sergei as she lifted her spoon and poked and prodded at the unappetizing goulash.

"That's one word for this place… I was going to go with gothic _nightmare_. Papa's really taken a shine to this pile of rubble, what with the oubliette, the whipping post, virtual lack of warmth, electricity or creature comforts; it doesn't even _bear _thinking about." Sergei said ending the sentence on a revolted shudder.

Kate didn't say anything, gingerly carrying the tray, lumbered as she was with her chains to the bed, she sat down carefully; balancing the tray on her lap. She didn't want to admit to herself that she'd become accustomed to moving around with the chains, because within that admission lay defeat.

"Yeah, I miss LA too." Kate said wistfully as she cautiously ripped a corner of the bread and started to eat the grey-brown meal that was her supper.

Sergei turned around after finally getting the fire going and dusting his hands off on the seat of his combat pants, walked over to the bed to sit next to her and help her balance the tray.

"Girl I couldn't give a damn about the City, I miss the gorgeous _men_, all tanned and muscled and exciting with _manners_ and _grooming habits_!" Sergei grinned at her as he held onto her tray for her so she could eat easier.

Kate swallowed the surprisingly tasty mush and wiping her chin with the back of her hand, she said, "Don't forget well-dressed."

Sergei rolled his eyes dramatically, simultaneously wedging his knee underneath the tray and raising his hands in mock despair, "Don't remind me, I'm ready to throw_ you_ over the balcony and make a run for civilization!"

Kate did manage to smile at this, "If you did that my ass would _never_ get to be _bovine_."

Sergei sighed in feigned frustration, "So unfair! I wouldn't miss _that_ for the _world_. Besides that tall, golden Southern Adonis of yours would skin me alive if I did."

Kate's face fell at the mention of James, Sergei noticed immediately, before he could smooth things over his gaffe, Kate smiled sadly at him.

"You should be so_ lucky_ to get away with a skinning; he'd revive me and kill me himself." Kate said with false cheer she was far from feeling.

She forced her mind to turn away from the door in her mind's eye; labeled in big blood red letters "James Ford: Dangerous Emotional Territory", and kept the fake smile which was more of a grimace pasted on her face.

Sergei squeezed her wrist as a gesture of support and changed the subject, "_Eat up_ Lil Miss Fierce! You never know when _Papa_ will make an appearance and decide you weren't hungry…. God I hate him!"

Kate didn't bother replying; hastily doing as she was told she ducked her head and finished her revolting looking meal, praying to whatever power there was, she repeated her most used mantra. 'Please let him hear my cries...Jamie please find me, I'm counting on you, I need you to get me out of this mess, I can't do it alone.'

**June 4th 2005 – Late at Night**

James stood at the helm of the crappy boat and cursed the wind that was doing it's best to sink them before they got to shore. He was taken back to another night, which seemed like a lifetime ago, when he'd traveled on calm seas trying to get back to civilization that had ended with a gunshot wound in his shoulder and a kidnapped little boy. Okay maybe that wasn't the best thing to be thinking of right now. Jesus did nothing in his life ever stay good or end happily?

"You sayin' your prayers Lil Brother or can I interrupt?" Travis asked as he clapped James on the back.

James didn't turn to look at Travis as he replied, "I just wanna get there, get Kate an' get the hell outta Dodge, BB."

Travis looked out at the water thoughtfully, "Amen brother."

James smirked at Travis' economical use of words, and started quietly singing to himself, "_Dear lady can you hear the wind blow and did you know, your stairway lies in the whispering wind._"

Travis gave James a funny look at the song choice, before he turned around to go and talk to the boat's captain. Get there, get Kate and get the hell out, it was most definitely not going to be that easy and they all knew it. They needed the cover of the wind and rain to arrive undetected but Travis would only feel better once they had gotten Kate out of this godforsaken country once and for all. He had a very bad feeling about this trip there was far too many unknown variables and the fact that Kate was pregnant simply complicated the matter more. Mentally girding himself for all the things to come Travis, ducked his head underneath the canopy to talk to the boat's captain.

* * *

Kate was standing out on the balcony again, sheltered under the eaves from the heavy rain, she was reflecting on the last few days. Due to her good behavior she'd earned herself the company of Ivan for the last few nights before and after dinner. As they had in the past, they played chess while Ivan's men either looked on or sat around talking about their various criminal accomplishments.

Last night had been cold, the air strangely oppressed as a storm brewed outside; Kate had sat mutely by Ivan's side unamused by the vicious sparring that was taking place between Olga and Irina, Ivan's two best girls _du jour_.

Unbeknownst to Kate, Ivan had been observing her surreptitiously and after a particular vicious blow delivered by Olga, he'd held up his hands to stop the two women.

"Enough! Yekaterina, why don't you relieve Irina and take her place, _milaya moya_."

The old man had spoken in English and phrased it like Kate had a choice but Kate knew that it wasn't so. Inside her heart was hammering but externally Kate was as a cool as a cucumber as she subtly moved her chained feet to prompt Ivan to unlock them. Ivan smiled coldly at her as he knelt at her feet and undid her chains. Kate didn't flinch or look away from him, her face and eyes unreadable.

Kate rose to her feet confidently and taking the 9 inch blade from Irina she faced the taller, more muscular Olga. When she looked the platinum blonde in her hard brown eyes, Kate counted to five in a bid to calm herself down.

Olga glared at Kate with contempt before she said in perfect English, "Don't think because of your condition I will take pity on you."

Kate didn't respond, choosing instead to grip the scary blade a little harder before holding it up and away from her body in the ready stance. Kate struggled to fight through the pain that she felt when she remembered combat lessons with James and focus on the things he'd taught her. Blinking rapidly, Kate felt the icy curtain of calm that always descended on her in situations like this descend. 'You're not Freckles, or Kate, you're Katya, the baddest woman with a blade this camp has ever seen.' Kate said to herself.

Olga slashed her blade towards Kate on the attack, Kate didn't move until the very last second, sidestepping to the right, Kate crouched down and kicking her left foot out, brought an unsuspecting Olga down to the ground. When Olga landed on the ground, Kate moved quickly to step on the thick blonde mane of hair on the stone floor with her left foot while her right crushed Olga's right hand that still held onto the blade. Applying a bruising amount of pressure on the wrist, Olga's fingers loosened and the knife clattered to the floor. Kate kicked the blade away and jumping away from Olga ran to pick it up, before turning to face the tall blonde who was standing now.

Olga advanced towards Kate and Kate stood in a ready stance wielding the two blades in a very threatening manner. Ivan stood up and clapped his hands to stop things from going any further. This was part show, part test and she'd be damned if she'd let Olga intimidate her into further tests from Ivan.

"_Enough_! Katya bring them to me." Ivan commanded.

Kate wasn't stupid; she walked towards Ivan but kept her eyes on Olga who was so angry Kate imagined she could see actual smoke coming out of her eyes and ears. For some reason, Kate found this funny and had to fight hard not to laugh out-loud. Olga spotting the mirth in Kate's eyes frowned at Kate bitterly and stomped over to Ivan too. Kate handed the blades to Ivan, handle first and didn't bother to look at Olga who was standing on her left.

"Very good, _milaya moya_, you haven't _quite_ forgotten _what_ you are after all. Tomorrow we will go to Moscova, I know how much you love the ballet and I am sure you will be glad to dress up again." Ivan said his cold blue eyes gleaming affectionately as he sheathed the two deadly blades and put them on top of the chess board.

Helping Kate down into her chair again so he could put the chains back on her feet, Ivan said to Olga over his shoulder.

"I will need you to stay here Olga, and make sure the castle is secure. If I were you, I would use that time to practice."

Kate didn't have to look up at the seething blond to know that she was being glared at; Olga stood there for a few more seconds before she replied, "_Of course_ Papa."

Without another word the blonde turned on her well-polished booted heels and stormed out of the room.

As the shackles clicked shut, now that the display was over, Kate winced inwardly, she'd just made another very dangerous enemy and she was afraid. Kate was afraid for her babies, for herself, for the person she was on the brink of becoming again if she stayed here much longer. 'Jamie _please_ find me, I'm counting on you, I need you to get me out of this mess, I can't do it alone.' Kate repeated her mantra in her head over and over again, but the hollowness created by the echo of those words in her head showed Kate that her faith in those words becoming a reality was fading, and the darkness she had once been accustomed to living in was creeping up fast. Stubbornly she repeated the mantra even more forcefully, and inwardly she turned away from shadows of the past.

Kate looked out into the pitch black night sky, the rain had abated and the wind was eerily quiet. Kate froze in fear when she heard an animal that could only be a wolf, howl in the distance. Rubbing her arms awkwardly she turned back into her prison, nodding her permission to Sergei for the balcony to be chained shut again. Sinking onto the bed with its welcoming blankets, she winced. It didn't take much for her to see that she was running out of places in her own mind to hide from all the things that could undo her.

**_June 5th 2005 - Dawn_**

James was chilled to the bone; they'd been huddled under the lip of rock that hung over the edge of the cliff, for a few hours now. James turned to look behind him where Travis and the two other men they'd brought with them were crouched waiting. They all looked just as miserable as he did. James turned back to face the sheet of unforgiving rain that fell in front of them; despite the fact that it was freezing cold and they were in Russia, it reminded him of the Island. James suppressed a shudder as he remembered the Island, although he'd met Kate there, he had to admit he still didn't think purgatory could be any worse than their existence on it had been.

"_How the hell_ we supposed to get to her in this goddamn weather Travis?" James yelled at his older brother in pent up frustration.

Travis didn't reply turning to confer with his second in command Brent; a stocky 5ft 10 rock of a man that James in the 12 years he'd known him, had only known to have one expression.

Travis and Brent whispered hurriedly to each other before Travis said, "We're gonna use the wire, jus' like we did in Panama, you remember right?"

James grimaced in horror, "Yeah, I do…_I'll_ go, y'all stay here."

Travis gave a chagrined smile, "Well that's a _given_ Jamie. You be real careful now, an' don't use them grapplin' hooks unless you absolutely have to."

James gave Travis an unamused look before he nodded his consent, for them to rig him up and get the show on the road.

* * *

Kate felt her heartbeat race with anxiety she wasn't quite sure she could rationalize away. She was going to Moscow today, with Ivan, and he never did anything for the sake of it. This probably meant there was a contact out there or some new test he'd devised for her that she would have to pass if she had any hope of getting out of Russia alive.

Clenching her hands together Kate tried to quell the nervous roiling of her empty stomach and the twins' agitated movements in response to her rebelling organ. Taking a deep much needed breath, Kate stepped out onto the balcony as she enjoyed her now daily ten minutes of pseudo-freedom outside.

Kate pursed her lips together and started to hum a tune she'd made up in her head, it was raining hard again and the sky looked angry and forbidding. The wind whipping wet lashes of rain on Kate's pale freckled face; she laughed at the memory of the day it had rained on her while she sat outside Sawyer's tent before he'd conned them all.

'Get in here Freckles!' Kate remembered his sexy Southern voice as he dragged her under the tent. Despite the fact he'd conned them all, it didn't diminish the memory or make it any less pleasant.

Raising her hands like the villainess of a Disney cartoon, Kate laughed into the rain and prayed like she'd never prayed before. 'Dear God, let me see him again, let me go back home to them.' Clenching her hands into fists, Kate kept her face upturned into the rain and imagined it was holy water washing away all her sins, like her Mom used to say.

Kate stood like that for a few minutes, then she felt a tingling on the right side of her face like someone was watching her; turning her head slowly she froze in shock as her desperate green eyes met James midnight blue ones. Kate clenched her fists so tightly the knuckles were white; blinking repetitively she realized that it really was James hanging onto the rocky crevices of the tower wall as he stared at her, drinking in her appearance. Kate's arms lowered of their own will as she reciprocated with the visual perusal.

Kate knew this wasn't a dream; James was wearing camouflage and his entire face was covered in the black slushy mud that blanketed the vast barren landscape. The only thing that wasn't sullied was his eyes and the whiteness of his teeth as he gritted them determinedly in an effort not to cry out her name or to let go of the craggy surface.

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only a few seconds. Kate smiled at him like he was the angel of mercy that had come to rescue her from the fire and brimstone of hell. James awarded her with a corresponding flash of his dimples before he brought a finger to his lips as a way of telling her to be quiet.

Trembling with emotion, Kate blinked her eyes in understanding before she turned to face the front just as Ivan's bear-like hands rested themselves possessively on her shoulders.

James tensed in apprehension and anger at the Russian's presence before he slowly and carefully tried to hide himself from view. Barely hanging on, James used his grappling hooks to get a better hold without giving his position away and waited.

Kate forced herself to think and tamped down her apprehension by counting to five before she turned around to face Ivan. The half dead bird of hope beating it's wings in a furious frenzy in her chest.

"The whole point of me coming out here is to _get away_ from you." Kate said intentionally, she also had to yell above the sound of the wind and rain. She only prayed James could hear her, as the wheels in her head began spinning furiously.

Ivan frowned at her, "I am taking you to Moscova and this is how you show me your gratitude?" He replied in kind.

Kate stared at Ivan coldy, "I _don't want_ to go to Moscow! I like it here!" Kate violently shrugged off his hands more for her own personal peace of mind than for James' benefit, although that was also a factor.

Ivan's smile reflected the icy tundras of Siberia, "No _milaya moya_, we are going to Moscova. To show all is forgiven now… besides there is someone there I would like you to meet."

Kate blinked the water from her eyes before she turned away from him and facing outwards so that her voice would carry, she responded.

"If all is forgiven why are you still keeping me locked up here like we're in some badly written gothic novel? You're so predictable Ivan, taking me to the ballet, _as if_ we're a happy family! I have a few minutes left out here, can you _go_ so I can at least _enjoy_ it in peace?"

Ivan responded to this request exactly how Kate knew he would, glaring holes into her back he suddenly gripped the back of her neck painfully and dragged her back inside. Kate allowed herself to smirk at this, now that James knew exactly where she was going she could finally get out of this mess and leave this godforsaken country for good.

James heard the final slam of the balcony doors shutting behind Kate and gritting his teeth in pent up frustration, he began the descent down to the awaiting muck. The ballet in Moscow is where Kate was going and he'd be there waiting.

Go on then **make my day** and **review**!


	24. Chapter 24

The next chapter is going to be very big because I'm bringing a conclusion to the Russia shenanigans, I think I've done what I meant to do in the last few. Now if you all remember Kate was at least 16 weeks pregnant a month and a week ago. Do the math, and it will still be a little off!

For those of y'all who are still reviewing,** thank you! **And for those of you who aren't…I understand it's the summer and everyone has better things to do but seriously guys if you read the story **just click on that button** and** review for me!**

**Chapter 24**

**Later that evening**

Kate was having a hard time holding onto her sanity as she sat in the plush velvet chair in Ivan's private box. They were at the Bolshoi Ballet and Opera Theatre and Kate prayed that James had made use of her hints and been able to get there before them. The whole trip, she'd been wracked with nerves; barely relaxing when Ivan had removed her shackles and let her sit in the car like everyone else after their charter plane had landed in an airfield just outside of Moscow. The fact that he'd removed her shackles was another test, but Kate was so preoccupied with thoughts of James and what it could mean for her, now that he was finally here, that she hadn't noticed at first. Very aware of the fact that Ivan was scrutinizing her and she needed to get a grip on herself before he realized something other than the new freedom was troubling her, she'd stared out the tinted windows, refamiliarizing herself with the city and looking for potential escape routes.

Smoothing her clammy palms down her thighs, Kate tried not to make a face at the emerald green silk that she was wearing. She had to admit she looked good; Ivan had produced the dress when they arrived in Moscow. It was a dress that Nikolai had bought for her many years ago, and Kate had never gotten the chance to wear it, seeing as she'd tried to kill Ivan a week later before disappearing from Russia. The fact that he'd held onto it reinforced Kate's newly founded convictions that he was more obsessed with her than she had known, and had she realized this before committing to this foolhardy mission, she would have taken her chances with his assassins. It was now too late to think about what she should or could have known so Kate diverted her mind to a more optimistic vein of thought. Maybe tonight would end it all and she could go back to becoming a woman who though scarred was capable of love and happiness. Sunshine and music as opposed to the darkness and the crushing silence of her own mind and guilt.

They were watching "Les Presages" ironically, a ballet that it's famous choreographer Massine had described as a 'depiction of first, life, with its ambitions and temptations; then passion ... and lastly, the culmination of man's destiny through conflict.' Yekaterina Shipulina was accomplishedly bringing the role of Action to life with her polished jumps as Kate, finally giving up the silent battle raging inside her, rose to go to the bathroom. Ivan glanced in her direction before turning his eyes back onto the stage and the nubile, long limbed ballerina's actions. With a flick of his wrist he sent Sergei after Kate.

"Babydoll, I have to say you are one of the few that can pull off green but not even you can pull it off as a skin tone… Just a little heads up _entre nous_." Sergei chirped unhelpfully.

Kate flipped him the bird as she strode towards the powder room; wrenching the door viciously she actually smiled as it whacked Sergei in the face before rushing into the solitary cubicle in the private luxurious room. As soon as she shut the door she sat down on the closed lid and cradling her face in her hands tried to force the unwilling air down into her lungs. Panic was making it impossible for her to regulated her breathing or keep a reign on her spiraling emotions. The pressure of trying to think of a way for them all to get out of this mess she'd landed them into, as well as the prospect of failure and the relief that James was finally herebore down on her like anunbearable boulder.

After a few minutes Kate realized that the hair on her arms and the back of her neck was raised, before she could whip around to see what was happening she felt the tiny ruffle of disturbed air before James clapped a hand on her mouth and hauled her off the toilet seat and into the now visible dark space behind it. He silently slid the panel shut behind her, as Kate's startled green eyes searched his face wildly, her face suddenly flushed with color.

James held a finger to his lips as he turned on the tiny penlight he held in his right hand. It had a powerful glow which illuminated his and Kate's face in that eerie, campfire light sort of way. Shadows dancing crazily on their faces and into the darkness before James' grip on the light steadied.

The few moments where they stared at each other seemed to be suspended in time; no one making a sound or moving as they drank in each other's appearance. Kate didn't realize it but she was holding her breath, afraid to break the spell. She was standing so close to him, that James' soft breath stirred the stray tendrils of Kate's hair on the side of her face. Finally, Kate closed the gap between them bringing her right hand up to reverently touch James' forehead before cupping his left cheek then jaw and tearfully throwing herself at him. She wrapped both her arms around his neck and held on for dear life. James slightly winded by the impact of her belly against his diaphragm steadied himself, his arms reflexively wrapping around Kate's warm body.

Their heartbeats racing in a matching frenzied beat, they held each other for what felt like a fleeting moment but in reality was a good minute or so before James peeled Kate's arms from around his neck and pushed her away. Still holding onto the penlight he shone it indirectly into her face, he whispered, "Are you alright?"

Kate bit her lip, tears filling her green eyes she shook her head then nodded almost simultaneously. Nostalgically remembering when he'd asked her that at the waterfall they'd found on the Island. James brought his left hand up to wipe away the tears with the pad of his thumb, gruffly smiling at her, his eyes were unnaturally moist.

"You look beautiful." He said his voice gruff with emotion.

Kate tried to turn her face away but James tugged her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"I didn't think you were coming! I'd almost given up." Kate blurted out in a harsh whisper. Her voice wavering with relief and something James couldn't quite define.

James shook his head at her reproachfully, "I'll _always_ find you, Sassafras, ain't no two ways 'bout that."

Kate's eyes were wider than James had ever seen them; she was struggling not to cry and desperate to believe him.

"What if I go somewhere you can't follow?" The words spilled out of her quivering lips before she could stop them. The despair she'd felt since she'd arrived in Russia, rushing to the forefront, taking advantage of the first opportunity to show itself in all its ugly glory.

James cocked his head and narrowed his blue eyes at her, "Ain't no such place, in this life or the next. Face it Freckles you're stuck with me." He finished off the sentence with a rueful smirk.

Kate laughed tearfully, at the use of her nickname, and closed her eyes then frantically opened them again, afraid that he would disappear.

"The ch-chip-"

"Works, but your little tip helped us get here first an' find this lil' hole in the wall… I knew you'd have to come in here sooner or later. But don't do anythin' else that might make him suspicious, it's not worth it." James said, cutting her off.

"What are we going to do? How are we-"

"Dontcha worry 'bout that Freckles, you just focus on stayin' alive an' well. Now go on you gotta go." James tried to make his hands push her away but instead they held onto her tighter.

Kate shook her head tearfully, hurling herself at him again, this time James was a little more prepared and braced himself. As she clung to him, James felt the twins kick energetically and he held onto her tighter than she was holding onto him. Counting to three, James forced himself to let them go and setting Kate away from him he slid his left hand on her belly which had grown considerably. She looked like she was _at least_ 7 months pregnant! The size of her the more pronounced because the rest of her frame had remained small, in fact she was thinner than she'd been when she left LA.

Kate grabbed his hand as it caressed her belly and biting her lip she stared at their clasped hands for a second before letting it go and turning to go back into the cubicle. James grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a quick fervent kiss. Kate kissed him so ardently, he felt weak in the knees, pulling away from him she whispered against his lips.

"I can't just do nothing! We're running out of time… and Ivan's planning something I know him, it won't be good. I can help, I know how he thinks!"

James didn't like the way she was talking like she was an active team player when she looked like she hadn't eaten in a month and her belly was so distended she looked like she was going explode. He certainly wasn't happy about all the stress this situation was putting on her already risky pregnancy and the desperation in her eyes and voice was a very bad sign.

Hiding all of this he leaned forward and kissed her softly and said, "I ain't gonna tell you twice Freckles I need you to keep my babies safe. Don't argue with me damnit, for once just do as I tell you."

Kate wanted to argue but she bit her lip and for once didn't say anything back, opting instead to nod her acceptance of his edict. She clung to his arms as he smoothed her hair back and lifted her face to look up at him.

"Okay, okay... but hurry, please Jamie."

James relaxed slightly at her easy capitulation, "Okay… Travis an' I are gonna do what it takes just sit tight."

Kate nodded again, her teeth clamped firmly in her lower lip as she allowed herself a few more moments of intense emotion. Then sucking in a deep breath, she wiped her eyes and went back towards the panel and into the cubicle, which was trembling under the force of an axe and Ivan's enraged voice. They didn'tsay anythingorshare any meaningful glancesas James slid the panel back and not a moment too soon.

As Kate flushed the toilet, Ivan kicked the door in, startling her as she cowered against the moveable panel.

"Why did you not answer me when I called your name?" Ivan demanded his face thunderous.

Kate shrugged nonchalantly, "I didn't want to." Inside her heart almost stopped with fear, Kate knew James could hear everything on the other side and she hoped he was doing his best to get as far away from them as possible. She didn't want to even think about what would happen if Ivan decided to test the panel.

Ivan advanced pressing Kate into the panel as she tried to avoid touching him.

Bringing a calloused but well manicured paw-like hand up to her throat Ivan snarled at Kate, "You're starting to try my patience Yekaterina, it hurts me more to hurt you but…you do that again and I'll have you whipped until the walls run red."

Kate could barely breathe, she didn't know if it was fear or the actual pressure being exerted by Ivan's hand but she knew she had to diffuse the situation as best as she could. When her vision started to blur and the world swirl in and out of focus, her ears ringing, her instincts for survival kicked in.

Bringing her left hand up she viciously scratched the right side of Ivan's face with her meager nails and spat in his face. Ivan roared and raised his hand to backhand her; in response Kate offered him her face.

"Tell me, dos-to-in li ya tva-yey lyub-vi?" _(Translation: do I deserve your love?)_ She asked him coldly, her voice rising with emotion at the end of the question.

Ivan's hand froze above her upturned face and he stared into her green eyes that were positively glowing with guilt and tears. Ivan studied her face for a few moments searching her face for any signs of subterfuge and seeing none; he let his hand drop from its frozen position mid-air and wrapped it around her arm as he dragged her out of the ruined cubicle.

Kate didn't meet Sergei's eyes as he silently fell into step with her on her left hand side; she was too ashamed. Had any of them turned to look behind them they would have seen James' blazing blue eyes glinting in the dark space where the panel door had silently slid open to watch them leave.

The rest of the ballet passed in a blur as Kate sat in her chair, hands clasped on her abdomen, while she inwardly self-flagellated. She hadn't meant to ask Ivan that question, she'd meant it for James even though he couldn't understand Russian. Now that she'd said it, she knew the words would take on a life of their own. What Ivan wanted most from Kate was submission but not just that, he wanted her for himself, he always had. Asking him that question of all questions in the heat of the moment had successfully diverted any suspicion as to her lack of response in the cubicle. Kate knew that in those moments where Ivan's hand had been frozen mid-air he'd been thinking of the emotion in her voice and eyes, and had surmised that she'd been playing games with him earlier. He'd think that Kate wasn't so insusceptible to him and was finally admitting she had feelings for him. Ivan was probably thinking, the ballet had been a success after all, because he was one step closer to getting her where he wanted her. Where he had always wanted her. Kate suppressed a shudder at the memories of the last time she had lived in Ivan's company. She also ran away from the voice in her head that told her that although the intentions were different the results were the same; Ivan was one step closer to having Kate where he wanted her.

James retreated to the upper circle where Travis, Brent and the two other guys, George and Joseph were waiting. Travis turned around to look at James expectantly, but the thunderous scowl on James face stopped him from asking anything.

"How soon can we get her the hell away from him, Travis?" James ground out, gripping the rail of the balcony forcefully. Travis pulled James away from the balcony and back into the shadows where they were lurking.

"Soon's we can, Lil Bro, but right now we got bigger fish to fry… look who turned up to talk to the Prince of Darkness while you were gone." Travis gestured to the 10 inch high-tech monitor Brent was holding in his hands. James tore his eyes away from Kate who he could see from his vantage point and looked at the little screen in Brent's hands, accepting the earpiece too.

"This convo happened 20 minutes ago." Travis supplied.

James turned the recording on, and heard Sgt. Austen's now familiar voice:

"_My sources tell me that James Ford left the apartment in LA a few days ago, maybe even more, as many as seven."_

_Ivan nodded his head as a prompt for the Sgt. to continue._

_Sgt. Austen fixed a serious look on Ivan and said, "His older brother is Travis Deschanel, you remember him don't you? I can see you do. If they get it into their heads to come here looking for her, everything we've planned could go up in smoke sooner than you can say Motherland Russia."_

_Ivan frowned at this and asked the Sgt, "So what do you suggest I do?"_

"_Get her as far away from civilization as you can. They'll be far more conspicuous and you'll see them coming a mile away. Keep her at the castle."_

_Ivan's frown deepened, "But that was only to show her the extent of my displeasure, I can't keep her there any longer, she's expecting!"_

_Sam Austen frowned at the Russian man, the facial expression was captured with clarity as he said, "Don't lose your head now! If you don't keep her there, I can guarantee you that you won't live to see her give birth! None of us will, that Deschanel is mercenary, and you've got James' woman and child, how do you think that's going to pan out?"_

_Ivan mulled this over for a few minutes, eventually acquiescing, "Okay my friend, I'll keep her at the castle for now, but I don't like this. She's carrying life inside her, the greatest miracle of all, and she should be near a medic."_

_Sam Austen's relief was palpable, "Good. While you two **reconnect** out there, I'll have people deal with the Deschanel-Ford situation."_

_The Sgt. made to rise and Ivan gripped his arm and asked silkily, "Don't you want to wait to see your only daughter?" _

_Sam Austen's face didn't change as he replied coldly, "I don't have any children, I'm sterile, remember? She's all yours."_

_With those words he removed Ivan's hand from his arm and left the box, Ivan looked thoughtful for a few seconds before he rose to go and find Kate._

James shut off the feed and turned to Travis anger burning brightly in his eyes, "That sonof-"

Travis held a finger to his lips and gestured to the private box where Ivan, Sergei, Kate and the rest of Ivan's crew were watching the show. Brent quickly switched the sound in the earpiece to that currently being picked up as Ivan spoke to Kate.

"Your… father arrived less than a minute after you left." Ivan said, his voice and eyes challenging.

Kate balled her hands into fists before she let them fall to rest on the armrests of the plush velvet chair.

"I don't have a father, I killed him remember." Kate spoke softly her lashes hiding whatever scars she carried inside.

Ivan inclined his head at this in agreement, "Well shall we say your _other_ father… Sam Austen was here."

Kate frowned slightly before meeting Ivan's gaze, "I know who you meant."

Ivan smiled coldly at this, "Yes… well. He said that man of yours had left Los Angeles and was probably meeting up his blood mulatto brother before coming _here_ to get you back."

Kate narrowed her eyes at Ivan, a faint smile touching her lips, "Why would you need him to tell you that? If it were true, you'd know it already."

Ivan's smile widened, "Ford left Los Angeles over a week ago now, and he went to join his brother in Africa or wherever he is now with that little girl you traumatized with your deceit."

Kate flinched at the reference to Rita. Oh God Rita! Would she ever forgive her for breaking her promise? 'One more black mark against my name that no amount of groveling or penance can erase.' Kate thought morosely.

"Why are you telling me this, Papa?" Kate asked, her voice wavering to have the calculated effect on Ivan. It was frightening how easily this was all coming back to her.

Ivan's smile disappeared, "I need you to understand that you cannot go back to that… _fairytale_. That is not your life Katya, it never was. You're here with me, where you belong, where you've _always _belonged."

Kate's face was impassive.

"This is why for now, for your own good. I am taking you back to the castle."

Kate's face was unreadable as she replied.

"Good, I like it there. But why are you _really_ taking me back?"

Ivan's face clouded momentarily before relaxing, "Sam Austen thinks you'll be safer there. Until the baby is born and you can go back to work and we can deal with this potential jilted lover situation… Him and I… we have big plans Katya."

Kate frowned slightly, "What kind of plans?"

Ivan smiled again, the lips stretching slightly without it reaching his cold blue eyes, "Big plans."

Kate reflected Ivan's smile, "Oh _those_. I won't do anything until after the birth, and even then there's some loose ends I need to tie up first."

She said the last part with resolve, her green eyes betraying nothing.

Ivan was pleased, "Vsyo boodet harasho _(translation: Everything is going to be okay)_, Sam Austen won't be a problem for long. When I say the time is right, _you will_ show your allegiance _to me_."

Kate nodded, "Of course."

She didn't have to pretend to feel confident of this particular outcome. Inside her a part of her turned away from the image of what exactly Sam Austen and Kate proving her allegiance involved. But to her horror another part of her looked forward to it. Kate hoped that James would get her out of the situation before it came to this.

Ivan studied Kate for a while before rising and holding his hand out to her, "Until then, I'll keep him away from you. Come, let us go, you look tired _dorogyar_."

Kate made a face at the way he made it sound like she had a choice, rising to her feet, she spared one last glance at the stage before her eyes traveled up to the corner, James, Travis and the others were hiding in. She didn't know what made her look up there but deep down inside she imagined she could feel James' midnight blue eyes on her. Turning away with exhaustion she could really feel she let Ivan lead her out of the private box and back to the awaiting cars that would return her to her medieval prison.

James threw the earpiece down and made to follow the party before Travis restrained him.

"No Lil' Bro, she'll be okay. Joe's watchin' her progress on that trackin' monitor. Right now we gotta take care of somethin' else." Travis spoke persuasively, his hazel eyes practically boring holes into James'.

James struggled for another second before conceding to Travis' wisdom.

"Alright, let's go find that miserable sonofabitch." James growled.

Travis let James go and together they followed Brent who had been tracking Sgt. Austen's progress since he'd left the private box half an hour ago.

**A Few Hours Later**

The trio arrived at the luxury apartment in the heart of Moscow's prosperous neighborhood. Disabling the security system with his laptop, Brent gave Travis and James the go-ahead as they proceeded to stealthily enter the older man's apartment.

James pussy-footed it into the bedroom where the well-decorated military man was sleeping. They'd taken out the three sentries; the obviously well-justified Sgt's paranoia had made the Sgt post in various locations outside and inside the apartment.

As he stood in the doorway, James watched the man's chest rise and fall with the deep sleep of a man who had no troublesome guilt or ghosts to keep him up all night.

Despite his resolve James internally battled with what he was about to do; he couldn't kill a slumbering man in cold blood could he? Then his mind flashed back to Kate's weary and despairing green eyes shining in the meager light afforded by the overcast sky when he saw her on that balcony. The look in her eyes was seared into his memory and he couldn't get rid of the image no matter how hard he tried.

Or the way she'd been shackled like a caged tigress; defiant to the very winds of nature as they raged around her. Then James remembered the way she'd cried at his bedside when he was in the hatch recovering from the sepsis that had nearly killed him. As well as the way she had clung to him in that little space behind the toilet in the Bolshoi. James had become so attuned to Kate that he knew how despite appearances to the contrary, she felt lost, scared and alone, while she sat in that private box.

It was all because of Sam Austen, this was nothing like Sydney when he'd killed Duckett. Ironically, this was more clear-cut, if James didn't do it, Ivan was obviously going to make Kate do it at some point in the future. And if James ever hoped to have a future with Kate he would have to do this, for them, for the unborn twins and most of all for her, to save her from herself if nothing else.

James crept up to the sleeping man and without giving it another thought he raised the silencer he held in his hand and discharged two shots into his head. Sam Austen's eyes had flown open just as James had pulled the trigger, and they had seen their last sight, a man in love exacting the revenge that would most surely destroy the woman he loved if he let her do it herself. In that moment, where no one was there to witness it but James and Sgt. Austen's sightless eyes; James had finally proven just how much he loved Kate, even if it was at the cost of his eternal soul.

Without a backward glance, James walked out and joined Travis in the front room where the two brothers without exchanging a single word, set the pile of evidence that would link them to the crime on fire. Walking out of the apartment's front doors like two guests that had had a very good night visiting a friend, they took the stairs down to the entrance and got into the waiting car before they sped away to the airfield that would take them back to Ivan's castle and Kate. Now one of the obstacles in their way was gone, they had one to go.

**You like it you don't like it. GO ON THEN MAKE MY DAY, REVIEW. **


	25. Chapter 25

SHOUTOUT to the best Beta ever, **Budweiser **I'm talking about you! Thanks so very much for all the help you're awesome!

Hey y'all I hope everyone had a great summer. Mine was busy, the few moments of relaxation I had were either writing the chapters for this story, reading some of the lovely reviews y'all wrote or reading the other fics I was so hooked on.

Anyhoo, onwards and upwards, here is one of the final five chapters I have planned for this fic. It's been a rollercoaster ride and next time I promise it will be all fluffy, frothy delicious fluff/romance/comedy** (á la Jamate – of course).**

**WARNING: **Very David Lynch chapter ahead! – I promise it will make sense and if it doesn't let me know so I can fix it!

**Chapter 25**

Kate was soaring; she was flying so high that looking down to earth made her stomach lurch in a violent and sickening manner. So she looked straight ahead and willed the wind to carry her higher. She was scared and she didn't want to go back down there, where everything was dark and terrifying, and nothing made sense. If only she could stay up here, and keep flying until the end of time.

"Kate! Come on now Kate, stay with me here! Goddamnit Kate! Stay with me!"

Against her will she felt herself start to plummet back down to the earth with a gut-wrenching thud. Holding her hands out to cushion the fall as she landed on her gigantic abdomen. Kate's eyes widened in wild panic, she'd forgotten about the twins! Oh God, she'd promised Jamie she'd keep them safe and she'd completely forgotten about them. Gritting her teeth she felt a sharp pain wrenching through her abdomen like a wood-saw cutting through from her lower back all the way through to the front.

Turning around to lie on her back she growled low in her throat as her water broke and the warm liquid gushed down her thighs, legs and onto the bed she hadn't even realized she was lying on.

Kate gripped the sides of her abdomen as the lacerating contraction ripped through her and bit her lip so hard it bled. Looking around frantically, she searched for a watch or a clock somewhere so she could tell how far apart they were. But it was all very blurry due to the unbidden tears and sweat that were clouding her vision. Lying back on the bed she let go of her abdomen and used her hands to wipe the tears and sweat away.

"Jamie…."

Kate called out in a frantic whisper as she tried to get her bearings, she felt off kilter as if she was recovering from a drug induced sleep. And some instinct told her that she should be as quiet as possible until she had a better idea of where she was and what was going on.

"Right here Freckles, I'm right here. It's gonna be alright." James responded in a low whisper as he appeared in her line of vision surveying the scene with concern.

Kate gasped in relief; she'd been so scared she was going to have to do this alone!

"Oh thank God! Jamie, the babies… they're coming! I can't have them here! I can't!" Kate whispered vehemently, her voice translating the panic she felt effectively. Her hands caressed her abdomen absentmindedly as she lay on the bed, her legs slightly splayed, and the skirt of her dress clinging wetly to her thighs.

James shushed her gently, smoothing the sweat dampened hair away from her face he held her head firmly and looked her in the eyes.

"Freckles, listen to me, you can. Its okay, I'm right here an' I ain't goin' anywhere. Just hold on, I need you to be strong an' I'll get us outta here."

His voice was so forceful and confident that Kate was powerless to resist the hypnotically calming effect it had on her. She latched onto the life-raft it provided for her in the stormy seas she'd found herself in, and managed to nod her head.

"Jamie…w-w-we need something to time the contractions…_ my waters broke_!" Kate said, remembering what she had been looking for before she found him.

James nodded in agreement and said, "That's alright I got a watch on right here, now let's see 'bout makin' you a little more comfortable."

James reached behind Kate and positioned some pillows behind her back and got her to lean against the monstrous gothic headboard. Moving around to her front James winked at her encouragingly as he pulled out a thin tarp-like sheet from his pack and spread it on the bed and underneath Kate. Reaching into the chest of drawers by her bed he found a change of linen, Egyptian cotton no less! And with a rueful smirk at the irony of something so luxurious and clean existing in a place like this, he spread the linen on top of the waterproof sheet, gently maneuvering Kate as he spread it out properly. Kate still slightly disorientated, tried to focus on breathing and prepared for the next contraction.

She smiled at him slightly before closing her eyes and forcing the air in and out of her lungs. She needed to concentrate on that, she couldn't think about the fact that she was in the middle of nowhere in the unforgiving Russian mountains about to have twins! And the pain said birth was causing her. Or the fact that Ivan was downstairs and didn't know James was up here. Or that Kate had… Kate's eyes flew open in alarm and she surveyed the room. Her eyes rested on a sight she had hoped she was wrong in thinking of; but the undeniable truth was there. In the left corner of the room, next to the shuttered but no longer padlocked balcony doors, was Olga's lifeless body.

The statuesque blonde's body lay there at an odd angle and there was blood all over her clothes, face and closed eyelids. Kate glanced down at her own hands and noticed for the first time the blood in her nails, as well as the spatters on her hands and on her clothes. Frantically she brought her hands to her face and felt her fingers slide on the combination of blood, sweat and tears. Getting up with the limberness of someone who wasn't about to give birth, she dashed to the large rust-stained oval mirror behind the bedroom door. Sure enough, she had blood on her face, and in her hair. Olga's blood.

Kate's mouth opened in soundless horror as she looked into the face of Olga's killer, before she could scream or anything James dragged her back to the bed.

"Oh no you don't, Freckles! _Not right now_, we got more important shit to deal with." James whispered fervently.

Setting her on the clean linen he forced Kate to tear her eyes away from Olga's lifeless body and for the first time, Kate noticed that James had blood on his face and hands too.

Swallowing convulsively, she compressed her lips tightly to bite back the scream that was welling up inside her and focused on looking into his midnight blue eyes, her blood-stained fingers clenching the collar of his shirt tightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I- aaarrrrrrrrgggggggggh." Kate didn't finish the sentence as another contraction did its best to sever her torso from her lower body. James held her hands tightly as Kate bit her lip and tried her best not to cry out loud. Softly he whispered words of encouragement.

"That's right baby, you're almost there, shhhhh…"

Kate's eyes flew open as the pain subsided and she sagged back against the pillows, her face was flushed and her hair was dripping with the mixture of blood and sweat. She still held onto James' hands tightly.

Looking him straight in the eyes, silent tears rolled down her cheeks, "What are we going to do? I_ can't_ have them _here_! _You _can't stay here… if Ivan finds you he'll kill you."

James wiped the tears leaking out of her heartbreakingly unhappy green eyes with a corner of the blanket.

"One thing at a time now, Sassafras, _you_ focus on the contractions an' let_ me_ worry 'bout that,_ understood_?"

Kate wanted to argue, wanted to rail at the fates for the current state of affairs, but quite frankly she was too tired, and she needed to conserve her energy for the next contraction.

So she uncharacteristically shrugged her acquiescence, sagging backwards to rest against the cushions, her eyes falling on Olga's dead body once again.

James moved to block her view, "I'm timin' the contractions, so don't worry 'bout that, I don't think we'll be able to move you, so we're just gonna have to deal with it. I need you to believe me when I say I'll take care of this, I _won't_ let _anythin'_ happen to you, Freckles."

Kate closed her eyes briefly to communicate her understanding before she opened them and squeezed his hand tighter.

"Okay, _Dr. Ford_… but I have to say something because I may not get the chance to say it later."

James frowned slightly, despite the faint smile that graced her lips, his instincts told him he probably wouldn't like the rest of what she had to say, but he nodded for her to go on.

Kate pulled herself up and brought her face mere inches from his, the smile was gone and she looked so intense; searching his eyes she said, "_I need you_ to _forgive me_ for being a bad person."

James narrowed his eyes at Kate in frustration and slight anger, "I'll have none of that Freckles, you ain't a bad person. You're a survivor, _just like me_."

Kate shook her head in disagreement, "No, I'm a _bad_ person, the things I've done… I _killed_ Olga and-"

James cut her off with a finger to her lips, "You were just defendin' yourself Freckles, ain't nothin' wrong with that."

Kate looked into his eyes sadly, her shoulders slumping, she refuted his reasoning, "I knew she was provoking me and I also knew she would never try to actually kill me… Not while we're under Ivan's roof anyway."

James frowned, not liking where this was going, and Kate looked at him her eyes reflecting the shame she felt but also the defiance James loved, and knew was never far.

"I gave in… I gave into that part of me _and that's that_." She said it so softly, that it took a few moments for his brain to register what she'd just said.

Without hesitation, James lifted her chin up and looked into her eyes.

"_It don't matter_. Nothin' matters but you, an' our babies, an' the future… I _mean _that Freckles." His voice shaking with the conviction he felt as he said these words.

Kate leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, drawing away sharply as another contraction ripped through her.

James held onto her tightly and mumbled encouraging words as he looked at his wristwatch to see how far apart they were. 6 minutes! He was no doctor but they seemed to be too close together for somebody who'd only been in labor an hour or so! Shit. What the hell was he going to do? No matter what he wouldn't let this turn into another Catalina incident of this he was sure.

Kate's eyes were screwed shut as she gritted her teeth and attempted to breathe the way Sergei had been trying to teach her the week before. She had felt pain before but never had she felt something like this! It was like a sadistic and deranged, spinal surgeon was using a poisoned blunt saw to cut through her, each movement having the calculated effect of causing the most pain possible. The image of Jack dressed in his scrubs, running through the jungle looking for Ethan; sprang to mind and when she could see him standing behind her sawing into her back, Kate couldn't help the bubble of hysteric laughter that rose up in her chest.

When the pain had crested Kate moaned softly in relief as she lay back against the pillows and tried to catch her breath. James was mumbling to her softly, using her earlier discarded face-cloth to mop her brow. The water was probably dirty seeing as he'd washed his hands in it when he'd found her but Kate didn't notice because the coolness of the cloth was soothing. All that mattered right now was surviving the contractions long enough to actually give birth.

Sergei crept into the room and approached James and Kate; James looked up at Sergei hopefully as Kate smiled at him in weak greeting.

"Don't tell me she's actually going to spring those poor angels out of their uterine prison!"

Sergei hissed at James, taking in Kate's raised knees, wet dress and James' discarded weapons and gloves.

"Alright." James replied drily.

Sergei's face flickered with fear, "She can't have this baby _here_! _Now_! Papa's on his way up with a few of the men… they found your equipment at the base of the castle."

Sergei was hissing angrily at James as if the unfortunate timing of Kate's labor was his fault. James hadn't thought he could feel more terrified than he was already feeling but Sergei's news did the trick, rectifying that earlier misconception.

Sergei was crouched in front of James so that Kate couldn't see his face or hear what he was saying. Sergei looked over his shoulder at Olga's lifeless body and at the sight of the blood he shuddered, crossing himself as he turned away to face James again. The look on James' face made Sergei's hand freeze in midair.

James shook his head slightly, in silent warning to Sergei not to say anything about Olga and her gory death. Sergei blinked his eyes in understanding before getting up efficiently.

"Try to keep her calm, I'll try and stall them." Sergei whispered conspiratorially.

Walking up to Kate, he kissed her forehead and whispered, "Look lively Babydoll, the most magical moment of your life is nigh. There's nothing we can do about _that hair_ but we wouldn't want to usher the most beautiful babies in the world with a sourpuss now would we?"

Kate livened up a little at this and swatted him away, "Go make yourself useful, since _your_ promise of a quick and painless birth in Cedars-Sinai turned out to be bullshit."

Sergei snapped his neck back, and placing one hand on his hip, hissed, "Yes well, maybe if Papa wasn't such a _tight ass_ and _you _weren't such a smart ass cookie it might have happened."

Kate drew herself up getting ready to defend herself but Sergei snapped his fingers in her face before wiggling his rump at her and marching out the bedroom. Kate turned disbelieving but twinkling green eyes on James who was decidedly less impressed with Sergei's mannerisms.

Kate choked back laughter, "Oh come on, he's just being Sergei."

James' narrowed his blue eyes at her in response before moving up on the bed to hold her hand, "I hope you ain't plannin' on havin' his fruitcake ass 'round my kids."

Kate grinned at him evilly, "Until you start pushing an eighty ton truck out of your body, I can have whoever I want around both our kids _and_ Rita."

James' eyes flared with irritation, but he was smiling despite himself, "Oh really?"

Kate laughed silently but the laughter quickly turned to pain as another contraction ripped through her. James looked at his watch in dismay, this one was earlier by a minute!

When the contraction had run its course, Kate offered James an undaunted beatific smile, "If we get out of this, you're cooking for me, giving me massages, taking me shopping, and just all around worshipping my personage until my dying day."

James who'd been fearfully staring at her lowered head as she fought the pain, relaxed at her attempts to lighten the mood. He was well aware of the danger they were in, and of all the things that were at risk, seeing as Kate appeared to be wavering between hysteria and calm.

"Oh really?" He managed weakly.

Kate grinned at him, as she nodded, "Yes, _really_. Don't think that you'll get away with asking that question like you did on the Island."

"Well this certainly ain't the Island." James volleyed back.

Kate's shoulders shook with silent laughter, "No, this is Russia, _much_ worse and _nothing_ like Craphole Island as Shannon called it."

Before James could respond another contraction ripped through Kate the pain shredding the smile and calm on her face as she gnashed her teeth in an attempt not to cry out. James winced in pain as her fingers practically cut off the circulation in his upper arms with the force of her grip. As soon as the pain had passed James made to move to check the progress of the babies, but Kate cried out in protest.

Her eyes wet with tears, Kate begged him softly, "_No! Don't please_!"

James raised an eyebrow in surprise, "Are you kiddin' me Freckles? I gotta take a look at the progress!"

Kate shook her head vehemently, "Please, _don't_! I can't let you look! We can wait for Sergei, he was a nurse, and _he's already seen it_!"

James was smirking at the mention of Sergei being a nurse, but her last words wiped the smirk off his face, "_What's_ that now?"

Kate looked at him blankly, "What? It was _last week_, I went into false labor and he wanted to check how _dilated_ I was!"

James shook his head, "You let Nancy the Queer look at your cha-cha an-"

Kate raised an eyebrow at James as she snorted softly with laughter, "My _cha-cha_?"

James grit his teeth in irritation, "I'm sorry, your vagina."

Kate covered her mouth in an attempt to hide her mirth; this is what she loved most about him! The fact that she could be lying here in the most undignified state any woman could be in; with a dead body in the room, and a troop of Russian mercenaries down stairs, and he could still make her forget all of that, and not only smile, but actually laugh.

James' blue eyes narrowed even more as he took in her humor at his expense and opened his mouth to wipe that smile off her face. Instead he ended up chuckling silently with her and taking her hands in his they shared a moment.

Suddenly, James heard footsteps thudding up the stairs and heading for the bedroom door, which effectively ended the argument for the interim. Hastily picking up his gun, James hid behind the door as Kate stared after him, scared and alone all over again.

The door was kicked back with violent force as Ivan stepped into the bedroom gun cocked and at the ready. He stopped short when he saw Kate lying on the practically dripping bed, with her hair plastered to her head as if she'd just taken a swim, and blood staining the off-white dress she was wearing as well as her face, hands and neck.

Dropping his gun he rushed over to her with genuine fear on his face, "_Milaya moya_, nyet, not here! Not now!"

Kate made to move away from him, encumbered by her body and the now damp blanket covering her legs. While she was attempting this, her eyes fell on Olga's body then darted quickly to James who'd hefted the semi-automatic he was carrying and preparing to take his shot. Without thinking Kate grabbed Ivan by the shoulders and pushed him out of the way, screaming at James not to shoot as she did it.

After James' bullets hit the balcony shutters, the three faces formed a tableau of various kinds of shock; Ivan was in shock that he'd been so concerned about Kate that he had almost gotten killed, James in shock because Kate had risked her life to save Ivan, and Kate in shock because she'd moved to save Ivan without even thinking about her own safety as well as the fact that she may have ruined their only chance of getting out of there alive.

Then suddenly as if operating on fast-forward everything and everyone started to move at what seemed like double-speed.

James moved forward and in one motion hit Ivan in the face then solar plexus with the butt of his rifle. Kate who'd ended up lying on her left side after pushing Ivan out of the way, was leaning on her left arm so she propped herself up into a sitting position against the pillows as another contraction chose that moment to remind her just how precarious a balance her own life and that of her unborn children were.

"Jamie!"

Kate screamed in agony, the contraction was so excruciating that Kate lost all sense of reality, there was only the gut-wrenching, dizzying and temporarily blinding pain that was nature's way of telling Kate that her children were coming whether she was ready or not.

Ivan was half sitting, half slumped against the foot of the bed, James had his tanned hands wrapped around Ivan's throat but Kate's shriek afforded the cold-blooded Russian a reprieve.

Rushing to Kate's side, James grabbed her right hand and slid behind her to support her better, trying hard not to remember a similar move with Catalina in the Latin American jungle. This wasn't going to happen this time around, James did not have the strength to face even the thought of a future without Kate.

Kate was gasping like a landed fish as the pain subsided, helpless tears rolling down her face as she noticed the seven new faces that had joined them in the room.

"Ah _shit_." James swore with feeling.

They were standing at a stalemate, Ivan's men with a bloodied and injured Sergei standing barely able to stand between them, and Kate lying on the bed, knees raised under the tangled no longer pristine clean sheet, with James resting on his heels behind her and his arms protectively surrounding her.

Kate froze in horror as one of the men, Yuri, turned around and saw Olga's still form; with outrage he turned back towards Kate and seeing the blood on her clothing deduced she had a hand in Olga's permanent silence.

As if in slow motion once again Kate watched helplessly as his face registered fear, then anger then fear again, this time mixed with hatred. Kate had killed his sister, and she knew from Yuri's face that someone _she_ cared about was going to pay for that.

'I deserve it. I deserve his fear and hatred. I deserve to die. Oh God what about my babies? Oh God no please!' As these thoughts ran through her mind, Kate's body was already in automatic survival mode as she grabbed James' arm and instinctively slid her fingers in the flap made to conceal weapons. Unsurprisingly, her fingers found the deadly 4 inch blade in his sleeve, and she let it fly, nailing Yuri right in the windpipe.

James looked down at Kate in shock; reacting instantaneously he hunched over Kate to shield her, and then rolled them off the bed, using his body as a cushion when they landed on the rough stone floor, as all hell broke loose around them.

Kate didn't know what was happening exactly, all she knew was that bullets and blades were flying above her as Travis and his men burst through the front door. Luckily, Kate had landed on James' hands and started to crawl towards the door, with James crawling with her in an attempt to continue protecting her.

Kate looked up, somehow in the pandemonium, as the bodies of Ivan's men dropped like flies; Kate had ended up bypassing the door and was now just outside the balcony doors. She was face to face with Olga's corpse and another contraction was tearing its way through her abdomen. She didn't have to dig deep for the soul-shattering scream that ripped out of her. This wasn't hell anymore she was in purgatory destined to suffer this sadistic form of punishment for all eternity.

James stopped moving and drawing away he did a quick sweep of the room to make sure they weren't in the line of fire before he propped Kate up against the balcony doors. Grimacing slightly at the unfortunate proximity to the unnaturally still Olga, James held Kate's hands and tried to keep her calm with the sound of his gravelly voice.

Kate was beyond calm now, the contractions were bearing down on her like a freight-train somehow they had become only a minute apart. And she felt the irrepressible urge to push; gritting her teeth she fought the urge. All Kate wanted to do was reach in and drag the twins out her, she was going crazy! Nobody found labor easy even in a sterile hospital room with nurses and doctors let alone while people were shooting at each other, imprisoned in a cold and remote Russian castle!

James glanced over his shoulder using the minute Kate was getting her breath to survey the damage. Five of the seven men that had entered the room with Sergei were dead, but Travis and the other men had somehow ended up in the hallway, stray bullets ricocheting into the bedroom every now and then. Turning back to Kate he couldn't hide the fear he felt, so he reached forward to lift her chin so her eyes could meet his.

"Ivan is h-h-he s-ss-sstill alive?" Kate stammered in a combination of fear and breathlessness.

James closed his eyes, unable to hide the disappointment he felt in her concern for the Russian mob boss that deserved everything he was going to get.

"Ya zdes' luybimaya ne voolnysya, ti zhe znaesh, ya vsegda ryadom." _(Translation: "I'm here darling don't worry, you know I'm always next to you.")_ Ivan said limping up to James and Kate. Wincing he, knelt down and cradled Olga's face for a second before dusting his hands off on his pants and walking around James and crouching next to Kate.

James reached for a weapon but Kate grabbed his hand to stop him, angry he did as she asked. Ivan's sharp eyes didn't miss the exchange and lighting up with a calculating glint he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"While we are all here together, ask him about Sam Austen." Ivan prompted silkily as he tucked a strand of dripping wet hair behind Kate's ear.

Reaching behind her head, Ivan slipped off the hair-tie that held Kate's auburn tresses in a ponytail. Ivan turned to look at James and smiling coldly at the Southerner he turned back to look at Kate.

"A woman in childbirth must always have her hair unbound it helps the birth to go smoothly. Go ahead _ask him_, milaya moya." Ivan said conversationally.

Kate's green eyes met James' as another contraction ripped through her, knees bent Ivan held her left hand while James held her right. Gritting her teeth, Kate bit back the scream that welled up inside her. As soon as the contraction subsided, Kate let go of both of them and closing her eyes sagged against the doors. She wrapped her arms around herself in a subconscious gesture of protectiveness.

"Did you do it?" Kate asked James, her voice already hoarse from screaming.

James closed his eyes, and pinching the bridge of his nose he opened them again in order to meet her emerald gaze head on. He didn't have to say anything; Kate had known when she asked what the answer would be.

"And now he wants to _kill _me, Sam Austen was not a father to you Katya, but I am." Ivan said in that same silky voice.

James would have loved nothing more than to punch a fist right through the asshole's head. He was going to tell Kate but in his own time and after they left this nightmarish country behind. And now, something in Kate's eyes told him that despite the lack of opportunity to broach the sensitive subject, he'd messed up, as well as the way Ivan seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself.

Kate started to shake her head, unable to accept that James the man she loved above all else had killed the man that despite all the harsh things she'd said to him back in LA she still loved and always would.

"Not you Jamie, **_please_** tell me that _you_ didn't kill my Dad." Kate whimpered as she bit back the sobs.

She started to rock herself slightly as she mewled against the images of Sam Austen being shot dead by James Ford. Her James Ford, the father of her children, killing the only father, flawed as he was, she had ever known. He'd killed off the last link to her childhood, and the only one left from her past, from her time before she became his.

"That's right milaya moya, he did kill him, and now are you going to let him kill me too?" Ivan asked quietly.

Before Kate could respond, another contraction ripped through her and although she tried to fight off James' supporting arms she ended up letting him hold her. As soon as the contraction was past, Kate wrenched herself away from James, holding onto her arms like she was cold.

"Freckles, you gotta let me take a look baby, _please_." James asked her gently.

Now wasn't the time to get into the death of Sam Austen, there would be plenty of time for that later. James would make it up to her, he swore to himself he would, but now they had to make sure the babies were born.

Kate kept her eyes closed but shrugged her acquiescence, letting James gingerly lift up her ruined white dress, to take a look. James ducked his head down and saw that he could see the baby's head already! Shit. Pulling the hem of the dress back down, he pulled Kate up by the shoulders.

"I know you're mad at me baby, but I'll explain, an' make it up to you, _I swear_, but right now you gotta take everythin' you're feelin' an' push. I'm gonna get that blanket, I'll need to somethin' to-"

James was cut off when a bullet flew past their heads; it looked like the fracas was headed back in their direction. Kissing Kate's forehead, he jumped up and ran to get the only clean but now blood spattered blanket he'd covered Kate with earlier.

Rushing back to her he laid it underneath her, totally ignoring the silent Russian bear of a man that was kneeling behind Kate now, supporting her as she started to push. So intent on what she was doing, that her eyes weren't actually seeing anything as she growled in pain and determination, red faced, with that vein in her forehead ticking.

Kate reached a hand out towards James and when she grabbed his collar, she half laughed half sobbed.

"I didn't want you to have his blood on your hands, I never wanted that for you. Now it's too late, and you're just like me."

James was chilled by her words; she really believed she was bad! And he didn't know whether it should bother him that she thought he was too, heck it was probably an honest assessment of him. James was pretty sure he knew who to blame for all of that! But now wasn't the time, so he just shook his head at her and placing a finger on her lips he kissed her chastely.

"You don't want me to touch him, I won't." James whispered against her lips.

Kate nodded her head in agreement, "I don't, no more killing."

James stroked her unbound curls and kissed her again before rising to his feet, and glaring at the Russian, he rushed to the chest of drawers by the bed.

"I need some clean sheets or something to wrap-" James didn't finish the sentence because Ivan had picked up the gun he'd left by Kate's legs and shot James in the torso, twice.

Kate screamed so loud she went deaf momentarily, and to make matters worse the contractions bore down with a vengeance. Kate's legs thrashed and her head hit the balcony doors repetitively like she was having a seizure.

Ivan dropped the gun and went round to face her, concern clouding his hooded ice blue eyes.

"Katya! Focus on me milaya moya, focus on Papa." Ivan pleaded.

Kate suddenly stopped thrashing and taking deep breaths she opened her eyes to look at Ivan. The Russian was breathing deeply in an attempt to guide her and get her to calm down.

Kate followed his example, leaning forward so she was but a hair's breadth away from him.

Glaring at him darkly, she whispered, "_You never learn do you_? I'm not yours, I will_ never_ be yours."

Kate growled her way through another contraction, when she paused to take a breath from the exertion of pushing she said.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, I'm sorry you killed Nikolai, and I'm sorry I killed Olga."

Ivan shrugged and leaned in to kiss Kate's face, Kate closed her eyes as she let him shower kisses on her, then reaching up to cup his face she looked into his eyes as she snapped his neck.

"I'm not sorry for that." Kate whispered to herself, her eyes gazing up towards the ceiling absent-mindedly.

Ivan's body slumped onto Kate's; she felt multiple contractions rip through her body, instinctively she slid down further as her body prepared to expel the contents of her womb.

Crying and hysterical she screamed for James as her world slid off kilter and the most piercing physical and emotional pain she had ever felt rippled from her broken heart into her abdomen, down to her toes and as she turned to the left in order to get some air as she unsuccessfully pushed at the dead weight that was Ivan, her eyes rested on Olga's corpse.

Whimpering brokenly, Kate lost her grip on reality, as she floated on the wings of pain that carried her above and beyond into the welcoming darkness.

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Not to worry Chapter 26 is also up with this! Seriously guys let me know what you think, I want the ending to be great and moving enough to carry us all through the Kack travesty (**Kackesty**) that **S3** is shaping up to be (if the promos are anything to go by).

P.S. What's going on with HMCTD **ClaireandKate**? Get to it girl, I wanna know!

And **Cowboys** you still around or do you just hate me now? I hope you don't! Miss your reviews girl, they can be so colorful!


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Jaaaaaaaaaamie! Jamie!" Kate screamed brokenly, her voice ending in a high pitched wail as she sobbed even harder, staring at her hands in horror. Suddenly a movement caught Kate's eye and she brought her tormented emerald eyes to rest on the angel standing in the doorway. Kate's mouth hung slackly as she started to shake uncontrollably, blinking rapidly she held her breath to see if who she saw was real or not.

Rita stepped into the room and walked towards Kate confidently, holding her hands out to Kate in attempt to keep her calm. Kate simply stared at Rita until the little girl was less than a hand span away from her then she grabbed Rita and held her to her chest tightly as the tears started to flow again.

When Rita started to sing _'Wade in the Water'_ softly, Kate rocked them unsteadily in her arms, holding onto Rita like she would never let her go. Suddenly Kate felt her belly contracting and glanced down to look at her still monstrous girth, she was still in labor! But for some strange reason the presence of the sweet smelling little girl in her arms prevented Kate from panicking. In fact Kate felt blissfully removed from it all as she looked around the room and stared at the dead bodies of Olga and Ivan lying so close to her.

Purposefully she avoided looking towards the bed and the chest of drawers where James had fallen. Kate smiled to herself as she accepted that she was in hell, Rita had come to show her that before she eventually disappeared back into the light, leaving Kate alone with the dead Russians and the never-ending contractions; where she belonged.

As Rita finished the song, Kate brought her hands up to throttle the little angel, suddenly angry at the thought of someone or some _thing_ playing with her mind; she resolved to show the devil she wasn't like his usual playthings. She wouldn't be broken or toyed with; she needed to live in her hell in peace! Rita let out an ear-shattering scream as she slapped Kate in attempt to get away. There was a flurry of movement and Kate practically howled in anger as Rita evaded her grasp, before she knew what had happened Kate felt a sharp twinge in her neck and then nothing.

James paced the hallway in agitation wondering how things had ended up so colossally screwed up. Kate had lost her grip on reality and wherever she was James couldn't reach her. He'd offered countless silent prayers up to whatever diety there was, hoping, that Rita's presence would help, not that he could have stopped the wilful little girl from going in to see Kate. And now the love of his life was lying in a peaceful pressure-point induced slumber while Rita quaked like a leaf in the other room after Kate's attack.

Pulling at his hair with his left hand in helplessness James ground his teeth as he looked in on Kate. She was asleep in the massive canopy bed, the curtains had been pulled back in order to let the bright Texan sunlight in but nothing could dispel the dark miasma of anguish and suffering that almost seemed to physically hang over the otherwise bright and airy room.

She was lying on her left side and she looked pale and unwell but still gut-wrenchingly beautiful. The purplish bruises beneath her eyes made James' heart contract in pain, as did the condition of her pre-Raphealite curls, tangled, flat and dull in what could best be described as a rat's nest. Kate's hair had grown abundantly with the pregnancy, and it was sad to see it looking so dry and lifeless now. It gave James chills to think it looked like Kate was dead, if it wasn't for the rise and fall of her torso, one would believe it so. Sighing he tucked the plastic box into his back pocket and absentmindedly he began finger-combing the matted tresses, without even realizing it; James perched on the bed next to Kate and pulling her up into his arms sighed despondently and rubbed her abdomen while he looked out into a place only his mind's eye could see.

**A few hours later**

Kate squeezed her eyes tightly, afraid to open them and experience whatever new hellish horror was about to be visited upon her. Using her other senses she smelt the scent of freshly laundered clothes and felt the comforting texture of jeans on her right cheek. Underneath that texture there was warm, muscled flesh… this was strange! Kate shot up eyes wide open as she realized she was asleep on James' lap!

Frantically studying his relaxed face as he snoozed, Kate closed then opened her eyes a few times to make sure that he was really there, alive, warm and clean, before she reached out a tentative hand and touched his face. Hands curling to cup the curves of his chiseled jaw and rubbing her thumb over his dimples, Kate traced his lips with her forefinger and his warm breath fell on the backs of her hands, Kate smiled faintly in relief before she brought her hands down to his shoulders and shook him vigorously. James woke with a start.

"Easy there Freckles, I ain't as young as I used to be, you'll give me a damn heartattack!" James growled at her, his voice thick with sleep, as he moved to get off the bed. He hadn't meant to fall asleep! It took James a second to realize that she was looking at him like the Sassafras he knew and loved.

Kate was beaming at him as she threw her arms around him overjoyed beyond belief, "Oh _thank God_! Please Jamie, I wanna go home now! Come on let's get the hell out of here! "

Kate gasped excitedly as she got up and pulled him insistently and rushed towards the door. Turning around to make sure he could keep up with her Kate saw a red carnation flower on James' chest.

Stopping in the doorway, Kate pressed her hands desperately on the ugly bloom on his chest and practically shoved him down with the force of the pressure she was applying.

Her eyes darting from her hands to James' face, then to the dead people in the room behind him Kate bit her lip in consternation. She looked into James' midnight blue eyes that were reflecting the distress mirrored in her emerald eyes. The blood was everywhere, covering Kate's hands and running in between her fingers as she tried to staunch the flow with slippery fingers.

Kate's eyes were too dry from all the tears she'd shed earlier for her to cry and she blinked repetitively to try and assuage the gritty sand-like feeling beneath her lids.

"A-a-am I in h-h-hell?" Kate finally ventured brokenly, her voice barely a whisper.

James closed his eyes in anguish, before opening them again and shaking his head at her.

"No Freckles, you're not. You're _home_."

As James spoke to her, Kate realized that Sgt. Austen was standing behind James and shaking his head at what James was saying; the man she'd known as her father had a bullet hole in his forehead. Kate brought her hands up to ears like a little girl and started shaking her head in protest not wanting to hear or see anymore; then she fell onto the floor and clutched her abdomen as another contraction ripped through her body.

James reached for her and tried to get her to calm down and listen to him but Kate just writhed on the floor in agony, her arms wrapped protectively around her abdomen as she screamed over and over again.

James felt unbidden tears prick his eyes as he tried to restrain Kate finally fishing out the syringe he had brought with him earlier to sedate her. As the effects of the drug worked on her and she fell asleep, James lifted her off the floor and put her back on the bed before picking up the now empty plastic bottle and syringe box then he walked out of the room resignedly, shoulders stooped in despair.

Walking out into the hallway he saw Rita standing there waiting for him, tears staining her endearing face. Lip trembling she ran into his arms and James lifted her up and held her tightly in his arms as he tried to console her.

"When is she gonna be okay, JL? It_ hurts_ to see her like this! It hurts _really_ bad in here… I just want her to be okay, to smile an' laugh like the Kate I know an' _love_." Rita pressed her little hand onto her chest as big fat tears rolled down her face.

James bit his lip to stop himself from crying and nodded his head in agreement.

"I know Babylove, I know, I want that too." He said soothingly.

James strode away from the bedroom and headed towards the living room where Travis and Sergei were waiting.

As soon as James sat Rita down on the couch, Travis handed James the little bundle swathed in blue to James. The blonde Southerner accepted the baby carefully, and sitting down in the armchair closest to him and facing the French doors, he accepted the bottle a now composed Rita handed to him. Sergei limped over to Rita when she sat down on the couch next to James' armchair and handed her an identical sized bundle swathed in pink. The baby in Rita's arms was asleep and Rita held her so carefully as she looked down on the sleeping face, a dazzling smile lighting up her face when a tiny fist moved slightly as the baby shifted, still sleeping.

Travis and Sergei left the room stiffly but discreetly and headed for their respective bedrooms to take some much needed rest.

James looked down at his son, still very much amazed at this tiny miracle as the hungry baby searched for his food. Green eyes, much darker than Kate's but hers all the same rested on James' face as the baby opened his mouth to yawn. James couldn't help the smile that graced his lips as he guided the teat into his son's mouth as his long awaited first born drank his currently unhinged mother's milk.

**Later**

"Can I have some more pancakes, JL?" Rita asked sweetly, as she forked the last mouthful of maple syrup drenched pancake into her little mouth.

James leaned over and playfully tugged at the fork; Rita clamped her teeth on it and tugged back. James let go and after Rita swallowed the morsel in her mouth, she handed James the fork with a Sergei-like flourish.

James narrowed his eyes at her, "None of that fairy shit Maggie."

Rita's face lit up in amusement, "JL, you are such a homophobe!"

James added a scowl to the squint, "Homophobe?"

Rita giggled, "Yeah, Sergei taught me that word, he said it means people who are jealous of people like him."

James choked on the coffee he was drinking, "_Jealous_? An' you_ believe_ that?"

Rita was laughing so hard she nearly fell out of her chair, nodding her head in assent. James reached out to catch the little imp before she really did fall out of the plastic chair, Rita kept laughing as he hefted her up to seat her next to him.

"Everythang alright here?" The dark-haired matronly waitress asked with a smile.

James, who'd been laughing along with Rita albeit at a more sedate rate, looked up at the waitress and nodded his head. His blue eyes sparkling with mirth and his cheeks as dimpled as ever.

"Yeah… we're just fine. Can we get another plate of pancakes an' two black coffees no sugar."

The waitress raised her eyebrows at the order, "Black coffee for the little one too?"

James looked down at Rita who'd stopped laughing now and was wiping her tears with a napkin, as her alert doe eyes surveyed the diner.

"Lady, you_ heard_ the man, two black coffees, please." Rita sassed at the waitress, without even looking at her.

The older woman widened her green eyes at this and nodding at the order, headed for the kitchen to get their order.

James looked down at Rita and pinched her nose between his thumb and forefinger, Rita scrunched her face up in response before throwing her arms around him and holding onto him tightly.

"I'm so glad you're back JL, I missed you so much I cried myself to sleep every night."

James held onto the little girl just as fiercely, "Liar." His accusation losing some of it's effect due to the emotion in his voice when he said it.

Rita drew back to look up at him with indignation, "I _did_, too! _For real_ this time!"

James kissed the top of her head, "I know Babylove, I'm just messin' wit' you."

Rita smirked at him before turning around and exclaiming in excitement as the waitress whose nametag read Carly, set a cup of coffee in front of her.

"Thank you!"

Her small hands grabbing and holding onto the cup tightly as she took a delighted sip of the strong coffee, and smiled up at the waitress in appreciation. The waitress shook her head in amusement as she also set down the plate of pancakes in front of Rita. Focusing her attention on James; her smile widened as she saw him watching Rita fondly before setting his cup of coffee in front of him. James looked up at her and winked his thanks.

"You've got a live one with her, personality is all you but not the looks, she get that from her Momma? Where she at?" Carly asked.

James' eyes clouded over slightly as he glanced back at Rita and then back at the middle-aged woman who reminded him of what he imagined an aunt of Kate's would look like, with her dark hair and pale green eyes.

"Not here." He replied coldly, his trademark glower replacing the charming smile he'd bestowed on her seconds before.

The waitress was immediately contrite, and she hurriedly backed away from the table under the force of James' intense scowl, stammering an apology.

James sighed as Rita gave him a disapproving look, then picked up his coffee and drained his cup.

Rita played with her food for a few minutes as they sat there in a tense silence, the good humor of a few minutes before effectively ruined.

"I'm not hungry anymore, I wanna get back." Rita said plaintively.

James carefully put his cup down, "Come on now, Maggie, don't be like that, finish your pancakes then we'll go home."

Rita folded her arms across her chest petulantly, "No. I wanna go now, we've been gone too long."

"Maggie-"

"She's probably wakin' up_ now_." Rita interrupted forcefully.

James looked down at her in resignation and threw a hundred dollar bill on the formica table, "Alright, let's saddle up."

Rita slid out of her seat and stood by the table, impatiently tapping her little foot as she waited for James to stand up.

James took her hand in his and lifted her up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Rita squealed in surprise. James bounced her a few times on his shoulder as he strode towards the doors.

"JL put me down! It's not funny!" Rita protested.

James jiggled her some more and despite herself she let out a small giggle, James smiled to himself, that was more like it. With sad resignation he steeled himself for the trip back and what awaited them there.

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I promise this is the end of the angst for Jamate! It just wouldn't have made sense to transition from Chapter 24 to sunshine and rainbows. Please review guys we got less than 4 chapters to go and I wanna get them out before the premiere of S3. ONLY if you let me know whether you liked this or not! **Cowboys** you're not very far off in your assumption on how events unfolded! All will be revealed in Chapter 27! **Kate** it is truly great to hear from you and I'll be looking out for updates/ soundtracks from you, no pressure. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Hey y'all thank you for being **so patient**. This is my last monstrous chapter and it's gone through about 5 drafts. One of the reasons being I wrote it based on sweat lodge/ vision quest stuff then my **Benevolent Beta Bud** read it; hated it and just to prove her right, TPTB on Lost used it in last week's Locke-centric episode thereby convincing me of the folly of my ways!

Tracks to listen to for this chapter if you're into that kind of thing that is: **Wild Horses – Stones & Sundays versions & Seether Broken.** I also liked** Over the Rainbow - Eva Cassidy** for the optimistic part of the chapter.

**P.P.S. This is a repost seeing as the alerts weren't working the first time.**

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Watching Kate sleep in the large white canopy bed at the far end of the room, James absentmindedly started playing with the zippo lighter Travis had given him at least 15 years ago; James flicked the lid on and off as a manifestation of his nervousness and general discomfort. His mind going back to the morning everything had gone from worse to worst.

**Three days ago**

"Kate. Look at me Kate, that's right look into my penlight, easy now, I'm not going to hurt you." Jack spoke softly but authoritatively as he shone his penlight into Kate's red-rimmed and puffy eyes.

Kate shied away from his touch, trembling like a skittish horse as Jack tilted her head back and looked into her face. Not that it would have mattered as Kate's eyes were out of focus; James was standing out of Kate's line of vision as he watched Jack examine her. His well-shaped hands were curled into tightly clenched fists as he fought the common feelings of inadequacy mixed with resentment and a touch of respect he'd always had for the spinal surgeon.

Jack rested his hands on his thighs as he stood hunched in front of Kate, frowning he turned to look over his left shoulder at James, "What happened to her? What did you do to her? How did she get like this?"

James felt the familiar surge of molten hot anger engulf him at the accusation in Jack's voice, on his face, his very demeanor.

"I don't know Doc, she was barely conscious, she passed out, when she woke up she didn't seem to respond to anythin' I said or did then suddenly she'd start screamin' an' kickin' an' fightin'." James explained more than a touch defensively.

Jack nodded his head as he took this information in; "Sounds and looks like catatonia to me, where did this happen? Why was she barely conscious in the first place?"

Jack straightened up and took a step back from Kate who had her eyes closed and was sitting on her heels on the bed, not moving or making a sound. Hands on hips Jack turned a gimlet gaze on James who was now looking relaxed but radiating resentment and violence.

"That don't matter right now Doc, what I gotta know is what can we do to shake her outta this." James asked impatiently. He didn't want to talk about Russia without Kate's consent and it didn't look like she was about to give it.

"That depends. How long as she been like this?" Jack asked just as impatiently.

"'Bout 5 weeks." James lied smoothly. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Jack that it had been two months.

Jack's eyes widened in surprise, "She's been like this for five weeks and you didn't think to take her to a doctor or have her admitted? Sawyer your decision not to act… to get her any help might have caused some serious irreparable damage! Why didn't you take her to an ER as soon as you found her?"

Jack's incredulity was almost comical but James wasn't finding it particularly funny at the moment.

"It's _James_…I didn't take her to an ER 'cause I didn't think she needed it. I've read up 'bout catatonia Doc an' I thought I'd wait an' see if I could get her out of it without exposin' her to all the damn media an' general shit like that. In case you hadn't noticed Freckles here is a bit infamous what with bein' a fugitive plane crash survivor that managed to walk away scot-free from a murder charge an' the electric chair." James spoke calmly but his face was stormy and he had moved so that he was less than a foot away from Jack.

The spinal surgeon shook his head in disgust, "Then why didn't you call _me_?"

"Well you're here now aren't ya? 'Sides I wanted her to be 'round people she loves an' trusts." James replied without missing a beat.

Jack's face showed that James' words had struck a nerve, Jack shook his head again and took a look at Kate. Her eyes were open and she was staring at him but looking right through him, it was obvious she couldn't hear them. James also turned to look at Kate and neither one of them could fight the goosebumps that rose up as they stared at her.

"She should be in a hospital, getting proper medical care. You should- _I'll_ take her, I can't do anything here, and I need to make sure she hasn't suffered any irreparable damage from _your_ lack of judgment." Jack spoke authoritatively.

James turned back to look at Jack the fight suddenly gone out of him, striding up to Kate he kissed the tip of her nose before walking out of the room, leaving Jack alone with her.

Jack had watched the door shut and went back to feeling bad, he shouldn't have spoken to James like that. From what he'd seen of the Southerner, this was affecting him badly, the guy had been in love with Kate pretty much since the day they had crashed on the Island. Feeling much older than he was, Jack laid a warm hand on Kate's head to turn her face up towards him.

"Kate."

Kate knew who's voice that was, Jack! What was Jack doing in Russia? And why wasn't he yelling at her for killing Ivan and Olga? Couldn't he see their bodies? Oh God, if she was really in hell then what was Jack doing here? He was one of the good guys! This was starting not to make sense. Kate didn't want to think about how Jack would react when he saw James lying there on the floor dead.

Jack saw Kate's green eyes dart back and forth but they still weren't focusing on him, she seemed more concerned with other things that he could not see. Unsurprisingly, he felt his heart strings tug in sympathy for her current state, he'd wished her relationship with James ill but he'd never wanted or imagined that she could end up like this. Swiftly on the wings of that compassion came an irrational twinge of jealousy that whatever had caused this was another example of Kate and James' tumultuous relationship. 'I would never have been able to drive her this kind of crazy even if I wanted to.' Immediately, Jack felt ashamed for thinking this.

Gripping her rail thin arms, he was amazed at how thin she had become; she looked like a shadow of a shadow of her former self. Not for the first time he wondered how James kept her fed; there were no signs of a drip.

He shook her firmly, "Kate, its Jack, listen to me, you _have to_ show me you can hear me. Give me some kind of sign Kate, _please_."

Kate's eyes fell on Jack's face, and her eyes widened with recognition, "Jack!"

Jack smiled at this, "Kate thank God! Are you okay do you know where you are?"

Kate looked around the room and hesitantly shook her head in answer to the question.

Jack took her arm supportively and helped her off the bed, "Come on, follow me."

Kate went with him willingly enough until they got to the door then suddenly she froze refusing to go over the threshold, tugging her arm out of Jack's grasp she screwed her eyes shut and shook her head like a little girl.

Jack stared at her in consternation, "You don't want to leave this room?"

Kate brought her hands up to her ears and ran for the bed, tripping over Ivan's body before she could get there. Jack saw her fall as if she'd been tripped but there was nothing there. Rushing up to her he helped her up, his heart breaking at the salty tracks her silent tears left on her face.

"Kate whatever it is you see, it's not real, _I'm_ real, _it's Jack_, remember, you stitched my injury up for me in the jungle when we… landed on the Island?"

Kate turned away from him then suddenly she turned to glare at him, "Jack? Get out. I don't want you here! You don't belong here! Get out!!"

She was using her fists as she screamed at him; Jack brought his hands up to protect his face after she punched him so hard he saw stars. She was strong! Backing away from the enraged female that he had once entertained dreams of happily ever after with; the violence behind her fists stunned him, not for the first time Jack asked himself he really had ever known Kate at all.

"Wait, stop! It's Jack, I'm here, I'm not an imagination, this is real, this room is real, the things that you're seeing aren't!" Jack gasped in between blows; she was getting more and more violent and he was getting bloodier by the second.

**Outside**

James' nostrils were flaring as he scowled darkly at Travis, "You're my brother an' all but if he takes her away from us, things will never be alright 'tween us… Ever."

Travis raised an eyebrow at the threat, "So you'd rather she stayed locked up forever in that mental prison than for her to get some help?"

James took a step forward fighting very hard not to lose the little restraint he had left, with Jack's unexpected presence and Kate's seemingly deteriorating condition he felt like his world was headed for a collision course with tragedy.

Travis' arms were crossed across his chest as he watched James approach then jab a shaking forefinger into his chest, "I'm warnin' you Trav, he takes her with him an' puts her in an institution an' you're not welcome here no more."

"What is it 'bout the Good Doctor that fucks you up so much?" Travis asked in deceptively calm voice. He didn't flinch from James' stony blue gaze nor did he back away as the younger man stepped into his personal space.

James practically snarled at Travis, "Nothin', I just don't appreciate you goin' behind my back an' callin' in the big guns because you're too chickenshit to tell me to ma face that you don't think I can handle this… You don't think that I can take care of her."

Travis shook his head at the accusation, "I don't think you can take care of her or you don't think you can take care of her? No Lil' Brother, I'm not the chickenshit in this conversation. You an' I both know that you could've at least _tried_ to reach Sassy but-"

James drew back like he'd been punched in the solar plexus, "You know I'd do anythin' for her. I'd die for her in a heartbeat."

"She doesn't need you to die for her, she needs you to help her find her way again, she needs you to take care of your family for her while she's healin', she needs you to _man up_, y'all ain't got nobody to fight now but your own demons." Travis said passionately, his face lively with animation as he tried to drive his point across. They glared at each other for a few seconds then the fight was gone out of both of them.

James lowered his head in defeat, "I'm not good enough for her Trav, I never was. You think the Doc would 've let her go to CommieLand like I did? Or left her in that state, endangered her life an' Rita's like I did last week? It kills me to say this, but you made the right call."

Travis shook his head in disgust at James, "You got so much to fight for Lil Bro an' you're givin' up already. You got two babies, totally defenseless in need of you to be strong an' there for them, Rita, Kate, Sergei they're all looking to you to heal. An' the power has always been in your hands, you know that. Yet you're takin' the cowards way out, after all we've been through I_ never_ figured _you'd_ let me down like this."

James looked up at Travis, his midnight blue eyes showing just how much Travis' words were hurting him. Without another word Travis turned away from James and headed back towards the house. Before he got to the porch, Sergei came limping out, ranting frantically about Kate and Jack.

James hurtled towards the house and running to Kate's room skidded to a halt next to Travis who was right there with him when they saw Jack slumped unconscious and bloody on the floor. Kate was sitting in the window seat but staring at Jack's unconscious form, wringing her hands and rocking herself as tears streamed down her face. Suddenly she began to wail like a wounded animal before the sound stopped abruptly her mouth still wide open as she screamed inwardly.

James rushed to her side and tried to get her attention but the look in her eyes told James she had gone to that place he couldn't reach again. Shoulders slumped in defeat, James pulled the box containing the syringe out of his back pocket, drawing fluid into it before regretfully injecting her arm. Within a minute she was asleep; and everyone in the room released a collective breath they hadn't realized they were holding.

By that point Jack had come to and was watching James with Kate in a subdued state. Blood still flowing from a cut in his mouth, Jack used the back of his hand to wipe the irritation away.

"She's in a really bad way. She needs medical attention and she needs it now. There's nothing you or I can do for her except get her help." Jack said sadly.

James didn't turn to face Jack or Travis, instead he laid Kate back on the bed and covering her with the blanket on the bed he turned back to Jack.

"I know Doc… but I can't let it happen. I told her I wouldn't let anythin' happen to her. An' she'd hate to be locked up, in some padded cell somewhere… restrained." A look of physical pain darkened James' face then he shook his head in determination.

"If you wanna take her, you'll have to kill me first." The look he fixed on Jack leaving no doubt in the Doctor's mind that he was serious.

Jack got up unsteadily, relying heavily on Travis for support and gestured towards the door.

"I have to think about this Sawyer, you're asking something that goes against my oath as a Doctor to do everything in my power to preserve life and aid the sick."

James didn't move from the side of the bed where he stood looking fierce and protective. Turning instead to stare out the window as his years as a conman told him Jack was about to call for backup.

Resignedly James went to find Sergei who'd left the room and implement measures that would prevent Jack from talking and anyone from taking Kate away.

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Sighing to himself in what was fast becoming a habit, James looked towards the door more than a little unhappy at the prospect of having to entertain a stranger in their midst. Still playing with the zippo James started to tap one cowboy boot clad foot impatiently as he scowled at the doorway.

They had arrived in the Guatemalan city of Antigua in the afternoon as the sun was setting. James was flooded with mixed feelings as he surveyed the house he'd called home for a good portion of his life. A house that had been a home…filled with laughter and people when Catalina was still alive. Now it was a just a house, the interior décor was the same but the feeling of coming home was gone. It made James sad to think that Rita and Diego had been living in this house for all these years, with this miasma of sadness and long-gone heyday feel to it. James' feelings of nostalgia, sadness, anger and happiness were tempered by the occasion which had brought them here. Kate's deteriorating condition. She hadn't moved or spoken since Jack's visit three days before. And even then it had been a standalone incident which followed a previous four days of inertia after the incident with Rita.

Ensconced in the east wing of the house; where Catalina's room had been and where Rita and Diego had been living in mostly, James was glad he couldn't see the sun set on yet another disheartening day. No matter how hard he meditated or tried he'd been unable to reach Kate, wherever she was. He was no psychic or shaman per se but in the past he'd been able to embark on spiritual journeys given the right amount of motivation and preparation. Now all he saw was darkness when he meditated, darkness and cold.

Kate could hear the sound of the zippo being flicked open and shut, why was that sound ominously familiar? Simultaneous with the recollection the sound grew louder and louder until it was all Kate could hear. Bolting up with a speed that belied the composed and relaxed state she'd been in moments before Kate covered her ears with her arms as she curled up into the fetal position and rocked herself. She couldn't scream her voice was gone, it had been taken a few days ago when Jamie's lifeblood had stained her hands… again. Then there was Jack, had he really been here too or was she going crazy? The last few days since then had been a blur, Wayne had come to 'visit' her like he used to do when she was young and helpless, her Mother had run away from her screaming obscenities; everyone Kate had killed or that she knew had died had come to haunt her in the last few days and she hadn't had the voice or the strength physically to say or do anything about it. Kate was aware that she was pretty much in a catatonic state, and she no longer cared, Jamie was gone, she obviously couldn't still be in labor so the twins were gone too. She'd gotten everyone she cared about killed and somehow by some cruel twist of fate she was still here. Or was she? Kate willed herself to sink into the oblivion of sleep but it wouldn't come and after gritting her teeth in frustration, she gave up and opened her eyes so she could see what the hell was making all that racket. Much to her chagrin, Kate couldn't see anything all she could hear was that sound; and it was chipping away at her sanity so much so that she retreated back into herself as she used to do when she was little.

James watched Kate with a keen interest, had he imagined it or had her eyelids fluttered in some form of annoyance? 'As long as it's not violent agitation it's a good sign right?' James asked himself.

Giving up, he rose and left the room, locking the door behind him he headed for the stairs so he could go outside. He needed the fresh air desperately, besides he could hear Rita chattering away in rapid Spanish all the way up here and he wanted to see what had her so animated. Changing his mind James headed back to the room; unlocking the door he picked Kate up and carried her in his arms before leaving the room again.

"I'm pretty sure you're getting' a kick outta me carryin' your bony ass over the threshold Freckles." James snorted in mock disgust, a faint smile on his lips as he imagined what she would have said in response.

"What no comment? No big deal… that's how I like ma women anyway, silent an' pliant." James said teasingly as he climbed down the stairs. Striding outside he headed for the elaborate gazebo erected in the middle of the vast garden.

Rita ran up to James, "_What happened_? Where are you goin' with her? Is she okay JL? She ain't dead is she?"

James looked down at the little sprite as she jogged next to him in order to keep up; she was wearing denim overalls and a white t-shirt underneath. Her hair was in pigtails and a red bandanna was tied around her neck. James knew instantaneously that Sergei had dressed her.

"What you doin' here Babylove shouldn't you be helpin' Sergei with somethin'?" James asked in the odd voice that only comes out when an adult is trying unsuccesfully not to communicate his distress to a child he loves.

Rita's doe eyes were fixed on Kate's wide-eyed stare into nowhere as James cradled her; Rita saw that James' knuckles were white with tension.

"JL is Kate goin' to die? I don't want her to go away again!" Rita blurted out her voice wavering with unshed tears.

They'd reached the gazebo so James pushed open the door then set Kate down on the wooden bench that ran along the eastern wall.

Turning to Rita he got down onto his haunches so he was level with her and hugging her tightly to him he said, "No Babylove, she ain't gonna die. Why would you think somethin' like that?"

Rita risked a glance over James' left shoulder to stare at Kate whose facial expression hadn't changed as she stared out ahead of her unblinking. Turning her face into James' neck Rita sniffled heartbrokenly.

"She already looks dead JL… how long until her body gives up? She's skinnier than that Olsen twin."

James couldn't help but smile slightly at Rita's comment, turning to kiss the top of her head he drew back and looked her in the eyes.

"She ain't dead, she's just lost, just gotta help her find her way that's all. She won't be like this much longer, I promise."

James knew he was committing the cardinal sin of parenting by promising something he did not know if he could deliver, but he had to, Rita's earnest face was breaking his heart.

James wiped her tears for her and getting up led her out of the gazebo, when she got to the door, Rita turned to hug his legs tightly before she looked up at him, a semi-grown up again.

"I have faith in you JL, I really do but don't get your hopes up."

Before James could respond Rita was running pell-mell for the main house, pig tails flying in the wind.

'How the hell does she do that? Switch from sage grown up to nine year old girl in the blink of an eye?' James mused to himself.

James was going to try a new tactic, taking her into this pine and vinyl gazebo and hoping the beautifully tended gardens would do the trick and shake Kate out of this, he'd read somewhere that it worked.

'Was that an Anne Rice novel or real life?' James asked himself. Truth be told he couldn't remember.

Cradling her on his lap; James started to talk about anything and everything that came to his mind. When the gazebo had been built, the girls he'd felt up in it when he was younger, the pot he'd smoked in here with Catalina on the sly, Catalina's wedding, how angry Jack was with him and Travis for virtually kidnapping and bringing him here with them against his will. James wasn't sure but he could swear that had elicited a small smile from Kate.

Finally, when his throat was parched from talking and Kate was shivering slightly from the chill, James lifted her up and took her back to her bedroom. Locking the door behind him, James headed straight for Jack's room in the South wing of the sprawling mansion.

James opened the door and shrugged apologetically at Jack as he walked towards him, the Doctor glared daggers at James.

Loosening the gag slightly, James said, "Howdy Doc."

"You're making a big mistake James." Jack said forcefully, wriggling in the loosely but still effectively tied straitjacket he struggled to get free. James stopped in the middle of the room waiting for Jack to continue talking.

"How can you think kidnapping me and keeping me here, in _this thing_, against my will is going to make her better?" Jack asked for the umpteenth time in the last 3 days.

James cocked his head to the side before responding, "For starters it just so damn funny seein' you so impotent… then there's the irony seein' as that's what you're proposin' I do to Freckles."

Jack gave a half laugh half snort of disgust before he fixed his intense brown eyes on James again.

James edged over to the right and sat on the single bed they'd left in the room for Jack to sleep on if he ever felt so inclined.

"You a Stones fan Jacko?" James asked conversationally.

Jack frowned at the question before answering reluctantly, "No but my ex-wife was."

James nodded slightly, "You ever here their song 'Wild Horses'?"

Jack nodded, "Many times, it was one of Sarah's favorites."

James raised an eyebrow at this, "Well you know there's that line 'bout ridin' wild horses some day?"

"Yes." He replied tersely.

Jack recited the lyrics in his head. Understanding dawned on Jack's face; he really had underestimated this man!

James looked the Doctor in the eye, "See that song might as well be 'bout me an' Kate, I can't let her go an' I believe to the depths of ma soul that we'll ride those horses someday. So you see Doc, I can't let _you_ or _anyone_ else take her away, where she goes I go."

With that comment, James rose from the bed and headed for the door.

"And what if you can't?" Jack asked not unkindly.

James opened the door and stepped out, "Can't is not an option Doc." With that he shut and locked the door, heading straight for Rita's room.

Pushing open the door, James immediately perked up as he laid eyes on his children. Rita was in her pajamas and she was sitting cross-legged on the bed as she burped her new little sister.

"How y'all doin'?" James asked affectionately as he strode over to the crib next to Rita's bed. He felt a profound sense of pride and love when he looked down on his sleeping son.

"Fine! Babygirl Ford's 'bout to go to sleep, but I think she was waitin' for you to come an' say goodnight JL." Rita said beaming.

James raised an eyebrow, "Is that a fact? Let me see here, Babygirl is that what you were doin'?" He took the sleepy infant from Rita and carefully held his daughter in his hands so he could look at her face. The baby yawned before she smiled a toothless smile up at James.

He felt his chest tighten and contract at this and he felt an urgent need to sit down, so he sat down next to Rita who was in the process of recapping the baby bottle and folding up the feeder.

Rita stopped what she was doing so she could lean in and make a face at the baby.

"I can't believe how smart she is JL! She smirked at you there."

James gave Rita an incredulous look, "Are you kiddin' me?"

Rita looked up at James and started to laugh, "JL you look like I called you a sonofa-"

"Maggie!" James protested as he tried to cover the baby's ears.

"Whatever JL you should hear the things Sergei says 'round them!" Rita said, holding her small arms out for the baby. James kissed the already sleeping baby's forehead before handing her back to Rita.

Rita picked her up and carefully placed the baby next to her twin brother in the crib, covering the two of them up gently.

She turned to James her face expectant, "So did it work? Is Kate gettin' better now?"

James was tempted to lie but couldn't muster the energy to do so convincingly so he shook his head instead.

Rita's shoulders slumped a little, "Sergei's just organizin' Baby Paraphernalia, you know how excited he gets 'bout that… Do you think you could read to me?"

James nodded gently as he tucked Rita into bed and picked up the book she had by her Ice Age bedside table and Sid the Sloth lamp.

Shifting up so he sat next to her, James stared at the book in surprise, 'Watership Down'. Rita cuddled up next to him, leaning her Pocahontas pillow on James' left flank, she flipped open the book to the 14th page and stabbed a finger onto the page.

"Read."

James mentally shrugged and began to read, moderating his voice in order not to wake the twins. By the time he got to the end of the chapter Rita was asleep and James decided to read the next chapter before going to his own bed. Next thing he knew he could feel himself drifting to sleep and he was far too comfortable to get up or tell Sergei not to be so loud when the Russian came in to check on the twins.

There was the sound of rushing water coming from somewhere outside James' line of vision. Not that there was anything to see; it was pitch black outside. Turning around in a rapid 360 James pinpointed it was coming from somewhere to his left and made his way towards it. He had to be dreaming, there was that surreal quality to everything. James looked out into the rapidly churning water as it roared in its quiet strength towards the waterfall. Overhead he saw an eagle fly in circles over his head before it headed out towards the north. James breathed in the crisp, clean mountain air and looked around him with a slight smile on his face.

"Missinipe." James said reverently as he surveyed the water and the natural rock formations left by the glaciers millions of years ago.

He turned around slowly as he walked along the water's edge towards the waterfall itself, he could still hear the flute and he knew there was only one person who could play a beautiful and haunting tune like that. Stopping when he got to waterfall's edge, James sat down cross-legged, brushing the flecks of water off his moccasins with pride. He'd missed coming up here! Something was niggling him in the back of his mind, but James was too elated to be back here again to think too much about it. Where was Eagle Eyes? James was getting impatient waiting for him! He wanted the old shaman to sit next to him and tell him stories about the Great Spirit, as well as the Cree and the Sioux people in the days before and after the white men had come. Inhaling the scent of the black pine trees that populated this area, James let his eyes close gently as he listened to Eagle Eyes' music.

Before he could react, he felt something push him into the churning water, landing head first with a loud splash James kicked his legs powerfully as he surfaced to breathe in some much needed air. Shaking his hair out of his eyes, James felt the unnatural salty sting of saltwater. Looking around him frantically as he tread water, James took in a sight he had wished never to see again. Craphole Island.

"Well, slap me in the face an' call me Janice." James muttered to himself with resignation as he began the swim to shore.

Crawling onto the sand, James turned over and lay on his back, trying his damnedest to catch his breath and regain his bearings. What the hell was he doing on Craphole Island? Where was Kate? Was this part of the dream or had everything else been a dream? Had he never left the Island in the first place? Gritting his teeth in frustration, James realized he was too cold and wet to think coherently. Reluctantly he got up and headed into the forest to look for some firewood.

When he'd built a sufficiently warm fire, James sat on the sand in nothing but his jeans which were oddly combined with the moccasins he'd been wearing earlier. At least he knew they were real, but there was no way he really could have just been in Missinipe _that_ was obvious. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, James held his hands out to warm them and stared into the fire as he waited for Kate. He was confident that she would see the fire, and besides he was on the beach where she would be sure to find him, he didn't know what else to do.

He heard footsteps approach him and looking up in expectation he was surprised at who he saw. Catalina.

"Don't break out the champagne or anything Cucinero, you cheap bastardo." Catalina said with affection as she walked to stand next to him.

James was speechless, what the hell was going on here? He must be dreaming. There was no other explanation for this madness.

"Dreaming is a state of mind. Now are you going to sit there all day or are you going to let me help you?" Catalina asked good-naturedly.

James stood up and reached a hand out to touch her; she was real, warm, flesh and blood! Catalina frowned at him as if his behavior was getting on her nerves now.

"Cat-"

"You need my help right? That's why you came back to Antigua?" Catalina asked him like he was incredibly simple.

James frowned in confusion looking around the beach, he reverted his gaze back to Catalina.

The younger woman sighed in mounting frustration, "Just follow me, time is a fickle friend."

Yanking his arm, Catalina marched into the forest with a bewildered James in tow.

They entered the forest and James looked back towards the beach to make sure Kate hadn't suddenly appeared but she wasn't there.

Suddenly, someone was shaking James awake. With a start James opened his eyes, disorientated he couldn't reconcile where he had been with where he was. James was surprised to find he was in Catalina's room. And Kate was fast asleep in Catalina's bed. Compelled to her side, James bent a knee on the bed and leaned over so he could make sure it was Kate sleeping there.

"Go ahead, climb in there with her. I promise I won't get jealous…much." Catalina encouraged earnestly.

He whipped his head around to see where she was and then did as he was told, drawing the covers down so he could get into the bed, then pulling Kate towards him, he drew the covers back up and pillowed her head with his left arm.

Catalina moved so that she was in his line of vision, "Take her hand, she'll feel better knowing you're connected."

James covered Kate's slack right hand that was resting on the pillow in front of her with his own, and marveled at the warmth he could feel when their hands touched.

Looking up at Catalina he opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head softly.

"You're doing a great job with the twins and Rita."

James swallowed convulsively, feeling like there was something momentous going on but not quite sure what.

"Thanks." He whispered, emotion practically robbing him of a voice.

Catalina smiled that angelic smile of hers and approached the bed, "But you have to give them real names soon… Babygirl and Babyboy Ford are a bit… uninspiring."

James narrowed his midnight blue eyes at her, "You here to help me or to make fun of me?" The twinkle in his eye belying the gruffness of his tone and expression.

Catalina laughed gently, "Both."

James caught the waft of her perfume, fresh roses with a hint of powder.

"Damn it Catalina you still smell as sweet as ever." James observed.

Catalina shrugged slightly and leaned forward to kiss James on the lips before kissing Kate on the top of her head too.

"The minute I saw you two together I knew you'd met your match." Catalina offered, nostalgia tinting her voice.

James watched Catalina's face wondering where this was going.

"Doesn't she remind you of Strawberry Shortcake?" Catalina asked almost wistfully.

James glanced down at Kate who was still fast asleep, and then back up at Catalina who was waiting expectantly for him to answer.

"Well, I've always thought she tastes like strawberries… so who does that make me Huckleberry Pie?" James asked half-sheepish that he knew the names of the fictional characters.

Catalina nodded in approval, "You've grown as a person Jamie. Ha! If Diego and Travis could hear you now!"

James blushed slightly at Catalina's ribbing but then he looked down at Kate's head of curls nestled on his arm and he felt breathless. Catalina moved away from the bed towards the bay window.

"I've missed this room…"

"Diego's kept it exactly the way you left it." James commented.

Catalina didn't turn around, "I know. He needs to let go, we all need to move on… Out with the old and in with new."

James was pretty sure this was a dream now but it all felt so real and he realized that if he was dreaming he did not want to wake up.

"So if I'm Huckleberry Bill an' she's Strawberry Shortcake… who does that make you?" James asked conversationally, for some reason he felt he should keep this conversation on the light path, steering clear of emotional minefields.

Catalina gripped the curtain tightly in her hand before she turned around to face James again, "Rainbow Brite." She answered with a broad yet secretive smile.

James frowned, "Wasn't that a different story?"

Catalina smiled in agreement, "Rainbow Brite went to Rainbow Land to restore color to it after it was taken over by the evil man."

James was positively glowering now, "What the _hell_ is goin' on Cat?"

Catalina's smile died on her lips too, "I've seen my baby Jamie, she's smiling and she's happy. You two have a whole life ahead of you and my daughter is going to be a part of it. What more can a mother ask?"

James was completely bewildered now, "I don't understand Cat."

Catalina smiled again, "You will." The tone of her voice was like she was saying goodbye. James half rose out of bed to grab her hand but he fell back against the bed with a thump. And it didn't end there; the mattress gave way like a trap door and James continued to free-fall his body turning and spiraling as it gained momentum in the darkness. Keeping his eyes tightly shut, James kept his hands in a fist because that way they stayed warm, even though the rest of him was freezing. Willing himself to wake up he grit his teeth in anticipation of the thud that was bound to come.

"Ah shit."

Kate had been sitting in the cold and dark room for so long as she stared at Jack's very still and bloodied face. How had he ended up here? Kate wasn't sure, but she was cold, the only part of her body that was warm at all being her hands. Rising unsteadily to her feet, Kate decided to take the plunge and end it all. Walking past Ivan and Olga's dead bodies, Kate kicked and punched at the wooden balcony doors until she could walk through them. There was no way in hell she was going to touch Ivan or Olga in order to get out onto the balcony like any other person might do!

Ignoring the cuts and splinters embedded into her arms and legs, Kate placed her warm hands on the balcony rail. For some strange reason, everything was crystal clear, if she wasn't dead the plunge she was about to take would fix that. If she was already dead then she'd know for sure. Her hands were so warm they gave her the strength she needed to go through with this.

Smiling to herself Kate swung one leg over the balcony rail, then the other, looking back to the room which had become her mercurial, temperamental but selfless James' final resting place; Kate blinked unbidden tears of sorrow.

Suddenly unsure about whether or not it was right to leave him there on his own, Kate turned to go back into the room and make herself look at him one last time. Swinging both legs back over the railing, Kate ran into the room, vaulting over Olga, Ivan and Jack. Running round to the other side of the bed where James had fallen, Kate gasped in shock as she saw he wasn't there!

Where had he gone? Distressed, Kate surveyed the room; wild-eyed and suddenly at a loss. What was she going to do? She couldn't leave without knowing where he was, if he was going to be okay. How had she ever thought she would leave him here when he was dead because of her in the first place? Kate's hands were so warm they were almost painful as they throbbed dully. Looking down at her hands, they were clean, no tell-tale bloodstains on them now; she felt a rage she hadn't felt since Ivan had shot James in the chest.

Bending down carefully at the knees, she felt under the mattress, finding something to grip she pulled the mattress up forcefully and flung it towards the balcony doors. Growling in anger, Kate started to trash the room like an incensed rock star, screaming out her rage and frustration as she attacked the furniture. Finally, when the room was in total disarray, nothing in its proper place anymore and the bodies of all those Kate had killed obscured from view; she slid to her already bloodied knees and cried. Holding her face in her hands she sobbed at the injustice of it all. Finally when she'd mustered the strength to do something about her situation, James was gone! Everyone was gone and they'd left her all alone.

After the tears induced-inertia both her mind and body froze in shock; Kate looked up in amazement as she noticed that the light she felt shining on her was emanating from the ethereally beautiful woman standing in front of her.

'This is it, I've suffered enough, I'm going to heaven.' Kate thought to herself.

She allowed herself be helped up onto her bleeding and blistered feet, and followed the woman dumbly as she led her out onto the balcony. Kate felt no hesitation or fear as she stepped over the rail and started free-fall through the air. Nothing could describe her surprise when she landed in ocean water only to come up for air and see she was back in the room. And this time there was a man lying on the mattress which was back in its original position.

Leaning forward to see who it was Kate drew back when she realized it was James, alive.

"You're one difficult woman to keep track of Sassafras." James mused with a slow, sensual smile gracing his lips. He was breathing heavy, as if he'd been running a marathon but Kate didn't care; he was breathing!

Kate closed her eyes and opened them again, he was still there.

"And you're a difficult man to get rid of, Tex. What are you doing here?" Kate remarked surprisingly flippantly.

James cocked an eyebrow as he sat up on the bed and thumped a fist on his chest as he coughed.

Kate stared at him warily, "Well?"

James gave her an incredulous look rising to walk around the foot of the bed so he could stand near her. Kate took a cautious step back her eyes trained on him.

"Well what?"

Kate gritted her teeth in irritation, "What are you doing here, James? You don't belong here."

James looked offended, "Oh well excuse me I didn't realize this was a VIP room! Where's your membership card then?"

Kate glared at him, hating him for making her say it out loud, "I don't need one… I-I can _never leave_. And you have to go. It's bad enough seeing it all again without you being here to rub it in my face."

James crossed his arms stubbornly, "Make me. I ain't goin' nowhere. Well not without you."

Kate took two steps back, her body and voice quaking with mounting fear. Her chest was heaving with the effort it was taking to contain herself.

"Please leave it's going to happen again, no matter what I do it always happens again."

James frowned at her, not understanding what was wrong with her and why she was acting so weird.

Lunging for her he shook her in irritation, "Snap out of it Freckles, what the hell are you talkin' 'bout? I've been tryin' to reach you for months an' when I finally do you're stuck in _this_ Commie _shithole_ with… people that are now dead an' gone. But I'm not, _I'm right here_…can't you see I'm real?"

Kate struggled to get out of his grasp, scrunching her eyes tight so as not to see that look of disbelief and hurt on his face as he yelled at her. Without realizing it they had moved out onto the balcony and near the railings. The waves were capped with white and a particularly monstrous one crested and slammed against the railing drenching them both.

James looked around dumbfounded to see they were standing on the beach, in the exact same spot where he'd built a fire to wait for Kate. Looking at her in consternation, he noticed that Kate's eyes were fixed on something in the fire. Without releasing her shoulders from his slackened grip James moved to stand behind her and stared into the fire mesmerized at what he saw playing out in its flames.

It was all of them, the day the twins were born in the tower room in Russia, except the story didn't end well. Ivan shot James and Kate killed Ivan as she gave birth to the twins but in the fire images there was no baby's cry, Travis didn't wrap the babies up or help James up. It ended with darkness, and then it happened again, and again. Understanding dawned on James.

"It didn't happen exactly like that Sweetcheeks." He said to her softly.

Kate didn't tear her eyes away from the images in the fire, her green eyes glassy as she stared unblinkingly.

"Ivan shot me, but thanks to our buddies over at DuPont, I was protected by Kevlar."

Kate didn't indicate she had heard a word he said, so James continued, watching the fire light play on Kate's face. Her features were immobile and she looked like a beautiful but tragic wax figure.

"Travis came in an' he finished deliverin' the twins, but you'd passed out. By the time I got up to get to y'all, he was gettin' ready to cut the umbilical cord."

James saw a single tear drop from her left eye, but otherwise Kate gave no indication she could hear what he was saying.

"I got us out of Russia, Freckles, _all_ of us…_alive_."

Kate shook her head so slightly James thought he'd imagined it, shrugging his hands off her shoulders she ran into the forest. James gave chase; stopping when he stepped into a white hospital room.

A fourteen year old girl with auburn hair, freckles and green eyes was standing in the room with him.

She turned to look at him and didn't register any surprise to see him there, turning back to look through the large window pane into another room. James stood next to her and observed the woman lying in the bed with bandages swathed all over her face and arms.

She was hooked to a life-support machine and there was a young handsome sandy haired man leaving the room. He was wearing light green scrubs and he was crying.

"That's Tom." The girl volunteered, in a flat voice.

James understood immediately what was happening from the two words the girl had spoken. Deciding to play the game, he ventured, "What's goin' on in there?"

The teen turned to face James and said, "It's time to pull the plug and he can't watch. I was waiting for you, come on."

With that she led the way into the room, confident that he would follow. James did.

When they got into the room, James walked up to the bed to look into the bandaged face, despite the disfigurement and the obstruction he would recognize her anywhere.

Taking a bandaged hand in his right hand, he looked down on the love of his life.

"Her hand is warm, she's alright, she'll be alright. Just give her some time." James said encouragingly to the teen as he gazed at Kate's face.

"No, she's not. She doesn't deserve to live. You have no idea what she's done." The teen interjected coldly.

"You're wrong, an' I don't care. If you wanna pull the plug you're gonna have to go through me." James argued, vehemently. His argument sounded immature to his own ears but he mentally shrugged at this; after all he was talking to a teenager.

"You think she deserves to live? You have _no idea_ what kind of things she's done. She's not who you think she is." The teen informed him, incensed.

James turned to look at the angry girl and scowling at her he said, "I don't care."

The teenager scowled right back at him, "Well you should and you will."

With that the room changed and James was in a basement somewhere, an older teenage version of Kate was chained to a wall as Ivan did painful and cruel things to her. Kate laughed in his face and egged him on. Then suddenly the scene changed and Kate was no longer shackled to the wall; she was on the floor with Ivan and they were both writhing in pleasure. James was angry but outwardly he didn't flinch. Turning to raise an eyebrow at the teen that was showing him all these things from Kate's past.

Not having got the response she wanted from him she hissed at him angrily and then pointed behind James. He turned around to look and he could now see Kate, sitting on a porch playing with a lighter waiting for someone to come home. That person was Wayne; James watched as Kate led her biological father to his bed before she left them there and blew the house up. Not once did she look back when she rode off on her motorcycle; James shrugged.

There were other images, of Kate and the Marshall, Kate robbing the bank and shooting her fellow bank robbers. All of it did not elicit the desired response from him.

They were back in the hospital room and James had to admit to himself he was feeling a little queasy but stubbornly he kept holding onto the slumbering Kate's hand. He laughed harshly.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away, let alone you. _I ain't leavin'_. None of those things change a thing. I love her for who she is, how she is, an' that's that."

His words came out in short breaths as he fought the nausea; he was sweating and his left hand was trembling slightly but he still managed to glare at the teen. They continued to stare at each other for a long time, but eventually she backed down.

Shrugging as if it didn't matter she said, "Suit yourself. I personally can't be around someone like that."

"So leave. _We_'ll be just fine." James practically growled at the girl.

Turning back to the prostate figure on the bed, James reached over with his left hand and took Kate's other hand, kissing it he didn't need to look around him to know the teen was gone.

"Come on now Freckles, we've wasted enough time here, let's get the hell out." James said to the sleeping woman, kneeling on the floor he bowed his head over both her hands which he was still clasping.

Kate opened her eyes with a gasp, shooting straight up out of the bed. Wild eyed she looked around her and realized she was in a canopy bed in a foreign room.

Turning to her right she saw that James was asleep next to her and he'd been holding both her hands. She stared at him like she'd never seen him before.

'What the hell is happening here? Am I dreaming or was I dreaming?' Kate asked herself in bewilderment. Looking over her shoulder sharply she saw a woman sitting in the window seat watching her.

Kate frowned at the woman whose features were hard to tell in the early dawn light; why was she familiar? The soft scent of roses and powder wafted and Kate knew who the woman was.

'Catalina. Oh my God, I must be crazy or dreaming.' Kate thought to herself.

Catalina rose from her seat, holding a forefinger to her lips as she gestured at James. Kate was too dumbfounded to say anything so she nodded her acquiescence. Catalina approached the bed and taking Kate's hand led her out of the bed and towards the door, as Kate reluctantly let go of James' hand.

'What the hell is going on? Where am I? And why do I feel like I've been gone for a long time?' Kate asked herself, confused. Her brain felt muddled and trying to discern fact from fiction was like wading through quicksand at the moment; virtually impossible and more than a little painful.

'Have I been drugged? Am I drugged now? Why the hell am I following a ghost? How come I can see a ghost?' They were walking down what seemed to Kate to be a myriad of hallways and stairs. Just when she was beginning to think this was some labyrinth with no center, Catalina stopped and gestured for Kate to open the door. Kate despite her reservations did exactly that; bracing herself for she wasn't exactly sure what.

As the door swung open on silent hinges, Kate took a deep breath to prepare herself. Her eyes widened in surprise as she took in the old but well maintained Care Bears wallpaper; the large kid sized pink and white canopy bed, the two matching cribs in the middle of the room and the single bed next to the cribs.

Taking a step into the room; Kate first noticed that the little form in the canopy bed was Rita, her twin braids resting on the pink pillow. There was an indentation where a larger shape had rested next to the little girl, but whoever had left it was gone. Moving towards the cribs, Kate saw that only one of them was occupied. As she approached her eyes fell on the man sleeping in the other bed. Sergei!

Her heart began to thump very loudly in her chest as Kate stopped at the crib closest to Rita and her eyes already filled with tears fell on two sandy haired forms that were sleeping side by side.

'Oh my God! Are those my babies? How can this be? Why don't I remember giving birth to them or coming here? Holy Jesus, they're tiny!' Kate thought to herself as she placed shaking hands on the edge of the crib; leaning in to get a closer look.

With a shaking hand she pulled the blanket that covered the babies down and observed that one was dressed in pink and the other in blue.

'A boy and a girl! What I've always wanted! Oh my God!'

Turning back to the doorway where she'd left Catalina, Kate saw that there was nobody there. Before she could think about what to do, she saw a movement in the crib from the corner of her eye.

Kate gasped in awe when the baby boy opened his green eyes and gurgled at her.

'Those are my eyes. He is beautiful.'

Unbidden tears rolled down her face as she cautiously reached for the baby and picked him up.

"Hello handsome." Kate whispered to him her voice croaky with emotion. She closed her eyes as she held the baby to her busom. Marvelling at his size and warmth.

The baby chortled at Kate and she closed her eyes savoring the sound she never thought she'd hear.

Opening them again, Kate looked down at her son with the fierce pride only a new mother can have. Before she could revel too much in her maternal feelings; an arm flailed out in the crib as her daughter woke up.

Gingerly transferring her son to her left arm, Kate bent over and picked up the little girl in her right.

Kissing the baby girl's forehead, "Hello beautiful."

The baby chortled softly before shoving her fist into her mouth and nuzzling Kate in search of food.

Kate didn't think she could stand for another moment overcome with love and amazement at this dual miracle she held in her not so steady hands. Moving to the window seat in the bay window which graced the far wall, Kate stared down at her children in the warm buttery amber rays of light that were filtering through the half drawn blinds.

She couldn't help the smile that wouldn't budge off her lips even if she wanted it to. The subtle scent of roses permeated the room; Kate didn't look up from her perusal of the twins.

"Gracias. I don't know what you did or how you did it but from the bottom of my heart, thank you." Kate whispered.

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Just to let y'all know I did plenty of research on catatonia and apparently there are two types – stupor and excitement both of which I used in this fic. Phew! So as many of you who are up to speed on S3 so far have noticed I have made some allusions to it. Cheeky I know. ;) 3 chapters to go. Thank you all for the absolutely astounding reviews. I'd have stopped this writing this fic a long time ago if it wasn't for you guys. I hope it wasn't too too much, my beta is off in India until the end of the month (I'm not jealous) so I had to submit it in between drafts otherwise it was never going to be posted. The next chapters won't be sooo long I promise. Please **RnR** as usual it is my sustenance during the dark hours of self-hatred and self-destructiveness that may 'cause this fic to never be finished.

Oh and P.S. Missinipe is this beautiful place up North in Saskatchewan, Canada which I love and seeing as I said James had lived there in his youth in NAA I thought I'd bring it up again.

P.P.S. I hope it clarified all the David Lynch-esque stuff in the previous two chapters and if y'all think it is crap please feel free to tell me so in polite-ish and respectful manner. xx Dulce


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey y'all this one is a short one. But it's a happy one. Next chapter will be closure of all the unresolved issues – _good, happy closure_!**

**And then will be the very last chapter! Feel free to give me suggestions of what you want to see happen there.**

**And Cowboys, somewhere in this chapter there's a very special shout-out to you!**

**Song choice  Anything you want but I recommend the Sundays – Wild Horses.**

**Love you all xx Dulce**

**Chapter 28**

James woke up with a bellow, Rita was jumping up and down on him and she'd managed to pour a pitcher of ice water over his head while he was sleeping. Rita shrieked with laughter as she hopped off the bed and stood by the door in anticipation of the chase. Sure enough James leapt out of the bed still wearing the clothes he'd been wearing yesterday. He started to give chase but paused suddenly at the door as he realized that Kate wasn't in the bed anymore.

His face registered shock as his brain refused to process what this could possibly mean. Pivoting around he surveyed the room and didn't see her anywhere.

"Shit! Sonofabitch!"

James cursed with feeling as he rushed out of the room in search of Kate.

'Nice one James! You left the door unlocked!' He berated himself as he ran instinctively to the nursery to make sure Kate hadn't ended up there; in her current state he didn't want to think of what could happen.

His heart was beating at an accelerated rate as images of all kinds of morbid scenarios flashed in his mind. It didn't even cross his mind that Rita had woken up with ice water and laughter; something she hadn't done since before Kate had gone to Russia.

Pushing open the nursery door, James almost collapsed when he laid eyes on Kate sitting on Rita's bed and staring through the white wooden bars of the crib closest to the bed; at the twins as they slept.

Tearing her eyes away from the twins she turned to look at him, her smile was beatific; "You're awake!"

James thought his heart was going to stop beating, her hair was matted and looked like a rat's nest, she had dark rings around her eyes and was pale as a ghost but the clarity in her green eyes and the smile on her face meant she had never looked more beautiful to him.

James hadn't noticed but Rita was standing next to him in the doorway. Shoving him forcefully the nine year old almost made him lose his balance.

"Quit standin' there like a dumbass JL, an' hug her! She's Kate again!" Rita was hissing at him in an attempt to keep her voice down.

James looked down at her for a second before closing the distance between him and Kate.

His blue eyes searched Kate's green ones for a sign that would confirm Rita's statement.

Kate raised her eyebrow at him, "Well? You heard the girl, hug me dammit!"

James was galvanized into action; giving a whoop of joy he scooped her light frame into his arms and did a 360 degree turn with her in his arms; narrowly missing hitting the crib with Kate's bare feet.

Kate laughed softly as she hung onto him for dear life.

"Shut up JL, you're gonna wake up Caitlyn an' Josh!" Rita hissed at him in irritation.

James stopped spinning to look at Rita then Kate then the twins then back at Kate.

Kate watched him seriously although her emerald green eyes were sparkling up at him with amusement.

"Rita said you were waiting for me to name them, so I did. She said you wanted to name her Caitlyn and you didn't want another James in the family." Kate offered.

James hefted her up a little in his arms and smiled that slow, sexy smile of his that could melt a glacier in the North Pole.

"I like 'em."

Kate snorted derisively, "Well, you better because I'm not changing them and _Babygirl and Babyboy Ford_? That's just lame."

James' smile didn't dim at all, "Hey now! I did the best I could; I knew you'd be mighty pissed if I went ahead an' named them all by myself."

Kate fixed him with a mock stern look. James' eyes widened at this and still smiling he opened his mouth to protest loudly.

"Now don't _you_ start on me, I got enough shit from C-" He broke off the sentence, last night's dream coming back to him in a flood.

Kate immediately realized what he'd been about to say and she frowned slightly, 'He saw her too?'

James recovered quickly and smiling down at Kate he kissed her quickly on the lips before he set her down on the bed. Glancing over at Rita; she was now standing on Sergei's bed with her shoes on; her doe eyes missing nothing. She had such an earnest look of excitement on her face, it really warmed his heart to see her looking so carefree again.

James gave her a pointed look gesturing at her feet and Rita stuck her tongue out at him before hopping off the bed.

Picking up the baby monitor on the Ice Age bedside lamp, Rita stuck it in her denim holster that Sergei had fashioned for her. She was wearing pretty much the same outfit she'd been wearing the day before but instead of a white shirt, she'd traded it for a pink one.

"No more noise JL, if you wake up the twins I'll have to set Sergei on you!"

With that she practically skipped out of the room before stopping and turning back to throw her tiny arms around Kate in a big hug then running out of the room again.

James had a bemused look on his face when he moved to sit next to Kate on the bed and join her in her staring exercise.

Smoothly he put an arm around her and pulled her in close kissing the top of her head then taking her hand in his just sat with her in silence for a few minutes as they both stared at the twins like the proud parents they were.

"So what are their full names?" James asked conversationally, he made sure he kept his voice low.

Kate didn't take her eyes off the babies, when she replied with a pleased smile on her face.

"Caitlyn Elizabeth and Joshua James Thomas Jefferson Ford."

"Goddamn it Freckles, how many dead Presidents you wanna get in there?" James whispered in amused indignation.

Kate laughed softly, turning to look at him, "I think it's got a nice ring to it."

"Ring?! More like a damn chorus!" James said in exasperation.

Kate laughed again, bringing her right hand up to caress his face, as usual she couldn't resist rubbing her thumb in his dimple. Shifting so her body was turned in towards his, she brought her left hand up and caressed the other side of his face before she leaned in to kiss him.

James watched her lean in for the kiss, he was entranced. 'I can't believe this is happening. It's really her, she's really back.' He thought to himself in disbelief.

Kate pulled away when he didn't respond to her kiss and she cocked her head to one side as she gazed into his midnight blue eyes. She felt guilt at the vulnerability she saw in his eyes.

"I'm _really here_, Tex." Kate whispered to him.

James' eyes glistened unnaturally and he swallowed convulsively before he blinked and drew her into his lap.

"I know Sassafras… _I know_." His voice came out gruff; choked with emotion.

Kate held onto him just as tightly as he held onto her, closing her eyes and her mind off to the guilt she felt at what she must have put him through over the last few months. She couldn't remember it all, but Rita had told her that she'd been a mess since the twins were born. Twins that were almost three months old; it didn't take Kate any stretch of her imagination to realize that this must have been an incredible burden on them all.

Feeling warm, safe and loved in his arms she leaned back to look into his eyes.

"Hey." Kate said simply.

"Hey yourself." James replied lightly.

"Did you really _kidnap _Jack Shepard, put him in a _straitjacket _and lock him up in a room somewhere?" Kate asked in disbelief.

James raised both his eyebrows, "I sure did." His tone matter-of-fact.

Kate's eyebrows shot up in a mirror of his earlier, before her face broke out into a mischievous grin.

"That's the most romantic thing you've ever done for me."

James had been holding his breath until she spoke; worried it was going to be another black mark against his name in the never ending battle of goodness between him and Jack.

"Hell you think _that's_ romantic, I haven't gotten to the electric shock therapy yet." He quipped confident again.

Kate tried not to laugh but lost the battle, when she had gotten a hold of herself she shook her head at him.

"Now that's just going too far."

James snorted at this, "It made you laugh didn't it?"

Kate sighed happily, "I know. Match made in hell right?"

James tensed slightly but recovered quickly, "Damn right sweetheart an' don't you forget it."

Kate laid her head on his chest and intertwined their fingers as she stared at the babies in the crib.

"Speaking of which…how the _hell_ did something so beautiful and perfect come from me?" She wondered out-loud.

"Cosmic joke?" James offered.

Kate elbowed him in the ribs, James flinched but his shoulders were shaking silently with mirth.

"Asshole." Kate whispered her cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

"Now, now Sweetcheeks, we got young, bright impressionable minds to watch out for, I won't have that kinda language 'round the twins." James scolded in lightly.

Kate turned her face up to look at him, her expression incredulous.

"Are you kidding me? Have you _heard _Sergei around them?"

James scowled, "No, but you're the second person in as many days to tell me the same thing. That fairy is outlivin' his usefulness."

Kate watched him unsure if he was serious or not. James held onto the scowl for another second before he grinned at her.

"I'm just messin' wit' you, he's a Godsend."

Kate sighed in relief and snuggled into his arms a little more; James reached down and turned her face up to his as he leaned in for a soft kiss.

Kate kissed him back, fanning the flames that always burned just beneath the surface between them. Kate moaned softly into his mouth.

James pulled back, slightly out of breath. Kate smiled at him knowingly.

"_Boze moy_! (_Translation: Oh My God_!) You two are practically having _sex_ in front of my babies!" Sergei exclaimed loudly as he stood in the doorway, arms akimbo.

James rolled his eyes and turned to fix one of his trademark sapphire blue glares on the flamboyant Russian.

Sergei strode into the room and peeked into the crib at the sleeping babies before placing his hands on his hips to glare at the couple like they were two naughty kids.

"I won't have them being exposed to any pornography! And shouldn't you wait until the Doctor gives you the green light _before_ you start exchanging bodily fluids?" He asked them archly.

James blushed slightly at this, ashamed that he'd forgotten that Kate was probably far too weak from her ordeal.

Kate laughed good-naturedly, "Sorry_ Mom_."

Sergei drew his head back and brought his hand up to retort but Kate beat him to it when she brought her forefinger up to her lips.

"_Shh_! You'll wake the babies."

Sergei shook his head at her and fixing them both with a stern look he left the room again.

James gently moved Kate off his lap and gave her a half apologetic half sheepish look.

Kate covered her mouth so she could muffle her laughter. When she tried to move closer to him James moved away slightly; offering her his hand instead. Kate shook her head, giggling to herself as she took his hand.

James knew there was a lot to say but now wasn't the time. At the moment he just wanted to enjoy having his Freckles back. Soon enough all the other stuff would need to be dealt with, but not right now.

In a companiable silence they sat together on the bed holding hands like teenagers as they watched their children sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

Hey y'all, I know some of you haven't given up on this fic yet and for that I thank you. After four months of stops and starts I have finally finished this chapter and I am posting it for your (hopefully, if I've done my job right) reading pleasure.

If it's any consolation I have been so busy with work and school that I haven't even read any of the fics I love in **months** so I have lots of catching up to do on that front too.

This is the penultimate chapter so **let me know** what you think. I have another post-Island fic in the works and as soon as I finish this story I will start writing it. Hopefully I will have learned from my mistakes in writing these last two fics and it will be my best one yet.

Shout-out to **Bud **for being the awesome beta she is, much love.

**Chapter 29**

James took a deep breath before he strode into the room that served as Jack's makeshift cell. His blue eyes looked tormented as he wordlessly approached the brilliant spinal surgeon.

Jack looked up at the grim set of James' mouth combined with the younger man's refusal to meet his eyes and prepared for the worst. When James reached down to unlock the chain that tethered Jack to the wall, the surgeon found himself speaking despite himself.

"I know you don't want to hear this from me especially, but you have to get her help. As much as you love her you can't do anything for her when she's like this."

James glared at Jack as he helped the surgeon out of the straitjacket, thankful that the movements were muffling the older man's words. As soon as the jacket came off, Jack gave a grateful sigh of relief before continuing.

"People in her condition need medication, doctors, tests and therapy. They don't just get better on their own, it takes time and rehabilitation by professionals… Trust me you're not doing her any favors by keeping her away from any real chance of getting some help." Jack finished as he shook his hands out, glad to have them free.

James stood up and sat on the bed, staring at Jack then the floor. For some reason the surgeons words were tapping into fears that had woken up almost as soon as he'd found Kate in the nursery. What if she regressed again? What if by acting like everything was normal, something set her off again and she never got better. What if his decision to keep her away from prying eyes and hospitals had caused her irreparable damage?

Jack could see that his words had hit their mark, what was going on? Why was the Southerner letting him go all of a sudden? Something hadn't happened to Kate had it? Jack's self satisfaction at getting to James replaced with fear for his ex-girlfriend.

"She okay?" Jack ventured his tone now fearful.

James had an unreadable expression on his face as he opened his mouth to answer.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Kate said as she entered the room.

Jack's face froze in disbelief. James smiled up at Kate as she approached him and placed an arm around his shoulders. No one noticed that his didn't quite reach his eyes as he began to worry about what Jack had said.

Kate sat down next to James on the bed and after placing a kiss on his cheek turned to face Jack.

The spinal surgeon reached behind him for the chair and sat down heavily staring at a very lucid and self-possessed Kate, he was at a loss for words.

Kate smiled at him tentatively, "There's a lot you don't know about me Jack. And one of those things is that I lived in Russia for a while… before I was on the run. And when I lived there, I did a lot of things for my country which no normal civilian would do."

James sat rigidly next to Kate watching the doctor's face change from shock to confusion to understanding to wariness. Kate withdrew her right arm from its position around James' shoulders and opted to intertwine her fingers with James'. Taking a deep breath she kept her eyes on Jack as James squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Some of those things came back to bite me in the ass, so I went to Russia to take care of them." Kate said with a lame attempt at light-heartedness. Kate felt tears prick her eyes and she blinked them away as maintained her eye-contact with the doctor.

"_Don't _do that Jack. Don't think you've figured it out and you know what's going on when you _haven't _even heard me out. _It's not fair_." Kate's voice wavered now as she choked on a sob.

James turned to her sharply, his features contorting with concern as she buried her face in his shoulder and brought her left hand up to cradle his neck. James wrapped her in his arms and tried to soothe her throwing daggers at a decidedly unmoved Jack.

Pulling away from him abruptly Kate wiped at her eyes and said, "I've done _a lot_ of bad things Jack. Things you still can't admit to yourself I am _more_ than capable of. And when I went to Russia I did some more awful things, not because I'm misunderstood but because _that is what I am_ and what they made me to be!"

"_What_ things Kate?! _Who_ made you to be? If you are so _capable_ then why the hell where you _certifiable_ less than a week ago!? You want me to understand then TELL ME!" Jack pressed with increasing urgency, leaning forward then vacating the chair altogether to kneel in front of her.

Jack grabbed her hands and clenched them in his fists, his brown eyes wildly searching her emerald green ones for answers.

Kate tugged her hands out of Jack's and without thinking drew back her right hand and slapped him hard across the face.

"You _don't _know me, so don't_ pretend_ to _understand _what I am and am not capable of! Open your eyes for God's sake!" Kate hissed at him, her emerald green eyes cold and narrowed sharply.

Jack drew back in shock and Kate started to cry harder, leaping out of James' arms and walking hurriedly out of the room. Jack propelled himself after her in quick response to her exit.

"Kate! Wait!" Jack yelled after her as he stumbled into the hallway.

Kate shuddered to a halt a few feet in front of him but she didn't turn around as she continued to walk away but at a much more subdued pace.

James remained seated on the bed for a moment, disappointed in both Jack and Kate's behavior; and more than little concerned at the rapid changes in Kate's personality when she had been speaking to the doctor. Resignedly, and more than a little angrily, he rose from the bed and followed them.

* * *

Jack was bewildered and his face stung like nothing he'd felt in a very long time, inwardly troubled by Kate's behavior he followed her. He didn't know what to think, 'What the hell was Kate doing in Russia? And what was there that was so bad as to have set her off like that? Who is this woman?'

The spinal surgeon was aware that James was bringing up the rear as they silently walked down various hallways in single file and he could feel twin holes burning in the back of his head as the anger for making Kate cry radiated from James.

When they got to the sweeping staircase, the trio walked down the stairs side by side before Kate turned to the right and led the way into a sunny bright kitchen. Rita was standing there in her overalls as she argued passionately with Sergei who was wearing a matching outfit. Complete with a pink polo shirt, the Russian man was gesturing wildly and shaking his head at Rita as the two of them tried to talk over each other.

"_Nyet _I cannot agree! There is nothing wrong with knowing how to sow if you're not a tailor!"

"Yes there is! Just because you're gay you don't have to be a _total_ stereotype!" Rita shouted right back as she stomped around Sergei in frustration.

"And just because you grew up as only child doesn't mean you have to act like the ultimate brat!" Sergei retorted.

Rita stopped stomping around to put her small fists on her hips and fix Sergei with a glare that made him flinch. Rita arched an eyebrow before bringing her foot back and kicking Sergei in the shin viciously.

"_Bose moy_! Sonofabitch, you're evil!" Sergei yelped as he put some distance between him and Rita while he rubbed at his shin.

Rita started laughing gleefully, her laughter dying when she saw the three adults standing in the room watching. Sergei looked up and seeing the trio he quickly pointed at Rita while she brought her finger up to point at him.

"_He_ started it!"

"_She_ started it!" They said in unison.

"Sergei swore!" Rita tattled. Sergei flushed at the accusation.

Kate shook her head at the pair of them as she headed for the bassinet that was off to the side of the kitchen table. She gazed into the bassinet with awe as she reached in and picked up Caitlyn, the baby was wearing a pink and white dress with satin ribbons and matching shoes and socks. She turned around and walked up to Jack, kissing and nuzzling the delighted cooing baby's face.

"Jack I'd like you to meet my daughter Caitlyn Elizabeth Ford Ryan."

The look on Jack's face was priceless; dumbfounded he just stared at the baby like she was from another planet. Kate was holding her in the crook of her arm so Jack could see her face. Meeting James' eyes, they exchanged a tender glance before James left them there to go and intercede on the once again escalating argument between Rita and Sergei as they continued it behind the ineffective cover of the now open refrigerator door.

Jack felt tears prickling behind his eyes as he stared at the gurgling baby in Kate's arms. Unsteadily he reached to touch the baby, drawing his hand back to look at her mother.

"She's yours?"

Kate nodded with pride, her eyes tearing too.

"She's absolutely beautiful." Jack said softly. He nearly flinched when the baby in question focused on him and he saw Kate's emerald green eyes staring back at him.

"I know it may not mean much but I hope it helps to know that there was more than just my fears of being locked up behind all this." She spoke with a confident belief that in light of this revelation, Jack would understand.

"So when I saw you in the hospital, you _were_ coming from obstetrics?" Jack asked casually.

Kate colored slightly in remembrance of that day, but she nodded.

"Congratulations, Kate, your baby is beautiful."

Kate blinked away the tears and opened her mouth to answer. At that very moment Joshua let out a sharp cry from the bassinet as he woke up. Jack's face registered surprise once again and he looked up in search of the source of the sound. James went to pick up his son and holding him up mumbled something the others couldn't hear.

"Twins?" Jack asked incredulously.

Kate nodded once again as she headed for James and Joshua; forgetting about everything she was going to say to Jack. The spinal surgeon followed and when Kate was standing next to James so she could lean over and kiss her son, Jack realized he had already forgiven them for his kidnapping.

"Hey Doc, this is Joshua James Thomas Jefferson Ford Ryan, his Momma's a bit crazy 'bout dead Presidents." James said as a way of introduction as he held the baby out for Jack to hold.

The other man shook his head, too overcome by the poignancy of the entire scene to hold the baby. James shrugged slightly and looked down at Kate who was making faces at their son.

"I've just stopped him from cryin' Freckles don't go ruinin' my hard work."

Kate didn't even dignify that with a response as she leaned in and kissed her son on the forehead.

"I'm just going to get some fresh air." Jack said hurriedly as he marched towards the French doors behind the new parents and their babies.

"Alright Doc!" James hollered as Rita and Sergei started talking at once in a bid to get one of the babies. Kate didn't even notice, too engrossed in fighting over who had the right to feed which baby.

Jack stepped outside into the humid but slightly cool Guatemalan air; sighing he looked back behind him and mused at the picture of domestic bliss Sawyer and Kate made with their twins, Sergei and Rita as they all argued good-naturedly over something he couldn't hear. He felt his heart contract when James said something and Kate laughed wholeheartedly, now holding her son as Sergei cradled Caitlyn. Rita was laughing too, holding lightly onto James leg as she tilted her head back and hooted with mirth.

Jack sighed to himself as he felt the fast-becoming familiar green-eyed monster rear it's ugly head. Wiping at the tears that were now coursing down his face, Jack turned away from the scene and headed for gardens. It was so good to be walking and free to enjoy this foreign outdoors, and he also needed the fresh air to clear his head. 'I still can't believe how things turn out. They seem so happy… and in love...' Jack sighed at the thought before he sat down on a bench beneath a flowering tree.

'Who would've thought?'

**8 pm**

Jack couldn't keep his eyes off Kate as he watched her sitting on the chaise lounge at the well-lit poolside where they were all seated. James was barbecuing their dinner and Kate was laughing and talking with the Southerner as he cooked.

The doctor studied Kate's relaxed pose as she sat there with a blanket covering her lower body, the only reminder that she was for all intents and purposes convalescing. She was still wearing the expensive looking charcoal gray dress she'd been wearing earlier but her previously bound hair was now cascading loosely down her back and she was barefoot beneath the blanket.

"God, Jack, you're not big on letting things go are you?"

Jack turned to look at the attractive brunette sitting next to him, and offered her a weak smile. She had arrived an hour ago with Travis and a swarthy, imposing man who was apparently the owner of the house, Diego, much to everyone's delighted surprise.

"No Ana-Lucia I'm not."

He turned back to watching Kate and James interact, pain lacerating his heart as he saw her laugh so freely with the Southerner.

"Yeah well, sometimes you just have to." Ana-Lucia continued in her matter of fact tone.

Jack toyed with his plastic fork for a second before snapping it in half, his face flushed with embarrassment knowing how obsessive he must look to the former cop. He felt his right cheek throb painfully with the rush of blood to his head. Absentmindedly he fingered the still slightly visible handprint from when Kate had slapped him.

"Yeah, I guess. If this handprint is anything to go by, I really didn't and still don't know her." Jack observed drolly.

Ana-Lucia sneered softly, "I can safely say, you really don't."

Jack turned to look at her, giving her is full undivided attention, "I still have a lot to learn about her, huh?"

Ana-Lucia smiled at him fully, "Yeah you do."

Gazing at the doctor through her lashes, she continued, "Not her, all women."

Jack laughed to himself at this, shaking his head ruefully before nodding his head in agreement.

Ana-Lucia moistened her lips, "And I'm sure I can find time in my busy schedule to pencil in some lessons when we get back to L.A."

Jack felt himself warm to her, "Why wait until we get back to LA?"

Ana-Lucia let out a husky laugh full of promise before setting her plate on her chaise lounge she dusted her hands on her skintight jeans and rising she gestured for the doctor to follow her out onto the grounds. Jack set his plate down and throwing one last glance at Kate and James he followed the fiery Latina.

Travis walked up to James and Kate with Diego in tow. The other man was Kate's height and possessed of those classic, chiseled features that made Latin men so popular the world over.

Kate, Travis and James all noticed that Diego was staring daggers at James and hadn't spoken a word to the younger man since his arrival an hour before.

Rising on instinct Kate kissed James on the cheek before linking her arm with Travis' and steering him back towards the house.

"Travis and I are going to get some more… lighter fluid." Kate said in a weak attempt to disguise their sudden departure. The two of them started laughing softly as they headed for the house, leaving the two men standing rigidly on opposite ends of the barbeque.

When they reached the French doors that led into the brightly lit kitchen, Kate spared a glance over her shoulder to see James and Diego glaring at each other.

Travis headed single-mindedly for the fridge.

"Have those two not made up yet, _at all_?" Kate asked incredulously.

Travis peeked at her over his shoulder while he rooted around the fridge looking for something to eat, answering her question with a mere shake of his head.

Kate's eyes darted back to the two men who were standing outside, their body language communicating the palpable tension that existed between the two of them.

"Ain't nothin' you can do 'bout it Sassy, Diego is as stubborn as they come an' he's determined to carry this Catalina grudge to his grave." Travis sounded defeated.

Kate watched for a few more seconds before she walked up to one of the shelves and pulled down a glass tumbler. Travis observed her noticing the way the wool dress had accentuated her weight loss when it had pulled against her body in the movement.

She pivoted on her heel, catching the look of sympathy on Travis' face before he could hide it. She offered him an ironic smile, shrugging slightly as she placed the tumbler on the counter top. Nervously she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before bringing her eyes up to meet Travis'.

"Travis-"

"Don't bother finishin' that sentence Sassy, you're family, ain't no way the whole thing could have happened any differently." Travis cut her off in a tone that brooked no further discussion or argument. He'd shut the fridge door and was fixing her with one of those looks that made Kate feel like a scolded schoolgirl in front of her headmaster.

Kate swallowed tears misting her eyes, "After all those things you said before about me not being good for him, and then the way things turned out, I never would have expected or thought you would _want to_… let alone-"

Travis took the glass tumbler she was clutching in a dangerous grip and poured himself some bourbon from a bottle sitting on the countertop. Taking a sip, he was aware of Kate's tormented eyes on him as she stood wretchedly in the middle of the room facing a solitary stool.

Travis approached her, his hazel eyes clouded with guilt and remorse, "Sassy, you're family, you were family from the moment that ma lil' brother decided he wanted you in his life. I can be an overprotective interferin' sonofabitch sometimes, an' I'm sorry 'bout that. An' you… you're a pain in ma ass but that's family. Welcome to the Deschanel-Ford- Chavez fold we say things we don't mean an' get on each others nerves 9 times outta 10. But we got each others' backs an' we ain't got nothin' but love for each other."

Travis finished off with a bear hug which Kate reciprocated with vehemence.

"For delivering the twins, words can-…**Thank you**." Kate whispered to him completely overwhelmed.

Travis squeezed her a little tighter in response and then pivoted her around so he could seat her on the stool.

He walked back towards the counter and picked up a cold chicken drumstick that he'd found in the fridge earlier, lifting it up to her in a silent salute he took a hearty bite. Kate smiled at him as she noticed that he was calm, cool, unflappable Travis again as he chewed on the meat.

Setting the drumstick down in a swift movement Travis swallowed the rest of the bourbon in the glass and set it down on the counter.

"Looks like they're talkin' it out with some good ole fashioned ass-whuppin'."

He remarked casually as he headed out of the kitchen and sprinted towards the flurry of fists that was being created by James and Diego. Kate stood up in a rush yelling for Sergei as she ran out after Travis.

**Two nights later**

James and Kate were driving back from the hospital where the specialist had given Kate the all clear mental and physical health-wise.

They were both grinning ear to ear at the prospect of being able to do _anything_ as they made the drive back to the house. After the fight two nights ago, Kate had managed to engineer a reconciliation between the two men. And Diego had insisted they stay at least another week to show all was forgiven. James had accepted with Kate's permission of course. Jack had decided to stay longer as well, he was in no hurry to return to LA and he was enjoying the impromptu kidnapping turned vacation. Besides, the sparks that had started to fly at the airport bar between him and Ana-Lucia had all but become electrical currents.

Stopping outside the gates, James swore beneath his breath, letting go of Kate's hand in order to open the glove compartment. He pulled out a gun, shattering the mood altogether.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked in a slightly unsteady voice.

James met her anxious green eyes, "Nothin' probably, but you can't be too careful 'round here. I'm just gonna go check out what's wrong with the gate, it won't open."

Kate's breath came out in a rush of air, "You're not going to leave me in here are you? I'm coming with you!"

James shook his head in an attempt to argue, Kate fixed him a glare and opening the door, jumped out of the car.

"Dammit Freckles! Wait!" James hissed in agitation as he jumped out of the car too and walking around the front of the car, grabbed her arm tightly.

"Are you crazy? This ain't Beverly Hills, this is Guatemala, an' you could get yourself kidnapped or worse!" James scolded her.

Kate tried to shake his arm off, her eyes flashing with anger, "Are_ you_ crazy? Our kids are in the there!"

Kate made to approach the intercom; James tugged her back, "Stay close!"

She pressed the intercom and got a crackling response, they exchanged a concerned glance.

Sawyer pressed the intercom repetitively in mounting consternation, on the third try Rita's voice came on.

"Hola?"

"Dammit Maggie, what are you doin' answerin' the intercom?" James demanded.

"Hey JL! You guys are back so late! Hold on I'll come an' open the gate, somethin's wrong with the machine thingy." Rita chirped.

"No Rita wait!" Kate called out into the intercom but it was too late the imp had turned it off.

James clenched his fist in apprehension as he tried to decide who to let go in first, this could be some elaborate ambush, some men in masks could be holding a gun to Rita's head and making her say those things.

Kate was watching him with concern, "You think something's wrong? Rita wouldn't talk to us like that if something was wrong would she?"

James shook his head in frustration, "I don't know… What I do know is that gate always works, that booth always has someone in it. Now there's no guard an' Rita's answerin' the intercom?"

Kate frowned equally apprehensive now, "Oh My God, they wouldn't hurt my babies would they?"

James shook his head confidently, "No, they wouldn't hurt _our_ babies. Don't worry 'bout that, if that was their intention, they would have done with everyone includin' us already. But just to be on the safe side, get in the car."

Kate's nostrils flared with indignation, "No! Jamie our family's in there, we've got to get in there too!"

James' mind was racing, how could something like this be happening? Was this payback for Russia? Were they the objective? Before he could try and figure out what was going on, the side gate was opened with a heave and a squeak of the rusty hinges.

Kate rushed for the opening, pushing it in so she could get inside. James grabbed her but she was already halfway through.

"God JL what's your problem, _get in_!" Rita exclaimed from the other side.

James' frown deepened into a scowl, something didn't feel right, and reluctantly he stepped in through the gate too. What greeted his eyes made him stop dead in his tracks.

The trees lining the driveway had been decorated with lots of twinkling lights, the lawns were freshly cut and it looked beautiful. From the back of the house, James could hear music, was that a choir?

Turning to look at Kate she shrugged equally puzzled. Taking her hand and taking Rita's in his other hand he led the way to find out what was going on.

Rita was wearing jeans and a t-shirt so whatever was going on couldn't be as big and extravagant as what it looked and sounded like could it?

Haltingly they made their way from the front of the house to the kitchen; James' eyes were wider than saucers.

The pool was lit as was the lawns and the trees in the back; there were lanterns hanging in the gazebo and roses and white lilies decorated and perfumed the entire back of the house.

There was a platform built around the gazebo and a choir of local teenage girls was singing something James did not recognize but was beautiful.

Everyone on the grounds was wearing regular clothes, after taking a closer look James realized it was Travis' team, Diego's staff and the people who took care of the house and Rita all milling around and laughing and talking.

Kate was smiling so much her face already hurt, she graciously accepted the microphone Sergei handed her as she followed James towards the gazebo. He was so enthralled by the choir and the lights and the guests that he didn't even notice what she was holding.

There was a sound of feedback as Kate flipped the microphone on, winking at Rita who had skipped off to join Jack, Travis, Diego, Sergei and Ana-Lucia who were standing in the gazebo.

"Can I get everybody's attention please?" Kate said into the microphone.

James whipped around sharply to stare at her like she had grown another body part.

"I feel like I have to explain myself a little here, you all turned up tonight to celebrate and the guest of honor doesn't even know why."

James narrowed his midnight blue eyes at Kate wondering where this was going, his heart rate accelerating as he felt everyone watching him.

"The first time I laid eyes on Sawyer my insides did this weird shifting acrobatic thing; and then he opened mouth and started smirking ... God I hated that smirk!"

Kate narrowed her eyes in remembered feeling, before continuing, "I have to admit Shakespeare was onto something when he said, 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much.' Because… that's what I did, I told myself I hated him, I bit his head off every chance I got, I pitied him, the list could go on and on-"

"Freckles, what the hell is this?" James hissed at Kate, totally blindsided by this bizarre turn of events.

Kate just smiled at him enigmatically, "Anyway, despite my protests, I was drawn to him, and from that I think everyone knows the rest."

Looking him straight in the eye Kate continued, "I've been on the run and been so alone, I've talked to myself for days on end just to hear a human voice but that's not what's important. The most important thing is all these things led me to you. Living on the Island, LA, Russia, my mind… I learned one thing; there is one thing that I cannot live without. And that's you, James…Sawyer, whoever. I'll take them all and anymore you come up with. Every moment I can spend with you in this life, is not wasted if I can spend it with you."

Her green eyes sparkled clearly in the candlelight, despite the emotion in her voice, they were dry. James swallowed convulsively incapable of vocalizing how touching her words were. She took the few steps that separated them and taking his left hand she held it tightly in her right.

"On the Island you told me we were connected, and that scared me because I thought that connection was in darkness, but darkness is a part of us all. Our connection is stronger than darkness because it is forged from light."

Kate knelt on the ground now, still holding his left hand as she looked up at him, "James Lee Ford, we've been to hell and back… then we went to Russia which is much worse."

Everyone including Kate and James laughed at this.

"So why don't we make it official, because I am _not_ going anywhere,_ ever_. Will you let me be your wife?"

James didn't know when in that sentence it happened but he had slid down to his knees too, caressing Kate's shoulder with his free hand. Lightning fast, he pulled the microphone out of her hand and breathed into it.

"Hell yeah… I thought you'd never ask."

Throwing the microphone on the grass, he pulled her into his arms and whispered for her ears only, "I love you."

Kate was crying now, and she reciprocated, "I love you too, now stop teasing me and kiss me dammit."

Chuckling at her impatience, he leaned in to kiss her fervently in front of their cheering family and friends.

They sat together on blanket in the lawn, opting not go into the gazebo since James wanted everyone to be sure that although Kate had proposed the feelings were returned ten fold. Much to Kate's joy, they spent most of the night sipping champagne and making out like teenagers while people came to talk or congratulate them as they also watched the choir sing and perform.

It was after midnight and the party was still in full swing, the neighbors had turned up later on after hearing the choir's eclectic mix of old and new songs accompanied with drums, dancing and the tambourine.

Rita had already fallen asleep next to them and James got up to take her up to her bed, the little girl mumbled in protest in her sleep but she didn't wake up. Kate watched them go, love and pride melting her heart.

Diego came and sat down next to her, raising his glass to her in a silent toast.

"Congratulations, that was the most touching and dramatic marriage proposal I've ever seen or had the opportunity to help orchestrate."

Kate laughed a little shy, "I know this sounds crazy, but I can't believe he said yes!"

Diego choked on his champagne, "Ay no! How can you even think something like that, querida, that boy is crazy about you!"

Kate shrugged happily, "And I'm even crazier about him."

Diego gingerly took another sip of his drink, "So does this mean-"

"Yes Diego please, all is forgiven… as long as you come to the wedding and help plan that too." Kate interrupted.

"Dios mio, you're a tough one! Okay, I am going to sleep before you find something else to make me do." Diego said as he got to his feet, leaning down to kiss her cheeks. Kate accepted the kisses and waved at him as he headed for the house.

Taking another sip of champagne, Kate looked up to see Jack standing to the left of her.

"Mind if I sit?"

"No not at all, sit." Kate said as she patted the blanket in invitation.

Jack sat down and after pretending to watch the choir for a minute he turned to study Kate's profile.

Her hair was unbound and cascading down her back in its usual curly abundance, she was wearing a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans but she looked gorgeous.

"Back on the Island or even in LA when we were engaged, I would never in a million years have thought you and Sa- James would end up together."

Kate smiled at him enigmatically, "Life's what happens when you're making other plans Jack."

Jack smiled ironically, "Yeah that's true. Kate, I am not trying to ruin your night, I just wanted to tell you that _now_ I don't see it any other way. You seem to bring out the best in each other, and you make everyone around you want to be around you and part of the secret."

"Hell Freckles if all it took to get the Doc to play nice was for you to propose to me, you shoulda done it a year ago." James interrupted as he hunched down to sit next to her.

Kate laughed at this, "I know, I just held off hoping you two would get into some hot oil death match…naked."

Jack glared at her as James snorted in disgust, "An' who would you have wanted to win?"

Kate winked at Jack, "Now that would be telling… it doesn't matter now since it never happened."

James threw his hands up in defeat as he draped an arm around her; Kate reflexively snuggled into his embrace, absent-mindedly stroking his arm. Jack fidgeted awkwardly for a few seconds before getting up.

"Well… good night." Jack said in a funny voice.

Kate and James looked up at him and smiled, "Night." They said in unison. James' head whipped around to face Kate.

"Jinx you owe me a beer." They said in unison, laughing as they tried again to say it faster than the other.

Jack shook his head as he walked away from them and headed for the house. Kate's delighted shrieks as James tickled her carried in the air and followed Jack into the house where Ana-Lucia was waiting for him with a knowing look on her face.

* * *

Kate sat on the bed waiting for James to come out of the shower, she could go and join him but she was starting to feel the exhaustion of all the activity she'd engaged in since she had woken up. It was hard to believe that less than 72 hours ago she'd been locked in her mental prison with no hope of escaping and now here she was part of the real world again.

'Yes and at what price?' Kate asked herself more than a little angrily. She was well aware of the price her freedom had cost those she loved dearly. Although she had never been happier to see him than she had been the other day, she could see a few more lines around his eyes that hadn't been there before she went to Russia.

Kate also knew the last two nights they had both avoided talking about Russia and the fallout. And every night, Kate felt the oppressive silence the lack of attention to the situation was causing. Her heartbeat started to accelerate as she thought about the road her actions her led her down.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to have some blanket to cover my ass when we get some shuteye." James commented drily.

Kate flushed guiltily as she looked up from her absentminded unraveling of the ethnic blanket that covered James' bed. She shrugged weakly in an attempt to apologize for her abuse of the blanket.

"Sorry, I was miles away." Kate offered.

James switched off the bathroom light and padded over to her wearing nothing but the towel around his waist. Standing right in front of her he raised an eyebrow in amusement; she raised her face in order to hold his gaze. To her disappointment tears rose in her eyes, springing up like blood from a fresh wound.

"Hey, none of that now, sweetheart." James said gently as he reached down to wipe the tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

Kate tried to turn away but James' steadfast hands wouldn't let her. She closed her eyes briefly before she opened them again. James knelt in front of her still cupping her face with his hands. A frown graced his forehead.

"All that time I thought you were dead, one thing kept going through my mind like a broken record-"

"Freckles, don't-"

"No Jamie I have to say this, we have to talk about this otherwise it will take on a life of its own." Kate interrupted adamantly.

James grit his teeth but he nodded for her to continue, his sapphire blue eyes filled with all types of emotions Kate couldn't identify.

"All that time… I wished I could turn back the clock and tell you that it was okay about my Dad. That I understood and I was sorry you had to do it." Kate blubbered.

James drew her into his embrace and held her for a few moments as he made soothing sounds. The images of Sam Austen's last moments flashed through his brain, and he grit his teeth against the pangs of guilt he still felt.

Kate pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes, "There is no way in hell I can pay you back for everything you've done for me. You know that right?"

James smiled at her ruefully, "I didn't know we were keepin' score Sassafras."

Kate blinked away the moisture in her eyes, and braved a watery smile, "Well of course we are it's you and me right?"

"Is that what that elaborately planned proposal was 'bout then?" James asked gently.

Kate nodded slightly, "Yeah, I guess I just wanted to remind you that there is also good stuff between us…that there's good in me."

James closed his eyes briefly before opening them again to pin a stern blue glare on Kate.

"I didn't need remindin' Freckles, I'm always aware of it. When I look at you, all I see is light."

Kate swallowed, hard, "Really?"

James nodded shaking his head at her obtuseness; he rose up from his position on the floor and sat next to her on the bed, kissing her face as he did so.

"_Really_. An' now that you've stared down all your demons, I know you can finally put it all to rest an' just take care of our family with me."

Kate closed her eyes in awe at this incredible love she seemed to be a party of. Turning towards him she wrapped her arms around his smooth shoulders and pressed her face in his neck.

"Then in the interests of caring for our family… would you mind if we didn't actually go through with a wedding?"

James chuckled as he fell backwards on the bed, pulling her with him as he fell.

"Not at all Sassafras, it's never made anyone I know any happier."

Kate brought her head up to look into his eyes, "I really lucked out with you, and I'm _never_ letting you go you know that right?"

James nodded, "Yeah I do, an' I'd try an' do somethin' 'bout it but somethin' tells me you'd make Glenn Close look like a Care Bear."

Kate flicked his forehead hard before kissing the spot, "And don't you forget it."

"No ma'am." James growled at her as their lips met for a passionate kiss.

Kate pulled away from him as his hands began to wonder down her body.

"Sergei told me you took turns bathing me and changing my sheets when-"

"Are we gonna talk all night?" James interrupted with exasperation.

Kate swatted his arm, as she sat up, crossing her legs as she faced his prostate form. The towel had come undone and all it would take was one movement to expose his current aroused state.

"No, but I would like you to know that I know about everything that you did for me and-"

James rolled his eyes as he reached out a hand to grasp Kate's, the towel fell away leaving nothing to the imagination. To her surprise, and James' never-ending amusement Kate flushed slightly.

"Freckles, I know all the things I did 'cause _I_ did them. The Russian Fruit talks too much for anybody's good an' tomorrow I'll get Rita to cut his tongue out for me. Alright?" James said drily.

Kate's eyes were still clouded with concern and unspoken words, "But-"

"Freckles, I'm ten years older than you, I love ma liquor an' cigarettes, ma liver an' lungs are gonna quit on me before I die. You'll have plenty of time to pay me back, okay."

Kate giggled at this as she leaned down to kiss him in acquiescence; she stretched out so that her body lay on his.

"Okay… so if you don't wanna talk about Russia and my self-destructiveness, what did you want to talk about instead?"

James leered at her deliciously, "I don't wanna talk at all."

Kate straddled him and pulled her nightgown up and over her head then teased him with her breasts. James groaned with pent-up frustration as he dragged her head down for a soul-shattering kiss. Kate laughed against his lips as James' hands traveled persuasively down her body to cup her buttocks and squeeze suggestively.

Pulling away so that their eyes were locked onto each other, foregoing the foreplay, Kate guided him into her then set the tempo. James growled at the sedateness of the pace she was setting.

"On second thought, why don't we talk?" James quipped.

Kate rolled her eyes before leaning down to kiss him deeply, and increased the pace to appease him. James smiled against her lips and didn't let another thought pass through his mind as he lost himself into the mind-blowing sensations Kate's inner muscles were creating.


End file.
